Chapter Text
“Maybe ask for help sometimes?” Buck suggested, his face crestfallen and his whole posture screaming his discomfort and helplessness with the situation.
Hen had a lot to say about their probie on any given day, but one thing that had never been in question was that he had his heart in the right place. As overwhelmed as he clearly was by the situation they had found Bobby in, he was just as clearly desperate to help — even if he didn’t know how to. Hen loved him a little bit for his soft and open bluntness where she hadn’t been able to clearly articulate anything, where she had gotten lost in a metaphor about trees bending with the wind to grow tall and strong.
Bobby sobbed and barely managed to get the “Help!” out before he seemed to break completely before their eyes.
Hen and Buck both rushed to sit down beside him. They embraced Bobby in a tight hug and rocked him back and forth slightly, letting him cry but showing him that they were there. For the moment that was all they could do, but Hen’s thoughts were already racing about what to do in a couple of minutes once Bobby had calmed down enough to talk again.
They had promised help and Hen knew Buck would look to her for guidance in this. She recognized the way he had looked at her earlier from the way he turned to her or anyone else for help at work: determined to do the job but not sure how and so clearly afraid to make a mistake. It had taken their crew time to earn his trust so that he would turn to them for help. Hen hadn’t even noticed how difficult it was for Buck to trust them until she had finally earned a little of it three weeks after he had first shown up at the 118.
Hen didn’t know what to tell Buck even if Bobby weren’t sitting between them, making that kind of conversation impossible for the moment. She didn’t know how to help, didn’t know if they were even the right people to help.
Hen closed her eyes and leaned her head against Bobby’s, allowing herself a moment to battle her own ghosts so they would be gone when Bobby was ready to face the day ahead. She didn’t know if she could be the person to guide Buck in this, the person to help Bobby in any way.
Because she had failed before.
Hen had failed Eva in this same exact situation, and the pain of that failure still burned deep in her heart even though she had moved on from the relationship a long time ago. She didn’t know how anyone could expect her not to fail again, not to make the same exact mistakes again when she still didn’t know why she had failed with Eva.
Hen gritted her teeth and shook her head. This time around she had a support system of her own aside from Eva. It also wasn’t the person she thought was the love of her life who needed help. Most importantly, though, she couldn’t remember that Eva had ever actually asked for help — on the contrary, Eva had continued to claim she had everything under control and there was no problem she needed help with even after being arrested.
Maybe it wasn’t appropriate to think of Eva while preparing to help her captain. But hopefully her experience with Eva might still help Bobby after all.
“Are you in any kind of program?” Hen asked, long after Bobby had fallen silent.
Bobby shrugged. “Yeah.”
Hen nodded. She had expected as much with the way Bobby had known down to the exact day how long he had been sober. For a moment she wondered if Bobby’s last relapse had been before or just after he had come to LA, but now wasn’t the right moment to ask about that.
“Do you have a sponsor?” Hen asked.
Bobby sucked in air through his teeth and nodded.
“Okay.” Hen nodded, a plan slowly forming in her head. Buck and she were on shift. Bobby was supposed to be on shift, though there was no way they could get him into shape for that in time. They couldn’t sit around here much longer ignoring their duty to the LAFD without getting in trouble for it. “I’d like you to call them.”
“I…” Bobby trailed off and stared at the cup of tea that sat forgotten on the table.
“Or you can unlock your phone for me and tell me which contact to call,” Hen suggested softly. Sometimes people were just so overwhelmed that they froze and were unable to do anything, move in any direction. She could be the one to act for Bobby, at least in this moment. “Buck and I need to get back to work. And you need to call in sick. But I’m not comfortable leaving you alone for the next twenty-four, Cap.”
Bobby didn’t react for several seconds but then he gestured towards the dining table — still set with the untouched plates he hadn’t wanted to explain. Buck jumped up and hurriedly grabbed the phone from the table to bring it to Bobby. He unlocked the phone and brought up a contact, but then just held onto the phone, staring at it.
Hen sighed and rubbed one hand over Bobby’s back while grabbing the phone. The contact read ‘Wendall’ — no last name, no other description. While Hen hit the call button, Bobby reached for the cup of tea and wrapped his hands around it tightly, not that it did much to stop their shaking.
