Archive of Our Own

Nanika’s feet felt ticklish as she wiggled her toes, engraving in her memory the feeling of the pebbles below the shallow water. They were smooth and round, all of them different colors and uneven shapes. They seemed to dance with the flow of the river water following its own path. She danced too, her reflection swaying even though she wasn’t moving.

She wanted to show Alluka, and the pair of big black eyes changed into a bright blue. Alluka smiled as she saw her reflection doing its little dance.

The water barely reached above her ankles, it was a bit cold, but it felt fresh against her skin, warmed by the sun shining on top of a clear sky.

For the first time since arriving, Alluka took in her surroundings. It had been Nanika’s turn to spend time with her big brother, so Alluka had missed the walk to the river. It was a pretty place, she decided. Surrounded by tall trees with bulbous logs and broad tops full of colorful leaves. It was the first time she saw a tree like that, and she thought they kind of resembled balloons, with their funny shape and all.

Directing her eyes to the clear water, she found the sight of a waterfall, noisy and rainy. It reminded her of the mouth of a big animal. Maybe they would get swallowed if they wandered too nearby. It wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened, thanks to Alluka’s curiosity. But her big brother always found a way to take her out of every situation Alluka ended up in, so she couldn’t find it in herself to be too wary.

A couple steps ahead, sitting at the edge of the river, she found white hair and blue eyes. She smiled as she approached the boy, doing little kicks in the water as she went.

“The water feels nice. You should come too.” She invited, kicking again, this time a little harder, splashing at her brother.

“You…!”

In response, she also received a splash. An eye for an eye. Her big brother was smirking and ready to launch another attack if provoked. Alluka stood there, determined as she went for another splash.

Soon her plan worked as intended, and her brother was stepping inside the shallow waters, returning every splash between loud giggles that seemed to drown against the loudness of the waterfall.

“See? It’s nice!” She proclaimed, triumphant.

Eventually the giggles became sporadic, as they reached back to the grassy edges and laid on their backs, staring at the blueness of the sky while their hair and clothes dried.

It was peaceful. Even with all the places they had seen since they started traveling, Alluka still found herself mesmerized with every single one. There was something new to find everywhere. She hadn’t even imagined how big the world could be once crossing the gates of the Zoldyck’s mansion. How big, and how beautiful.

“Where are we going next?” she asked, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air.

A comfortable silence took place for a minute.

“Home.” said her big brother, a soft smile on his lips.

Before Alluka could find the words, her face was already answering with a scared look. They were going back?

Brother seemed to understand her worry, and he responded by giving her a flick to her forehead. “Not that one, dummy.”

Alluka pressed a hand to her forehead, pouting.

“Then where?”

“You’ll see when we get there.”

The air was salty when Killua tasted it. Every splash of water from the boat that managed to reach his skin, burned a little. They had been below the sun for too long, but he hadn’t managed to convince Alluka to go back inside the boat’s cabin. She was too excited, and to be fair, Killua didn’t insist much either. He was the same, if not even more excited. His heart pounded inside his chest, strong and waiting.

“So that’s why they call it Whale Island.” Alluka pointed, impressed.

“Bet you didn’t see that one coming.”

The whale silhouetted piece of land stood out surrounded by water, like a dormant living creature. Killua expected it to suddenly wake up from its slumber, and open its enormous jaws, swallowing the water on its path as it descended back into the depths.

But Whale Island stood there, unmoving. Maybe it knew. A part of it, truly alive, waited for their arrival. A boy would have told it to do so, a boy with golden eyes and a broad smile.

After the whale was in their sight, it didn’t take long for them to arrive at the harbor, and after looking around, searching between the locals and the boats, Killua settled on walking in a direction he knew all too well.

He was familiar with the heat of the island like an old unsavory friend. It was suffocating, even when both of them were wearing lighter clothing, Alluka going to the lenght of getting herself a pretty straw hat for the occasion. Killua still felt his tank top sticking to his back with the humidity of his warm sweat.

The air felt different there. It was salty, sure, but it held a certain freshness that Killua had yet to find anywhere else. Even with all the traveling he had done, Whale Island still made sure to make itself unique.

The grass shined underneath the sun, bright green that made it look almost candy like. Between the long strands tickling Killua’s bare legs, he could feel the mosquitoes already going at him for a bite. And yet, his hands trembled with excitement as he held onto Alluka. She seemed to notice, giving him a soft squeeze that grounded him.

On top of the hill, right at the highest point of the path, Killua saw him.

With a slightly darker tan than he had when they had last seen each other, his hair kept in the exact same way as always if maybe a little bit more unkept. He looked the same, with eyes that shined with the sunlight’s reflection, and a smile so broad it surely had to make his cheeks hurt.

“KI-LLU-A…!!!”

His voice sounded clear as a bell as he ran, spreading his arms against the wind, Killua thought for a second he for sure would go up flying like a seagull, and when he saw him giving a big jump, he was certain of it. His eyes looked up, and in a fraction of a second, he was being pushed to the ground, the air in his lungs escaping him with a pained sound.

A thight squeeze held him close to Gon. After meeting each other, they had never been apart for long. Now that he knew how it felt, Killua half wondered if maybe he was dreaming it all, a primal desperation inside him making him hallucinate.

