Chapter Text
Rey wakes with a start in a tangled mess of sheets and sweat. Her heart pounds behind her ribs and she has the oddest sensation that she’s forgetting something. Then, as she turns to the clock and reads 5:27 A.M., she falls back on the mattress with a groan. Another false alarm.
It’d been like this ever since she’d left Ben’s house a week ago. Like she’d been walking in a fog of what am I missing? All through the day, only to see Ben later that night and think oh right, there you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.
But it’d been days since she’d last seen him. November had given way to the holidays, and he’d spent the last three days at his parent’s house gorging and socializing with people she’d probably never meet. Still, he texts her daily, sweet words of I hope you’re doing well and have you eaten a vegetable today? But it does nothing to stop the feeling of missing something—missing him, if she’s being honest with herself. Each night she falls asleep alone and wakes lonely, missing the space beside her that she’s become accustomed to him occupying.
She tosses and turns for another half hour before finally, with a groan, she gives up on sleep entirely and pads out into the kitchen. Flicking the light on, she heads to the coffee pot and starts her day with a cup of much needed caffeine. While she waits, she turns and her eyes drift towards her calendar, where today’s date sits taunting her—a Friday with just two more boxes until the big red X’s start for her heat.
Two more days, she thinks. God, I should have begged Ben not to go.
But that’d be too close to how she really feels; too much like a needy omega desperately seeking her Alpha. She knows he’ll be back sometime on Sunday, but still the thought of cutting it so close….
She’s stressed, needless to say. Stressed and itchy and twitchy—just like last time. Her only saving grace is the pre-heat appointment set for later that morning with Dr. Kanata, where she can hopefully explain again why suppressants are a must. Ben had been a good sport so far, but really, it’s the only way to keep her from getting the wrong idea about things. The only way to prevent her fragile heart from getting more attached than it already has.
The coffee machine wheezes a sound that can only be described as a dying breath, and Rey looks down to see that the whole pot is full of grinds and barely any coffee. With a deep-seated groan, she presses the heels of her palms to her eyes and tries not to cry. But somehow she just knows this is an omen.
Today will not be her day.
—
As it turns out, by ten in the morning, Rey discovers that she had been woefully correct. She’d nearly missed the bus to her doctor’s office and had stepped in gum when boarding. Besides the fact that she has had zero caffeine and is currently sporting a throbbing migraine, she also arrives almost fifteen minutes late to her appointment because of an accident on the road and had to sprint up the hill to the office complex. By the time she stands staring at the receptionist behind the desk, she’s a gasping, sweating, frustrated mess.
A mess that only gets worse when she’s finally taken back to the examination room, stripped down to the paper gown, and poked and prodded for fifteen minutes. Finally, the nurses leave her in blessed silence with a murmur of the doctor will be with you shortly.
By the time Dr. Kanata arrives, Rey is convinced that there is no saving her from her shitty fate of a terrible day. Especially when she brings up suppressants casually, like it’s a non-issue, and Dr. Kanata frowns.
“Rey, is… is everything alright at home? With your Alpha, I mean.” Dr. Kanata’s voice is soft, soothing, but her eyes are sharp as a tack.
“Yes, of course.” Rey tries not to look away, trying for strong and capable and not at all nervous. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Dr. Kanata’s thin lips purse, wrinkles forming around her mouth as she gives Rey a studying once-over. Rey fidgets, the paper of the examination table crinkling loudly at the motion.
“I’ll be frank, it’s abnormal for a mated omega to seek out suppressants. There are ways we can protect you from your Alpha if you feel that you are unsafe to undergo a heat with him.” Dr. Kanata reaches out, a wrinkled hand settling over Rey’s and squeezing lightly. “You can tell me, Rey. We are here to help you.”
“It’s not that, really.” Rey is quick to reassure her. Then, with a sigh, “it’s more the opposite. I’m not really, um, sure that he wants to go through heats with me.”
Dr. Kanata merely blinks a few times in response. Rey fidgets again; more crinkling paper echoing loudly in the quiet of the room. Then, finally, the old woman speaks.
“Have you asked?”
“Excuse me?” Rey asks, confused.
“Have you not simply asked him if he wants to?”
“Well—” Rey starts, then stops. Because… “Well, no actually.”