“Bobby?” A deep, worried voice answered the call after the second ring.
“This is Hen Wilson. I’m one of Bobby’s firefighters.”
The man on the other side was silent for a moment. “He’s talked about you. Why are you calling me from Bobby’s phone?”
“He said you’re his sponsor,” Hen said softly, watching Bobby out of the corner of her eye. He had paled even more than before and looked as if he would like nothing more than to flee. “You probably heard about the plane crash night before last.”
“Yes.”
“We were there to help. It was … as ugly and heartbreaking as you’d expect. I think Bobby needs your support right now but he wasn’t in a headspace to call you himself.”
“Are you at his apartment?”
“We are,” Hen agreed.
Wendall sighed. “I can be there in an hour.”
Hen bit her lip and watched Bobby for a moment. “That should work. Buck and I will need to leave soon, but I think Bobby will be fine until you arrive.”
“Buck?” Wendall asked.
“Our probie,” Hen said softly. “We’re officially on shift as of half an hour ago.”
Bobby’s head whipped around and he stared wide-eyed at Hen.
“Ah. I’ll hurry,” Wendall promised. “Thank you for looking out for Bobby.”
“Of course,” Hen said and ended the call after a short goodbye.
“I need to get ready for shift!” Bobby said suddenly and moved to stand.
Hen grabbed his arm and pulled him back down onto the couch. “You’re in no shape to work today. Reynolds is covering for you at the moment, and Buck and I are officially on a welfare check right now because it’s the first time you weren’t at the station at least twenty minutes before shift change since you came to LA.”
Bobby swallowed. “I can’t…”
Hen shook her head and held Bobby’s phone out to him. “You need to call in sick. You aren’t able to work with this hangover. If you try, I’m not going to support you. I don’t even care what you tell HR about the reason you need to miss work today, but you will call in sick.”
“Hen,” Buck whispered forlornly.
Hen threw him a quick glance and shook her head. After a moment longer, Bobby took his phone. She kept sitting beside him until he had dialed and put the phone against his ear before she stood and took the nearly empty mug to brew another cup of tea. When she returned, Bobby was just ending the call.
Hen held out the mug and Bobby took it, wrapping both hands around it. He sighed deeply and looked up at her wearily. “Thank you.”
Hen nodded slowly. She sat down on the table in front of Bobby and watched him intently. “We’ll need to have some rules and boundaries here, Bobby.”
Bobby nodded silently.
“I want to help you,” Hen began slowly, carefully. “You are a great captain. I went through a lot of captains over the past nine years, and you know about the first captain I had to deal with. I really don’t want to have another captain.”
Bobby nodded again and Buck watched her with a frown.
“Buck will tell me what you told HR about calling out sick today, and I’ll support whatever excuse you came up with. But this will be the only time I’ll lie for you to the LAFD. Next time I notice that you are drunk or high while we are supposed to be on shift, I’ll report your ass. I won’t support you endangering anyone on our crew or our victims.”
“I understand,” Bobby said quietly and lowered his gaze.
Buck frowned and glared at her. His grip on Bobby’s shoulder tightened visibly, but at least he didn’t protest or say anything.
“Good.” Hen smiled, hoping to take away some of the blow of her last words, not just for Bobby but also for Buck. “Outside of the job I’m prepared and happy to help with whatever you need. You’ve clearly already put in a lot of work to get back on an even keel. I’d like to help you work out a better support system here so your first reaction after the next bad call won’t be to grab the closest bottle but instead to go to someone for support.”
Bobby sucked in air through his teeth and for a moment Hen thought he might protest, but then he nodded.
“We are off for four days after this shift,” Hen continued. “I think the three of us” — she waved her hand between them in a circle — “should all sit down together and have a serious conversation. I’d be happy if Wendall could join us, too. I think we could all benefit from that.”
“Yeah,” Bobby said hoarsely. “I’ll talk to him.”
Hen nodded, smiling more confidently. “Great. I’ll talk with Karen about meeting at our home. Do you mind if she knows why, or should I keep it vague?”
Bobby stared at her for a long moment. Eventually, he shrugged.
“Okay. You have time to think about it.”