But Gon, hugging him on the ground, with the sound of Alluka laughter in the back, the feeling of the dirt and pebbles sticking onto his sweaty skin. That wasn’t just in his head.

“Killua, you’re here!”

He sure was, he thought. He felt real with Gon wrapping himself around him. So real he wished for him to squeeze even harder until Killua would be torn to pieces, at least for a moment, then he would put himself back together. He craved so, so much, and that’s why, instead of allowing his hands to lay on Gon’s back and his forehead on his chest, he placed both hands on the boy’s shoulders and pushed to allow a bit of space between them. Now being able to see Gon’s face again, he found him happy and giggly.

“If you had missed me so bad, then you could’ve at least waited for us at the harbor, you know?” He complained, a frown on his face, but his expression kept a certain softness impossible to hide.

Gon finally stood up again, and Killua followed, patting the dirt out of his clothes. “But I did!” Gon pouted “I didn’t know exactly at what time you would arrive, so I’ve been waiting since yesterday!”

“Liar! I looked around and didn’t see you.”

“I’m not lying! I was there, but aunt Mito made me go back home to clean. She said if I was gonna bring visits, the least I could do was receiving them in a clean house. She got specially worked up after I told her you would be bringing your sister. Made me mop all the floors twice!”

Alluka was smiling entertained, and Gon faced her to greet her too. He could see her sister get a little shy at that, she seemed unsure of what to do, and set on raising her arms a little, copying what Gon had done before. Killua held a laugh as to not break the moment. It was easy to forget when being only the two of them together, but Alluka wasn’t as used to other people around her age, and her awkwardness was showing.

Regardless, Gon didn’t seem to mind, and returned the gesture with an energetic hug.

“I made sure to put extra effort into cleaning your room!”

“I’ll have a room?” She asked, honestly surprised.

Gon nodded “All for yourself, if you want it! Killua can stay in mine. He’ll be sleeping on the floor, of course.” Gon snickered at him, but Killua kept an innocent look on his face. One of them would be taking the floor, and it wouldn’t be him.

“I know you’ve seen a lot of places while traveling, but Whale Island is pretty too, I’ll show you around later and you’ll see.” The other boy had already started walking right where he came from. Killua followed with a quick nod to Alluka, who held onto his hand as they walked together.

The sweat still stuck uncomfortably to his body, and his legs remained itchy from the mosquito bites as he walked. Yet somehow, he felt so much lighter now, and every new step came to him by instinct as he took in the familiar views. Whale Island, the dormant animal, stayed the same. It had waited, knowing one day it would make itself feel just like home.

The red shingles of the house were as striking as a handful of poppies, paired with the deep blue of the sky, and the pure white of the clouds, it was impossible to not look at it. The rest of the house stood awkwardly in the middle of plain green, the flat grass only interrupted by a mailbox and a clothing line that dried a pair of sheets and a mossy colored jacket.

Even if at first glance it seemed like it had been plucked from another place and simply dropped there by accident, for Killua, it looked as natural as a grain of sand would look at the beach.

“We’re here!” Gon took off running by himself, one could even think it was him who hadn’t visited in ages.

Alluka let go of Killua’s hand, instead securing a grip onto her hat as she followed the boy. Behind her, her dark hair moved like the waves of the ocean. Killua then felt his feet running too, even if he hadn’t known he was doing it until the salty breeze was caressing his own hair and a smile crept to his face.

They giggled even after getting inside. Alluka’s face shined warmly with the golden light of the sun coming in from the windows.

“So pretty!” She said, her eyes jumping from one place to another. It was clear she wanted to run around and see the whole place for herself, but she was holding in as to be polite.

The inside wasn’t much fresher, but the heat there didn’t make Killua’s skin burn. It was softer, it hugged him fondly.

The wooden floors were firm below his feet. The sweet smell of warm food coming from the kitchen made him feel welcomed. In that moment, Killua chose to believe that the house was happy to see him, maybe it was alive too, in its own way. Or maybe they were his own feelings overflowing.

From the kitchen peeked a soft pair of amber eyes. The ginger woman beamed, and came to greet them, cleaning her hands on the apron she was wearing.

“Look at you!” She said in a mix of delight and surprise “You’ve grown so much!”

Killua immediately found himself a bit embarrassed. Had he? He didn’t think so. He felt exactly the same, but he guessed he had always been taller than Gon.

Before he could prepare a response, aunt Mito was already wrapping him into a hug. Her arms were soft around him, they didn’t exactly treat him like Killua was delicate, but they treated him with care. Like one would do with a kid, and even when he knew, that logically, he was one, most of the time, he couldn’t feel like it. Even around Gon, he didn’t think of themselves like a pair of kids. It was just Gon and Killua.

But by being held by aunt Mito, he became just that. A kid who craved warmth as his hands slowly hugged back the woman.

“You know, you should visit more often. Next time I see you you’ll be twice my size.” She said as she finally let go. Killua wished he could have that for a little longer, but he didn’t ask for more. Thought it would be petty to do so.

So, he just laughed. “Maybe. Probably twice Gon’s size too.”

“No way!” Gon responded, so sure of himself, like he could become taller by mere willpower.

Mito’s eyes landed on Alluka, who now stood there like a weed that had grown in the wrong place. She toyed with her fingers, unsure of what to do.

