Chapter Text
Sam screamed, raising his arms high above his head and willing with everything he had for this to work, for the Matrix to bring Optimus back to them, to him. He had been riddled with guilt since Optimus had been killed.
It was all his fault - his fault!
If he had just listened. If he had just realised that Optimus would not have asked anything of him if he had any other option.
Why was he such a child!? After everything that had happened he was still only thinking of himself!
His breath caught in his chest and he slammed the Matrix of Leadership down into the hollow of Optimus’s chassis, the place his spark should have shone.
There was a moment, a moment when everything stopped. The world froze and a white mist rose from the desert floor covering them both.
Then he was back inside the shadowy landscape of the matrix
Below him Optimus stirred. Optics blinked slowly and the light returned to its depths. His gaze met Sam’s and there was a sense of relief flowing over him. Optimus was here, everything was going to be okay.
“Sam,” Optimus rumbled, “you came back for me boy.” There was so much joy and quiet surprise in the words. His voice vibrated up Sam’s hands and knees where he was still sitting on Optimus’s chest.
“Of course Optimus. I - I wasn’t just going to leave you dead when it was all my fault and I could change it.” Optimus’s face crumpled at Sam’s admission and he began to sit up. One massive hand coming up to cup Sam to his chassis.
“Sam, it was not your fault- “
“Of course it was,” he interrupted, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. “If I hadn’t been such a brat, going on about having a normal life like I could just erase the last few years like they never happened, none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t have died fighting, protecting me. Again!”
He squeezed his eyes shut. He wouldn’t cry, he was too old to be crying like a baby.
Optimus's chest rumbled underneath him, like the purring of a car engine but softer. Bumblebee would do the same thing whenever Sam had a nightmare and allowed him to climb wordlessly into his front seat and curl up in his altmode. Allowing him to pretend that everything was okay and his life wasn’t spilling out of control.
It was soothing and felt like home and made him long for quiet days where he and Bumblebee would cruise around town or take long trips into the desert and drive so fast the world blurred around them and he could forget everything but being in the moment with his best friend.
Ha! He thought viciously, some best friend he’d been lately. Going off to college and not telling Bee until the last moment that he couldn’t come because he didn’t want to deal with Bee’s disappointment.
Fobbing him off so he could go play at being a real human and then missing him so much it hurt but not having the balls to actually call him up and apologise.
Then Bee forgives him like it was nothing, protecting him, putting his life on the line when Bee’s was far more valuable than he is.
“Samuel…” Optimus began but was startled when the scene around them changed and the mist lifted. The Old Primes stood before them and Sam looked up, checking Optimus’s expression and it was kinda funny.
His jaw had dropped leaving his mouth open. His optics were wider than he had ever seen them go and his brow was raised so high it disappeared under his armoured helm.
“What?” Optimus whispered and his reaction made Sam feel lighter. It took a great deal to surprise Optimus Prime.
“Welcome to the Matrix of Leadership, Optimus Prime.” He said cheekily, rubbing his hand over his eyes to wipe away the watery sheen. He wasn’t crying, no-sir-e, no crying from him. It was dust, sand from the desert, everyone knew how easy sand got in your eyes.
Standing on Optimus' palm he turned and looked up and up at the massive Primes.
He didn’t really understand why he was here. The first time made sense, he had died and the Matrix brought him into the ‘void’ so the dead Primes could tell him how to bring Optimus back. He wasn’t a mecha but a squishy human there was no need to bring him here a second time, he hadn’t got himself killed again.
He was suddenly very tired, it had been a long day, a long week. Optimus dying, then his face plastered on every screen, phone, TV, and internet search page.
Running for his life, getting his parents caught up in his troubles. Being shot at once again, dragging Mikala along. Dying then coming back to life.
It was a bit much for a guy to handle.
He just needed to sit down, just for a few minutes, maybe rest his eyes.
He let his head fall against Optimus’s chassis. The large mecha lifted him higher, closer to the humming of his spark. The sound soothed him. He pressed his face into the warm metal and placed his hand flat against it feeling the pulse under his fingertips.
He felt Optimus bring a finger to lightly touch his head and smooth it down his back. He shivered and went boneless, falling into a doze, barely hearing the sound of the Old Primes talking and Optimus responding. His voice rumbling through his chassis into Sam’s brain like a comfortable buzzing blanket.
How had Optimus done that?
