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“This is such bullshit!”
Dallas Kent had a talent of drawing people to him. He was a rising star, was almost definitely going to be on the All Star team next year, and while he wasn’t well liked amongst other teams, he had Toronto’s respect. And if not respect, loyalty.
He had Troy’s friendship.
Troy wordlessly made space on the couch beside him, tossing his feet up onto the coffee table instead of the comfortable foot rest he had been using. Dallas took the now vacated space, and Troy got a cold beer for his efforts.
New York had played the best it had in years, certainly the best it had in Troy’s professional hockey career. Their star player, Scott Hunter, had upped his game out of nowhere, and it had won them the Stanley Cup.
“He should’ve played like this before we got knocked out,” Troy said, letting his shoulder bump easily against Dallas’ beside him. Those kind of remarks came easy. That was sports talk. Some of the rest, not so much, but at least nobody could say that shit about Scott Hunter. “Maybe then it would’ve been fun”
“I bet $20 they threatened to make him retire unless he upped his game” Someone drawled to his right, followed by a vague chatter and a clinking of beer bottles.
“I doubt he can get anything up anymore” Troy muttered. He smiled to himself when he was rewarded with laugher. Dallas bumped their shoulders together. Troy bumped back.
There hadn’t been a doubt in the world about who would win. New York was reignited under the sudden revival of their Captain, and they’d been a tighter knit team than ever. Troy was only slightly jealous of their camaraderie, but who cares? He had Dallas, anyway.
“I like Scott Hunter” A rookie offered lamely from his spot on the floor, cross-legged to Troy’s right. Troy almost felt bad for him. He was too soft for Toronto, the kind of soft that couldn’t fully be stamped out.
That statement got much less approval than Troy’s boner joke. He barely got a pitying hum from Wyatt Hayes, who sat on the lone armchair in the corner. Troy didn’t have anything against Hayes - he imagined it was hard to hold anything against the guy, kindhearted as he was - but he just didn’t seem like a fit for Toronto. Then again, was Troy? Was he really?
“The fuck is he doing?” Someone commented behind him, drawing the rooms attention back to the TV. Once the game was over, Troy’s attention had slipped. Now he wished it hadn’t.
His entire face was tight with confusion as he watched a small figure make their way down the steps of the audience, getting Hunter’s help to climb onto the ice.
“Does he have a brother?” He wondered aloud, trying to find any explanation for what was in front of him. Also, just a little, to shield Hunter from the jokes that were about to come at him. He wasn’t gay, everyone knew that, but even Scott himself would have to admit that this looked-
“Holy shit,”
The room fell silent as Scott and the figure collided, their lips crashing together and their bodies melding in what could only be a love fuelled passion.
What must’ve felt like freedom for Scott Hunter, made the shackles inside of Troy grow tenfold. A wave of cold washed over him in seconds.
“Is it a joke?” Hayes tried from the corner, leaning in as if to see the screen better. There were a few scoffs.
“Jesus Christ, would you make a joke like that?”
“No way he’s a queer, I thought he was normal!”
“Jesus, rook, you still like Scott Hunter now?”
The rookie startled in Troy’s peripheral vision, wriggling away from the various arms trying to get him into headlocks. They tripped over Troy’s feet. He didn’t move them.
“No, he loves Scott Hunter, doesn’t he?”
“Fuck off! I do not!”
Troy would bet the rookie liked Scott Hunter even more so now than before, if the look in his eyes said anything.
Did his eyes look like that?
“We’re gonna give him hell” Dallas promised solemnly into his ear, startling Troy out of his shocked haze.
“I- what?” The worlds fell out without much impact. Usually, he’d be able to manage an agreement, some kind of snarl that would make Dallas laugh, and the conversation would go on.
“Hunter,” Dallas clarified with a strange look, “He shouldn’t bring this shit into hockey”
“Right” Troy agreed numbly before his mind caught up with him. He nodded, more sure this time. “Yeah, it’s gross. We don’t need to see that”
Almost as if they’d been given permission, the room sparked into conversation, throwing about remarks about Hunter and his - his what? Boyfriend? Husband? Could they have gotten so far as to get married before coming out?
Could Troy?
