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“Abby? Have you seen Jinu?”
“No. I saw him last after the interview.”
“Okay…”
Tiresome.
“Hey, Mys? Do you know where Jinu is?”
“…”
“I, uh. Nevermind.”
Awkward.
“Baby? Do you-“
“No, Romance, I still don’t know where Jinu is. Not since the last time you asked me four minutes ago.”
“Oh. Right. I… I’m sorry.”
Exasperating.
Jinu kept disappearing, evening after evening, but… somehow, the others didn’t seem bothered by that. They didn’t seem worried at all.
Why did Jinu keep leaving?
Sitting on the sofa, tucked safely against Abby’s side, Romance kept staring into the hallway.
Of course, in the small apartment Jinu had managed to get for them to stay in when they weren’t in the demon world, he had taken the one extra bedroom for himself. The other four shared the living room – not that that bothered them. It didn’t really matter, and they barely were in the apartment anyway. It was mostly a place for them to hide while keeping up with their success and Huntrix, since they couldn’t risk missing important information.
But the separate room also meant that Jinu had a possibility to separate himself from the others.
Why did he want to be separate from them?
They were losing him. He was leaving them.
Was he angry at them? Did they do something wrong?
Why did he keep leaving? Why did he keep going to her?
Didn’t he want them anymore?
“You look like a dog staring at an empty room, the way you keep staring into that hallway. It’s creepy.”
Ripped out of his thoughts, Romance blinked and turned to look at Baby.
The younger demon was curled up at the other end of the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and leaning against Mystery – who was so still, he could’ve just as well been part of the sofa. Looking at him over the edge of the console he was playing some game on – Baby claimed he’d bought it, but they all knew he’d stolen it by just teleporting out of the store the moment he got his hands on it – Baby’s expression was blank as always. The mask of indifference he always wore was almost impressive.
He admired Baby for that. The younger demon had perfected his mask of stoicism, and Romance didn’t even care when Baby’s sharp words were directed at him like knives. He admired his eloquence, the way he was able to string words together as if they were art, paint on a canvas.
Romance couldn’t relate at all.
He couldn’t hide his emotions if his life depended on it, and he couldn’t use words well enough to express himself as he’d wish to, either.
Apparently, his emotions were obvious enough that Baby even felt the need to point it out. Usually, he wouldn’t bother.
He was bothered enough to point it out.
Romance looked down at his hands in his lap.
“Sorry.”
He didn’t mean to bother his friend.
“What’s wrong, Ro?” Abby asked, keeping his voice neutral – contrary to the bite in Baby’s tone.
Pressing against the taller demon’s side a little more, Romance shrugged.
Abby’s solid body next to him felt like an anchor, it always did. He was younger than Romance – second youngest after Baby, actually – but he was so much wiser.
When Romance’s mind felt like a storm, consuming him… Abby’s presence alone could cut through it and calm him.
But he always sounded worried about Romance when he asked if he was alright.
When he asked if he was sure he was okay.
When he asked if he needed anything.
When he asked if he could do anything to help.
He always saw that Romance needed help, and he hated it. Romance hated how he kept making Abby feel like he needed to worry about him.
Why was he like that?
Why did he always make Abby worry, and why did he always bother Baby?
Weight shifted onto his shoulder and his gaze snapped to Abby’s arm that was now draped around him, resting on his shoulder heavily.
“Just spit it out, Ro,” Baby complained, rolling his eyes. “You’re making everyone nervous.”
He didn’t mean to make them nervous.
Romance wanted to apologize, but that wouldn’t answer the question still hanging in the air.
He didn’t want to bother them even more.
The fire always raging in Baby’s eyes, right under his mask of indifference, threatened to jump over on him already. The younger demon was a wildfire, uncontrollable and consuming everything that got in its way.
He was strong. Much more dangerous than Romance could ever be, because he was unpredictable.
He’d gotten burned many, many times already.
“Don’t you think it’s weird that Jinu keeps leaving?” he asked quietly.
