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Felix sighs as he looks at the clock, deciding to close Tiktok after hours of boring doomscrolling. He’s on Chan’s bed, the man having been working on his laptop for over 3 hours now, probably far longer, even before Felix arrived, as the boy arrived only to find him working.
He came here to hang out with Chan, as they haven’t hung out one-on-one in a while outside of group activities— But, here he was, sitting on the man’s bed, bored as hell and doing anything but hanging out with Chan like he originally intended. Unless you consider this sick, weird form of parallel-play hanging out.
“Hyunggg~” Felix whines, moving to stand up, “Are you done now?”
“Almost,” Chan doesn’t look up from his laptop, clicking away at his mouse and keyboard, “Are you bored? You can leave if you want. You don’t have to wait for me.”
“I didn’t come here just to doomscroll Tiktok and leave, hyung,” Felix wraps his arms around Chan’s neck from behind, who jumps a little, startled, “I came here to hang out, but—”
“If you think work is more important,” Felix pouts, even though Chan can’t see him from this angle, “Then I suppose I could leave…”
“No, wait— Lixie,” Chan spins around in his chair, facing Felix, who continues to pout at the older man, “I’m sorry, y’know I can easily get caught up when I’m in the middle of working.”
“Do I finally have your full attention?” Felix smirks, sitting down on Chan’s lap, arms still wrapped around the leader’s neck, “Or are you gonna go back to that laptop of yours?”
“Yes,” Chan chuckles, hand wrapped around Felix’s waist, “You have it more often than you think, baby.”
Baby.
That nickname, at least, coming from Chan, always does something to Felix. Fills his head with cotton, making him feel like he’s floating on a big, puffy cloud, barely any thoughts managing to form. Right now is no different, as all the fight immediately leaves Felix’s body, and he doesn’t even register the flirty tone of Chan’s comment because of it.
He doesn’t understand why. It’s been this way since debut, since Felix and Chan met. This is all Felix knows, at least, when it comes to Chan.
“Was there something specific you wanted to do?” Chan asks, oblivious to Felix’s current state, reaching up to gently pet the boy’s hair, only filling his head with even more cotton. Felix stares at him, brainless, smirk wiped off his face. “Or do you just wanna rest here in my arms?”
Felix thinks. Or, tries to. The feeling invades his thoughts—He really likes it when his brain is turned off, actually. He offhandedly wishes Chan would do the thinking for him right now, deciding what’s best for the situation. He wishes he could just lay back, let Chan do all this hard work for him, while Felix sits back and simply follows his whims, doing whatever the other asks of him—
“Baby?” Chan tilts his head, all puppy-like, his hand stopping where it was petting Felix’s hair, “You okay?”
“Eh? Oh, um—” Felix coughs, trying his best to reply back through the haze in his head, “I don’t… Mind either way?”
“You didn’t answer my question, honey,” Chan chuckles, soft, hand shifting to cup Felix’s cheek, “I asked if you were okay.”
“I’m okay,” Felix nods lightly, feeling pliant like putty in Chan’s hands. Felix thinks he must have some magical ability to make Felix become a thinkless zombie—Because, now that he tries to think about it, this isn’t the first time this happened. This floaty, hazy headspace he drops to whenever Chan dotes on him. It’s so easy with him, happening without him even realizing it. “I just zoned out. I think?”
“You seem tired, baby,” That nickname again. Felix feels his face heat up a little, and hopes Chan doesn’t notice. “Did I keep you waiting so long you got sleepy?”
“Yes.” Felix answers immediately, thoughtlessly. He feels… Needy. He can’t explain it. He just wants Chan to dote on him, to feel so bad for keeping him waiting that he takes care of him. Whatever that means, in this context. “You did.”
“Sheesh, okay—” Chan chuckles again, pulling Felix closer, letting him rest his head on Chan’s chest, the leader’s hand once again petting his head, “I’m sorry. You can take a nap in my arms though, yeah? You really do seem tired.”
“But…” Felix argues, though it’s quiet and muffled by Chan’s hoodie. It’s comfy. Felix really, really does kinda feel tired. Or, well, he kind of doesn’t wanna do anything. He just wants to be in Chan’s presence, bask in it, and sleeping will mean time with Chan goes by faster, and he doesn’t want that. He just wants to be taken care of. “I’m not sleepy, actually. I just… Wanna be here? Is that okay?”
“Of course, honey,” Chan coos, giving Felix a quick kiss to the head. He’s always extra affectionate when Felix is needy like this, and Felix kind of wishes he was always, regardless of neediness. He likes Chan’s touch, his easy affection, his care. Felix really loves his care.
As he sits in Chan’s lap, Chan’s hand petting and scratching his scalp, he remembers the time the leader had to wash his hair for a SKZCode episode. Chan was so, so gentle, leading Felix into that floaty headspace easily, the boy like putty in his hands. Before the episode, Chan had offhandedly mentioned that Felix should call him daddy. As a joke. A giggle. A gag, one only meant for their English speaking viewers to understand the double-meaning of. Chan was, in the eyes of the fans, sort of his dad—Him often being referred to as a “father of 7 kids”, Felix being one of those 7 kids—but daddy doesn’t just mean dad to an English speaker. It’s a common kink, to be called daddy by a partner, and both of them were well aware of their audience’s tastes. Felix, a younger, more fragile, smaller looking man, calling Chan, someone who’s the opposite—Older, stronger, bigger—daddy would be a huge hit.
What their fans didn’t know, was that they weren’t meant to act on it. It was a joke. An offhanded comment not meant to be taken seriously. Felix’s brain had, once again, filled with cotton, as Chan ran his hands through his hair, the warm water mixed with Chan’s magic fingers making Felix zone out. Chan, nonchalantly, jokingly, asked if Felix liked it. Felix said yes. Chan repeated the question. “Yes, daddy,” was Felix’s answer.
Chan chuckled it off, his shoulders tensing. Felix was too zoned out to realize it, having said it again later on in the episode. Chan brushed it off.
“You called me daddy,” Chan said after filming was done, flat. A factual statement. Felix’s head had cleared by then, embarrassment filling him with the memory, “Like, multiple times.”
“Yeah, uh—” Felix’s shoulders tensed, his ears reddening. Embarrassing. “Sorry about that. I thought it’d be funny.”
“No, it’s fine,” Chan giggled, fidgeting with his earlobe. “I, uh… I mean, I didn’t hate it—”
“You what—”
“Hey guys!” Jisung randomly pops up, completely out of nowhere, and Felix mentally thanks him for his interruption, “Um, manager-hyung just wanted me to remind you guys that we’re going out to eat like… Right now? So—”
Chan looks at Felix for a second, expression unreadable, before nodding to Jisung and going along with him, casually telling Felix to get ready before they leave. Leaving Felix alone with that revelation, the fact that Felix called Chan daddy, and Chan didn’t even hate it. In fact, Felix would wager that he kind of liked it, with how Chan got flustered and embarrassed about it.
Which brings them to now. The memory making Felix want to… Experiment. Just a little.
“Daddy,” Felix whispers, burying his face deeper into Chan’s shoulder, shy. He doesn’t expect a response. He doesn’t even know why he said it outloud, blush up to his ears with embarrassment.
“Yeah?” Chan, for whatever reason, responds. As if this is normal. As if Felix didn’t just call him that, he just continues to play with his hair, casual. And, what the hell—If Chan finds this normal, why wouldn’t it be? “Is something up, baby?”