“I don’t want to impose on you or your wife, Hen,” Bobby said hesitantly.
Buck shifted around, looking uncomfortable.
“You aren’t,” Hen promised. “I’d have suggested another place to meet if that were a problem. Buck and I need to head back now. I’d like to be back at the station before the person arrives who’ll take over for you today. Will you be okay on your own until Wendall arrives?”
Bobby inhaled deeply. “Did I only buy the one bottle?”
“As far as I saw,” Hen said. She thought it was a good sign that Bobby was trying to make sure his ability to drink was restricted as much as possible. She also wasn’t surprised that he didn’t seem to remember much of the previous day.
Buck jumped up and Hen thought he looked relieved at the opportunity to do something. “I’ll check the cupboards in the kitchen to make sure!”
Bobby bit his lip as he followed Buck with his gaze. After a moment he turned to look at Hen with a question in his eyes she wasn’t sure she completely understood.
“We’ll figure this out,” Hen assured him. “You aren’t alone.”
***
“I hate this!” Chimney hissed and threw away the pen he had barely been able to hold onto while filling out the meal plan for the hospital.
Karen smiled sadly. She had offered to mark his choices for lunch, but he had stubbornly refused. The hospital offered two choices each day and the nurse had left a sheet for Chimney to choose his meals for the following week. Karen thought it was disheartening that they expected Chimney to stay another full week, but then she looked at his shaking hands and was glad he wouldn’t be home alone where he had no one to help him deal with his impaired motor functions.
“Your body needs time to heal,” Karen reminded him softly. “The shaking has already gotten a lot better since you woke from your coma.”
Chimney huffed and glared at her.
“I know patience isn’t your strong suit, but in this case, it’s what you need,” Karen said. “You will get better. You’ve already seen it. But your body needs time to do that.”
“It’s just so frustrating,” Chimney muttered and turned his head away. “And I don’t want to stay here for another week just because they want to monitor me for fear of another stroke. It’s already been a week and a half since they transferred me from the ICU. They promised a week then!”
“I’d rather they’d be more careful with you than have you pay the price if they let you leave too early,” Karen said with a sad smile. “I’m just so relived you’re still alive, Chimney. You scared the hell out of me with that accident!”
Chimney shrugged. “I don’t want to stay, but I also don’t want to go home knowing Tatiana won’t be there anymore. She hasn’t even called me once. All I know is what Bobby told me about their conversation the day after the accident!”
“I’m sorry,” Karen said with a deep sigh. “Not just that she hasn’t come by to at least end things in person, but also that she isn’t the person you hoped she was.”
Karen had other thoughts about Tatiana, and about Chimney’s relationship with her, too. She had shared those thoughts with Chimney in the past, tried to make him see that lying to Tatiana wouldn’t lead to anything good. But he hadn’t wanted to listen to her, had never listened in the past either when he had built other relationships based on lies, but now was not the right moment to bring it up again. The last thing Chimney needed right now was any kind of argument, and so for that reason it was probably good that Tatiana hadn’t shown her face here.
Chimney grimaced. “Just the story of my life, right?”
“You’ll find the right woman eventually,” Karen promised.
She knew that first he would need to learn not to lie to the women he was dating anymore. Karen considered Chimney a good friend, but that aspect of his personality had always bothered her, especially since he had once aimed it at her in a horrible way. Karen had made sure that he knew never to lie to her that way again, but she wasn’t sure if he would ever consider her advice beyond that.
“Do they have any idea how long the shaking in your hands will stay?” Karen asked.
Chimney gritted his teeth as he shook his head. “No. They can’t even promise it will go away. Which is bullshit. As long as it’s there I won’t be able to go back to work. What am I gonna do with all that time?”
“Has someone from the LAFD been here to talk with you about your options about that?” Karen asked. “If not, maybe you should reach out to them about it. There have to be things you could do while you can’t work as a paramedic and firefighter.”
“I talked with Bobby some,” Chimney said slowly. “He said I should look into taking some classes. Keep my certificates up to date while I don’t need to work around my schedule for that.”
Karen chuckled. “Sounds like a good plan. Last year, when Hen had to take some of those courses to keep her certification, she cursed horribly about the timing of the classes with your shifts.”