Five times.
Five times, Jinu had snuck out of the apartment.
Five times Jinu had left without saying a word.
Five times Jinu had returned, acting like he was never gone.
Five times Jinu had left them wondering.
Five times, the others had acted like they didn’t care. Like they didn’t even notice.
“Really? This again?” Baby asked, flatly.
Why didn’t he care?
“You don’t think it’s weird that Jinu keeps meeting her?”
He watched as Baby opened his mouth, then closed it again, just staring in silence.
The intensity of the fire in his irresistibly alluring, piercing eyes flickered unsteadily.
Her.
The Hunter.
The half-demon.
Rumi.
Her name alone made him want to snarl at thin air.
Jinu kept going back to her. Her. Jinu kept leaving them to go to her.
They knew. They all knew.
Jinu thought he was so sneaky, but… they all could smell her on him every time he returned.
They could smell her on him.
“Ro,” Abby said, voice low and smooth. “He’s just trying to get close to break them apart. Get in her head.”
“Yeah,” Baby agreed easily. “Maybe he can turn her against the other two, even.”
Romance shook his head at that.
No.
It was different.
Yes, that’s how it started, but…
No.
It was different. It had changed.
It had changed.
They were losing Jinu.
Why couldn’t they see that? Why didn’t they care?
Didn’t they care about Jinu? Why didn’t they care that they were losing him to her?
What if Jinu really left them soon? Jinu would leave them for her. Abandon them. What would happen to them? Would they be able to follow Jinu, wherever he’d go then? Would Gwi-Ma make them fight Jinu as well?
He couldn’t possibly do that.
Jinu would leave them, and Gwi-Ma would drag them back to the demon world. Mark them traitors and make them suffer – not because they’d betrayed him, but because Jinu would, and without Jinu they would fail.
They would fail and Gwi-Ma would make them pay the price for it.
Would Jinu really abandon them? Sell them out to a horrible fate like that?
For her?
A hand wrapped around one of his wrists; big, strong.
He looked down. Why was Abby holding his wrist?
“Stop scratching there. You’ll hurt yourself,” the younger demon said, his chest vibrating against Romance’s shoulder where he was pressed against him.
Why was Abby growling at him?
Had he done something wrong? Something bad?
He hated it when Abby growled at him. It meant Abby was upset, and he hated upsetting Abby.
Not Abby; steady and safe.
“Sorry,” he muttered, letting his other hand sink back into his lap, Abby’s fingers still firmly around his wrist.
“Relax, Ro,” he said. “Jinu knows what he’s doing.”
No. Jinu didn’t know what he was doing.
Jinu thought that he knew, but he didn’t.
Not anymore.
It had changed.
But he wanted to believe Abby. Handsome, wise Abby.
Who was he to question Abby?
“Okay,” Romance muttered, not looking up.
He wouldn’t relax. He couldn’t relax.
He was losing Jinu, but… they didn’t seem to care. They didn’t seem to notice.
Ducking his head under Baby’s magnificently sharp gaze that pierced right through his lies and walls like a dagger, he turned away to face Abby and curl against his side. Smoothly, the younger demon moved with him; he turned to face Romance more as well and wrapped both his arms around him tightly.
With a sigh, Romance hid his face at Abby’s shoulder, leaning heavily against him. The soothing weight of Abby’s strong arms wrapped around him seemed to tone down the volume of his thoughts.
Taking a deep breath, he pressed even closer to Abby – draping one thigh over the taller demon’s lap and wrapping both arms around him tightly. Romance buried his face in the crook of his neck, lips brushing against the soft, sensitive skin lightly and Abby started purring. Softly. Soothingly.
Automatically, Romance responded with a purr of his own.
In the beginning, during his first few years as a demon, he had found it weird. The purring, the growling, the snarling. It was sheer instinct – instincts humans don’t have.
It had thrown him off. He had felt so much less than human already, only to be mocked by instinctually behaving like an animal? It had seemed like a cruel joke to him.