“You must be Alluka. Gon talked a lot about you.”

Alluka almost jumped on her place. She seemed so nervous it made Killua feel a bit bad for her. He could sympathize; his first visit didn’t go that different.

Instead of words, Alluka responded by raising her arms again. Somehow, that seemed to be turning into her new default for handling people she wasn’t very familiar with.

Aunt Mito didn’t take long to respond to the hug. Alluka peeked around the corner of the woman’s figure, looking for Killua’s reassurance. He smiled and nodded, trying not to laugh as to not make her uncomfortable.

“Hey, Alluka…” Gon’s voice sounded a bit unsure, which was uncommon for him. “Is Nanika, uh, here?”

Alluka was silent for a moment, and simply nodded.

“Could we greet her too?”

She nodded again, this time with a big smile on her lips “Yes!”

Alluka’s eyes closed, and when they opened again, it was Nanika who stood there. Confused as she looked at aunt Mito, but seemed to recognize Gon. Killua stood closer to her, just in case it was too much. If Alluka wasn’t too used to people, Nanika was even less so.

“So, you’re Nanika.” Aunt Mito said, not looking scared, or surprised at all. “Gon also talked about you.”

Aunt Mito reached to hold Nanika’s hands against hers.

“Thank you for healing him. I don’t know what would have been of us if you hadn’t helped him.”

Nanika’s pale skin remained the same flat color, but Killua knew her well enough to know she was feeling shy.

“It’s okay.” She said, with her monotone voice, and her flat smile. She wasn’t looking at aunt Mito’s eyes, instead focusing on the way her hands were being delicately held. She didn’t let go, until aunt Mito did to pat her softly on the head. “I’m happy to be here.”

“And I’m happy you’ll be staying. I’m sure traveling for so long has been tiresome. You should unpack your stuff while I finish cooking. Mother went to get some ingredients we need, so I’ll call you when it’s time to eat.”

“Right! Come with me, I’ll show you your room!” Gon kicked off his sandals and went up the stairs, every single of his steps loud as a drum even when barefoot.

“You gotta take off your shoes here.” Killua explained, as he did the same. Nanika followed without questioning it, and together they went after Gon, who was humming a catchy melody as he opened the door to the spare room.

It wasn’t much bigger than Gon’s own room. Maybe even a bit smaller, but it was clean and smelled soapy. The big window with pale pink curtains allowed the sun to brighten the place. Nanika stepped inside and went directly to sit at the bed below the window.

“Do you like it?” asked Gon, moving his feet excitedly from side to side.

Nanika gave the bed a few pats, testing it.

“I like it.” She replied. “It’s soft.”

She never talked much, always keeping everything a couple concise words, and even then, she was now more talkative than she had been when they reunited. The brief response didn’t bother Gon, who looked like he was trying to hold in the desire to go jumping around. Killua snorted, he could tell Gon was so excited to have them in his home, but was trying to keep it low as to not be overwhelming.

Nanika’s eyes closed, and it was turn for Alluka to get a glance at her room. She immediately stood up from the bed and looked around, she was specially delighted with a lamp that sat on top of a wooden desk, blue and decorated with a flower pattern.

“Are you sure I can stay here?” She asked.

“Of course! We cleared the dresser so you can store your own stuff. Just make yourself comfortable.”

Alluka looked at the dresser, opening one of the drawers. The only thing there was a pair of hand towels.

“I didn’t bring many clothes. Brother says is better to travel lightweight.”

“Him?!” Gon was in disbelief “He’s the one who was always buying new clothes when we went anywhere.”

Killua, very maturely, simply stuck his tongue out at him. “That’s not true, I carry a normal amount of clothes. It’s just that you always wore the exact same thing. Never gave that poor jacket a single break.”

“Yeah! Because is better to travel lightweight.” Gon concluded with a cheeky grin that made Killua roll his eyes. His own words, used against him.

Killua had never been, and probably would never be, fond of vegetables.

The texture, the flavors, the feeling of them in his mouth. Sure, he could be accused of having an awful case of a sweet tooth, but how could anyone blame him? He wasn’t missing much by skipping his greens. Or at least that’s what he thought as he poked a green pepper with his fork, glancing around the dining table as everyone ate and listened to Alluka, who was telling them about some of their travels. She had started shy and awkward as Gon asked, but soon grew out of it and began doing big hand gestures as she talked about her favorite places.

Killua, sitting beside Gon, and using her sister’s conversation as a distractor, managed to silently slip his peppers onto Gon’s plate, without him noticing.

“Aah!” the boy sighed “I wanna go too!”

“It’s one of those places you just have to see for yourself!” Alluka beamed as she went on about the mountain they had climbed together.

It was nice, green peppers and all. Aunt Mito’s cooking was always good, at some point in the past he had even used gyo to check the plate on front of his seat, thinking that something like that could only be done by someone especially talented at cooking. Not because there was nothing better than it, he stood by his opinion that chocorobots could beat it easily, but more so because there was nothing that compared. It retained a certain warmth even after finishing the last bites, and left him with a fuzzy comfortable sensation. Even then, he didn’t find any aura, and Gon had just laughed telling him that’s just how homemade meals tasted like.