“Then start there, dear.” Dr. Kanata pats her hand reassuringly. “In the meantime, you seem to be progressing well and should go into heat in a few days.”
“What about, um,” Rey fiddles with the hem of her hospital gown. “Birth control?”
Dr. Kanata’s eyes widen, shock evident in her features.
“Were you looking to use contraceptives for your upcoming heat?”
Now it’s Rey’s turn to appear shocked.
“Yes, of course,” she sputters out. Dr. Kanata’s face morphs into one of sympathy and Rey knows her no-good-terrible day is about to get a million times worse.
“Ms. Niima… Contraceptives require weeks in the system to become effective. We would have had to start you on them earlier for them to become effective. I can send you home with some to start taking ahead of your next heat.”
“Then what about this time?” Rey feels like her ears are full of water, a womp womp womp sound echoing in her skull that she tries to shake off so she can focus on Dr. Kanata’s words.
“You’ve been on suppressants for a long time, Rey.” Dr. Kanata pats her hand again. “I’m not saying it’s impossible, but the chances are low. But if you want to be completely sure, then the only option would be to abstain, which I’m not sure would be my professional recommendation either.”
“Oh,” Rey says dumbly. Then, again, “oh. Okay.”
Dr. Kanata offers her a kind smile and pats her knee, promising to send her home with a contraceptive prescription and a lotion that will help with the swelling of her glands as her heat approaches. Then, she’s gone and Rey—once again—is alone.
I won’t cry, she thinks as she dresses. Her eyes are full of tears but she won’t shed them. She won’t allow herself to feel fucking hopeless. Over and over she repeats it like a mantra in her mind until she picks up her phone and feels her heart squeeze as she sees a notification from Ben.
Ben: Can I see you tonight? Got home early.
Rey smiles a wobbly, watery smile down at her screen, typing out a yes please before clutching the phone to her chest. Only then does she let the tears fall in earnest, finally, finally, knowing things will get better—Ben is home at last.
—
When Ben arrives at her apartment later that evening, Chinese food in hand, Rey bounces up onto her toes and flings her arms around his neck. She hits him with such a force that all the air whooshes from his lungs audibly, but she doesn’t care. He’s here. It’d only been a few days but it’d felt like a lifetime.
“Hi,” she says as she pulls back, feeling shy at the way he looks at her.
“Hi,” he echoes, mouth tugging up in a grin that feels special—just for her. Then, “missed me?”
It feels too vulnerable to say the truth, which is yes, desperately actually. So instead she opts for something safer.
“I missed delivery service on my favorite takeout spot,” she says with a sly grin. Then she nods towards the kitchen and adds, “come on, let’s eat.”
It’s a mostly quiet affair, both of them feasting on the food for at least ten minutes in comfortable silence before either of them says a word. Beef and broccoli and fried rice are heaped onto their plates and scarfed down to nothing while they cast meaningful little glances at each other between bites. Eventually he asks her about work and she asks about his family, but it’s only when they’ve tucked the takeout into the fridge and settled into the couch that they start to talk again in earnest.
“I stepped in gum today,” she starts with a frown, tucking her feet in between the cushions.
“That sucks,” he says simply. But it’s soft and earnest and somehow exactly what she needs. It spurs her on to continue.
“Yeah, it really did suck. Plus, I had my pre-heat appointment.”
She can feel tension radiate off of him suddenly, and she’s about to ask why, but he speaks before she can.
“How did that go?” His voice is gruff, strained. Rey’s brows tug together in confusion. What’s wrong with him?
“Fine, I guess.” She sighs. “Actually, not fine. It was pretty bad, if I’m being honest.”
She feels his concern down the bond like a force, a wave crashing into her that she’s quick to soothe.
“Not like, detrimentally bad. Just, uh, I asked about birth control and she said, um—”
“She said what?” He’s all growl now, graveled and rough with a tight jaw. Testy…
“That it won’t, um, be effective this time around. Which sucks. But I guess it’s good for next time.”
He’s practically shaking, she can see it from her spot on the opposite end of the couch, but she isn’t sure why. All she knows is that one minute he was soft and supportive and the next he’s vibrating with a tension she doesn’t understand.