After he got used to it, though… he appreciated many of his demonic instincts.
Like automatically responding to a purr of a demon he cared about. It soothed him – it soothed something deep inside his restless mind, something that nothing else could reach.
Romance knew that cats purred when they were content and relaxed. Only recently had he learned that cats also purred to comfort themselves and each other.
Why demons – or sajas, at least – acted like cats in that regard… he really didn’t know.
Was it the double meaning of their name? Reaper and lion?
Well, who knew. Not that it mattered.
For now, he could relax into the simplicity that were his instincts.
It never lasted long, though.
His thoughts always caught up with him eventually.
Time passed, probably hours, and at some point he could hear Baby moving off the sofa. A hand lightly touched his back in passing – Baby didn’t hate him, at least.
The touch was brief and seemingly meaningless, but… it meant more than Baby would ever put into words for him.
It’s fine, Ro. I’m here. I care.
Taking one last deep breath and basking in Abby’s mild scent – reminding him of a comfortable, warm night at a fireplace – he curled up a little more to rest his head against the younger demon’s broad chest so he could glance at Baby, who had moved to his mattress near the sofa. He seemed to want to go to sleep.
Baby looked lovely like this. Curled up under his blanket, hiding his adorable face in his pillows, he looked oddly… tame.
Baby couldn’t be further from tame.
Behind him, he could hear Mystery shift on the sofa. He wasn’t getting up, though… He seemed to be stretching out his legs, probably aching from how tightly he had squeezed himself between Baby and the backrest of the sofa, all curled up to fit into the too small gap.
Mystery was weird like that. It was endearing, though.
He never really talked, but his actions usually showed more affection than anyone could possibly find words for.
Sweet Mystery. Always there when he was needed.
It was Mystery that kept their group together.
Jinu had gotten them together, but Mystery kept them together. Mystery was the peacekeeper, the protector, the caretaker… He was wonderful.
Romance blinked as the rumble in Abby’s chest quieted down – he was falling asleep.
And he really needed some sleep, deserved a good rest.
Abby had spent way too much energy on worrying about him. Again.
Why did he always have to worry Abby and bother Baby?
They both went to sleep. They were both tired of him.
No. They weren’t. Abby was still holding him, and Baby had let him know that he wasn’t mad. It was fine. He was fine. Everything was fine.
Nothing was fine. At all.
They were losing Jinu to the half-demon Hunter.
And what if Abby and Baby would get tired of him then? What if Mystery left him too when the others did?
They’d all abandon him if Jinu abandoned them.
With a sigh, Romance sat up slowly. Carefully, he moved out of Abby’s embrace.
He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he woke him up.
Sitting up straight, he looked up at the taller demon.
He was gorgeous like this.
Enchanting.
Peaceful.
Romance wanted to reach out and trace his features; along his sharp jawline, his straight nose, his angled eyebrows, his oh so soft-looking lips that were lacking their characteristic brilliant smile.
He couldn’t risk waking him up, though.
When Abby was awake again, he would go through with his urge. Pet him, kiss him.
He could spend hours petting and kissing Abby, and he would just let him. He enjoyed the attention and affection.
Stretching a little and frowning when his back cracked lightly, he considered what to do now. He wasn’t tired; there was no way he’d fall asleep, no matter how long he’d stay in Abby’s warm embrace.
No matter how cozy and content he felt there.
Quietly, he shifted to turn around and see if Mystery was asleep, too.
Of course he wasn’t.
Mystery was still sitting in the corner of the sofa like he was part of it. Romance couldn’t see his eyes due to his hair in his human disguise– he missed seeing Mystery’s eyes already – but he knew that the other demon was looking right at him. He tilted his head a little when Romance looked at him.
Oh, how he wanted to bury his hands in Mystery’s soft hair, move it out of his face and just… hold. To look at him. Just to look at him.