“Are you gonna be done soon?” Felix is surprised by how fast he comes up with a question on the fly.
“Yeah,” Chan gives him a kiss on his head, lightly giggling, “You haven’t fallen asleep yet? You were so quiet, I thought you were.”
“I don’t wanna sleep… I really do wanna hang out with you.”
“We can cuddle, yeah?” Felix can hear Chan clicking around on his computer, before he hears the laptop lid shut, “Would you like that?”
“Yes,” Felix looks up from Chan’s chest, who’s fondly looking down at him, “please.”
Chan responds by lifting Felix up, who wraps his legs around Chan’s middle for stability, with Chan resting his hand on the back of Felix’s thighs. Felix yelps as he’s lifted up, face flushing at the touch at his thighs. The touch isn’t sexual, but even platonic touches rile Felix up when they’re from Chan. Chan gently lays Felix down on the bed, Felix’s heart skipping a beat as Chan stares at him from above.
“Tiny baby,” Chan coos, laying down next to Felix and nuzzling into his shoulder, “So cute.”
“You’re calling me that a lot today,” Felix says, smiling, wrapping his arms around Chan’s shoulders, “You’re like, obsessed with me, huh?”
“You clearly like it,” Chan giggles, kissing the crown of Felix’s head again, multiple times—Each small, affectionate peck causing the cloud Felix is laying on to float higher. “You’re clearly flustered, baby. You can’t hide from me.”
“I wouldn’t hide from you,” Felix admits, voice small, barely audible, “I was jus’... Fishing for compliments…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing,” Felix says, head starting to clear up, embarrassment settling in, “It’s fine.”
“Lixie?” Chan lifts his head up, hands cupping his cheeks, looking at him with a serious expression, “Is something wrong?”
“No, I’m okay,” Felix gives a smile, giving Chan a kiss on the jaw to shut him up. It’s fine. This happens in their friendship. Chan loves physical touch, including kissing. Friends can kiss, it’s fine. “Uh— Sorry for calling you… That, by the way.”
“What, daddy?” Chan chuckles, “We never did end up talking about that, huh?”
“We didn’t…”
“Lixie, I don’t mind you calling me anything.” Chan stares down at him, fond, but still serious. “Yes, that includes daddy. I really don’t mind it. I find it cute.”
“Cute?” Felix snorts, grabbing Chan’s wrists, just to touch him. “I… Honestly don’t know why I called you that, though. It just kinda slipped out.”
“Doesn’t matter. It made you feel good, yeah?” Chan smiles, “You don’t need a reason.”
“I guess you’re right…” Felix sighs, his grip on Chan’s wrist tightening, “It’s just embarrassing.”
“You don’t have to be embarrassed with me,” Chan pecks his forehead, before pushing him to lay his head back onto the leader’s chest, “Don’t worry your pretty li’l head over it, yeah? As long as we’re both okay with it, who cares?”
Maybe Chan really is right.
They’ve always been weird. Like—Chan did call him his soulmate, once. His other half. Told Felix to always find him. That he’s never gonna leave him behind. So maybe they’ve never even been normal, always been in a weird state of limbo, more than friends but less than lovers, soulmates but not eternal partners. Matching jewelry, symbolic of their connection, but no ring and no marriage certificate. Not that Felix would want to get married, though a small part of his heart does. Felix doesn’t mind them being friends, but a part of his heart does. Part of his heart yearns, longs for more, but his brain always reminds him that it’s not in the cards. They’re idols, for one, people who aren’t allowed to date, let alone date another member. And… It’s cliche, but Felix doesn’t wanna ruin what they currently have. Confessing, putting a name to his feelings, it could ruin everything.
He ruined it all once, and it took far too long for it to recover. He’s not letting that happen again.
For now, he’ll just sleep in his soulmate, his other-half, his best friend’s arms.
“Hi everyone,” Felix said, voice gremlin-like, waving towards the phone currently recording him and Hyunjin, “How’s everyone doin’?”
“Hiii~” Hyunjin mimics, though his voice isn’t as silly as Felix’s, “I’m with Feeeelix~”
Felix enjoys doing lives with Hyunjin. They haven’t done one in a while, as their fans tend to get particularly rabid about their interactions, but Felix missed hanging out with him on live regardless.
The live is peaceful, insane chat aside—Felix swears, if he sees one more weirdly invasive and speculative comment he’s going to lose it—And they’re about to wrap up until the door opens and Chan steps in. Felix smiles at him, waving to him, while Hyunjin stays focused on STAY, rambling to them about something that Felix isn’t present enough to understand, too focused on Chan, who’s clearly fresh out of the gym.
“Oh, Channie-hyung,” Hyunjin’s eyes widen, having just noticed Chan, “would you like to say hi?”
“Sure,” Chan nods, though Felix can spot the mischief in his voice and immediately feels a wave of anxiety hit him.
Chan walks up to them, standing behind Felix as Hyunjin continues to ramble. Felix tries to ignore his presence, focusing as hard as he can on whatever the hell Hyunjin’s babbling about, when Chan leans in—His nose nuzzling the top of Felix’s head, and Felix swears he can feel him lightly inhale the scent of his shampoo. He leans back, though it only lasts for a second as he returns, giving Felix a quick kiss on the head, resting his hands on the younger’s shoulders.
“Felix?” Hyunjin calls, raising an eyebrow at the blond, who looks akin to a deer caught in the headlights.
“Focus, baby,” Chan whispers, only audible to Felix, squeezing his shoulders, lips still on the other’s hair, “Answer him, c’mon.”
“H-huh?” Felix doesn’t know whether he’s answering Hyunjin or Chan. “S-sorry, what was that?”
“I was telling STAY about our matching rings,” Hyunjin says, and Felix feels Chan’s grip on his shoulders tighten, almost to the point it’s painful, “They wanna see the one you have!”
“O-oh. Yeah, sure.” Felix answers, lifting his hand to showcase the ring on his finger. It reminds him of a newly proposed-to bride showing off her engagement ring, and the thought makes him a bit queasy. He loves Hyunjin to the Earth and back, but he can’t imagine himself tied to him forever with a ring and a certificate binding them. Chan, however, he can, and has multiple times, unfortunately—
Hyunjin comments on how cute it is, and Felix zones out after that. Chan is still holding his shoulders with an iron grip, lips stuck to his head like glue, and that’s all his body and mind can really focus on. God, he wishes Hyunjin wasn’t a huge yapper and would just end the live already so Felix can come back to Earth—That is, if Chan even lets him. He seems to only be able to snap out of it with the leader’s help anyway. He feels floaty again, and hopes him and Chan being so close won’t spawn suspicion or rumors, but that’s a thought mainly left to the back of his mind, and he’s more focused on how Chan’s hand basically covers the entirety of his shoulders.
Hyunjin, thankfully, after God-knows how long, ends the live. He looks up and down at Chan and Felix, gaze judgemental, crossing his arms. He doesn’t say anything, just stares—
“Lixie,” Chan speaks up, and Hyunjin’s gaze moves to him, but Chan doesn’t acknowledge it, “Maybe I should buy us matching rings too, yeah?”
“Oh really now?” Hyunjin scoffs, though it’s not out of disdain, he sounds like he’s teasing Chan instead, “You just stood there sniffing Lix’s hair for like—What, 5 minutes?—and only now you’re thinking of putting a ring on him? Really?”