“Come here,” he says in a hushed whisper. His pupils are wide, eclipsing his irises as he stares at her with an intensity that makes her squirm. When she takes too long, he says it again. “Come here, omega.”
She’s up on her knees in an instant, crawling over to him at a pace that must be too slow because he scoops her up effortlessly and tugs her into his lap. She straddles his hips, her face flushing as her memory reminds her of the last time she’d been in this position with him. Of the feeling of him inside her; of take what you need from me.
“Ben, wha—?” She starts, but cuts off in surprise when he buries his face in her neck. His teeth and tongue nip at the gland there, his thumb rubbing soft circles against the other. It's like her bones turn to mush; her mind turns to goo at the feeling of his mouth on her skin. “Oh, God. Ben—”
“You’re mine, Rey.” The words are growled into the soft skin of her throat, a rumble against tender flesh that tingles where he touches it. “You know that, don’t you?”
She tries to answer, to tell him yes and please but his mouth is like a drug, numbing her mind and making it impossible to think. Instead she grinds her hips down, desperately seeking friction. He lets out a groan, so full of the need that she knows he can feel from her through the bond they share.
“Please,” she begs. Then, again, “please Ben.”
With a curse, he shifts her back down onto the couch, her face pressed into the scratchy fabric and her hips high in the air, and settles behind her.
“Just like this,” he murmurs, his words a promise. Her hands desperately scrape at the band at her waist and tug it down, desperate to be rid of her clothes and full of him. He moans—actually moans—at the sight of her pussy, making her blush hotter. Even her ears feel warm, but she doesn't care. She needs this; needs him. Her fingers reach between her thighs, rubbing soft, exploratory circles against her clit as the sound of his buckle echoes through the room. “Fuck, look at you. So pretty for me and all mine. My omega.”
At the first thrust of him inside of her, her eyes roll back—mouth opening on a long, low moan that rips its way from her throat. His hand slips up her spine, ruching the fabric of her tee in its ascent up, up, up until his hand settles against the back of her neck. His grip is tight, unyielding but non-punishing, a brand—a claim—just like the words that spill from him.
“No one else will ever make you feel like this.” His hips set a pace that makes her see stars. She feels owned by him. “Do you understand me, omega? No one.”
She’s an incoherent mess beneath him, moans and whimpers and little mewls leaving her in a rush. God she loves this; loves him—
“Pleasepleaseplease,” she chants, heart pounding and breaths coming in gasps. Ben shudders behind her, fingers flexing against the back of her neck as he takes and takes from her. But she was made to give him this. “Please, Alpha.”
“Say it, omega.” He’s closer now, his chest to her back as he ruts into her at a pace that feels impossible but so good. “Say you’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” she whimpers out. She’s almost there, so close that she wants to scream.
“Who does this cunt belong to?” He reaches around, slips his fingers against her clit and presses in a way that leaves no question in her mind.
“God, you. You, Ben. Please, I need—”
“Go on,” he says, voice full of triumph, a victor receiving his spoils. “Come for me baby. Let me feel you, omega.”
His fingers circle her clit once, twice, and his mouth finds her neck—his teeth find her shoulder and bite and it’s all she needs. She flies over the edge with a wail, bearing down on him as she comes.
“Fuck, so perfect.” Ben’s voice is all gravel, all pleasure as his knot starts to swell inside her. “My perfect, perfect girl.”
When he comes, it’s with a groan she feels all the way down to her bones. His knot swells inside of her and she feels complete. Like she’s exactly where she belongs; like she was made for him and him for her. She feels the slight sting of emotion behind her eyes but she knows she won’t cry; knows that it’s just the ebb and flow of the real, raw thing between them. He comes for what feels like minutes and when it’s finally through, she knows she’ll never feel for anyone the way she feels for him.
—
After, once his knot has deflated and he’s helped clean the mess from between her thighs with a damp cloth, he seems to avoid her gaze. At first, she thinks he’s upset with her for what they just did, but then he finally speaks and nearly stuns her into silence.
“I’m sorry if that was too much. It wasn’t—I shouldn’t have—” He cuts off with a curse as he settles back into the couch and looks at her, clearly distraught. “I went too far. I know… I know you’re not really mine. And—fuck, if you’re planning to ask another Alpha to see you through your heat, I won’t stop you.”