At his breathtaking, wonderful face. Those striking eyes that held an endless, unconditional gentleness unlike anything he’d ever seen. The first time he’d looked into Mystery’s eyes, he’d started crying – overwhelmed by emotions the other demon’s gaze alone seemed to call to the surface.
It'd been less than two weeks and he missed seeing Mystery’s eyes already.
He wanted to just hold him and look at him until Mystery’s lovely lips pulled into a small smile, and he would say his name with that soft, angelic voice of his.
A voice so divine, it was entirely unfitting for a demon…
As silent as possible, he got up from the sofa and put his hand on Mystery’s shoulder lightly as he walked past him. As expected, Mystery didn’t move – but he did let out a small rumble at the touch. Quieter and rougher than Abby’s purr.
Romance loved to hear it.
Should he go outside? Get some fresh air? It was night, he could move safely at night.
There was hardly anything more dangerous than him outside at this hour.
Stepping into the hallway, Romance immediately froze and all thoughts came to a stop in his head.
He could see light from under Jinu’s door.
Jinu wasn’t gone tonight, Jinu was there, and awake.
Jinu was there.
Swallowing hard, Romance hesitated.
He wanted to see Jinu, but didn’t want to bother him. Should he just go to him?
He missed him.
He missed him.
Suppressing a frustrated groan, he hid his face in his hands, rubbing at his eyes.
He needed to see Jinu.
Noiselessly, Romance moved to Jinu’s door. He lifted his hand to knock – and stopped himself with a wince.
He couldn’t knock. He would wake up the others in the living room with the noise.
But… he couldn’t just walk into Jinu’s room either, could he…?
Oh, Jinu would be mad at him…
Jinu would look at him.
He needed to.
He needed to see Jinu.
They were losing Jinu. Jinu was leaving them.
Taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart – and to steel himself from Jinu’s bad mood that would undoubtedly hit him any moment – he put his hand on the doorhandle.
It was cold.
Almost as cold as he felt inside.
Before he could change his mind, he swiftly opened the door as quiet as possible, slipped inside and closed it behind him.
The first thing he noticed was the paper. There was crumpled up paper all over the floor, and several sheets on the bed.
The second thing he noticed was Jinu – and there was nothing else in the room for him to see anymore.
Jinu was sitting on his bed cross-legged, a laptop next to him on the bed and a notebook on his knee. He was stressed, Romance could sense it, taste it in the air. Everything about Jinu was tense; dangerous.
And Jinu was staring right at him.
He watched as Jinu’s handsome face pulled into a scowl – as expected.
“Have you still not learned how to knock?” he asked, almost growling.
Ah, there it was.
“I know how to knock,” Romance responded, mildly offended.
Of course he knew how to knock. He’d just had a good reason to not do it.
“Then why don’t you make use of that skill for once?”
Ouch.
Yeah, no, he’d expected that. Jinu never liked being disturbed. Especially not without as much as a warning.
“Didn’t want to wake up the others,” he muttered, unable to look away from Jinu’s beautiful eyes.
Something burned in them. Something Romance wanted to get burned by.
Where Abby reminded him of a cozy warm night at a fire, and Baby of a blazing wildfire… Jinu reminded him of a candle that fell onto a carpet. Gentle, controlled… but the fire spread, growling uncontrollably. Consuming the carpet, licking at the curtains, embracing the furniture; it was dangerous and beautiful – and it was spreading towards Romance fast.
He never managed to run out of the burning room.
He always stayed to watch himself burn.
He loved to burn.
Romance had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling in delight when Jinu growled softly.
It was a reaction. Jinu was giving him his attention, even if just for a moment.
Then, the eye contact was over – Jinu had directed his gaze back down at his notebook.
“Whatever you want, say it already and get out. I’m busy.”
He tilted his head at that.
Jinu was working on another song.
They didn’t know how long they’d had to stay; how long it would take them to break the Honmoon. If they had to stay for longer, they’d need another song. Something new.