Chimney made a face. “It’s a pain in the ass every single time, and I don’t understand why they can’t be more considerate about it! Everyone involved in the planning and execution of those classes is a firefighter or paramedic themselves! They should clearly know how our shifts work better than anyone, but somehow they won’t schedule classes that work with them.”
Karen laughed. “Ever thought about becoming a teacher for one of those classes yourself?”
Chimney glared and pointed a finger at her. “You talked with Bobby! He set you up to this!”
“Oh, so Bobby had more suggestions than just taking classes?” Karen asked with a grin.
“I’d be a horrible teacher!” Chimney complained. “Also, I wouldn’t be able to teach some things as long as I’m not fit for duty.”
Karen laughed. “I didn’t talk with Bobby. And you wouldn’t be a bad teacher. Hen told me you taught her everything she knows about being a paramedic.”
“That’s different,” Chimney muttered petulantly. “That’s teaching a partner in the field. Not standing up in front of a whole class!”
“It still shows you’re able to teach,” Karen said. “I think it’s worth thinking about. You should call HR soon to make some plans for the next little while. Being proactive in this will be taken as a good sign.”
Chimney rolled his eyes. “I know, I know. Still sucks that I even need to think about it.” He fisted his hands and glared at them. “If they would just stop shaking already.”
“I’m sure they will soon,” Karen said. “And I’m sure you’ll excel at any work that’s needed to get there. I expect you not to be lazy here, Chim. Hen needs her partner back. I don’t like her working with a new stranger every other shift!”
Chimney chuckled. “It’s amusing to hear her stories about it, though.”
Karen grinned. “I can’t argue with that. But I don’t feel she is as safe working with them as she is working with you. And you made me a promise to keep her safe!”
Chimney nodded and then sighed deeply. “Thank you for coming by. I mean, I seem to always have someone here, but it really means a lot, you know?”
“You have a lot of friends,” Karen said. “I’m not surprised you’re rarely alone. You aren’t alone with your recovery, and you won’t be when you are finally discharged. Your freezer is full of food. Hen and Bobby spent hours organizing it so everything would fit. And Hen still brought a couple of boxes home to store in our freezer until you’ve made a dent in yours. And you’ll have visitors there all the time, too.”
“It’s difficult to remember sometimes,” Chimney admitted quietly. “It hasn’t always been this way.”
“But it is now,” Karen said softly and took Chimney’s hands to squeeze them. “You could also stay in our guestroom, either for a couple of weeks or a couple of days or even a couple nights every week. And Hen and I will shamelessly take advantage of your sick leave to have a babysitter available for date nights whenever we want!”
Chimney laughed. “Sounds good. Spending time with Denny is always great.” Then he sighed deeply. “I’ve got an appointment in half an hour to work on the motor control in my hands. It’s really great to have you here, but…”
Karen nodded. “You need some time to yourself before the appointment, understood. I’ll come by tomorrow again, together with Hen and Denny.”
Chimney grinned widely. “Looking forward to it.”
“If you think of anything you need, text me so I can bring it,” Karen said. “We could stop by your apartment tomorrow on our way here.”
“Oh!” Chimney nodded. “I’ll do that. Might turn into a whole list with me being stuck here for another week.”
Karen nodded and hugged Chimney goodbye. She always felt bad about leaving Chimney when visiting him at the hospital, even if he had been the one sending her away like had happened now. She had been there back when Chimney hadn’t had many friends yet and she and Hen had been among his few visitors when he had been in the hospital. Chimney was clearly not the only one who still hadn’t gotten used to his many friendships even though it had been more than six years since then.
Karen was so lost in thoughts about the past and about how much some things had changed that she ran right into a broad chest when she left the elevator without looking first.
It was a familiar voice that laughed away her apology. “I’m happy to see you, too, Karen.”
“Tommy!” Karen laughed. “You’re here to visit Chimney?”
Tommy Kinard had been at the 118 for longer than Hen or Chimney had, but had left the station a little over six months ago for another station where he could work as a pilot again. It had been an emotional and impactful change for both Hen and Chimney at the 118, because Tommy had been the last one left who had gone through all of the changes the 118 had experienced with them, and one of few of the original crew they had become friends with during that upheaval.