“What?” She cries out, almost shouting in her surprise. He seems just as surprised as she feels.
“You haven’t brought it up to me. But then you mentioned birth control and I—” He breaks off, running a hand through his hair, fingers tugging at the strands, and lets out a frustrated sound. “I know you plan to have someone see you through it, even if it’s clearly not me.”
“Ben,” Rey starts, reaching over and placing her hand over his strong thigh. He isn’t looking at her anymore but she needs him to. “Ben.” His eyes finally lift to hers and she looks at him in bewilderment. “It was always going to be you… you know that, right?”
“What?” He asks, echoing her earlier confusion with his own. She shakes her head lightly at him, flushing slightly.
“You’re my Alpha.” Her flush only deepens as a pleased sound rumbles through him, but she presses on. “I would never ask someone who isn’t you to see me through my heat. Unless… Do you not want to be here?”
Ben’s hand grips hers, sudden and warm, as he turns to face her.
“No, of course I want to be here.”
Rey lets out a sigh of relief, offering him a wobbly little smile.
“Okay, good. Because I want you here.” Then, because she’s feeling brave. “I always want you here.”
He rumbles out another pleased sound, this time offering her a smile that feels like the sun—teeth on display and mega-watt bright. It takes everything in her not to swoon at the sight; to keep from throwing her arms around him and pressing her mouth to his. But it’s something they haven’t done, not since her heat, and she doesn’t want to push her luck.
So instead she offers him a smile of her own and settles back into the couch for more television, settling into his side and the comfort of their routine with a seamless ease that no longer surprises her.
—
He barely leaves her side at all that weekend. By Monday night, she can count on one hand the number of times he’s left her side, and most of them were so that they could use the bathroom in peace.
Normally, she’d love it—would relish in his presence and the fact that, for once, she wasn’t alone—but everything about her feels… off. Her skin feels too tight, like jeans from three years ago, impossible to zip.
But unlike jeans, she can’t shed her skin. She’s just stuck in it, and the uncomfortable feeling that goes along with it. She feels fidgety—testy and on edge at the feeling of her shirt against her skin, let alone the constant, overbearing presence of her Alpha.
“M fine,” she grumbles for the fourth time when Ben asks again if she’s okay. He watches her from the other half of her too-small queen that he eclipses, making it difficult to settle in next to him for bed. But she’s the one who’d asked him to lay beside her in the bundle of blankets and pillows she’d made earlier in the day.
Everything is all wrong, Rey thinks miserably. Her eyes sting with the rush of tears that suddenly threaten to overtake her. Why am I like this?
But she knows why, even if everything about her feels irrational.
“Hey,” Ben murmurs, feeling her distress. Then, when she merely sniffles and the tears start to fall, he repeats himself with more conviction. “Hey. Look at me, ba—Rey. Come on… There we go.” His eyes are fathomless in the dark of her bedroom, but somehow still intense. “What do you need?”
“I don’t—” She sniffles again, the tears coming faster. “I don’t know.”
She curls in on herself, hating the feel of her clothes against her skin and the sheets against her cheek. She hates that nothing feels right. She just wants, she needs—
His hands work at her clothes, stripping her gently with soft soothing sounds as he tosses first her shirt, then her shorts and underwear somewhere in the darkness of her room. She nearly wails at the feeling of the sheets, but then he’s up—stripping out of his own clothes and sinking back into the mattress with a soft, soothing shh, everything’s okay. He drags her over him, and finally—finally—there’s nothing touching her but him. Nothing but his warmth and the sound of his heart beating strong and sure beneath her ear.
The tears start to dry, her hiccuping sobs slowing to a soft sigh. She stretches her body along his, pointing her toes as she arches up and then melts into his body fully.
“How did you know?” She asks after a long beat of silence, realizing belatedly that it probably isn’t very helpful, but somehow he knows what she means.
“I don’t know. I didn’t, I guess. I sort of just… let my instincts take control.” His fingers brush through her hair, the soft tug making her scalp tingle pleasantly. “I just knew you needed me.”
She doesn’t speak, suddenly drowsy now that the discomfort has faded. She closes her eyes and buries her face in his chest; lets herself count his breaths one…. two…. three… four…
Sleep finally takes her with a soft, stuttered breath of thank you.