Soda Pop had taken over half the world within mere days, but… they would have to present something new eventually. If they didn’t, the hype about Soda Pop would fade and die from sheer repetition.
Jinu was working on another song, and he didn’t seem to get anywhere with it.
It was frustrating Jinu.
Romance didn’t want anything, though.
He only needed to see Jinu.
Since he didn’t want anything from the other demon, his leader, he couldn’t say anything. And that meant that he couldn’t get out.
In silence, he stood at the door, just looking at Jinu. Watching.
Watching how his eyes darted over the lines he scribbled down.
Watching how he bit his lip in thought – or frustration.
Watching how his hand holding the pencil was so tense that he failed to write words.
Watching the tiny twitches in his expression.
Jinu was so beautiful…
The silence seemed to stretch too long for Jinu’s liking, and he looked up again.
“Seriously, what is it?”
There was something else in his eyes. Something aside from the fire about to jump over at Romance.
Concern?
Did Jinu feel concerned for him?
He swallowed hard. He hated the way that thought made his heart flutter in his chest like a bird trapped in a cage.
Sometimes, he wanted to claw open his ribcage to set it free.
Romance couldn’t continue to just stare at Jinu in silence, though. Following the simplicity of instinct again, he moved towards Jinu. To his bed, to his side.
He crawled on the bed next to Jinu, shamelessly invading his leader’s personal space as he fell against his side and half on top of him, elegantly slipping under his arm.
The response was instant – a low growl and unwilling snarl of protest.
With his face already buried at Jinu’s shoulder, he couldn’t see his face anymore. Still, he could clearly picture the way Jinu was glancing down at him with a dark look; brows pulled together, teeth bared in warning. Jinu wouldn’t be showing his fangs – not yet.
Unimpressed by the audible display of protest and warning, Romance wrapped his arms around the other’s body.
Where he felt comfortably small next to Abby, he just felt perfectly fitting next to Jinu.
The growl continued to rumble in Jinu’s chest, but faded slowly due to its lack of effect.
“Ro, I’m working here.”
Well, not anymore.
He pressed closer, melting into the space at Jinu’s side like it was made for him.
“Romance.”
This time, he couldn’t even bother trying to suppress the soft purr that left him in response to Jinu saying his name in that serious tone that he only used when he was telling them what to do, as their leader.
He didn’t respond to it, though.
The softness of Jinu’s sweater against his face and his scent overshadowed his desire to heed the warning by far.
There was a hand on his shoulder, pushing. Trying to shove him off.
He refused to budge. Without hesitating, he used as much of his demonic strength as he needed to prevent Jinu from pushing him away.
Jinu immediately noticed that the harder he pushed, the tighter the grip around him turned.
Sighing in defeat, he eventually stopped pushing at Romance’s shoulder.
Usually, Romance would tease him now.
Usually, he would flirt with Jinu – sweetly to make him chuckle, or so shamelessly that Jinu would roll his eyes and smack him up the head.
Usually, he would push his hands under Jinu’s shirt to make him jump and squirm – half laughing, half cussing him out; he would laugh as well.
Usually, he would purr and playfully try to kiss him, initiating a playfight with Jinu – of course, Jinu won every time.
He couldn’t possibly bring himself to assert any kind of dominance over his leader.
Jinu would always win over him.
Always.
Usually, usually, usually…
Unusually quiet, Romance didn’t move. Not this time.
He simply stayed buried in Jinu’s shirt, taking slow and deep breaths.
He had missed Jinu.
So badly.
Why did Jinu keep leaving?
Why did Jinu keep going back to her?
Weren’t they good enough?
Wasn’t he good enough…?
He wanted to be good enough. He would do anything to be good enough.
Anything.
“Ro?” Jinu muttered after a little while, noticing that Romance didn’t behave as he usually did.
Usually.
It was different.
It had changed. Everything had changed.
He was losing Jinu.
“Are you alright? Did something happen?”
