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No, Ilya isn’t a martyr, but he isn’t selfish either.
Tonight he wants to be selfish.
Ilya wants to use Shane. He wants to use his willingness, his body, his everything to make himself feel better.
It’s a truth. Maybe an ugly one, but one that he owes to both himself and to Shane to accept. Tonight will be about him.
And Shane, for his part, is a willing participant in it all.
‘I want to be useful,’ he had said.
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feeling fucking sick about them and also having some Thoughts. about Things. if u were curious
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this settled into the mitochrondria of my brain