“He-he wasn’t—”
“It’s not like that,” Chan corrects, and Felix feels his heart crack a little. “I just think it’s unfair that you two get to have matching rings and we don’t.”
“Hyung,” Hyunjin sighs, hand reaching up to massage his forehead, “You can’t possibly be serious.”
Chan lifts his head from Felix’s hair, and Felix wishes he could see his expression because suddenly Hyunjin’s eyes are widened.
“Okay, jeez,” Hyunjin sighs for the second time, “You don’t have to look so jealous.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“You’re looking at me like I stole something precious from you, Chan-hyung.”
“You did,” Chan lets go of Felix’s shoulders, only to Manhandle him—grabbing him from under his arms—so the blond is standing next to him, causing Felix to gasp, but he goes along with Chan’s grip because it’s not like he can escape, the reminder leaving his head fuzzy, “You stole his attention from me, didn’t you?”
“Well, the company asked me to, first of all,” Hyunjin also moves to stand up, clicking his tongue, “Second of all, maybe you should figure out what the hell is going on between you two before you say stuff like that.”
“What are you—”
“Figure it out,” Hyunjin brushes them off, shushing them away with his hand as he moves to leave, “Good luck~”
The silence that rings after Hyunjin shuts the door is louder than a scream, and Felix clings tighter to Chan to muffle it. Chan’s presence is safe. It’s calming, even through storms and disasters. “Wh… What’s up with him?”
“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Chan gives him a kiss to his head for the umpteenth time today, “I wasn’t here for him, anyway. I’m here for you.”
“Did you need something?”
“No, not really.” Chan giggles, “Just wanted to hang out, really. Didn’t realize you guys were live.”
Just wanted to hang out is something Chan’s been saying a lot lately, more than he used to. Ever since Felix accidentally called him that while they were cuddling, he’s been extra affectionate and attentive, always making up excuses to hang out with Felix privately outside of schedules, and it somehow always ends up with Felix in his bed. Not doing anything but cuddling, mind you, but still— He hasn’t been like this since debut. And, at least back during debut, Felix wouldn’t immediately slip into some hazy headspace just because Chan acknowledged his existence.
If Felix let himself hope for a second, he’d say Chan was treating him as if they were a couple, kisses and affection included.
“Only with me?” Felix asks, looking up at Chan, who gives him a gentle smile back, “Not with Jinnie as well?”
“Only with you, baby.”
“Okay,” Felix nods, smiling up at Chan, “Let’s hang out, then.”
Felix doesn’t remember how he ended up here.
His vision is blurry, but he recognizes Chan’s room even through the haziness. He also recognizes the sound of Chan’s breathing, as creepy as that sounds, and he recognizes a strong muscular back right in front of him. Is it Chan, he wonders? Probably. Definitely, actually. There’s no one else he cuddles with these days other than Chan.
He’s naked, he realizes, not wearing anything but his underwear, which should make him panic, but he’s still far too asleep for the anxiety to truly set in. He decides that, instead of freaking out, he should instead cuddle further into Chan to calm down— his safe space. His beloved. His other-half.
And so he does, until he also realizes he has a small, insignificant problem—
He’s hard. Rock solid, actually, he notices as his clothed hardness brushes against Chan’s thigh.
Right now would be a perfect time to panic. To freak out. To jump off the bed and run to the bathroom before Chan wakes up and gets grossed out. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened—They do cuddle often, after all, but that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Felix really should fucking move away, back off, do something—But his body isn’t quite connected to his brain, and decides it’d be perfect to instead move closer, until both his and Chan’s bodies are flush—
“Lixie…?” Chan yawns, turning his head around to look at Felix, “Baby, you’re—”
“S-sorry, could I—” Felix’s voice is hoarse with sleep, and he experimentally rolls his hips, gasping at the friction. He’s not supposed to do that. He should be moving away—
“Oh, honey,” Chan coos, turning his body around so he’s facing Felix, “You’re so pent up, huh?”
What in the actual hell is going on.
Felix’s dick twitches in his briefs, and he frantically nods at Chan. This… Is different. Chan does talk to him like that, but not in this context. He never talks like that while Felix is hard after cuddling all night, but Felix finds that he really doesn’t particularly mind it…
What the hell, why not. He’s gonna go along with this. He was never the best at making decisions anyway.
“C’mon, it’s okay,” Chan whispers, his hands on Felix’s hips, lifting his thigh up so it’s between the blond’s legs, “Make yourself feel good, baby.”
Felix does exactly that, grinding his cock against Chan’s thigh, who simply just sits there and takes it. Like this is an average morning, like this is normal. Like this is something they do everyday, like it’s something friends do. Chan guides Felix’s body by the hands on his hips, helping him quicken his pace, and Felix lets out a moan at the feeling. It feels so good. He hasn’t been with someone like this in a while, comebacks and tours making a hookup basically impossible, let alone one that allows him to do this.
“That’s it, honey,” Chan murmurs, voice soft, thumb rubbing circles against Felix’s skin, “Use me, I’m all yours.”
Use me.
“Ch-Channie—” Felix groans, and fuck. He’s close already. This is embarrassing. “I-I—”
“Felix,” Chan calls out, one of his hands moving from Felix’s hip to his shoulder, though his other hand continues to guide his pace, “Felix.”
Felix feels incredible. He didn’t realize dryhumping his morning wood on someone could feel this good, but then again, this isn’t the only time Chan’s made him discover something of a sexual nature. He won’t lie—Chan was his bisexual awakening, as well as his first male crush, so Felix isn’t exactly surprised by the fact he’s discovering a new kink via Chan as well.
He does wonder why Chan keeps shaking him, though—
“Felix, honey,” Chan shakes his shoulder harder, and Felix blinks, opening his eyes to find his surroundings similar yet different. He’s clothed, fully, but Chan is still shirtless and he’s still in his room. His vision is clearer, but his dick is still painfully hard. “Wake up, c’mon—”
He was dreaming. It was just a dream. Shit.
“Oh-oh my God—” Now is actually an appropriate time to panic, he thinks, as he frantically jumps away from Chan, “Ch-Channie-hyung I’m so sorry, oh my God—”
“No no, it’s okay,” Chan coos, like he’s trying to calm a small prey animal down, “Are you okay—”
“H-how much did I say outloud?” Felix gulps, his bottom lip trembling, “Please, tell me—”
“Felix,” Chan commands, voice still soft, but has a stern edge to it. “Come on. Come here, honey.”
Felix obeys, moving back in, and he hates the way his dick twitches as he does. His bottom lip continues to tremble, even as Chan runs his thumb across it. His heart is threatening to beat out of his chest, but it calms just slightly as Chan runs his other gently hand up and down Felix’s side. He actually can’t believe he just answered Chan’s command like that, like some kind of dog.
“I… I didn’t hear much, other than you groaning,” Thank fuck, “I— Um, can I be honest?”
“... Yes?”
“I… Didn’t want you to stop? But you were asleep, and, well—” Chan chuckles nervously, his ears going red, and Felix suppresses the urge to coo, “It’s not right for you to be asleep during something like that, so…”
“W-wait, you didn’t want me to stop?” Felix’s eyes zoom up to meet Chan’s, who nods slowly.
“You felt good, right?” Chan runs his thumb along Felix’s bottom lip again, and Felix feels his heartbeat stutter, “That’s all that matters to me.”
Fuck, Chan is horrible for his heart. And his mental health.