“Of course,” Tommy said.
“I’m starting to think we need to create a shared calendar to coordinate visits for Chimney,” Karen said. “He just asked me to leave because he has an appointment soon.”
Tommy sighed. “That’s unfortunate. I’ll still go up, just to say hello and ask when would be a better time to visit. We could get coffee?”
Karen nodded. “Sounds like a great idea. I’ll wait here and set up the calendar. You’ll need to help me figure out who I need to send the link to!”
She didn’t have to wait long for Tommy to return. They walked to a coffee shop not far from the hospital and, by the time they were done organizing the calendar for Chimney, they were both halfway through their second cup of coffee.
“It’s good to know that there are so many people ready to help Howie,” Tommy said with a sigh. “Starting over at a new station has really reminded me how … lonely and isolating those first couple of years at the 118 were until Hen joined.”
“How?” Karen asked. “I thought you were getting along great with your new team.”
“I am.” Tommy nodded. “But that’s exactly the point. I was greeted with open arms. And when it comes to the flying, I’m practically a probie again. I haven’t flown for more than just pleasure since I left the Army. So, experiencing how it can be to join a new team really highlights how shitty that experience was under Gerrard. And it was even shittier for Chimney and Hen than it was for me, because I could at least successfully pretend to be one of Gerrard’s club.”
Karen huffed. “I’m not sure that made it easier for you to deal with. It just created different problems for you than what Chim and Hen had to face.”
Tommy shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I’m glad your new team is good to you,” Karen said softly. “You deserve a good team. You deserve to be happy.”
Tommy rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.
“You have pretty good contacts with the firefighter union, right?” Karen asked. “And with HR?”
She knew that Tommy was the guy anyone could go to if they needed to get in contact with anyone anywhere in the department. Tommy just knew people, and he was always prepared to help his friends get in contact with whomever they needed. Karen knew it was a habit he had started after Gerrard, though he had never told her why.
Tommy raised his brows. “Are there problems I need to know about?”
Karen chuckled. “Nothing like that. Just Chimney struggling with the prospect of being laid up for longer than originally expected. They’re already keeping him much longer in the hospital than was first expected. Maybe you can put together a list of other things he could do within the LAFD until he is ready to return to full duty at the 118?”
Tommy leaned forward and asked worriedly, “Were there more complications than the stroke during the surgery?”
“I don’t think so. Just … it might take longer than first expected for him to overcome the normal symptoms of the brain damage he suffered. Chimney was barely able to hold onto his pen to fill out his meal plan earlier. And he only needed to check a few boxes. I’m not sure he can even write right now.”
Tommy made a face and dragged his fingers through his hair. “Fuck. That’s not good.”
“It should go away with time and exercise,” Karen said softly. “That’s what we’ll all have to hold onto, I think. But Chimney also needs to see and, I think experience, that not returning to being a firefighter paramedic wouldn’t be the end of the world. That he’ll still have a place in the LAFD. I tried telling him he’d be a good teacher, but he didn’t seem very convinced of that.”
“He would be,” Tommy agreed thoughtfully. “I’ll make a list of possible jobs I think Howie might be interested in, and also look up what kind of training he’d need. I’m going back to visit again in three days when I’m off shift again.”
“That reminds me, shouldn’t you be on a shift today?” Karen asked with a frown.
Tommy laughed. “Yeah. I swapped shifts with Riley from B because his daughter has a big school event tomorrow. This way he won’t miss it.”
“But you’ll pull a 48!”
“Not the first time, and won’t be the last.” Tommy smiled reassuringly. “I can handle it. And all three captains at Harbor work with anyone on a 48 to make sure they’re safe and don’t work themselves to exhaustion. I’ll be punished for my generosity by being man behind more often than I’d like.”
Karen frowned and huffed, but didn’t try to argue. Being married to a firefighter and having a bunch of firefighters as friends had taught her very early on that the only one she was allowed to argue with about shifts was Hen. And even that had only been allowed since they had become parents and there was a small human relying on them to consider in everything they did. So, while Karen might hate the thought of any of her friends pulling a 48-hour shift, she knew better than to argue with them about it.