Killua wouldn’t know, the food that was served at the Zoldyck’s mansion was made by excellent cooks, and yet it didn’t leave him patting his stomach with a satisfied smile. But it was also often served spiced with lethal poisons as part of his training, so there was that too.

“The terrain was so rocky, you kept slipping and crying “brother, brother, help me, I’m falling!”” he teased, poking Alluka’s cheek with his fork.

“Even then, I managed to reach the top too!” She said as she poked him back.

She continued as Killua smiled and got back to his meal, stopping at the sight of his plate. Somehow, the green peppers had returned. He directed a quick glance at Gon, who innocently asked Alluka more about the mountain.

The heat of Whale Island was a beast that slept at night. Once the sky was orange and pink colored and the sun could be seen hiding at the horizon, a fresh breeze caressed Killua’s skin. He was used to cold, worked better under freezing winds than scorching heat. But this cold wasn’t aggressive, it didn’t feel like it was biting at his naked arms and legs. It was light and careless, going its own way as Killua, Alluka and Gon wandered through the forest, where the trees appeared to dance as the wind blew through them.

 Alluka had ditched her straw hat now that the sun was kinder, leaving it hanging on her back as she picked berries along the way, nibbling on them and sharing them with Killua. They tasted sour, made his tongue tingle.

The thump of Gon’s boots as he walked was a sound Killua knew well, and the claw marks that crossed the tree Gon had stopped at, that was also something familiar.

He waited patiently.

“Do you think he’ll come?” Killua asked.

Alluka looked around, confused, her eyes searching the top of the trees, like expecting a bird or a monkey. “Who’s gonna come?”

Killua could tell her, but didn’t.

“You’ll see.” He said instead.

After a quiet minute, a loud noise could be heard, hitting the leafy bushes, stomping on the fallen branches, and making the trees along the path tremble.

Then a big shadow appeared in front of them, the roundness of its shape only broken by the pointy ears that sat on top of its head.

“A bear!” Alluka was delighted at the sight, doing little jumps where she stood.

“A foxbear,” Corrected Gon, and went ahead to pat the imposing animal’s head “This is Kon, he’s been my friend since he was a cub. You should have seen him then! He was thiiiis small” He put his hands in what would be the approximate size of a kitten. Alluka giggled at the thought of it.

“You’re as huge as last time I saw you.” Killua gave Kon a couple of pats too. Kon’s fur wasn’t soft, it was dry and thick. A sign of his wilderness. “There’s no way this guy was ever that tiny.”

“You know him already?” Alluka asked, a tiny jealousy note in her voice.

Gon nodded “I introduced Killua to Kon when he first came to visit. Kon doesn’t trust other people easily, you know? His species isn’t known for being docile. But we’re friends, and he came to like Killua too.”

“Do you… do you think Kon will like me too?”

“Of course! You’re Killua’s sister, and besides, my friends are Kon’s friends too.”

Alluka’s pale cheeks glowed with a rosy tint. “We’re friends.” She repeated, more to herself than to Gon. It made Killua remember a big, long tunnel that seemed endlessly boring. The loud noises of so many feet running. Hundreds of unknown faces that he didn’t care about. His foot absentmindedly pushing against the ground as the wheels of his skateboard rolled. Then something amongst the sea of uninteresting faces sparkled his interest. No, not something. Someone.

Gon nodded to Alluka, giving her the push she was last needing, and her hand finally reached to the foxbear’s lowered head. She seemed doubtful at first, but soon shined a broad smile as she felt the rough fur against her soft skin.

“Nice to meet you, Kon. My name is Alluka.”

Kon’s only acknowledgment was slowly closing his eyes as he allowed the girl to pet him.

“You know, Alluka, they say hunters have a natural way of bonding with animals.”

“Do they?” The girl asked, her interest peaking at Gon’s words. “Then maybe I have a bit of hunter blood in me.”

Killua shook his hand at the empty space between Gon and his sister, like that would make the words fly far away.

“Don’t give her weird ideas, Gon!”

“I’m just saying!”

“It’s okay, brother.” She said, clinging to his arm, hugging it softly “You don’t have to be scared of me passing on my first try and leaving only you as the one who had to repeat it.”

“Like hell you would pass so easily.” Killua bumped his index finger at her forehead again and again “You made us stop like three times on our way here just so you could catch your breath.”

Alluka’s response was to puff her cheeks.

“If Gon says I can do it, then I can do it!”

“Yeah, she can do it!”

When he planned the trip to Whale Island, Killua hadn’t expected that Alluka and Gon would bond with the sole intent of annoying him, but there they were. Next time he would think twice before introducing her sister to anyone.

The time at Whale Island appeared to him as illogical. The hours and days were the same as anywhere else. Sixty minutes for an hour, the sun rose during the day, and hid at night. It was normal, yet it didn’t feel that way.

It was slow, like stuck in glue. Eating with Alluka and Gon’s family. Having a walk through the shores of the Island and dipping their feet in the warm water. Stopping to see the boats arriving at the harbor. Wandering through the dense forests while eating berries. Every moment was its own little eternity while it went by. As Killua lived them, they felt never ending.

Now at night, while laying the bed on top of the blue carpet that covered Gon’s room, Killua felt like the day had barely lasted a couple seconds. When had the sky turned dark? He hadn’t noticed until Gon was saying they should head back home if they didn’t want to get scolded for arriving late at dinner.