And, well— Felix wants to forget, just for a moment, that they’re just friends.
“Can… Can I—”
“Of course, baby,” Chan interrupts Felix before he can even finish his sentence, and sneaks his hands under Felix’s shirt, icy fingers resting on the boy’s waist. His hands are cold, but Felix’s skin is hotter than a boiling kettle, so it ends up being warm and comfortable. “You’ve been hard for a while, it must be painful, yeah?”
“God, yeah,” Felix gasps, moving closer into Chan’s space. “It… It really is…”
Felix feels himself slip into that headspace again, the one he always drifts to around Chan, his hands wandering along Chan’s bare torso. Chan lets it happen, lets Felix’s hands run along his arms, his abs, his back— Not a single muscle left untouched, Felix trying to commit every muscle, bumpy vein, visible tendon to memory. It’s not often he gets to touch Chan—even jokingly, as he always immediately gets hard—so he wants to savour it while he can. He can feel Chan quietly giggle, skin probably sensitive from all the touching, and then moves his hand up and down Felix’s body— Hip to waist, stomach to chest, also probably committing his body to memory.
“Little one, are you just gonna sit there and grope me, or—” Felix doesn’t have to look up to know that Chan is smirking, “—Do you maybe need help?”
“Yes, please—” Felix’s nails dig into the skin of Chan’s back, causing him to hiss, “Please.”
“Okay,” Chan rests his head on Felix’s shoulder, lips dangerously close to Felix’s ears, “Let me help you, honey.”
Chan’s hands hover above the waistband of Felix’s shorts, before gently pulling them down, leaving Felix in only his underwear. Felix’s breathing quickens as Chan’s hands explore, fingertips tickling Felix’s smooth thighs, before resting on the blond’s waist again. Chan pulls him closer, their bodies almost flush, leaving quick pecks on Felix’s neck.
“Doing okay, baby?” Chan asks, voice warm, sweet. It makes Felix’s heart melt, yet it also cracks it further, “You can tell me to stop at any time, yeah?”
“Chr-Chris…” Felix whines, “Can I… Can I call you…”
“Would that make my baby feel good?”
“... Yes…”
“Then my baby can call me whatever he wants.” Chan reaches up with one of his hands, gently brushing along Felix’s blond locks. Felix swears, his hands have some kind of magic in them with how soothing they are against his scalp, “Just say the word and I’ll do it, okay?”
“T-touch me, please,” Felix says through heavy breaths, burying his face in the strong muscles of Chan’s shoulders, “Please, daddy.”
Chan answers by pulling Felix’s underwear down—Felix not even having to move, as Chan lifts his hips up for him with one hand, enough to pull the garment down to Felix’s thighs—the cold air hitting his red and swollen member causing Felix to shiver. Chan shushes him, a quick kiss to his neck, sweet reassurances whispered into his ear, as his hand slowly moves down to Felix’s neglected dick.
Chan wraps his hand around the shaft, and Felix has to hold back the urge to instantly cum.
“Wait—” Chan says, letting go of Felix’s cock, before Felix watches him spit on his palm and move back to his dick, transfixed by the sight. Chan’s hand is big, engulfing the entirety of Felix’s shaft despite the fact Felix isn’t necessarily small by any means. Felix’s breath hitches as Chan strokes him, pace slow and steady, his thumb toying with Felix’s tip. He’s glad he isn’t clear-minded enough to hate how much he was already leaking, when all he did was sleepily hump the guy. Chan has barely even touched him.
“D-daddy— I’m—” Felix moans out, trying to tell Chan he’s close but failing spectacularly. Felix can feel Chan smirk where he’s laying on his shoulder, stopping his hand entirely.
“Already?” He clicks his tongue, sounding almost… Disappointed. “Little one, I know you can do better than that, even with just morning wood.”
“It’s—It’s you,” Felix lightly pushes Chan off him to face him properly, hoping he doesn’t look too fucked out already, “You just feel so good… I can’t help it…”
“Maybe, but you can be good, right? Can hold back just a little longer, for me?”
“Yes.” Felix replies, instant. He doesn’t even have to think about it, really. He wants to be good for Chan. Wants to make him happy, make him proud.
“That’s my perfect boy,” Chan coos, leaning up to kiss Felix’s forehead, “So pretty, so obedient for me—”
Felix can’t help but whine as Chan moves his hand to stroke his cock again, the praise and affection going from his ears and travelling southward, making it even harder for him to restrain himself. But he promised, and he’s not one to back down from a promise, so he manages—Even as Chan speeds up to a brutal pace.
Chan’s hand feels so good around him, and Felix thinks about using superglue instead of spit next time so Chan can never let go, permanently attached to his dick. With the hazy, floaty headspace he’s in, he completely forgets that him and Chan aren’t a thing, the thought the last thing on his mind as Chan smears his own fingers with Felix’s precum, using it to ease the slide along his shaft.
“Daddy, I— I can’t—” Felix gasps, gripping the sheets beneath him so tightly that his knuckles turn white, the coil in his stomach wound so tight it’s almost about to break. “P-please—”
“You can hold on a little more, right? I know you can,” Chan gives him a kiss to his sweaty forehead, tongue lolling out to taste the salty beads, pausing his strokes. Felix feels like he’s about to pass out. “Just breathe, okay? In, out— Yeah, just like that. It’s all good. You’re being so good for me.”
If this is how Chan acts during what is essentially just bros helping out other bros—If you count helping as getting each other off, that is—Felix is absolutely terrified to find out what he’s like during actual sex, if he ever gets to experience that. He feels a pang of jealousy surge through him as he wonders just how many people Chan has done this exact thing with.
“Are-are you—” Felix reaches a hesitant hand for Chan’s prominent bulge, wanting to do his part of bros helping out bros, but Chan swats his hand away and clicks his tongue—
“No touching. I didn’t tell you to do that, now did I?”
“B-but I just wanted to help you…”
“Oh, how sweet,” Chan chuckles, continuing with his strokes, and Felix’s breath hitches. Fuck. It feels Chan’s been keeping him on edge for hours, though it’s barely been a few minutes. “Don’t worry about me, little one. It’s all about you right now, okay?”
“O-okay…” Felix sharply inhales as Chan moves back to his neck, featherlight kisses on Felix’s heated skin, nothing more than faint brushes of lips, but it drives Felix wild. He feels like he’s going to explode, the sensation mixed with Chan not allowing him to cum, of letting go any and all control to Chan. He always did want to be taken care of by him, let go of all thoughts, worries, brain blissfully empty as Chan does all the hard work for him.
“Okay, okay, I can tell you’re way past your limits—” Chan chuckles, giving Felix one last kiss to his neck before moving away to face him, “C’mon, baby boy. Let go for me.”
Felix’s orgasm hits him like a truck hitting a wild deer—His vision goes white, and he nearly screams at the relief, cumming all over Chan’s hand and torso. He whines as Chan strokes him through it, milking his dick for all it’s worth. Felix feels exhausted by the end of it, almost like he ran a marathon—That was probably the most intense orgasm of his life.
Felix watches as Chan lifts his cum-covered hand, inspecting it in awe as if it’s some holy relic from a bygone era, before quietly moving his fingers towards Felix’s lips. Felix doesn’t have to be told anything, grabbing Chan’s wrist and putting Chan’s fingers in his mouth, licking his own release off the man’s hand. It tastes awful, but Felix is far too hazy to care about that, too busy cleaning Chan’s hand clean off while the leader watches, entranced. Once his fingers are wiped clean, Felix leans in to Chan’s space, watching Chan squirm as he also cleans the stray drops that landed on the leader’s chest.
