Chapter Text
Penelope Featherington is on her first unaccompanied carriage ride in all her life and she could not be happier about it. Her closest friend Eloise Bridgerton wrote to her before Christmas and inquired if Penelope would be able to visit with her and her family for a few weeks leading up to the start of the social season and the Ton's collective return to London. That itself was not an unusual occurrence as Eloise had been writing with that request for the last three winters. What was unusual was that her mama, the Dowager Viscountess Violet Bridgerton, wrote in conjunction with her daughter and directly to Penelope's mama. This finally yielded success and Portia Featherington agreed to let her youngest travel to Aubrey Hall and stay with the Bridgertons for more than a month before reuniting with her own family in London.
So, yes, Penelope is positively brimming with excitement over so much uninterrupted time with the Bridgertons. She loves them all dearly. First and foremost is Eloise, or "El" for short. They became fast friends years ago when Penelope's family moved into the house across the street and they discovered their shared interest in books and history and art and also in discussing the confounding role of women in modern English society. Penelope is very fond of all the other Bridgertons too. Violet and her kind, motherly manner. Daphne and her patient yet confident aura. Francesca and her soft-spoken, musical sensibility. Gregory and Hyacinth and their youthful exuberance. Benedict and his jovial, artistic, relaxed persona. Even Anthony and his serious yet genuinely caring brand of responsibility. One Bridgerton, though, stands out and occupies the lion's share of Penelope's time spent musing and dreaming and imagining. The third Bridgerton son, Colin.
Just as quickly as Penelope became enraptured with Eloise, she experienced the same phenomenon with her friend's older brother. Actually, she became enraptured with Colin first as she met him before El. It all started off with an unfortunate incident involving a windswept bonnet and a boy falling from atop his horse. Penelope probably should have left the encounter in tears or at the very least feeling solidly embarrassed. Instead, Colin had climbed to his feet mostly unharmed and simply dusted himself off. He then laughed at himself affably and made a jest that had Penelope laughing too. It was from that first bright, genuine smile that Penelope Featherington was in love.
Over the years, her affection for Colin Bridgerton has not faded but rather steadily intensified. Though he is no longer a boy but a young man having recently finished his studies and starting to chart his path within society, he is no less kind, silly, and engaging than he had been when they were all smaller. She has observed him for so long now, sometimes from her window across the lane in London and sometimes up close in the Bridgerton family drawing room. However, this month that she will spend at Aubrey Hall will be the first time she will have so much uninterrupted time in his presence, and that notion most certainly thrills her greatly. She is excited too to make her formal debut into society and finally be permitted to attend the society functions that Colin often attends as a young gentleman as well. It will be yet another new setting in which to observe him but also hopefully spend time in his company too.
Penelope's upcoming debut is another reason why her mama agreed to allow her to travel to Aubrey Hall. She does not understand why, but her parents decided to debut all three Featherington girls at the same time. This meant Prudence's was held back for three years, Phillipa's for one, and Penelope's was pushed slightly ahead too. As a result, Portia Featherington has her hands full preparing all three of them at the same time. It has been a long, tiresome autumn and winter spent in the family drawing room and going over dances and receiving instruction in practices apparently meant to woo a certain kind of affluent, titled gentleman.
Mama seemed excited by Lady Bridgerton's written invitation to host Penelope for a while as she prepared Daphne for the same event. It would both free her up to spend more time on Prudence and Phillipa, who Penelope knows she views as the more desirable female prospects in their family, but would also bring their family a little closer to the Bridgertons. Lady Violet's family has one of the best reputations amongst the Ton and are also generally highly regarded by the Queen and those closest to her.
Penelope does not care what Mama's reasoning was in sending her to Aubrey Hall. She is only excited to be going at all, hence the way she spends the entirety of the six hour carriage ride practically vibrating with anticipation.
"She's here!"
Those are the first words she hears as her carriage finally pulls up to the front of the Bridgerton's country estate, and they are spoken by an entirely familiar voice that she has not heard in so very long.
The curtains are solidly in place to keep the cold out, so she does not see Eloise until the carriage driver climbs down and opens the door for Penelope. She does not have to look far for her friend, though, as she is standing directly at the end of the steps and bouncing on her feet in just as much excitement as Penelope herself had been feeling these last several hours too.
They embrace warmly and, as they walk towards the entry, El immediately launches into a lengthy description of all that Penelope has missed since they last saw each other. It is somewhat repetitive with the frequent letters they have exchanged in that period, but she does not mind one bit. She is just happy to be arm-in-arm with her dearest friend again.