He couldn’t say he was tired. Walking around the island wasn’t hard work for him, and yet, he craved the softness of the sheets and pillows.

Once the bedding was set on the floor, Killua put his hands on his hips and stared at it for a minute. It didn’t seem uncomfortable, he thought he made a good job of making it cozy.

With that in mind, he got himself under the blankets.

The blankets of Gon’s bed of course.

Gon entered the room just a moment after. Without opening his eyes, Killua heard the soft steps, and then a stop. He imagined Gon looking at the empty bed on the floor, and then at his not so empty bed.

Killua stopped a cheeky grin as to keep his sleeping façade, which didn’t last long when he felt the mattress sink with the weight of another body right next to him.

“Hey! I got here first!”

“It’s my bed!” Gon said like it was obvious. He guessed it was.

“Yeah, but I’m a guest and you’re not. So, I have rights to the bed.”

“Says who?!”

“Says me!”

Gon’s eyebrows gathered together, but he didn’t move one bit.

“Well, we both fit here.”

They did, but just barely. The bed wasn’t too big, and maybe aunt Mito had been right about Killua being more grown now. He could feel his knees bumping Gon’s. Killua gave up with a sigh, and scooted himself closer to the wall, leaving a bit more space for Gon to lie down. The boy did so with a triumphant smile.

“I’m absolutely going to kick you in my sleep, you know?”

“It’s okay.” Gon assured “I’ll make sure to kick you back.”

Whale Island at night was silent. No cars honking loudly to speed up the traffic, no annoying loud hotel neighbors. It was peaceful as he laid there with his eyes still open, staring at the ceiling of the dark room.

Would Alluka be asleep already? Probably yes. She had gotten used to long walks thanks to their travels, but still got moody if she wasn’t allowed to have proper rest.

“What are you thinking about?”

Gon’s voice was a soft breeze in the middle of the dark room. Killua glanced at him from the side. “Lotsa things.”

“Yeah. Me too”

“What are you thinking about?”

The room stayed silent for a moment. He could hear the calm breaths from the boy beside him. His body felt warm where they touched.

“I missed you. I missed you a lot.”

It was Killua’s turn to stay silent for a while. “Don’t get all sappy so suddenly” he thought about saying, but didn’t.

“I missed you too.”

The corner of Gon’s lips raised upwards, content.

“Was it fun?” He asked “Traveling with Alluka.”

Killua nodded. “It was. She gets excited even about the simplest things. It’s honestly contagious.” He admitted, joining in with a smile “But it also felt a little weird. Traveling without chasing something or someone.”

At Gon’s side, they had always been after some goal. Always a place to go, a person to find, a fight to beat. Not having that anymore had felt a bit pointless. The world was so big he didn’t even know where to start. Thankfully, Alluka’s excitement about everything soon rubbed on him. He found himself smiling even at the most mundane things. The feeling of warm sand under his feet. The grass tickling his back as he laid on it. It felt like discovering a different way of being alive.

“What about you? You were hanging out with Kite’s group, right?”

“Yeah. After staying here for a while and catching up with homework, I joined them on a couple of their trips. It was fun. They’re like… super smart people. It really put in perspective just how little I know about everything.”

Killua smiled at that thought. He could say he felt the same.

“But all the time I kept thinking… Ah… I wish Killua was here too. I’m sure he would have something cool to say.”

“Idiot. I don’t know crap about birds like Spinner does. Or about any animal, really. That’s more your thing.”

Gon chuckled, and their shoulders bumped together “I’d still want you there. Even with no bird fun facts.”

Killua could feel the warmness of their closeness catch up to him. Every part of him felt both a little lighter and heavier. So light he could go anywhere, so heavy he couldn’t control where.

“Well, I’m here now. So, you’ll have to show me some cool places.”

Gon’s eyes under the darkness were closer to molten gold than the confident firm metal they appeared as under the light. So bright it was hard to see. Now they appeared mellow as they closed slowly, drifting into sleep.

“I already showed you the whole Island last time you were here.”

Killua’s eyes stayed open for a little longer, taking in the sight of Gon’s face. His tanned skin and sharp eyebrows that relaxed as he let himself sink into the pillow.

“Then you’ll have to show me again.”

The sun entered through the window, making Killua squint. It was late. He could tell by the color of the sky, normally Gon would wake up early at sunrise, when the sky was still cotton candy pink. Right now, it was a bright blue, crossed by a couple of birds going their way.

The space next to him was empty. Not even warm anymore. Gon had gotten up already.

Killua felt a little strange, finding himself wandering the apparently empty house. The only sound to be heard was the slight creak of the door to Alluka’s room as he opened it. It was empty, the bed had been made.

He could feel the palms of his hands get itchy as he went down the stairs. It was alright, he told himself. It’s just Whale Island, they’re probably out catching bugs or something. No one would take her away here.

“Good morning, Killua.”

Aunt Mito’s voice sounded to him like the chirp of a bird. Happy and melodic. Killua went to join her at the kitchen, where he found her peeling potatoes.

“Morning.” He scratched one of his palms. “Where are Alluka and Gon?”

“They went to run some errands with mother. They’ll be back soon.”

