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“I don't know if I liked that,” Gillion admits, naked under the blanket. Wet skin pressed to wet skin as Chip rests his head on his pec, Jay on the other side of Gillion, shoulder-to-shoulder, hand gripping his.
“What?” Chip raises his head, immediately worried, but still a bit blissed out. He's on his side, a leg hooked over Gillion’s, half his body practically on top of him.
“It was fine,” Gillion decides, running a hand through Chip’s hair and feeling the other let out a content sigh and lower his head again. Worry giving way to comfort.
Sex. It's never been something he's really tried. Never really something he had the opportunity to try. Not that he cared all that much. Of course he knows about it, at age ten he got the talk. And it wasn't like he never overheard guards talking about a good night they had. It was more that he had other things to do, and the one time he tried touching himself was rather boring. So no, Gillion has never had sex, and has never really cared about it.
Until tonight.
Chip and Jay have sex. Not often, maybe once or twice a month. Gillion knows this because Jay sat him down and asked if he'd be okay sleeping in the crew’s quarters or if they should book a room in an inn. She explained it as being pent up. That her and Chip did this to let loose. And well, it's not like Gillion cared. So it was a fine arrangement for him to drag his barrel somewhere else while they did their thing. And besides asking how the previous night was and getting “it was good” or “I have so much blackmail on Jay” they never brought it up.
But Gillion got curious. It's not that he really cared about sex. But he wanted to see what the deal was, where all the excitement came from. It's been a swift and boring ordeal when he's been alone, but perhaps it's simply one of those things better in company. So he decided to ask.
“You want to have sex with us ” Chip had repeated, rather dumbfounded when Gillion brought it up.
“Yes,” Gillion confirmed. “Is that alright?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. I mean we kinda thought you– yeah. It's alright” Jay had rather uncharacteristically stumbled over her words. Before collecting herself. “We'd have to talk about it first. It's really important to set boundaries beforehand”
So they did. They had a big long conversation where everyone said what was okay and what wasn't. They familiarized him with their word system “ I mean, if you say stop we'll stop. But like, if it's an emergency and you're really not having a good time it's good to have these” They asked him about his experiences. Described their own. Asked how he might want it to go. They decided it'd be best to plan this for his first time, so they did that.
All of that happened yesterday. And now it's about ten minutes after they cleaned up, lights off, underwear on, cuddling in bed (that was a requirement for Chip. To have cuddles after) and Gillion is thinking about it all.
“It was fine?” Jay repeats cautiously. “Gill, are you sure? This isn't the kind of thing where you don't want to hurt our feelings. You can say if you didn't like it”
Gillion just considers that, before shrugging a bit. “It was fine. I didn't dislike it. But I didn't like it” he squeezes Jay's hand under the covers and continues passing his fingers through Chip’s hair.
“There wasn't any point you wanted to stop?” Chip asks with a yawn, still lying on Gillion, head pressing up into his hand.
“Don't worry. I consented the whole time” he reassures, because he knows that that's what they're asking. “If I wanted to stop I would've said so”
“Oh, good,” Jay says, sounding very relieved. She buries her face a bit into his neck. There are marks there now, bites and bruises in darker shades of blue against his skin. They trail down the rest of his body. Both Chip and Jay are very mouthy. He discovered that he is too. Although he had to be more careful with how sharp his teeth are. Jay let him draw blood though.
It's not that it didn't feel good. It did. But it was strange. A sensation like that before you get into bed. Tired, mundane, made more enjoyable by pleasant company. He doesn't think he would've liked it at all if it weren't Chip and Jay.
“But, you didn't like it?” she murmurs into his neck. Less concerned, more just asking. Curious, a soft care in her voice.
“No. But it wasn't bad” he shifts to stop holding her hand and instead puts his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. She flings an arm across his chest, both holding him and letting her have contact with Chip. “This is nice” he adds on with a smile.
“Can we talk about this in the morning?” Chip grumbles, words muffled from the way his face is shoved into Gillion’s chest.
“Chip ” Jay admonishes.
“No, it's fine. I'm tired too” Gillion reassures her. He’d like to talk about it. Maybe try to understand everything. But he’d also like Chip to partake in that conversation, and also maybe go to bed.