He collapses next to Chan on the bed afterwards, on the verge of passing out despite the fact he just woke up, blinking in and out of consciousness. Does he have schedules today, he wonders briefly, before he’s fully knocked out like a light.
He wakes back up what appears to be a short while later, looking down to see Chan wiping him down with a damp towel. He’s fully awake now, out of that hazy headspace, and it allows the shame and embarrassment of what they just did to settle in deep in his bones.
“Hyung…” Felix calls out, voice hoarse. He’s barely able to keep his head up, but he manages so he can gauge Chan’s expressions, “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Uh— Everything we just did?” Felix gulps, watching Chan’s expression contort into a mixture of confusion and… Sadness. He looks like a kicked puppy. Felix immediately feels horrible.
“Did you not like it?” Chan asks, folding the towel and placing it neatly on the edge of the bed, “Did… I go too far with you?”
“God, no—” Felix sits up, reaching out for Chan’s hand, who accepts and squeezes. “It’s just— I dunno. I don’t wanna make things awkward between us.”
“They don’t have to be,” Chan reassures, smiling at Felix like he hung the stars in the sky, “If you and I both liked it, what else matters?”
Principle, the hookup ban, the thin, fragile fabric that their friendship (?) relationship hinges on, his mind supplies. Felix ignores it.
“Nothing, I guess,” He says instead. “But, still— I feel like we should—”
“Hyunggg!” A voice calls, clearly Jisung’s, as he frantically knocks on the door, “We were supposed to leave for the concept photoshoot for 3RACHA like 30 minutes ago! Manager-hyung’s gonna kill us!”
“Shit— Coming!” Chan says, frantically pulling a tanktop on. He reaches for his socks and shoes, but not before giving Felix an apologetic look. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
Felix blinks, and Chan’s gone. He’s alone now, left to stew in his thoughts, left to process whatever series of events just occurred.
They never end up talking about it, but things thankfully don’t end up awkward either.
Felix sleeps in Chan’s bed more than his own now, and Chan jerks him off whenever he wakes up with morning wood. He never lets Felix take care of his, but the blond just accepted it. He’s not gonna force him to do anything he doesn’t want, after all. They never put a label on this development, and Chan doesn’t even label them as friends anymore, just referring to Felix as “Lixie” if anyone asks about him.
It, however, seems to have spawned rumors in the group.
“So, what’s with you and hyung?” Hyunjin asks as him and Felix sit alone in his room, Felix shuffling through Hyunjin’s book collection as the other paints a bouquet of roses. “You guys have been… Different lately.”
“Nothing’s up,” Felix instantly replies, having answered this question at least 5 times by now to the other members, “Me and Channie-hyung are the same we’ve always been.”
“Sure,” Hyunjin snorts, dapping his brush in some white paint on his palette, “It’s not as if the walls are paper-thin. Poor Iyen-ah’s been complaining to me about extra noise—”
“We— That’s none of your business, Jinnie.” Felix sighs, shoving a book back onto the bookcase rather harshly, Hyunjin pouting as Felix collapses onto his bed, “I’ll apologize to Innie-yah later.”
“Y’know, I sure do wonder how Binnie-ah felt back when he shared a room with you two.”
“It was normal and fine because all we did was cuddle. And that’s still all we do.”
“You sleep in his bed more than you do yours.”
“And?”
Hyunjin sighs, putting his brush in the muddy paint-water before spinning his chair to face Felix. “You guys sure are twins when it comes to stubbornness, huh?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Felix scoffs, burying his face in Hyunjin’s pillow, “I’m just telling you the truth.”
“Lee Felix,” Hyunjin starts, voice calm but stern. It reminds Felix of Chan’s voice whenever they… Nevermind. Felix tries to camouflage literally shaking the thought of his head with him adjusting his hair, “You literally slip into subspace anytime he’s around.”
“I— What?” Felix jolts, sitting upright on the bed, looking at Hyunjin like he grew a second head, “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Oh my God,” Hyunjin groans, running his hand along his face, “You don’t think I’m dumb, do you?”
“No, but what you’re saying makes no sense,” Felix wishes Hyunjin wasn’t incredibly intelligent and observant, actually, “I don’t… Slipping into subspace isn’t that simple.”
“You’re not denying it.”
“I am. We haven’t even had sex.”
“You don’t need to have sex to slip into subspace— Heck, just look at Jisungie. He slips into it like it’s a silly slide at the waterpark, Minho-yah doesn’t even have to do anything.”
Felix really, really wishes Hyunjin wasn’t being incredibly reasonable right now. He legitimately hates how smart that man is, as he struggles to come up with a decent enough argument to combat him. He is right. Felix always slips into a floaty, calming headspace around Chan, even if they’re not doing anything sexual. Even while cuddling, Felix will slip, and Chan will take care of him all the way until he snaps out of it. It does feel like Chan knows—Even triggers it on purpose, sometimes, like the live incident—but Felix felt like acknowledging that fact would ruin everything he just fixed between him and Chan.
And… Well—Unlike Minho and Jisung—
“Me and hyung… We aren’t like Minho-hyung and Jisungie,” Felix starts, voice suddenly small, “We aren’t together.”
“Because you’re both incredibly dense and stupid.” Hyunjin says, like it’s the state of the weather and not a direct insult to Felix and Chan. “And refuse to talk about your feelings.”
“I just don’t wanna ruin what we have—”
“That’s so cliche,” Hyunjin cackles, spinning back to his desk, picking up his brush and dapping it in red paint, before continuing, “Did you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, Channie-hyung is also scared of that, despite feeling the same way?”
“... No.” Felix looks down to his hands. Chan recently bought them matching promise rings, after the whole fiasco with Hyunjin post-live. Felix fiddles with it, “But, still—It’s terrifying.”
“Felix,” Hyunjin says, voice suddenly serious, “Do you like Channie-hyung?”
“Yes.”
“Do you love Channie-hyung?”
“... Yeah.”
“Are you in love—” Hyunjin spins around again, pointing his red-tinted paintbrush at Felix, “—With Channie-hyung?”
“Jinnie, what are you—”
“Answer the question!”
“Fine, yes, maybe. A little bit.” Felix goes back to hiding his face in Hyunjin’s pillow, and he can hear the other laughing, “Stop that.”
“Can’t hear you~” He giggles, the little shit, “At least you admitted your feelings outloud. That’s the first step to success, hm?”
“Hey, Minho-hyung,” Felix asks, walking up to Minho after dance practice concludes, the rest of the group being too occupied with catching their breath and downing bottles of water to notice them, “Um, I have a question, if you don’t mind…”
“Sure,” Minho smiles down at Felix, gentle, inviting, gesturing for Felix to sit down next to him on the floor, “What’s up, Lixie-ah?”
“It’s, um— About you and… Jisungie. So, sorry if it’s invasive—” Felix is so nervous that he’s stammering, but Minho has the patience of a saint, so he doesn’t comment on it.
“Go for it.”
“Did you realize that, uh,” Felix gulps, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve, “Jisungie… Slips, even before you guys got together?”
“Ahhh, I see where this is going,” Minho chuckles, though it’s not mean, moreso amused, “Yes, I definitely did. It’s more obvious than you think, Lixie-ah.”