—
When she wakes, everything feels off again—hot. She’s hot; achy, too. Wet and throbbing between her legs. She whimpers, squirming and wriggling for some relief, but strong arms wrap around her, a large thigh parts hers and she feels a hardness prodding at—
“Ahh,” she sighs in a rush. The sudden shift from empty to full exactly what she’d needed.
“Not yet, baby.” It’s sighed into her hair, words groggy and filled with sleep. “Just rest a bit longer, it’s almost time. Just sit like this for a bit, omega.”
Rey tries to squirm, but a hand at her hip holds her in place, keeping their hips flush. She finds that, somehow, it’s enough though. Eventually sleep reclaims her, soft and slow, then all at once.
—
Hotter now, need more. Need—
“Yess,” she hisses, her body lodged between the mattress and the hard, warm weight at her back. She arches up, hips high and cunt dripping as she tries to get closer to him. “Please, Alpha, I— Yes.”
“Fuck, omega. You feel…” His voice is a harsh rasp of sound against her neck, his lips trailing over skin as he sinks himself inside her and groans. “Fucking perfect.”
It’s hazy in her mind, hard to tell where and who she is. All she knows is the scent of sandalwood and safety and the stretch of her cunt around her Alpha’s cock—the empty, full, empty, full of taking him over and over as he fucks her into the bed. The slick sounds of sex and bodies meeting roughly fills her ears and it’s everything.
She’s not sure how many times she comes before his knot swells inside of her. Only knows that when his release finds him, locking him inside the sticky mess of her cunt, he rolls them over. Her back is to his chest and her legs are spread wide over his, her head lolling back against his shoulder. His fingers find her clit and rub circles in a way that makes her writhe against him.
“Stop,” he demands. Then, when she goes limp against him, he coos soft praises in her ear. “There you go, good girl. Take what I give you, omega. You’re so good for me.”
She feels slick and soft atop him, boneless and wrung out but somehow her cunt responds—fluttering around his cock and making him groan into the skin of her neck. His mouth finds the gland at her neck and sucks and stars explode behind her eyes as she comes.
It feels like minutes; it feels like hours before she comes down. All she knows is that when she finally comes back to her body she can hear murmured words of I’ve got you and I love you too, omega. Praises that feel like vows, all spoken tenderly into the place where her neck meets her shoulder.
All the while, the bond between them hums—a reminder that they are one, right where they’re supposed to be.
—
And then, later, when her heat takes her once more, they do it again.
—
And again soon after that.
—
Rey loses herself in the peaks and valleys of her heat—time passing around her, not with her. All she knows is the way her Alpha takes her, sometimes with a brutal, desperate force that leaves her crying out for moremoremore. Other times it’s slower, tender and unhurried as he carves a space for himself in her body and tells her how perfect and wonderful she is.
Those are the times that she doesn’t beg or wail; those are the times where she feels hot tears slide down her face, her cries of please and I love you met with I love you too and come for me, omega.
Those times are her favorite.
—
She starts to regain time around the moment his knot swells inside her one final time—his mouth pressed to hers like it’s his lifeline. She lets her arms twine around his neck and arches her hips up, meeting the force of his thrusts with the soft yield of her body. Listens to the way he moans and feels triumphant—a winner through and through.
“Fuck, omega. Just like that.” She can feel the pulse of him inside her; can feel the desperate grip of her walls as she takes him. “Perfect, perfect girl.”
She could let him ride it out; could let him nurse the final moments of her heat in the silence of their entwined bodies. Instead she buries her face in his neck, letting the scent of him and her and them overtake her. There’s only the feeling of his body above her, the scent of sex around them, and the thrum of the bond breathing like a satisfied sigh between them.
“I love you,” she whispers into his neck. Wonders if he heard her when he doesn’t respond, but then his chin nudges her face up until he can mold his mouth to hers. An all consuming promise in the slant of his lips over her own. Still, when he pulls back, his eyes are tender and heavy lidded and she knows he’ll say it anyway.
“I love you, Rey.” Another kiss, softer this time. Then, again, “I love you.”
Then he rolls them onto their sides—the bond like a drugging lull of contentment between them, carrying them off to sleep.
As usual, she dreams of him.