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“You’re married…” Ted says under her breath before she’s pulled into another kiss. Her hands rest on Ashlee’s hips, keeping her in place. Thumbs rub circles into the fabric softly.
“Yeah, To a dude.” She grins, her hands tangle in Ted’s already rowdy hair. Ted’s shoulders relax as Ashlee presses herself closer. A leg slides between Ted's own and she giggles into Ashlee’s mouth. That is until someone grabs her shoulder. Ted turns, a tall guy wearing a less than flattering green sweater is looking at her expectantly. “We have a problem.”
She looks back at Ashlee, eyes wide, “Is this your husband?” A pit of dread replaces the heat that was building in her gut.
“I’ve never seen that man in my life.” Ashlee holds her hands up, looking between Ted and the man.
The man twists his wedding band around his ring finger, he’s someone’s husband at least. “I’m Rick, Rick Garido. The bartender tells me I'm the one who’s been splurging for your champagne all night.”
“There’s a very simple explanation to all this. I mean-” Ted tries to reason, jump into action and fix things. She can’t, because Rick is grabbing a drink from the bar and now it’s all over Ted. And if a bouncer hadn't stepped in she would've been leaving with a black eye too.
Barney pulled herself out of some girl's navel and landed at Ted’s side. She starts shouting, “What the fuck is your issue man? She’s a chick and you’re a grown man! Are you not ashamed of yourself!?” The man is long gone by the time Barney's done her rant.
“Barney, I'm fine, it’s fine.” Ted says in the mirror of the surprisingly empty bathroom – no really, it’s deserted in there. Ted attempts to wipe the already staining green beer from her neck and collar with a flimsy branded napkin. Her shirt’s staining too, there goes another white tank. She groans, pulling it from her chest to try and dry some of the liquid. It doesn’t work, the shirt clings to her again once she lets go. She throws the wad of sticky forest green into the trash as Barney emerges from the stall, the cap of a sharpie still between her teeth.
“Whose number did you write this time?” Ted asks, washing her hands with the, you guessed it, lime scented and coloured soap.
“Vikki Mendoza, I'm sure she’d love the attention.” Barney shoves the marker in her pocket, pulling out a tube of lipgloss to replace it. She applies a generous amount before offering it to Ted, who takes it, applying a little.
“Ha, we just kissed.” Barney jokes, in that stupid way she does when something not even remotely dirty happens. Ted rolls her eyes as she twists the applicator back on.
“We have kissed Barney, and more.”
“I know, isn't that so hot!” She exclaims, leaning into the mirror.
Barney looks at the mottling of reds and pinks on her neck, each from a different set of lips. The warm tones contrast her emerald suit beautifully. “Ted, you think I could get a new record here?” In the mirror her eyes stray from counting lipstick marks to Ted’s tits, where the drink was thrown. Why wouldn’t she? Usually she’s gotta wait till spring break to see a wet t-shirt that high quality. Barney doesn’t think it could be replicated. She stares at Ted’s bra, it's darkened from the beer but as she looks, she notices it.
Ted sighs before shrugging off her flannel, holding it out for Barney to take. She shakes it in front of Barney and when she still doesn't take initiative she asks with an eye roll, “Please hold it for a second?”
“Uh, yeah sure.” Barney takes it and throws it over her shoulder, letting it rest there as she continues staring at Ted's tits not so subtly. Not subtly at all.
The cool air of the bathroom hits Ted's flushed skin like a cold shower, she throws the soiled tank in the sink, leaning over to see her chest more clearly in the mirror. She can just wear her flannel until she gets home. Keep her tank in her back pocket.
“Gimme,” Ted says, holding out her hand. Her bra isn't necessarily sexy, but it's got lace and a little bow in the front. Oh and it's a deep shamrock green.
Barney faces Ted, and unashamedly stares at Ted's cleavage, holding Ted's flannel in both hands. “You're wearing green!” Barney shouts, feeling ecstatic with a mix of hurt maybe. Surface level at least. “You said you'd never wear green, but look, here you are!”
“Just give me my shirt before someone walks in.” Ted mutters, her hand still held out for Barney.
“Let them, It’d be so hot.”
“Barney!”
“Fine.” She gives up and hands over the flannel. “But can this be one of those times we make out in a bathroom? I'm so hard right now, Ted.”
Ted looks to the door, Ashlee probably left, shocked and bored now Ted's been in the bathroom for ten minutes. What's ten more?
Ted puts her flannel back on but doesn't button it up, her bra still exposed. She likes the way it gets Barney all fuzzy. Ted waits to answer, lets Barney squirm for a minute. “This is what does it for you?” The question is punctuated with her gesturing to her chest and a raised brow.
Barney nods and steps closer, rocks on her feet as she clenches her fists tight. “Really?” Ted asks, and it's not even sexy, it's actual bafflement.
Barney's aching in her suit pants and just wants something to rub against, but she knows to get her way she needs to play Ted's game. “Yes, Ted,” she groans and steps closer again, “Well no, it's what it represents Ted, have you ever heard of a metaphor??”
Ted has to fight back a smirk, because Barney is capital D Desperate. She can't remember the last time Barney was this hopelessly horny for someone, and Ted feels… proud in a strange sort of way. Barney's not making sense, but when does she ever. “You lied, and you hid it, that's fucking hot. You kept it your little secret. Fuck- Ted, c'mon please..”