“O-oh.” Felix nervously chuckles, averting his gaze away from Minho, “Right. Makes sense.”
“Did something happen to prompt this question?”
“No,” Felix nods, slowly, trying to convince himself more than Minho, “I was just doing some thinking. That’s all.”
“Right.” Felix can see Minho nod in his peripheral vision, and can also see a shadow briefly hanging above him— “Oh, Chan-ah—”
Felix’s eyes snap upward, Chan’s expression unreadable for a second before he smiles, “What are you both up to?”
“Just chatting,” Minho answers, though Felix has a feeling Chan wasn’t seeking an answer from him. “Did you need something?”
“No,” Chan shakes his head, though his gaze is focused on Felix, “Just curious what was making Lixie so shy.”
“He was just asking me something,” Minho chuckles, smirking up at Chan, “What, jealous?”
“No,” Chan finally moves his gaze to Minho, brows furrowed, “why would I be?”
“Am I hogging time you could be spending with precious Lixie-ah?” Minho clicks his tongue, wrapping an arm around Felix’s shoulders, “Hey, Lixie-ah, are you maybe free later today—”
“He’s not.” Chan answers for Felix, reaching down to grab at his arm and pull him up, causing him to let out a quiet yelp. Felix’s dick twitches in interest. “We planned to hang out after practice today.”
“We… We did?”
“Yes.”
“Hm, okay,” Minho shrugs, getting up off the ground and walking away towards the center of the practice room, “Oi, Jagi! C’mon, we’re gonna be late for our reservation—”
Wait, reservation—
“Lixie, baby,” Chan squeezes Felix’s wrist, “Everyone’s leaving. C’mon, let’s go.”
“Okay,” Because Felix can never really say no to an order from Chan.
“So, what was that about?” Felix asks as Chan shuts the door to his room behind them, crossing his arms and pouting. They have the entire dorm to themselves today, with Jeongin having gone out on a date with Hyunjin, no need to stay quiet anymore. “You looked like you were about to kill Minho-hyung…”
“I… I don’t know.” Chan scratches the back of his neck, grimacing at the memory of his actions, “I guess I… Got jealous? That someone else made you blush like that?”
“Since when do you do that?”
“I don’t know!” Chan yells out, though not at Felix, moreso at his own feet, self-frustration, “I just— Gosh, sometimes I really do just want to keep you all to myself…”
“You what.” Felix walks up to him, eyes widening. He can see the panic set in Chan’s expression. “What do you mean by that.”
“I- Um— Nothing, uh—” He stammers, unable to meet Felix’s strong gaze.
“Chris,” Felix holds back a sigh, deciding to use his most deadly tactic— Pleading eyes, and a slight pout. A 100% effective method at getting answers out of their stubborn leader. “What do you mean by that?”
“Umm… I… I wanna keep you all to myself.” Chan finally looks up, meeting Felix’s gaze. His voice is hesitant, but his eyes are determined, if a bit anxious, “Especially if someone shows you affection, because, um…”
“... Because?”
“I feel like they’re gonna snatch you up,” Chan sighs, shoulders drooping, once again looking like a kicked puppy. Felix reaches up to cup his cheeks, and nods at him to encourage him to continue, “Take you away from me.”
“But… I thought we weren’t like that, hyung.” Felix asks, and Chan’s burrow together, “I didn’t think you… Felt that way about me.”
“I’ve felt it since I met you,” Chan grips Felix’s wrists, his eyes shiny, like he’s about to tear up, “Watching you hook up with others, and get into relationships… Gosh, it killed me.”
“... Why didn’t you say anything?” Felix asks, actual tears falling down his cheeks, Chan’s eyes widening at the sight.
What Chan, and the rest of Stray Kids, don’t know, is that Felix only got into those hookups to fill the void in his heart. The void that is Bang Chan. Felix thought he had no chance, with how serious Chan was about the hookup and dating ban, Felix tried his best to move on. Meet new people, fall in love, and yet he failed everytime. No one filled the void. No one matched the Chan shaped hole in his heart.
It was especially terrible when they had a nasty falling out, Chan scolding him for being in relationships while staying quiet about Minho and Jisung. Felix hated him—Or, he thought he did. He was mostly heartbroken. He knows Chan goes harder on him than other members, because he believes in him, but he didn’t expect to be scolded so hypocritically.
So they stopped talking. For a whole year. STAYs said they had a “Divorce Era”. Felix wishes the description wasn’t accurate.
But, turns out, maybe Felix judged too harshly. Maybe Chan was just jealous, considering today’s events and Hyunjin’s live debacle. Thought Felix was being taken away, and Felix was too bitter to even try and consider his perspective…
“I’m too much, Lixie.” Chan sighs, bringing Felix close in an embrace, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the crown of his head, “You deserve better, but… I’m also selfish. I want you all to myself, but I also feel so unworthy of your love—”
“Who cares if you’re worthy, Channie?” Felix drops the honorifics, squeezing Chan’s cheeks with his fingers, “I want you. It’s always been you. Those people were just a distraction, I only ever wanted you.”
“... Don’t lie like that, Lixie.”
“I’m not lying— Channie. I was literally asking Minho about something relating to you earlier.”
“What was it?” Chan perks up, standing up straighter than a ruler, eyes widening at Felix, “You could’ve just asked me directly—”
“Okay, this is gonna sound weird, but—” Felix takes a deep, deep breath, before answering, “I kind of… Go into subspace anytime you touch me or talk to me? So I asked Minho—”
“Oh, I knew that, actually.”
“What.” Felix gawks, eyes wide like saucers, “And you said nothing.”
“I thought… Oh, oh Lixie—” Chan giggles, before turning into a full laugh, hugging Felix tighter until their bodies are flush. “Maybe Hyunjinnie was right. I am an idiot.”
“You are.” Felix hugs Chan back, wrapping his arms around the older’s back, squeezing his sweaty tanktop with an iron grip so strong his knuckles turn white, like he’s afraid this is yet another wet dream and he’ll wake up back to what they were. The limbo-state of lovers but not quite. He hopes his sniffles don’t sound like tears. “You really fucking are, you cunt.”
“Woah, heyyy!” Chan pats Felix’s back, gentle as to not jostle his injury. Always so thoughtful, yet so stupid— “Baby, you can’t— Honey? What’s wrong? You’re tearing up…”
“You’re a fucking cunt, Chris.” Felix sobs, and Chan tightens his hold on him, squeezing him while running a hand through his hair to sooth him, “Asshole. I hate you.”
“Y’know what, maybe I deserve that,” Chan lets out a self-deprecating chuckle, running a hand up and down Felix’s back, “I kept you waiting for too long, didn’t I?”
“Fuck me right now before I fucking kill you.”
Felix’s words are empty, yet the sentiment is not hollow. Words a result of years of bitterness, of jealousy, of pain, of Felix grieving something he thought he never had. Of overthinking actions and words, of countless nights spent in each other’s arms, of broken Korean and gentle lessons, of nearly losing everything. Sure, Felix doesn’t actually hate Chan, but he hates the feelings Chan has that brought them to this point, that made him doubt Felix’s affection and care for so many years, that caused the rift between them, that nearly made them lose each other.
Felix, as he’s held by the love of his life, his other half, his soulmate, thinks that he wants to fix him. Fix all the pain and wounds on Chan’s body and heart, mend the broken pieces torn by years of loneliness and loss, subconscious feelings born from harsh reprimands that Chan didn’t really understand at the time, but internalized out of survival. Felix wants to sit Chan down, disinfect his wounds, bandage his heart with a kiss.