Killua frowned. “They could’ve at least woken me up.”

Aunt Mito laughed softly, chopping the potatoes into cubes. “Gon said you were sleeping so peacefully he didn’t want to wake you up.”

He could feel a certain warmth peek at his cheeks. “What’s with that.”

It was probably true, though. It was rare for him to oversleep. It was rare for him to sleep in the first place. He could go on for days without even a short nap, and still be totally functional. He had tried to get rid of the habit in more recent times, but it was so ingrained in his brain he still couldn’t quite do it. You can’t force yourself to get sleepy.

But maybe Whale Island had something that did. Maybe it was the clean fresh smell of the blankets tickling his nose, or maybe the return of a familiar warmness that laid beside him at night. Whatever it was, he didn’t give it further thought, just accepted it as truth.

Killua glanced to the window, finding only empty green grass that got swallowed by the clouds at the horizon. Aunt Mito looked at him by the corner of her eye.

“She’s a sweet girl.” She said, like reading his mind, knowing of his worries “Alluka. And Nanika too.”

“’Yeah.” He agreed simply. The grass is green, the sky is blue, his sisters were the sweetest and the kindest. It was just as simple as that. “They’re the best.”

Aunt Mito dropped the cubed potatoes inside a boiling pot that smelled delicious. He couldn’t quite guess what it was yet, but it made him conscious of his empty stomach. “How about you help me with breakfast while we wait for them?”

He glanced at the kitchen utensils like he was being asked to solve an impossible math problem. “I don’t really know how to cook.”

The response he got was receiving a couple of carrots and radishes to chop. “But you can cut the veggies. Even if you’ll leave them untouched on your plate.”

An apologetic smile appeared on his face, but he couldn’t bring himself to apologize. His relationship with those of the vegetable family was complicated, but radishes and carrots he could manage. It was mostly the green ones he didn’t dare to touch. That and any color of pepper.

Killua knew how to cut. Of course he knew. How to slice, chop, maim and mutilate. He was an expert. Yet he found himself frowning at the sight of his uneven carrot cubes. A bit too small, a bit too big, and those ones weren’t even cubes. During the whole thing, he could feel aunt Mito’s eyes on him, and he was silently waiting to get reprimanded for doing it all wrong.

“You really have grown a lot.” She said instead. “Really.”

Killua, once again, was unsure about that statement. Had he really gotten that much taller? He glanced back at aunt Mito. Maybe he had. He hadn’t noticed they were almost the same height now, but being side by side, it was impossible to ignore.

“I guess it’s only natural, taking care of someone will make you grow up like that.” She continued, a fond smile still on her lips. He had seen that same smile before. It was reserved for Gon, when she hugged him and told her goodbyes before he would leave the Island again. Killua felt a certain heaviness on his stomach at that time. Now that same smile was being shared with him, and that heavy feeling sat on him a bit differently now. It didn’t feel like he was an intruder.

Killua didn’t know what to respond. It had to be true, aunt Mito would know. She had held Gon on her arms, being herself still a kid, and decided to take care of him. He wondered for a moment if she had found a bit of herself in him. The thought made Killua’s heart feel a bit too big for his body. Finding someone who could understand that feeling, that had been molded by it. He was relieved. Maybe he was on the right track, after all.

A kind hand caressed his hair. “But don’t forget to take care of yourself too, alright?”

The first thing he saw peeking at the edges of the hill, was Gon’s spiky hair, followed then by his grandmother Abe. Walking right beside her, was a girl of long black hair, bright blue eyes, and a yellow dress that swayed with the breeze of the morning. Killua almost didn’t recognize her.

She wasn’t a child of the Zoldycks. Just a girl walking up the hill, wearing a borrowed dress, holding a paper bag full of freshly baked bread as she smiled and laughed.

How weird it was. To visit so many different places, taking Alluka to the greatest wonders of the world, just to now see her find her joy on simple and plain daily life. It was everything he could ask for, only he didn’t know how to give it to her until now.

Alluka ran inside, leaving the bread on the table, and did a little spin, her dress twisting and turning with her, like the feathers of a bird. “Cute, isn’t it?”

He could see how it was a bit big on Alluka, the straps on her shoulders being tied on little ribbons so it would fit her better. Killua nodded. “You look like one of those lemon lollipops you like.”

Alluka’s own smile grew larger at that. Those were her favorites; one couldn’t receive a better compliment. “Aunt Mito let me borrow some of her clothes, since I didn’t bring many.”

“Oh, she kept so many of her childhood dresses.” Said Abe “I’m sure if we get them all out, you’ll have something different to wear every day.” Hearing that, Alluka could only jump on her place from the mere excitement.

The first day on Whale Island they spent walking around the beaches, hills and forest. Breathing the clean air and getting tanned under the sun. There was still much to see of the Island’s natural sceneries, but the second day they decided on instead going down town.

Gon knew basically everyone on the island. It was a bit funny, really. Killua was also well known back at home, but for entirely different reasons. And it’s not like anyone would recognize him by his face only. Meanwhile Gon was stopping every couple steps to say hi to someone, being greeted by kind faces and some fruit to share with his friends. Even Killua received a couple of welcome backs.

There were no maze-like shopping malls, no tall buildings that swallowed the blue skies with their crystal and concrete jaws. Everything was colorful and lively in a different way. Like a field full of blooming flowers.

