Chapter Text
Thump.. Thump… Thump….
It was deafening. A constant repetitive thud of his heart in his ears, so loud he wouldn’t be shocked if half of the church could hear it.
It was normal, right? To be nervous before a wedding, your own wedding especially.
“Perfectly normal” Colin muttered to himself,
“Is everything alright brother?” came Benedict’s interruption to his internal panic -
panic? surely not, that would be too extreme of a word for such a jovial occasion. slight discomfort, yes that is better, better implications.
“Fine, thank you, Ben”
“Are you s-“ he was cut off by a melody of some instrument or another starting a tune - at that present moment Colin could not identify any specifics because it had just hit him
- it was time ….
He was greeted with the sight of his little niece and nephew. Augie, who had clearly been bribed with sweets, (a boy after his own heart he supposed) clutching a rather large lolly in one hand and waving gleefully to his grandparents with the other. Little Belinda, as graceful as her mother, by his side, throwing light pink rose petals as she went. He couldn’t help but smile as they reminded him of himself and Daphne at that age. He caught her eyes and noticed them slightly watery - must be how grown up the children look - right…
The bridesmaids came next, Prudence and Phillipa Featherington in the most shocking hot pink dresses on the face of the earth, highlighters would be jealous. Portia would definitely approve, he thought with a grimace. Next came Cressida and Lily or was it Lucy, he couldn’t quite remember he had only met her briefly. She was younger than the rest, and didn’t know the other girls very well. Colin on a normal day would have felt sorry for her. His fiancé needed another body to match the number of bridesmaids to the number of groomsmen, and she was some distant niece of her fathers who fitted into the only other dress the shop had in that colour, so she was called in willing or not.
The Bridgerton brothers had long settled who was to be whose best man. Colin for Anthony, Gregory for Benedict (it was assumed Ben would be the last to marry giving Greg a bit of time to grow up), Anthony for Greg (Greg had called dibs on Anthony when he was 11, they still didn’t understand why, but did not argue) which left Benedict for Colin. Colin did not mind in the slightest Benedict was his favourite brother after all, even though those words will never leave his mouth. They all were his groomsmen plus Phillip Crane his friend from university.
“That scowl must be permanently attached to that girls face” - ah there was the favourite brother, Colin turned slightly towards him, their backs now to the congregation and raised an eyebrow.
“Cressida Cowper, she went to school with El and Pen, she was a bitch even then”
Under normal circumstances Colin would have been fighting a chuckle but instead his mind had fixated on something Ben had said
-Pen- his Best Friend since he was 9
He wondered where she was sitting, was she ok, the room was a bit cold, after all it was early March. someone should give her their jacket, maybe he should, lord knows penguin boy won’t.
Penguin boy was the nickname that Penelope’s new boyfriend had been donned by the Bridgerton Family. Never ever used in the presence of Penelope or Alfred Debling himself. He was nice enough Colin would concede, but there was just something that didn’t sit right with him about the man, he was just too…particular? He was obsessed with birds, granted he was an ornithologist, but it was a bit obsessive, could a person be addicted to birds? He had picked him and Penelope up once to take them to a Bridgerton Sunday brunch, and briefly stepped into his apartment and nearly choked. Penguins, penguins everywhere. And by everywhere Colin meant everywhere, framed pictures on the wall, penguin cushions on the sofa, possible every penguin themed trinket known to man scattered around the room and maybe most odd of all 3 pingu dvd box sets under the TV which seemed to be signed by the fictional penguin (what the hell…?). He needed to get out of there ASAP, recounting what he had seen to his family after brunch he was henceforth known as Penguin Boy.
Colin had originally tried to get Penelope to be his Best Woman but she outright refused stating - “oh no, I’m not breaking up the best man pact. I refuse to deal with any of the consequences from the chaos brothers of who would end up getting left out because I took someones spot” he understood, really, he did, even if it did make him a bit sad. He followed up with the fact he would happily be her maid of honour when Penelope got married, dress and all. Her face looked sad for a split second before she schooled her features and cheekily whispered “As lovely as you would look in a dress, we both know Eloise is my maid of Honour, she would kill us both otherwise, and I would like to make it to the wedding day”.
That was the end of the conversation, she had gone to his stag party, which was best described as interesting with Benedict organising it, because Colin had insisted she come. Eloise had tagged along with her briefly before she had disappeared partway into the evening claiming illness, funnily enough Phil had also disappeared early that night, what a coincidence they both had food poisoning.
He was broken from his thoughts by a squeeze on his shoulder, his focus came back to the room and heard a string rendition Dolly Parton’s Jolene - he loved Dolly Parton as much as the next person but thought that was a horrible choice for an entrance song. He was convinced she had heard the first line, and ignored the rest in favour of picking an ‘Original choice’. Benedict had let out a snort of laughter so loud he earned a glare from their mother.
Colin was busy trying to figure out the joke when he turned to face the door where a tall woman with dark hair had appeared arm in arm with her father.
Marina
They had been together a year when he had proposed accidentally (although no one knew this) whilst on holiday, while he was attempting to tie his shoe lace, she had gasped, a crowd had formed and 10 minutes later they were standing in a jewellers in Spain with Marina picking a ring with the biggest diamond he’d ever seen. But he was a Bridgerton and a very rich one at that so he slid his card over to the very nice lady who had sold them the ring and who was probably going to get the biggest commission of her life.