But that comes with time. And they lost quite a lot of it, that they now can make up for.
Chan doesn’t respond to Felix’s empty threat, instead picking him up by the back of his knees, setting him down on the bed—the one they’ve spent countless nights entangled in—giving him a kiss on his forehead. Chan is gentle as he undresses Felix, not in any rush, giving each new glimpse of skin a soft peck, one that barely counts as a kiss. Felix watches, now bare, as Chan moves to do the same, before standing up to help him. He lifts the older’s shirt for him, pulls down his pants, even as Chan protests that Felix shouldn’t bend down like that so as to not hurt his back. It goes one ear out the other as he does it anyway.
Chan doesn’t immediately bully his way inside Felix—Heck, doesn’t even get near his lower body yet, instead gently caressing the blond’s cheek, and giving every inch of his face a soft kiss, reverent, adoring, and Felix feels like he’s melting into a puddle of goo.
“I’ll take care of you, honey.” Chan whispers, leaving one last kiss on Felix’s lips, as he goes to his bedside drawers to fetch lube. Felix already told him he wanted him raw, wanted to feel all of him, while they undressed, so he doesn’t fetch condoms. “You don’t have to worry about a thing, just leave it all to me.”
“I wanna take care of you too, though…” Felix whispers, unsure of if he wants Chan to hear or not.
“Maybe later, okay?” Chan smiles fondly at Felix, uncapping the bottle of lube, “Consider this an apology from me, yeah?”
“Okay—hahh…” Felix shudders as Chan’s cold fingers circle his rim, Chan responding by leaning down to give him a kiss to his forehead as he pushes his fingers in.
Chan’s prep is meticulous—slow paced, waiting until Felix is whining until shoving a third and fourth finger in, purposefully only ever brushing past his prostate, never really touching it or stimulating it. In all their past few encounters, it always ended by far too quickly—There’s only so much you can do on a busy schedule when you’re both tired and have work later in the day, and it’s clear Chan isn’t planning on letting that happen again. Despite the slow pace, Chan’s fingers feel right where they belong inside Felix, Chan having to gently shush and hold him down so he relaxes and stops squirming from how good it feels.
“H-hyung, please— I promise that’s enough. Just put it in—” Felix groans as Chan, once again, brushes past his prostate.
“I assure you, there’s a reason I’m being so thorough,” Chan chuckles, scissoring his fingers inside Felix, “You’re so tiny, it’ll hurt if I’m not careful.”
After a long, agonizing minute of more prep, Chan finally dislodges his fingers from Felix’s hole, the blond squirming at the sudden emptiness. He does understand, however, why Chan was so diligent with it once he pulls down his underwear. Until this point, Chan had kept it on, and while Felix could tell he was sizable via the tents in his pants, the size of him fully bare is almost scary. If Felix wasn’t completely obsessed with Chan, he probably would’ve found the concept of Chan’s girth inside him terrifying, but instead he finds it exciting. Not even his toys were that big.
“Are you sure about this, little one?” Chan asks, uncapping the lube once more to pour it onto his length, hissing at the coldness, “It’s okay if you don’t—”
Felix simply nods, Chan’s gentle words beginning to lull him into subspace. He’s surprised he lasted this long before slipping, usually only needing a touch to fall into it, but he supposes the circumstances are different this time.
“Baby, I need words, not just a nod.” Chan stands still, not moving back inbetween Felix’s legs, “I know you feel hazy, but this is all I’ll ask from you—Then you can be as quiet or loud as you like, okay?”
“Please,” Felix whines, the emptiness unbearable, “I need you, daddy, please—”
“Okay, okay,” Chan smiles, wiping one of his hands on the sheets, before reaching up to brush Felix’s hair out of his face, “I’ll go slow, so my little one doesn’t get overwhelmed—”
Chan lines himself up with Felix’s hole, the boy squirming as he feels Chan’s tip circle his rim. He feels his breathing hitch as Chan pushes it in, white knuckles gripping the sheets as he feels it inside him. It’s not his first time bottom by any means, but it sure is his first time with Chan, who’s so stupidly big that Felix already feels his breathing quicken, even though it’s just his tip.
“You okay? You’re breathing really hard,” Chan coos, caressing Felix’s cheek with his thumb, “Do I continue, or—”
“G-God, please, more—”
“Okay,” Chan nods, kissing Felix’s cheek as he pushes in further, a little more than the head inside Felix. He feels so full already, body feeling like he’s floating in space. He clenches around Chan as he moans, hands moving from the sheets to Chan’s strong shoulders. Chan doesn’t continue to move, lets Felix slowly adjust and relax before pushing in even further, half his length buried deep in Felix, muscles burning with the stretch—and, he feels like his organs rearranged—just to accommodate Chan. Even with the extensive prep Chan did on him, he knows he’s barely gonna be able to walk tomorrow if he takes all of Chan in, the thought causing him to smile.
“Alright, I think that’s enough—”
“More.” Felix demands, digging his nails into Chan’s shoulders, who hisses, “I want all of you.”
“... But, baby, it’ll hurt—”
“Please?” Felix looks up at Chan with his signature pleading, doe eyed pouty look, “I promise I can take it.”
“Okay, little one,” Chan gives in, giving Felix another kiss on the cheek, “I can’t ever say no to you, can I?”
Chan continues, slowly, making Felix feel every inch and centimeter, the stretch starting to be actually painful, and yet the pain thrills Felix rather than scares him. Chan groans as Felix occasionally, reflexively, clenches, feeling the precum spilling from Chan’s dick and coating his walls, the blond closing his eyes and moaning loudly as his back arches, mouth agape, bottom lip trembling. Chan feels overwhelming in the best way possible, Felix can feel him in his throat, far too big for Felix’s small, tight body and yet he manages, through the pain and the burn of stretched muscles, to take Chan further, engulfing him in his body like a coat over ice-cold skin, and Felix finds that there’s nowhere else he’d rather be than here.
“So t-tight, baby—” Chan moans, voice cracking, and yet he seems transfixed by Felix’s blissed out expression and pleasurable sounds. “R-relax, honey— You’re clenching so much that I can barely push through—”
Despite the pleasure Chan probably feels, he still finds time to soothe Felix, gently brushing through his hair and kissing his sweat-soaked skin. Felix decides to pull Chan in, lips smacking together in a heated, hungry kiss, more tongue and teeth and drool than actual kissing. He wanted more, more of Chan’s affection, sucking his tongue as if it’ll suck the love from Chan’s body and selfishly absorb it into Felix’s. As Chan finally bottomed out, fully inside of Felix’s wet, tight heat, Felix moans loudly into his mouth, smiling against Chan’s lips.
“B-baby, you okay?” Chan runs his hand through Felix’s now sweaty blond hair, panting as he pulls away from Felix’s lips, “Gosh, you’re so gorgeous…”
As Felix adjusts to Chan’s length stuffed inside him, he stares up and studies the man’s features. The drops of sweat falling down his forehead, his lips swollen from intense kissing, and the pure adoration pouring from his eyes. Felix’s hand runs along Chan’s face, featherlight, the touch barely there, and yet Chan still seems to gulp, adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“You’re gorgeous, Chris.” Felix says, words genuine even through the haze of subspace, “So beautiful…”
Chan flushes, ears turning a bright shade of red, and averts his gaze away from Felix and his soft eyes. He’s never been good at taking compliments, but Felix relishes in how flustered he gets.