Alluka ran around, dragging Killua by the arm and pointing at anything that amazed her, which was, basically everything. She would go running to see some wooden figures to then jump around to a fruit stall, and get distracted by the smell of meat and veggies skewers being cooked nearby. Maybe he should bring her to the Bull Market of Yorknew City. Just let her roam wild and see what she ends up winning at the auctions.

Even with Alluka’s excitement, at the end their hands were relatively empty. Just a couple of bags of assorted local sweet treats (Killua’s choice, clearly), a beaded ankle bracelet for Alluka, and a wooden figure of a foxbear that Nanika seemed very fond of.

The walk back home was long, accompanied by the sound of the crickets jumping around the tall grass, and their own chatter. The sun was already down when they reached the house, and Alluka yawned the second they stepped inside.

A warm bath only made Alluka’s already heavy body feel like she was about to collapse right there on the floor. Killua laughed as he softly pushed her to her room. “C’mon, c’mon! I’ll do your hair and then you can sleep.”

That managed to wake up Alluka, even if just slightly. She hummed happy as she picked up a brush from the desk. It sat right beside the wooden foxbear.

Alluka sat on the floor cross legged, and Killua knelt at her back, finishing drying her hair with the towel. Good thing she was patient, because with how much hair she had, that process always took forever.

He honestly never minded it. A routine he had picked up after having to wake up to Alluka’s nest of tangled hair and having her sob when the comb pulled on the tight knots. It was peaceful. Made him feel like just another older brother in the greatness of the universe. Barely a standout, a boring, normal older brother.

He brushed Alluka’s long, soft hair. Taking his time undoing the occasional tangled lock. The open window let the cold wind in, and he could hear the faraway song of the crickets.

“I really like it here.” Alluka mumbled, her voice barely louder than the crickets. He could hear the soft smile accompanying the words even without having to see it “Gon’s family is really nice, grandma let me pick the bread. Told me how to know which one’s are the tastiest. And Aunt Mito let me borrow a bunch of her dresses.”

She sat quiet for a moment, as Killua braided her hair. “I feel pretty.”

“You are pretty.” Killua pointed out. A fact. Alluka let out a breathy laugh.

“But it feels different this way.” She continued “Sharing it with someone.”

Vague words, but Killua understood. Things he had done before, by himself, moments he had with Gon, or Alluka, now he could share with a family too. Even if it wasn’t his own, he was allowed to exist as part of it. There was a place on the table for him, space for his shoes at the entryway, a spot under the blankets of the bed.

He couldn’t say he lacked a family or a home before. Not after getting Alluka back. But could a home get too big? Too crowded? He hadn’t known he had so much empty space inside him until Aunt Mito had welcomed and hugged him like he belonged there as much as Gon did.

This time he didn’t bother making the bed on the floor. He jumped right on his spot, squished between the wall and Gon’s tangly limbs. Legs intertwined and shoulders bumping. They had managed to find the perfect sleeping position that allowed them to comfortably sleep without any limbs getting numb. Truly a perfected science. One that also asked for them to not move a single centimeter, otherwise they would end up uncomfortably kicking each other again.

This time there wasn’t much talk before sleeping, just a single moment where their eyes met for a short second that could fit hours inside it.

“Hey, Killua.” He whispered, so close he could taste his minty toothpaste breath “Are you enjoying being here?”

Killua twisted a brow “Isn’t it obvious?” He asked, a small crooked smile on his lips.

“Yeah, but…” Gon’s voice disappeared quietly. His eyes left Killua’s and wandered to the ceiling of the room.

“What?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking.”

“That’s so not you.”

“I think about stuff all the time!”

Killua knew. Most of the time, he could guess what Gon was thinking about. Usually, it worried him. It was one of those rare occasions he couldn’t guess what crossed the other boy’s mind. It was also one of those not so rare occasions he worried himself over it.

Once again, he woke up to an empty bed. This time, however, it wasn’t early in the morning. The room was still dark. The sky appeared oily, a dark canvas splattered of blue and purple, star speckled and clear like one could only find in a place so far away from the busy cities.

Killua abandoned the coziness of the bed and drowned in the coldness of the night, crossing strands of grass that tangled onto his legs. He didn’t have much trouble seeing at night, even in the profound darkness of the forest as he immersed into it.

Gon’s doglike ability of tracking basically anyone if he had a smell to cling onto, was something Killua lacked, yet he didn’t feel the need for it as he crossed the low branches of the trees. His thoughts were silent, only allowing his feet to guide him with every step where he knew he would find the other boy.

He could hear the quiet hush of running water, a slight whisper intertwined with the breeze. He crossed the bushes that divided the forest from a cliff. Alone in the darkness, a figure sat patiently.

“Ah. You found me.” Gon turned to look at him, like he wasn’t even surprised. Like he had been waiting for him.

Killua moved to sit beside him. The rocky surface didn’t comfort him much; he missed the softness of the mattress.

“What’cha doing here? Just one talk with Ging and now you’re suddenly disappearing too.”