“Okay, but we're talking in the morning” she decides, he suspects she’s also tired, usually she’d insist further on this kind of thing. But it’s both late, and sex is shockingly exhausting so it’s probably best they go to sleep.
Gillion nods in confirmation, and Chip lets out a grunt, which is the best response they'll get considering the fact that Gillion thinks he can already hear Chip’s snores. And he feels Jay more comfortably rest against him, and he holds his co-captains close and shuts his eyes.
The next morning they do talk about it. Jay and Gillion wake up first and while they help Earl with breakfast Chip joins them. They eat their food with the crew, and Gillion is in a good mood, and chip looks very satisfied with himself and Jay seems happy enough, if a bit anxious. It is after breakfast that they go back down to their quarters, all taking a seat on Chip’s bed.
“So… you said you didn’t enjoy last night?” Jay breaks the ice, she’s very focused, eyes thoughtful and voice not concerned but almost wary.
“I…” Gillion just pauses for a moment, thinking about his response, his feelings. “It was not a bad experience. But had it been with someone else, I do not think it would’ve been good at all ”
“Okay. Why don’t you tell us what you did like?” Chip offers, and Gillion is glad he does. Because there are parts of last night that were certainly very positive and experiences he wouldn’t mind reliving.
“The kissing, the biting, feeling eachother, cleanup and cuddling after” He lists off, idly counting on his fingers. Kissing Jay was nice. He’s kissed Chip before, and it was nice, but that was but a brief moment. Kissing Jay is like a fight . One Gillion has yet to win (he doesn’t think he minds losing).
“But none of the actual sex” Jay confirms, Gillion was worried that she’d be disappointed, or perhaps unsatisfied. But she sounds more like she is figuring something out. Like those puzzles in the newspaper that she likes to figure out.
“I enjoyed making you feel good” He says a bit hesitantly. He doesn't want them to think he was in any discomfort or unhappiness.
“Yes or no, would you have sex with us again?” Chip says bluntly, Jay looks like she wants to pull her gun on him.
“No” Gillion responds in turn.
“Why not?” Chip doesn’t let an ounce of hurt, or uncertainty enter his voice. It’s just a blank question. Why wouldn’t Gillion have sex with them again?
Gillion just shrugs. “Well, it was very tiring, and I think you had much more fun than I did”
And that’s it, isn’t it? Gillion didn’t have fun. It wasn’t bad. It didn’t hurt. He didn’t feel sticky or gross. He will still make a billion sexual jokes. But it simply wasn’t for him. He’ll watch Jay make a gun, but he would never do it himself.
“Okay, cool,” Chip says.
“So, are you asexual?” Jay asks, and Gillion’s mind buffers as he tries to process the word she just said.
“I don’t know what that means,” he admits.
“It’s a sexual orientation. Like how I’m bisexual. It means you don’t feel sexual attraction. So maybe you don’t enjoy, or want to partake in sex. I mean, there’s more nuance to it, some people find sex gross, others just don’t want the focus on them. It depends on the person, "she explains. And it’s like something slots into place.
Someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction.
Gillion certainly isn’t aversed to the idea of sex or sexual habits. He makes jokes. He liked feeling Chip’s hands roaming across his skin as Jay left a smattering of bites. But he wouldn’t do it again.
“Yes” he says, not quietly, not loudly, just calm. A bit happy. “Yes I think I am asexual”
“Sweet, I mean, we kinda figured you were. But I guess you didn’t know that” Chip says, leaning back and flopping over onto the bed, a hand coming up to unconsciously tap at Gillion’s side.
“I didn’t know there was a word for it. And I hadn’t really tried before” Gillion admits, leaning a bit against Jay where she sits beside him.
“Well I’m glad we could help you figure this out, at least” Jay says, resting against him in turn.
“Yes” he closes his eyes, nose shoved against Jay’s head; he can smell the faint scent of her shampoo. And a thought comes to him. “But if it’s alright with you two, I wouldn’t mind still partaking in nights where you have sex. Just not participating during that particular part of it”
“Hell yeah you can still hang out” Chip calls enthusiastically from his spot lying down. “You’re like a massive pillow”
“And you give good kisses” Jay adds on, and Gillion can see Chip nodding furiously in agreement.
So no, Gillion didn’t like last night. And no, he wouldn’t do it again. But that’s just fine, he has people who love him anyways.