As soon as they enter the foyer of Aubrey Hall, Penelope finds more Bridgertons gathered to greet her, including the Dowager Viscountess herself.
"How was the journey, dearest?" Lady Violet asks as she embraces Penelope and fusses over her traveling bonnet. "I hope you were not too cold while enduring such a lengthy carriage ride this time of year."
"It was perfectly fine," she answers with a grin, turning to accept an eager hug from the youngest of her children, Miss Hyacinth Bridgerton. "It went by in a flash if I am being honest."
Next comes the always elegant Daphne, donning a simple light blue daydress that Penelope wishes dearly her mama would allow her to wear. Portia seems intent on continuing to outfit her and her sisters in shockingly bright fabrics that she believes will attract the eyes of a suitor far more effectively than something as understated as Daphne's gown.
"Oh, I am so happy you are here, Penelope!" the oldest Bridgerton daughter exclaims as she hugs her. "We can prepare for our approaching debut before the Queen together now!"
Penelope smiles brightly and nods. "I am looking forward to that too. There are so many things I wish to ask you."
Eloise, standing off to the side and seemingly begrudgingly allowing her a moment to greet the family, rolls her eyes at that. "I still do not understand why your mama rushed ahead your entry into society by a season. You would think she is distracted enough by both your sisters debuting as well."
Lady Bridgerton shushes her daughter. "It is not for us to question Lady Featherington's intentions, Eloise. And besides, Penelope is not being rushed ahead per se. Her birthday puts her on the cusp of things. It is not unusual for a girl her age to make her debut."
"Your hems are lowered!" Little Hyacinth exclaims now that a maid is helping Penelope out of her traveling cloak and her bonnet. "Your dress is like Daphne's and Mama's now!"
"Oh, I would not say that," Penelope quips somewhat uncomfortably. "The color is quite different still."
"Such a bright… happy shade," Lady Violet comments politely as she smooths out the fabric on Penelope's shoulder. "It suits you, dearest."
"What suits her?"
Penelope's breath hitches at the sound of the voice approaching from behind her. She turns her head then spies Colin descending the stairs at a rapid pace and apparently in a rush to join her welcoming party. She allows herself a moment just to bask in his appearance, at his relaxed state of dress while he is here at home with his family—dark breeches and a simple light green waistcoat and loosely-tied, matching cravat. She notes too that his hair is a touch longer than when she saw him last, his curls somewhat tamed but still bouncing lightly as he comes down the steps. She is reminded, though, that his smile is as bright and kind as ever one he reaches the landing and flashes her one. It seems to her slight dismay that Colin has only somehow gotten more handsome in the months they have spent apart.
"Her dress," Daphne chimes in and answers his earlier question that she had entirely forgotten about. "That shade of yellow suits her, Mama was saying."
Penelope instantly blushes at the topic of her garishly yellow dress being discussed in front of Colin. He takes a second to look her over before he nods and shrugs his shoulders casually.
"It is your signature color after all."
"Against my will it is, yes," she mumbles, looking away from him now and doing her best not to blush any further under his gaze and that of most of his family gathered in the foyer for her arrival.
Sometimes Penelope wonders if she were allowed to wear dresses that were not quite so loud and gaudy if he might see her differently. If she were allowed to wear dresses that better matched her sensibilities and taste, perhaps Colin would look at her as something other than a friend, as something other than his little sister's playmate. It does not matter, though. She has tried all autumn and winter to convince Mama to outfit her in something other than bright yellows and oranges and pinks, but Portia Featherington is steadfast in her assertion that citrus colors are the key to her daughters' success on the marriage mart.
Eloise tries to guide her away from the group and to the library for some private time together, but Lady Bridgerton intercedes. She insists that Penelope be shown to her room and have a chance to settle in and refresh herself if she wishes. Everyone else, Colin included, makes themselves scarce then, and El, her mama, and Penelope head upstairs to view her bedchamber for her time here at Aubrey Hall.
"I truly did not expect my own room, Lady Bridgerton," Penelope says as they climb the steps together. "I am more than happy to stay with Eloise if that is easier on your staff."
El's expression brightens eagerly at that and she opens her mouth to respond.
"That is very amenable of you, Penelope," her mama interjects, however. "But I would like for you to maintain your own bedchamber while visiting with us. For one, I think you are entitled to your own private space now that you are a young lady entering society. But I also prefer it so that I can rest assured that the two of you will not stay up late into the night talking and giggling and even reading to one another, as I suspect you may do otherwise."