Romance had to bite his tongue to not whine in response – already embarrassed that a noise like that even made his throat itch in the first place. He wasn’t used to that tone in his leader’s voice.
Jinu was worried about him.
He wanted to say Yes and No.
Yes, he was alright.
No, nothing happened.
But… he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He tried anyway.
“No,” he whispered softly, barely audible in the fabric of Jinu’s soft sweater.
Hell, he wanted to keep his face in that soft fabric forever.
Somehow, he couldn’t get any more past his lips.
After a brief moment of silence, Jinu hummed. Softly, melodically.
“No, what? No, you’re not alright, or no, nothing happened?”
Why did Jinu have to be like this?
No, he wasn’t alright.
He was losing Jinu.
His voice was dead in his throat and his eyes burned, stinging with unshed tears he had been holding back for days now.
He was suffocating and burning, and he loved every second of it.
He was in Jinu’s arms.
He hated how pathetic he was…
When he didn’t respond, Jinu stilled under him. He stilled like everything in him came to a halt and had to reboot before he could move again.
Then, Romance heard the notebook and laptop being closed and shoved to the side unceremoniously.
His breath hitched.
Jinu was giving him his undivided attention.
Always busy, always distracted Jinu was giving him his undivided attention.
“Okay,” Jinu whispered then, and Romance almost flinched when one of Jinu’s hands buried in his hair and the other came to rest on his back.
“What’s wrong?”
What wasn’t?
The fingers in his hair curling lightly to scratch at his scalp was the last drop. His breath caught in his throat and he gasped in some air, only to choke it out in a dry sob immediately.
Jinu didn’t even seem surprised now.
Clearly, since Romance had already acted completely unlike himself, Jinu had been expecting anything.
Shaking, he cried into his leader’s shoulder. At least he managed to keep quiet after that first sob. He didn’t want to risk waking up the others.
He couldn’t forgive himself if he woke up the others.
And Jinu…
Jinu just held him in silence; rubbing his back and playing with his hair.
For way too long, he cried into the soft sweater.
He hated how long he was crying.
Why was he like this?
Why did he always have to be such a bother?
Why did he have to interrupt Jinu working, only to cry on him then?
Why was he so useless? Why did the others even still put up with his bullshit?
Why was Jinu holding him like he mattered?
He didn’t.
Useless.
Pathetic.
He felt his patterns crawling onto his skin, prickling and fizzling under his skin like electricity jolting through him. Stinging, itching, burning.
His throat tightened. His patterns wrapped around his throat to choke him. They hated him as much as he hated them. Romance just knew it.
Why couldn’t they finally get it over with and end it then?
Romance wanted nothing more than claw them off his skin, peel his skin off his bones and burn it along with the patterns that marred it.
“Ro,” Jinu said, softly but firmly. One of his hands moved to rest on Romance’s wrist where his hand rested on Jinu’s side.
“Claws.”
When the single word registered, he whined, high-pitched, and pulled his hands back like Jinu had burned him.
Or like he had burned Jinu.
Or like he had dug his claws into Jinu’s side.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out and Jinu caught him by the shoulders before he could flinch back and away from Jinu – he had to get away from Jinu, he’d hurt Jinu, he couldn’t hurt Jinu, not Jinu, he couldn’t-
“Ro, it’s okay,” Jinu tried, but he shook his head, pulling against his leader’s grip helplessly.
Why was he like this?
He broke whatever he touched. He needed to stop touching Jinu.
He was losing Jinu. He couldn’t break him.
He didn’t deserve anything nice. He didn’t deserve Jinu.
Not Jinu.
“Romance. Look at me.”
One gentle hand cupped his cheek and he winced, tried to pull away. When he refused to look at Jinu – what right had he to look at Jinu after digging his claws into his side – the other demon firmly grabbed him by the jaw and lifted his head, holding him still.
“Look at me.”
And how could he resist that tone?
Immediately, automatically, he opened his eyes to look at Jinu.
The first thing he noticed was that the dangerous flame in Jinu’s eyes had dimmed to the warmth of smoldering embers.