“… I’m gonna move now, little one.”
Felix gasps, breath knocked out of him as Chan pulls almost all the way out before slamming his way back in. His pace is brutal, almost animalistic or primal in nature, never giving Felix a chance to breathe as he hits his prostate with every thrust, the blond letting out a scream as Chan splits him in half.
“It’s okay, it’s okay—“ Chan coos, thumb running gentle circles on Felix’s hip, contrasted to his harsh thrusts, “You got this, honey, you can take it—“
The soft, calming words, mixed with the deadly pace Chan has set out, make Felix feel brainless. They’ve barely done anything and he already feels fucked-out, mind pleasantly empty of anything but Chan, his touch, his voice, and the way his veiny cock feels sheathed inside of Felix.
Felix is in heaven. He already feels close.
“C-close—“ He moans out as Chan adjusts the angle so he can hit even deeper inside Felix, “Please—“
Chan abruptly stops. Felix stares at him with wide eyes.
“But I don’t want you to yet,” Chan says, voice stern, though his touch on Felix’s skin remains gentle, “I know you can do better than this, doll.”
“I-I really c-can’t—“
“Shhhh,” Chan’s finger is gentle as it touches Felix’s lips to silence him, “I know you can. Here, I’ll slow down for you—“
Chan does as he says, slowing down the pace to more shallow thrusts, barely even pulling out of Felix before sliding back in. It still feels good, feeling every vein of Chan’s dick brush against his walls, but God does he miss the faster pace, as Chan basically refuses to get near his prostate anymore.
Chan does, though, lean in close to Felix’s neck, peppering kisses along the heated skin, kisses starting out as innocent pecks before turning into sucking, then nibbling, and then full on biting. He soothes the red, angry spots with his tongue, before moving elsewhere, painting Felix’s neck in purple and red.
Felix almost cums on the spot as he feels Chan wrap a hand around his dick, precum spilling out of him like a faucet. Chan moves downward, as much as the position they’re in allows, giving some attention to Felix’s upper chest near his collarbones as his hand slowly moves up and down Felix’s shaft in a slow pace.
“Ch-Chris—“
As soon as Felix opens his mouth, Chan pulls fully away from his chest.
“Wanna cum, honey?” Chan asks, looking down at Felix with a smirk, “Wanna finally let go?”
“Please, God—“
“Ask nicely.”
“P-please let me cum, please—“
“In that case, I guess—” Chan pulls halfway out of Felix, a hand on his hip adjusting the angle, before he slams back inside, “—You can.”
Felix nearly passes out, eyes closed as he cums all over Chan’s hand and his own stomach and chest, his vision white, and he barely registers his own scream. Chan speeds up a little as he fucks Felix through his orgasm, not letting up even as Felix starts to calm down and whine from overstimulation.
“You’re doing great, little one,” Chan praises, having somehow wiped his hand with his tongue at some point, using it to ruffle Felix’s sweat soaked hair, “Just a little more, okay?”
Felix’s entire body feels like it’s on fire, nerves burning, body still overheated with a post-orgasm flush, and yet the way Chan doesn’t stop, even as Felix whimpers and starts to tear up from the sheer burn of overstimulation, makes his dick twitch and start to fill up again.
“T-too much—“ Felix sobs, though he doesn’t even try to push Chan away. Chan smiles softly, wiping away Felix’s tears. He doesn’t stop.
“You can take it,” He speeds up, his cock brushing against Felix’s prostate, reviving his dick to half-hardness again, and Felix continues to cry as his entire body burns from soreness, “I’m not done yet.”
Chan cums as Felix clenches around him, milking him for all he’s worth, painting the blond’s inner walls white with his release, filling him up. He hisses as he slips out of Felix, who’s collapsed on the bed like a stiff doll, limbs useless. He frowns as he feels Chan’s release slip out of him, before groaning as Chan shoves it back inside with his dry fingers.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Chan asks as his finger is still inside of Felix, “You look so tired… Don’t worry, let me handle it.”
Chan lifts Felix up like he weighs nothing, bringing him to the en suite bathroom in his room. He sets him down on the toilet seat, before going back to fetch a change of clothes for both of them.
Chan gently washes him in the shower, rinsing off the cum and sweat off his body with warm water and even warmer hands, Felix resting against the shower wall as Chan takes care of him, peppering him with kisses as he cleans him.
Chan sets him back down on the toilet seat, before silently drying him with a towel. Chan doesn’t give him the opportunity to do anything, let alone walk back to the bedroom—carrying him once again—and Felix finds he doesn’t mind. His entire body is sore and he’s tired, anyway.
Chan even clothes him, sitting him down on the bed as he helps him put on his boxers and a t-shirt that’s clearly Chan’s. Chan only wears underwear as he pulls both of them to bed, wrapping his arms around Felix’s stomach and nuzzling his nape.
“Still hazy?”
“Yeah…”
“It’s okay, go to sleep.” Chan gives his ear a peck, “We can talk more tomorrow, yeah?”
And they did, in fact, end up talking— Right after Chan fucks the living daylights out of him again.
Felix dumps all his feelings and emotions onto Chan, and Chan does the same in turn. Turns out, they’re idiots who were more similar than they originally thought, and were mostly into the same stuff. Chan, scarily knowledgeable, informs Felix more about dominance and submission, and they set some ground rules;
Felix wasn’t allowed to cum without Chan’s permission, nor jerk off unless Chan was watching him, and same applied to Chan. Chan wasn’t allowed to flirt with fans as much anymore, as it made Felix jealous, and Felix wasn’t allowed to flirt playfully with the members, though he broke that rule often. Chan would bathe and dress Felix everyday, though he was less strict about this rule due to their work not giving them a chance to keep up with it too much. Chan was gifted one of Felix’s favorite rings as a necklace, and wasn’t allowed to take it off unless they were on schedule.
Felix’s favorite arrangement, however, was that Chan was allowed to fuck him whenever he wanted, and Felix wasn’t allowed to refuse.
Chan was hesitant at first, fearing that Felix wouldn’t use the safe word if he needed to for Chan’s sake, but Felix reassured him and Chan ended up agreeing. No matter where Felix was, or if he was asleep, if Chan needed him, he’d take him or call him over.
Felix loved it. He loved being Chan’s stress toy, letting the man use him whenever he was pent up and needed to let loose. He loved waking up with his pants and underwear halfway down his legs, Chan having clearly had his way with him. He loved being fucked against Chan’s desk after a particularly bad case of writers block, being forced to deepthroat Chan’s dick in the bathroom between shows, being made to warm Chan’s cock for hours as the man worked. It’s not like Chan neglected him, either, always making sure Felix came first before he ever did.
Felix expected Chan to get meaner at some point as well, degrade and demean him, but he never went further than being a little condescending or teasing. Felix loved that, loved being talked through it, Chan’s gentle voice in his ear as he was told to hold back, as Chan used him like a doll, well loved and well used both physically and verbally.
Most of all, Felix was happy that he was Chan’s and Chan was his. Chan not only owned him, in a kink sense, he also owned his heart, in a romantic sense. Like he owned Chan’s heart.
Felix, as he’s being scolded by his stylists for the umpteenth time for having hickies on his neck, wonders about when the schedule will be over so he can go see his beloved once more.