Penelope blushes slightly at that as Lady Bridgerton is certainly correct. That most likely is exactly what would happen if she were to share a room with her best friend for the next month.
Lady Violet proceeds to show Penelope to the very bedchamber that has been prepared for her. It is just down the hall from Eloise's and Daphne's too, and it is a lovely room to be sure. She has a fireplace of course with a cozy chair beside it, a large, comfortable-looking bed, and even a vanity to sit at while one of the maids might help her with her hair in the morning.
The three of them then also spend a while on a short tour through the corridors of Aubrey Hall. Lady Bridgerton points out the important rooms that Penelope will most likely spend time in— the dining room, the drawing room, and of course the library too.
"Oh," the Dowager Viscountess says to herself from the doorway of the library. "I should mention something to you so you are not caught by surprise…"
Penelope looks to her curiously. "Yes?"
"There is a very small chance of you encountering him, but… if you were to make a very early morning trip to the library, you might find Colin here."
"Oh," she answers as her brow furrows. "Alright."
"Are you aware of Colin's nighttime habit?" Lady Violet inquires, to which Penelope immediately shakes her head in bemusement.
"He sleepwalks," Eloise interjects then with a roll of her eyes. "It is rather annoying honestly."
"Sleepwalks?" Penelope asks in concern as she does not recognize the term. "What do you mean?"
Lady Violet sighs softly and shakes her head once. "It is just a funny, harmless habit of his. He often journeys from his room in the middle of the night and ends up in another room of the house. Lately, it has been the library, I have noticed."
"Do you mean to say he does all of this while sleeping?" Penelope questions, still not entirely understanding what it is El and her mama are trying to tell her.
"Yes," Eloise affirms. "His eyes might be open, but he is still entirely asleep even as he walks around."
"You should not be disturbed by it, though," Lady Violet interjects likely once she sees Penelope's eyes go wide in concern. "He usually wakes up early in the morning and gets himself back to his bed. Sometimes, though, one of us or a member of the staff will happen upon him. If that is the case at some point with you, dearest, I would advise you just to leave him be."
Penelope nods agreeably, but her mind races with this news. How has she never been made aware of this particular phenomenon affecting Colin? It must be rather rare as she has never once heard of it afflicting another person in her life, and after all, she is particularly well-read for a young lady of her age and station.
Lady Violet and Eloise do not seem very concerned about it, though. The older of the two gave her the impression she views it as simply an eccentricity of sorts and the younger viewed it more as a harmless annoyance. Therefore, she determines that she herself does not need to be concerned about it either. That will not stop her from being curious, though, and she wonders if she might have an opportunity over the coming weeks to inquire about Colin's habit with him directly.
Sleepwalking and nighttime habits are far from Penelope's mind for the rest of the afternoon and evening then. She spends a rather idyllic sort of day amongst the Bridgertons, being quickly and seamlessly absorbed by them as everyone goes about their normal activities. She has a very good feeling about this month she will spend at Aubrey Hall. In fact, she suspects that this month may just be the greatest one of her entire life.
"You are sure you do not require anything before you go to bed, Penelope?" Lady Violet inquires from the hallway outside her room. "Maura, Eloise's lady's maid, is available to assist you with anything you may need while you stay with us."
Penelope shakes her head, though. "Thank you, but I can ready myself for bed. I do so in my own home after all."
El stands beside her mother in the hallway, seemingly reluctant to go down to her own room even though the hour is late and it is definitely time for bed. Lady Bridgerton picks up on this, however, and takes ahold of her daughter gently by the shoulder.
"Well, then, if Penelope is all settled, it is time to bid one another goodnight. You will have plenty of time tomorrow and all the days this coming month to spend in each other's company."
Eloise huffs but does wish her a goodnight all the same. She returns it with a soft giggle and disappears into her bedchamber as Lady Violet escorts El to her own room down the hall.
She spends a while at her vanity as she takes the pins out of her hair simply reflecting on the day and how happy she is to be here. She is tired from traveling to be certain, but there is a sort of buzzing energy beneath her skin all the same. She does not think she has ever readied herself for sleep while feeling so entirely excited about the next day to come.
Once Penelope climbs into bed finally, she lets out a sigh at how comfortable and plush it is. She knows that she is going to rest well here amongst the Bridgertons. Sure enough, within only a few minutes of lying her head atop the pillow and burrowing herself cozily in the sheets, she feels herself starting to drift off to sleep and with a soft smile on her face too.