When they returned she had insisted they tell their families separately so they could each could ‘have the full attention of their parents and siblings’ - and so that is what happened. Colin broke the news to his family (and Penelope of course - he thought she would be extra excited for him with Marina being her cousin and all) but he was met with deafening silence, his mother and father blinking rapidly at each other, wide eyed looks from his sisters and worried looks from his brothers.
Noticing the silence, Penelope had stepped up, looking even paler than usual, gave him a hug and a congratulations that seemed to snap his family back to reality. Suddenly surrounded by slaps on the back and questions about the holiday and the proposal and relief took over him. So much so that he didn’t see the fleeting looks between his family and he didn’t notice than Pen had disappeared from the room, quickly followed by Eloise.
Back in the church, Marina was about half way down the aisle already. She looked objectively beautiful like one of those models on the cover of a wedding dress magazine, perfect, polished and fake his mind supplied. Colin couldn’t summon an ounce of excitement and suddenly become full of dread. He was 29, that is what people his age do, he had followed every life stage before why stop now, school, university- travelling- find a nice girl, marry her settle down have the 1.77 average number of children, live your life, retire at 65 and eventually die.
How depressing, he used to be full of life and excitement for what was to come. He used to imagine finding the love of his life like his parents had with each other, like Anthony had found with Kate, like Daphne and Simon. His gaze flicked down to where the 6 of them sat in a pew arms linked with their respective spouses, maybe the next time there was a wedding he would join the ‘marrieds’ of the group living nicely in their forever bliss. Maybe he and Marina would share little whispers about rowdy guests, gaze lovingly at each other during the vows thinking of their own fondly or trying to control a brood of their own from climbing all over the seats.
Marina had been flighty around the topic of babies, every time the conversation came up she would give some half complete answer that meant Colin actually didn’t know how many children she wanted, he didn’t even know if she wanted children at all. He wanted 4 (2 boys, 2 girls if he got to choose - but it didn’t really work like that did it). Some might say 4 was a lot but as one of 8 he thought it was just right enough to never be lonely, but not so many that you would never get a moment of peace.
He wanted the mess and the screaming and the tiny little humans, little pieces of his heart walking around in the world becoming their own people. Maybe they would even have his dark blue eyes and auburn curls like their mother ……. Wow! where the hell did that come from, their mother would be his bride surely, the woman with the decidedly very straight very dark brown hair.
He swallowed thickly not wanting to delve too deep into what his thoughts could mean, it wasn’t really the time was it. He took Marina’s hand as her Father shook his other - wishing him good luck in an odd tone. He led them both to stand in front of the alter, the music came to an end and the minister started to speak.
They had gotten through the necessary welcomes and introductions. Hyacinth had delivered outlandishly dramatic reading of a poem he had liked since a child. It was a remarkable thing to witness and received a massive round of applause. His father, Edmund had done a reading that was tradition for every Bridgerton wedding that never failed to bring a tear to every eye in the room. Marina had taken each of his hands in hers as she began with her vows, he heard “ richer or poorer” “in sickness and in health” and “as long as we both shall live” at that moment 2 things happened simultaneously.
He imaged a future of just Marina, living together, a lifetime of Christmases and Birthdays and lazy Sundays and everything in between and he froze. At the same moment he looked up and seen Penelope staring into his soul. God she was beautiful, ethereal almost. Her auburn curly hair half up flowing prettily down her back. She wore a light blue (Bridgerton blue he mused to himself) dress that complemented her beauty and grace flawlessly. Her gaze fixed and sad and worried and about a thousand different emotions he didn’t have time to name. And he knew, just knew he couldn’t go through with it. He looked at Pen, then back at Marina then back at Pen then Marina. He must have been silent for too long he heard Anthony clear his throat. He pulled his hands out of Marina’s grasp like he had just been burned, her face looking as though she’d just been slapped. He looked back to Penelope and then stared back at Marina mouth agape trying to get a word out, any word.
He took a deep, stuttering breath and managed something that may have sounded like a “I ca-can’t, I-I’m so sorry”. He didn’t wait for an answer before he turned to the crowd, opened and closed his mouth once more and started to walk back down the aisle.
He spared a glance toward his family who’s reactions varied immensely. Violet had her hand pressed to her chest in shock, Edmund has his hands on the back of the seat in front knuckles white, face unreadable. Gregory trying to stifle full body giggles while Hyacinth elbowed him in the slide trying to make him shut up. Anthony, Benedict, and Francesca all had a look of concern but thankfully not horror. And oddly enough Daphne and Eloise were forming the biggest grins on their faces. Kate, Simon and Phil were just taking it all in, although he had thought he had heard a "Fucking Bridgertons…” and an “Oh thank god” from their direction.
Colin glanced to the left and saw Penelope, nearly despondent, brows furrowed, then to penguin boy beside her who seemed utterly uninterested, somewhat on brand for him. Colin hastily looked away and continued to make his way to the door.
He was almost there, then something made him stop, just short of the handle, like a brick wall had appeared from nowhere halting his tracks. What was he doing, this was crazy, he left his bride to be at the alter in front of all his friends and family, hell all of her friends and family. But here he was Colin Christopher Bridgerton about to do something even more unhinged, that is what they say isn’t it, go big or go home. That phrase felt wholly insufficient for what he was about to do.
He turned slowly, facing the crowd of shocked faces and then, then he ran, back to the front. Well, near the front, he stopped, looked at the person in front of him, reached out his hand and said
“Are you coming with me Pen?”