Chapter Text
Heinz loved all his kids. Yes, Phineas and Ferb were easy for him to love, because he saw all that he had wanted to be as a child within them.
But Candace needed him too. Phineas and Ferb had each other for all their secrets and planning and everything else, but Candace, while she could gossip for hours on the phone with Stacey, still had some secrets that couldn’t be shared with even the best of friends or most easy-going of parents.
And Heinz had lived long enough to be open to a lot of secrets. So when Candace needed him, he would purr and chirp and scent-mark his little girl at all the right places, and unconditionally support her as much as he could. Even as he wished for Candace to leave the boys’ brilliance alone, he still rubbed up against her after each failure to bust them, most often receiving a trembling hug in return.
He loved all his kids unconditionally. So Heinz, after his discovery, made sure to take extra precautions.
When the boys went to their Uncle’s, he made extra sure to stay at home.
When Halloween came, and Uncle Perry came to take all the neighborhood kids trick-or-treating, Heinz hid down in his lair away from all the activity. (That’s actually a bit of a lie. He did sneak upstairs for a few minutes to snap some surveillance footage. The boys and company had decided on a circus theme for their costumes, and he just had to get photos of the formidable Doctor B dressed in the costume they’d designed for him. Heinz thought the coconut shells were rather fetching, as was Doctor B’s stoic look of long-suffering. Lots of photos. Y’know, for the official records and all.)
Thanksgiving he spent with the family before and after Uncle Perry came for dinner. The kids were a bit disappointed that Heinz hadn’t been present for the meal, but he couldn’t take any chances.
Christmas was approaching soon, and Heinz already had plans in place to spend the maximum amount of time with the kids, yet avoid their uncle. It would be difficult, but doable.
Too bad he hadn’t accounted for a surprise visit.
*****
It was midmorning, ten days before Christmas. The kids were at their last day of school, Lawrence was at the shop, and Linda was putting groceries away before heading out for a gig. Heinz was finishing his breakfast and mulling over a problem with the –inator he was working on down in his lair. There was a hitch with some of the wiring, and he was so focused on the problem that he completely missed the doorbell ring.
“I forgot you were coming by to check out the boys’ tool collection! I’ve got to go now for a gig at the mall, just lock up before you leave!” Linda’s voice echoed down the hall.
Heinz blinked, looking up from his food. The front door shut, and before Heinz could move the sound of a very familiar tread walked into the kitchen and halted abruptly.
Heinz’s ears flattened and he cringed, turning slowly to meet Doctor B’s stunned expression.
‘Agent O?!’
Heinz felt his tail curl in as he reluctantly signed ‘Doctor’ back.
‘You’re H-E-I-N-Z?!’ the man finger-spelled jerkily, the shock bleeding away into anger. Heinz nodded miserably, and the man leapt forward, grabbing Heinz’s forearm none-too-gently. Heinz startled, and the man jerkily finger-spelled ‘L-A-I-R.’ Doctor B’s face was impassive, but his eyes were burning with anger.
He shook Heinz a little, repeating, ‘L-A-I-R, N-O-W.’
Heinz nodded jerkily, leading the irate scientist outside to the tree elevator in the backyard. As soon as they entered the lair, Doctor B dropped Heinz’s arm and marched over to the MMM, tapping a few buttons quickly. Monogram’s and Carl’s faces came up on the monitor instantly, and they both looked startled.
“Doctor Platypus! Are you in trouble, Agent O?”
‘Yes he is,’ Doctor B signed tensely. Monogram looked confused while Carl sighed.
“It sign-language, sir,” he announced before Monogram could say something to make the situation worse. “He says Agent O is in trouble.”
“Great googly moogly!” Monogram exclaimed, but Doctor B was already signing directly at Carl. Heinz just stood there like he was awaiting execution.
Carl gasped. “He says that Agent O’s host family is his family, sir!”
Monogram looked confused. “What does he mean by, his family?”
Carl rolled his eyes. “Lawrence Fletcher is his mother’s cousin. They’re the reason he moved to Danville.”
Monogram focused on Heinz. “Did you know about this, Agent O?” Heinz nodded miserably, and Monogram scowled. “For how long?!”
Heinz signed a shaking, ‘Three months,’ to Carl, who stared back at him sympathetically as he translated. Doctor B refused to look at him at all.
“This goes against every host family protocol on the books, Agent O!” Monogram raged. “Agents can’t be hosted by enemy families! When discovered, the agent is supposed to request instant reassignment! You know that!”
Heinz nodded again. He did know that – that’s why he never said anything.
“Pack up your things and report back to HQ at once. Congratulations, Heinz, you can finally go back to your precious retirement, permanently.”
“But sir!” Carl gasped, while Heinz mewed frantically.
Monogram refused to acknowledge either of them. “A new agent will be assigned to you at once, Doctor Platypus. We’re sorry about this horrific breach of our regulations.”
The Doctor nodded sharply, once, and returned to the tree elevator without looking at Heinz and all.
The monitor blinked off, and Heinz slumped to the floor, defeated.
*****
When he left the lair, carrying a cardboard box holding the problematic –inator, some tools and his hat, Carl and Agent Silent-G were waiting for him next to Carl’s car outside the garage.
“Agent O,” Carl started, but Heinz shook his head, shoulders still slumped. The other two nodded sadly and helped put his box into the trunk. There was no point in collecting anything from inside the house – he was essentially a ‘lost pet’ now, never to be found.
He slumped into the front seat of the car, and stared forlornly at the home he’d never get to see again.