Though sleep comes easily tonight, Penelope has always been a rather light sleeper. She is used to being awoken in the middle of the night due to her father returning from White's or wherever else he would go, clumsy from drink and stumbling through the halls. Sometimes she would awake to raised voices, generally that of her mama's chastising her father for the hour at which he was returning home and the state he was in too. Other times the sounds that awoke her were more innocent in nature, including signs of the staff heading up and down the servant stairs located directly beside her bedroom.
Tonight, she finds a similar phenomenon is playing out. She is pulled from slumber by a sound across the room and she slowly blinks into alertness. Only this time, it is not her father's lumbering steps or her mother's shrill voice or a servant's hurried activities that rouse her. It is the creaking sound of a door opening and the clicking sound of the same door closing.
Penelope can tell by the darkness that greets her eyes when she parts them, by the way the room is barely illuminated by the single candle lit on her bedside table, that it is nowhere near the morning. It cannot be a servant coming to wake her, therefore. So, she thinks it must be Eloise. Perhaps she is excited to have Penelope here overnight for the first time and is already breaking Violet's rule about sneaking into each other's rooms.
Prepared to admonish her friend, Penelope sits up in bed and wipes the sleep from her eyes.
"El, your mama said we musn't—"
She cuts herself off in a rush as her still bleary eyes take in the sight of the person standing by her door. It is definitely not her friend Eloise, no. It is one of her brothers instead, and perhaps the last young man on Earth she would like to see her in her current state.
"C-Colin!" Penelope sputters as she presses her back firmly against the headboard of the bed and raises her blankets up to her chest. "What are you doing?"
Penelope stares at him then, awaiting a response and observing him in his relaxed state of dress. It is so relaxed in fact that he is entirely missing his shirt or a dressing gown of some sort and is dressed simply in a pair of loose breeches.
"Colin," she urges again in a harsh whisper. "What are you doing here?"
Again, she awaits a reply from him that never comes. Instead, he gazes back at her from his spot across the room with glazed over eyes and giving her far off look.
For a moment, Penelope starts to grow fearful of his strange behavior. She worries that some story one from one of those dark, frightening books that El and her sneakily read from time to time might be playing out. She worries that Colin might be possessed by an evil spirit of some kind, that he is locked in a trance and poised to attack in some capacity. But then a memory from earlier in the day settles into place—when Lady Violet informed her of Colin's strange nighttime affliction.
"Sleepwalking," she whispers to herself as the realization dawns on her. That was what his sister called it when he wanders the house while asleep. That must be what is happening now.
Though she now feels less afraid with some explanation for Colin's strange comportment, it is still a little unnerving to see him just staring back at her rather dully. To know that he is moving around the house and entering her bedchamber but also at the same time that he is entirely asleep as he does so.
"Colin," she says softly after a few more moments of silence stretching between them. "You must return to bed. You are sleeping, I believe."
Penelope twitches then as he starts to move from the place he had been fixed previously. Only he does not step backward and towards the door. Instead, he approaches her bedside even closer.
"Colin, no. You must return to your room," she encourages, scooting with the blankets still up and shielding her form from his unseeing eyes. "You should not be here."
He does not listen, though, probably because he cannot truly hear just as he is not truly seeing the scene playing out in front of him. What he does do, to her horror, is to sit down on the opposite side of her bed, sprawl his body on his side, and rest his head atop one of her pillows.
Penelope by that point is all the way on the edge of her mattress and gaping at him anew. There is a man in her bed. A man with no jacket and no cravat and no shirt at all. A man who she bears serious affection for. A man she has been secretly in love with for years.
"Oh my lord," she mutters to herself once he lets out a sigh and nuzzles the side of his face against his pillow. He stretches his arm across the bed and towards her too but luckily she deftly avoids him by slipping off the edge and onto her feet.
Penelope stands then in just her nightgown, thick and long sleeved and down to her ankles to keep the chilled winter air from affecting her too severely. She watches with a pounding heart in her chest as Colin Bridgerton seems to make himself at home in her bed.
She quickly shrugs into her dressing gown that is draped across the back of a chair by the vanity. Once it is securely wrapped around her and tied in the front, she feels a little less exposed. Yes, Colin may be fast asleep at present but his eyes are still open and she cannot bring herself to stand before him in her simple nightgown with her hair down and her breasts unbound.