The second thing he noticed was the poison yellow reflecting in Jinu’s eyes – when had he dropped his human disguise?
“I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me,” Jinu said firmly, still holding him by the jaw.
He must be such a pitiful sight.
Pathetic.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong…?”
He didn’t deserve that gentle tone. That sweet, gentle tone overflowing with nothing but care. The tone that Jinu used so rarely, and now Jinu used it for him.
Swallowing hard, he considered what to say.
What could he say? Romance didn’t want to make himself appear even more pathetic than he already did; he couldn’t possibly tell Jinu the truth.
Jinu didn’t deserve to have to listen to him whining about his problems.
Gaze fixed on Jinu’s eyes, Romance rasped out,
“You’re leaving us.”
Damn it.
He didn’t mean to say that.
“I’m losing you.”
With dread settling in his bones, he watched as Jinu’s brows slightly pulled together.
Confusion.
Just confusion, not irritation.
“What…?”
Romance took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself, and his patterns burned hotter. The glow that spread through them seemed to want to eat him alive, and he hated how Jinu’s patterns responded to his own.
He hated how he was the cause for Jinu’s patterns to crawl onto his skin, slowly but steadily.
He hated how he was causing Jinu distress.
He hated how he couldn’t control himself.
He hated how pathetic he was in front of Jinu.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Jinu tried, softly, and Romance closed his eyes.
Why was Jinu so gentle with him? He didn’t deserve that.
He didn’t.
“You keep meeting her.”
At that, Jinu froze.
Romance knew he’d said the wrong thing now.
It was too late to back out, though. He had said it, and he had to live with the consequences now.
The consequence being Jinu’s anger flaring.
With his heart sinking like a rock to the bottom of the ocean, he watched as Jinu’s gaze darkened until he was scowling again. A soft, dangerous growl rumbled low in his throat.
“What?”
“We can smell her on you every time you return,” he whispered – and he was shocked by how vulnerable he sounded.
He was not shocked by Jinu’s eyes flashing yellow and the grip on his jaw tightening.
This time, he was forced to see the snarl instead of just hearing it.
“That is none of your business.”
Romance didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, Jinu was right. It was none of his business, he knew that.
Didn’t change the fact that it hurt.
A hot tear ran down his cheek again, onto the other demon’s fingers still tight on his jaw, and he could see the anger in Jinu’s eyes falter. His grip on Romance’s jaw loosened a little and he closed his mouth again, not baring his sharp fangs anymore.
Jinu seemed to sense that Romance wasn’t trying to get in his business.
He was just suffering.
He was just terrified.
“Are you going to leave us?” Romance asked, voice barely even a whisper.
“For her?”
Something in Jinu’s look and expression changed – and Romance understood without hearing a response.
Jinu would leave them.
Jinu would leave him.
“Ro…”
He was losing Jinu.
Or… he already had lost Jinu.
Silence settled over them like a blanket – a blanket that was trying to suffocate him.
Please, whatever divine power there was, let him experience mercy for once in his pathetic existence and let him suffocate in the silence.
Then, Jinu let go of his jaw.
Jinu would push him away now.
He had pushed too far. He shouldn’t have asked. He’d made Jinu hate him.
Useless.
Pathetic.
He didn’t deserve any of them.
But Jinu didn’t push him away.
Instead, he cupped his face with both hands. So endlessly gentle, like he was something delicate, that his breath hitched.
“I’m not leaving you.”
Liar.
Jinu was an excellent liar. That was an open secret, everywhere in the demon world.
Everyone who knew Jinu knew better than to believe him, to trust him.
Jinu was exceptionally skilled at spinning words into ropes and weaving them into blankets, effortlessly capturing and luring in any poor creature stupid enough to listen.
And Romance listened.
Stupid as he was.
He trusted Jinu. At least, he wanted to.
Stupid as he was.
He really never learned.
Stupid as he was.