Gon laughed and sheepishly mumbled an apology. He didn’t respond right away, and Killua allowed him a moment to gather his words. Gon’s eyes were locked onto the night sky. He followed too. A heavy feeling clang onto him. What was it? Nostalgia? It wasn’t a sensation that visited him often, He wasn’t the type to hold onto many things of his past. But this was a place he did often visit in his memories. A place he had shared with Gon the first time he visited, sitting together right by the crackling fire. Being there again, made him remember aunt Mito’s words. He had grown. Gon had too.

The changes weren’t striking, more of a blink and you’ll miss it. Light freckles now dusted the top of his nose, a gift from the time spent under the sun of the Island. He was a bit taller, maybe, not something Killua noticed, probably because he had gotten taller too. His hair, always a wild one, maintained its untamable status, now sticking a few more pointy strands in odd directions. But it wasn’t about his height, or the firmness of his arms, or the broader shoulders. Killua’s eyes wandered to Gon’s. Bright under the silvery moon. Still warm even under the cold night.

He seemed different now. He had seemed different even from a long time ago. The moment they had lost Kite. Gon grew and changed more unrecognizable with every moment that went by. Going forward, all by himself.

He tried not to dwell on that too often. It pained him in a way he couldn’t handle yet. Strings surrounded his chest and grew tighter with every memory. If he tried to recall more of it, he would be snapped in pieces by the strands.

They were back to what it had been before. Or not quite, it was impossible to fully go back, and if he was being entirely honest, even if he missed it like half of him had been ripped away, a part of him knew not going back was for the better. He couldn’t do all that again. He couldn’t even do it a first time, still gathering pieces of himself without quite knowing how to put them back.

But this was as close as it was going to get. Laughing together, sharing a bed, following Gon’s steps, even if now it was only to find him sitting alone at the edge of a cliff, and not to go together onto adventure.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Gon said after a while, still not looking at him “I got a lot in my mind lately, I guess.”

Killua hummed in understanding. Didn’t ask and didn’t push, just allowed the water underneath them to fill the empty spaces.

“I’m selfish, Killua.”

“I know, but that’s just how you are, and it’s not like I’m not used to it.” He thought about saying. Something he might have said long ago. Not now. He let the water keep going. Steady, calm. It grounded him as he forced himself to not jump onto comforting his friend by making lighthearted jokes.

Gon was selfish.

Killua knew, and yes, he was used to it. He didn’t want to be anymore.

“Even with you and your sister being here…” Gon continued. His voice was small. So small the wind could take it away and get it stuck onto the top of a tree. “I only keep thinking about myself. About how much I want you to stay here with me.”

For a moment it felt like something bloomed. A small sprout somewhere inside of Killua. Barely a second alive, and it withered away. Regardless, his expression remained calm.

“It’s not like I’m leaving already. We’ll stay for at least a month.”

“But you’ll leave. Eventually.” Gon dropped to the ground, laying on his back, gaze reflecting the stars above “It’s okay. I won’t actually ask you to stay. I know Alluka wants to travel around the world, and I don’t think Whale Island can compete with that.”

He finished with a laugh, but it sounded defeated. At that moment Killua knew Gon had been thinking of him leaving even before he arrived. It was unlike him to be so pessimistic.

“You won’t stay here forever either.” Killua stated. He didn’t ask, because he didn’t doubt it for a moment. Not even now, with Gon laying his head down, uncharacteristically docile, like he had left his wild stubbornness sleeping back at his room.

Gon simply shrugged. “Probably not. But it’s hard. Being so weak.”

He raised a fist to the sky, and extended his fingers. Reaching to hold onto the sensation of a missing limb. Didn’t they know already? Weren’t they already so intimate and familiar with weakness? Killua had been molded by his limitations. Gon was punished after breaking them.

“To have so much to chase and suddenly fall to my knees while I see everyone moving forward. I’ll stand up, of course. I’ll get my nen back and I’ll stand up, but…” His hand fell back to the ground like a dead animal. “Where do I even go now?”

 “You really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

Killua’s voice came out before he could even think about it. But really, that’s exactly what he meant to say.

“Haah?! You’re mean, Killua!” Gon looked no different than a kicked puppy.

Killua picked up Gon’s hand, held it in his, and gave it a squeeze. Gon looked at him in surprise, and Killua couldn’t understand why. It was obvious. It was so obvious, how could he not know?

“Then come with me!” He said, like the answer had been right there all along, and hadn’t it? How could Gon even doubt? “Let’s stay together until you know what you want to do now!”

Gon’s stare was still one of surprise. His eyebrows raised higher if it was even possible.

“Isn’t it your job to say these embarrassing things?” He insisted.

He was doing a great job at ignoring the heat pinching at his cheeks. Gon’s expression slowly shifted into a smile. A big smile. One that perfectly fit onto his face. That molded his lips, and rounded his cheeks. It was right where it belonged, and he squeezed Killua’s hand back.

Then he laughed, and pulled Killua down to the ground with him. He landed on top of his body, feeling the boy’s chest rising and falling with the bell-like sound.

“Hey!” Killua let out, trying to scramble away, but Gon held him on place, his breathy laugh tickling at his neck.

“It really is that simple, isn’t it?”

Gon’s laugh slowly died down, but his smile went nowhere.

“Of course it is.”

Killua gave up, and let his body relax on top of Gon’s. Their hands still together, fingers squeezing tight. Gon nodded.

“I’ll go with you, then.”