He shook himself out of the dozing daze in time to hear Optimus agreeing with the Old Primes.
”I agree. I will go.”
Optimus shifted Sam, bringing him up to his helm, until they were eye to optic.
Sam stared, blinking and rubbing at his tired eyes.
He gave Sam a soft smile, full of sadness and longing and a little bit of pain. His optics shone and the depths drew Sam in. “Optimus?” His voice was cracking, “What’s going on? Where are you going?”
He brought Sam closer and tilted his forehelm down. Sam reciprocated, pushing to his feet and pressing his forehead to Optimus’s. He could feel Optimus breathing in, and venting out.
”I won't be going back with you Sam.” He admitted softly.
Sam spasmed like he had been tasered. ”What! What do you mean not going back. You're not dead now, of course you're coming back. The others are waiting, Bee’, Ratchet, Ironhide, Will, Epps - all the others. Where are you supposed to be going?!” He screeched out the last part.
He grabbed at Optimus’s face plate, willing him to make sense.
The mecha closed his optics, his other hand coming up to press a digit into his back, the closest the large mech could come to a hug with Sam’s smaller, more fragile form.
“I have been given the opportunity to return to my past. To a point where I can stop this future from happening, to stop Cybertron's destruction and the decimation of my race.” his optics opened, “Do you blame me… for choosing to go. To want to stop all this from happening, even if it meant we never met? You would live a wholly human life, free from worry, or stress. To never be chased by Decepticons or be shot at or die .” He paused and vented heavily, his voice a deep resounding bass.
” Boy ,” he said it like it was everything, like it meant far much more than Sam’s age and gender, it felt like when his dad called him son or when his mum called him baby . Optimus called him like he meant everything.
He felt like his throat was closing, the clogging feeling that you get when you're trying to hold back your emotions or they’d just spill out everywhere . His eyes stung and felt a whine crawling up his throat.
He pressed his hand to his face, squeezing his elbows into his stomach and he hunched over slightly.
He couldn’t blame Optimus, how could he, he knew he would do the same thing. Would give everything he was to change the outcome.
The world would be different now. The world knows about the bots, about the Autobots and Decepticons. He knew what his fellow humans were like and how when they were scared, they either cowered away or bit back, few would accept outright. Even if the hand that was reaching out to them was kind and forgiving, if the hand was alien and unknown they would rather attack it than grasp it kindly.
Humans could be such a cowardly race, when it came to things bigger and different and more advanced than them.
He pulled his hands away from his face. Optimus was watching him solemnly.
He couldn’t blame him, would never blame him for trying his best to create a better life for his family and that is what the other bots were to him - family. Precious and important. They had followed him from the beginning and still followed him now, all their hopes and dreams, he carried them across the stars.
He wouldn't let this opportunity go either.
”I - “ he began and crocked. He shook his head and stood straight, swallowing the rock that had lodged in his throat, looked Optimus straight in the optic and said with his whole being, strong and sure like he had the first time Sam had spoken the words to him -
“No sacrifice, No victory.”
Optimus shuddered, a full frame movement, every piece cracked and rattled at the force of his emotions.
He was pulled close again, flat against Optimus' spark chamber. Sam squished his face against the warm metal and felt for the spark beat, the sound that was Optimus Prime.
It felt like it was singing to him.
He closed his eyes shut tightly and pressed harder, from forehead, nose, cheek and mouth he pressed as much of his face into Optimus's chassis as he could. Hand and chest and legs all the same. He wanted to remember this feeling.
The Older Primes surrounded them, the mist rose again and the Matrix of Leadership that was still in Optimus's chassis lit up.
They sang a haunting sound that gained in volume.
Sam held on harder. “Go Optimus, save your family.’
Optimus’s helm fell down over him, “I will.”
”Eat your Energon and recharge properly.” He teased with a wet voice.
”I will,” Optimus chuckled softly, voice deep and heavy.
”Don’t work too hard, you gotta have fun.” He was starting to choke up again now.
”I will,” he answered solemnly, cupping his hand around Sam holding him tightly to his chassis.
”Be safe, be happy.” Sam ordered.
”I will.” Optimus answered with the softest voice yet.
“I’ll see you later, Optimus Prime.” He squeezed out.
”Samuel Witwicky, we will meet again, boy .”
The world went white, the air smelled of ozone, flashes of Allspark blue -
and then… and then… and then…
Sam knew no more.