Desperately, Romance wanted to believe Jinu. So desperately, he was willing to throw away all doubts immediately – if he just could. How he wished he could…
“She makes you feel hope,” he stated, and Jinu’s jaw tensed at that.
He was right.
“Yes,” Jinu admitted, slowly. Carefully. Testing the word and the reaction to it.
“But that doesn’t mean I’ll leave you.”
Hope was poison for a demon.
Hope tainted them slowly, consuming them like their patterns did. They tried to grasp it, hold onto it, but it always kept slipping from them. And every time it did, their shame grew.
The shame of not learning. The shame of falling for the same trick over and over again.
They could never be free.
Jinu could clearly see his doubt, that he wasn’t buying it, and he knew it.
Romance was an open book, and he wished to have Baby’s mask of indifference just for this moment. He needed it, desperately. Just like he needed Abby’s steadiness and calm…
“I won’t,” Jinu said firmly, wrapping his arms around him again and pulling him back against his chest.
Pitifully, he whined and immediately felt embarrassed.
Why was he like this?
“I love you…” he whispered.
Why was he like this?
He didn’t mean to say that.
The embarrassment burned brighter, just like his patterns. They were consuming him.
Jinu didn’t flinch.
“I need you,” he added in nothing more than a breath.
“Romance…”
Why did Jinu sound sad?
He hated hearing Jinu sounding sad.
He hated that he made Jinu feel sad.
“I know she gives you hope,” he continued.
He needed to stop.
He couldn’t stop.
“But… you are my hope.”
Jinu’s patterns flashed brightly, matching his own, and his embrace tightened noticeably when demonic strength snuck into his muscles. Like he was trying to suffocate Romance after the silence failed to do it.
How he wished that Jinu would suffocate him...
“I love you too, Romance,” Jinu whispered to him, lips brushing his ear and Romance’s eyes closed all on their own.
“I would never leave you. We’re family.”
Oh, Jinu was so much more than family.
Jinu was his life. His heart. His soul.
After Romance had woken up in the demon world as a demon, he… hadn’t been doing well, to put it nicely. He had just taken his own life, the feeling of choking on his own blood with his bones shattered and skull cracked from the fall still lingering in his dead – undead? – body… only to wake up in a dark, gloomy world with a cruel laugh sounding in his ears.
Aimlessly, he had been roaming the endless wasteland; ending up at the stairs to Gwi-Ma’s altar and throne over and over and over again. A loop as endless as the emptiness of the demon realm, with a laugh in his ears and whispers in his mind.
He didn’t know how long he’d been alone like that, breaking more and more. Decades? Centuries?
And then… there was Jinu.
A light in the dark. A spark of hope.
Jinu had taken his hand, had smiled at him.
Jinu’s sheer presence had been enough to silence the cruel voice in his head, until all that was left was his own thoughts. They weren’t much different from Gwi-Ma’s whispers, but they were his.
He needed Jinu.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out – and he didn’t even know what he was apologizing for.
“Shh…”
Gently, Jinu’s fingers carded through his hair again, and he felt embarrassed by the way he leaned into his touch.
He really was a cat, wasn’t he…
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”
Pulling from his hold slightly, Romance looked up again, gaze searching Jinu’s eyes.
He swallowed hard and reached up, fingers brushing over Jinu’s cheek. Lightly, he traced his features; his straight eyebrows, his fine nose, his high cheekbones and soft cheeks, around his kind eyes and over his kissable lips.
So beautiful…
“Promise?” he whispered helplessly.
Romance wanted to believe Jinu, really. He desperately wanted to.
He wanted to trust him.
He never learned, stupid as he was.
Pathetic.
“I promise,” Jinu whispered back, and Romance melted against him when Jinu kissed his forehead.
Jinu wouldn’t leave him.
He needed Jinu.
Jinu was his life, his heart, his soul.
And when Jinu left to save the Hunter, giving up his life and soul to her without even looking back once… his life ended, his heart shattered, and his soul died.