Ted does laugh, and oblige Barney. She guides her into a stall with a flat palm on her chest and pulls her in for a kiss as she does. Barney’s quick to press her tongue into Ted's mouth. When Ted pulls back to lock the stall door Barney whines and takes Ted's free hand, guiding it between her legs where she needs it most. The door clicks in place and Barney almost buckles when Ted adds pressure to her clit through her pants. She tries to kiss Ted again and misses, the side of her mouth slick with spit from where she'd stuck her tongue out to push it into Ted's mouth again. Ted grips her chin and connects their lips. This time Ted can taste the liquor on Barney's mouth, one too many body shots fog her little head.
Barney gropes at Ted's ass, pulls her closer till she's flush with her. The heel of Ted's palm presses into Barney's core and she hums in appreciation. Ted slots her thigh between Barney’s legs and removes her hand, letting Barney take what she needs. To a certain extent.
Barney grinds into Ted’s jeans, holds her in place with fingers in her belt loops. Ted strips her flannel and hooks it on the door, then she takes Barney’s chin between her index and thumb and speaks to her, “Listen to me, Barney. Listen properly, you’ll like it.” At that she perks up, slows but doesn’t stop rutting against her. “You wanna clean this up for me?” Ted asks and lowers Barney’s gaze to her chest, where the beer has painted her green.
“Fuck yeah…Yes.” is what Ted hears before Barney is kissing along her collarbone, taking the opportunity to suck bruises into the flesh. She laps at the sticky skin under tongue and whines when Ted just stands there. Ted snickers and runs her hands over her shoulders, smudges the lipstick stains together before snaking them down her front, groping her tits on the way down. She undoes the button on Barney’s slacks and shoves her hand in before Barney can beg for it. She stops rutting and a raw moan rips from her throat.
Ted runs two fingers into Barney’s slick core and hums at what she feels. “You’re so fucking wet, Barney, fuck me.” She pushes both fingers into Barney to the last knuckle, grins at how Barney is enjoying it. She curls them and feels Barney clench around them before beginning to thrust them in and out.
Barney gropes at one of Ted's breasts, reaches beneath the lace to feel her hardening nipple. She rolls it between her fingers and feels a wave of heat fill her gut at how Ted's own fingers inside her stutter for a second. “Take it off.” Ted mumbles in her ear, and Barney doesn't need to be told twice. If Barney had to rank all the racks she’s seen in her lifetime, Ted's would be in the top twenty.
The bra is unclasped and hangs around Ted's wrist where it disappears into Barney's pants. Barney stares at them for a minute then takes a one into her hand, full and warm. She teases the hard bud, feels Ted shudder beside her.
Barney comes soon after, her mouth against Ted's and hands on her chest. She doubles over at the rush, twitches when Ted circles over her clit as she removes her fingers. “Sit down, please.” Ted says, wiping her fingers on Barney's inner thigh.
Barney drops onto the toilet seat so fast she almost cracks it. She runs her fingers through her sweaty hair, and smiles up at Ted. If Ted were a braver woman, or a drunker one, she'd say something about Barney checking to see if her underwear matches her bra. Instead she unzips her fly and shoves down her jeans to her knees.
They do, by the way, the same dark green lace hide what Barney wants most. There's a metal four leaf clover attached to a little ribbon at the waistband and Barney could black out right now. “Can I?” She asks as her hands reach under the fabric. Ted nods and gasps at the cool air hitting her pussy.
“I was counting on it.” Ted steps closer, widening her feet around Barney and the toilet. Barney presses her cheek against Ted's thigh, presses kisses to her skin, soft and flushed. She runs her fingers through the thin layer of hair as she pulls the underwear further down. They catch around her knees.
Barney laves over Ted's pussy, dips into her and relishes in the taste. She cranes her neck and groans when the angle isn't right. She replaces her tongue with the tips of two of her fingers, they make little circles over Ted's clit as she slides off the toilet seat and onto her knees on the floor. Ted cringes but when Barney's tongue goes back to her slick core. Who gives a fuck about germs and sticky floors?
Ted grabs fistfuls of Barney's hair when she's close, pants out little noises of anticipation as her stomach coils in tight heat. Barney doesn't stop, she keeps tight hold of Ted's thighs to keep her still and makes her finish over her face, her mouth wide open. Barney swallows all she can, leans back on her heels and looks up at the picture before her.
Once she's breathing steadily again, Ted reclasps her bra, whimpers when the laces brushes against her still hard nipple and pulls her pants back on. Though not before Barney stares at the underwear a little while longer. “How long have you done this?” Barney asks, standing on wobbly feet.
“What, the green thing? Oh, just this year.” Ted grins, redoing the button on her jeans.
Barney runs her fingers over the straps of her bra and laughs, “I don't believe you.”
Ted shrugs, turns and grabs her flannel from the hook on the stall door, “Barney,” she begins, undoing the door's latch.
“Mhmm?” Barney perks up, ready to follow. Ready to hear her real answer.
“Your fly is still down.”
Barney flushes, if that's even possible at this stage and stares as Ted heads to the sink to collect her shirt. She can't find it in herself to be mad. She zips her fly and follows behind.