Muttering an excuse under his breath, Troy stumbled to his feet, dodging various shoulder bumps and hair ruffles to escape into the bathroom.
It was Dallas’ house, but he knew the way around like it was his own. He had been over enough, been to enough parties and team meet ups. Toronto wasn’t the tight knit family that New York appeared to be, but they all tolerated each other well enough.
He certainly wouldn’t receive any claps if he kissed a guy on the ice like Scott Hunter had, that’s for sure.
The second he was alone, Troy slumped. He flipped on the cold tap to run his mouth under it for a few seconds, then splashed the remaining droplets onto his face. He just had to sober up. He had drank too much, that’s why it was affecting him.
He met his own eyes in the mirror, and saw exactly what he had seen in the rookie reflected back.
He had known he was gay for years now, but it wasn’t something he spared much thought to. You couldn’t be gay and be a hockey player. The two were mutually exclusive, you had to pick one, and Troy had picked hockey. That was that. Done.
But then…Scott Hunter had both. He had just won the Stanley Cup, hadn’t he? And he’d done it all with his boyfriend, husband, whatever by his side and got to kiss him on the ice. Maybe Troy should’ve felt relieved. Vindicated, maybe. Instead he felt sick.
Troy had changed so much of himself so fit into this world, a world where people like him were harassed and beaten, a world where he could never be accepted, only for the world to be the one to change the second he was too far gone.
He had never truly fit into the old world, no matter how much he had tried, but in his attempts he had changed too much to be welcomed into the new.
Where did that leave him? Why couldn’t there have been a Scott Hunter before he’d had to choose? Would people notice him now? Had he only gone unnoticed because a gay hockey player had been unheard of? He couldn’t afford that.
The door swung open without warning, leaving Troy with split seconds to straighten up and wipe any evidence of his turmoil off of his face. Dallas Kent wasn’t someone you showed emotion around.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Dallas patted his shoulder, crossing to his other side to mess with his gelled back hair in the mirror. Troy stepped aside, making room for him.
“Had to barf, I drank too much” He managed. He figured it was lucky that his words slurred together. Maybe it sold his excuse, or maybe the genuine sickness he felt was obvious on his face.
“Hunter disgust you that much?” The taunt came from Kent without thought. There was a time where Troy thought maybe Dallas was like him. Not gay, obviously, but scraping by, mirroring off of other people in desperate attempts to go unnoticed for anything but hockey. But then Dallas would speak with such ease, spit out remarks that Troy had to seriously think over before saying in split second fights on the ice. Troy had long since changed his mind. “Makes me sick too. If he’s gonna do faggy shit at least keep it off the ice”
“Yeah” Troy’s tongue felt numb in his mouth. He watched himself in the mirror as he spoke, and didn’t feel like he was watching himself at all.
“Yeah,” Dallas gave him another strange look, one of those rare considerations he only ever offered to Troy, caught between being genuine for more than a second or shoving it back down. Before Troy could fully process the look, it was gone. “Come on, we’re toasting to Scott Hunter”
With that and a wink, he was off, leaving the bathroom door wide open behind him. Silently, Troy thought maybe he would be toasting to Scott Hunter. Not today, not a chance, but someday.
He followed close at Dallas’ heels back into the sitting room, where he then collapsed into his old seat. The rookie hadn’t dared move off the floor in their absence, not even for an actual, comfortable chair. Troy’s legs banged against him when he sat down.
“Troy had to go vomit” Dallas teased to the room, gaining the team’s laughter the way he always did, like a shining light they all orbited around.
“I’m surprised you didn’t” Troy rolled his eyes. The air felt thin now, much less comfortable than it had been before. “Here’s hoping they kick him out of the league, we don’t need that shit”
Troy really, really didn’t need it. Being gay was a train of thought he had long since closed, and he was more than happy to keep it that way.
Then again, Hunter must’ve been with this guy for years, to love him enough to come out. Nobody had known. Maybe nobody would know if Troy did it, he just had to overcompensate in some other areas.
“We’re gonna beat his ass next year,” He decided on, taking a long swig of his beer as the room dissolved into general cheering and jabs.
Wyatt Hayes met his eyes across the room. Troy looked back to Dallas.