"Colin," she starts once she comes around the side of the bed he is on and tentatively shakes his shoulder. "You must wake up and return to your room. You cannot be here."
And it is certainly true. If anyone were to discover this scene, even a member of his own family, the consequences would be grave. She may be fairly ignorant to the reasoning behind such strict societal rules regarding the supervision on unmarried men and women, but she knows enough to be certain that someone finding Colin in her room would be cause enough for scandal. Never mind someone finding him without a shirt and stretched out across her bed.
As much as Penelope tries to rouse him, though, he simply will not wake. She could in theory try raising her voice to urge him more forcefully but she is also terrified of El next door or another member of the household overhearing and trying to investigate.
She is at her wit's end when she suddenly finds something that seems to bring about some shift in him. She had been gently shaking his shoulder for quite some time to no avail when her hand lifted and instead settled on the side of his head. Her mind was spinning then and she hardly even realized that she had started to drag her fingers through his hair.
Colin sniffles and rolls over onto his back, his eyes land sleepily on her then. She thinks for a moment he might be awake finally and freezes up. She is mistaken, though. He is still surely asleep with the vacant expression and the lack of any sort of purposeful movement or speech.
Again, Penelope cards her fingers through his hair and this time, she savors it. She has long wished to do this, to touch his curls and feel them between her fingers. She knew they would be soft and pleasing in feel, but she did not realize it would be quite so nice as this.
As she continues stroking the side of his head and playing with his hair, Colin starts to lean further and further into her. He seems to be almost yielding to her in a sense, and she wonders if he might somehow be able to understand her or at least be more amenable to her requests in his current state.
"Colin," she tests out in a quiet whisper. "You cannot be here. You must go back to bed."
This time, when she shifts her hand away from his head and gives his shoulder a gentle tug, he follows willingly. He sits up from the bed, swings his legs over the edge, and rises to his feet all with her quiet encouragement.
Penelope proceeds to guide him all the way back to his room then. She guides him up to his feet, steadies him with a hand on his elbow, and lights their way holding onto the candle from her bedside table with her other hand. It is slow going as Colin shuffles along at a snail's pace, but they make it there without issue and she thinks without being detected. She is grateful that Lady Bridgerton's tour included mention of which hall included the bedchambers belonging to the oldest brothers in the family. Otherwise, she would have been quite lost as to what to do with Colin tonight.
She finds that, once inside his room, Colin easily slides back into his bed, into the space with the covers thrown to the side and where he was clearly before he rose. Penelope takes a moment to tuck him back in, to ensure his blankets are snug around him and that he is hopefully comfortable and settled and will remain put for the rest of the night.
Though she is not very experienced in these matters, it certainly seems like he will remain in place until he truly wakes come morning time. The moment after she fluffed up his pillow and his head tilted back to rest atop it, she watched his eyes flutter shut and his body seem to sink more completely into the bed.
After a moment or two of tweaking his sheets and smoothing out his blankets, Penelope knows it is time to leave. Somehow, she managed to successfully get him back here without getting caught but she should not push her luck by remaining in his bedchamber for even an extra second. And yet, she finds herself lingering and stealing another quiet, private, secret moment for herself.
Penelope takes a deep breath and lets it out slow, her hand returning to the side of his head and gently smoothing over his temple. She marvels to herself how handsome he is as he lies on his side and so relaxed. He somehow appears younger than his one and twenty years of age, the few lines he possesses on his forehead smoothed out, lips slightly parted, and his eyelashes fluttering ever so lightly against his cheek.
Colin eventually lets out a sigh, which is audible and the very first sound she has heard from him tonight. It shocks her into full alertness, her feet scrambling from the edge of the bed and to his door instead. She manages to remember her candle on his desk before she departs entirely and thankfully nearly silently too.
As Penelope carefully treks through the halls of Aubrey Hall back to her own room, the true magnitude of tonight's events begin to sink in further. Colin entered her bedchamber in the middle of the night. He stood in the same room as her in a state of undress and while she was in in a state of undress too. He got into her bed. He laid his head on her pillow. Penelope has not even debuted yet and she almost became ruined all the same. She would have been compromised if they were discovered and both of them would have been in a tremendous amount of trouble too.
As she sneaks back into her room and shuts the door, a dark thought passes through her mind.
Would it truly be so terrible if Colin and you were caught together? Would it truly be the worst outcome if the consequences of being discovered in that state were to have played out?
Penelope closes her eyes tight now that she is laid out across her bed again. It would be terrible if those things were to happen, however. It would be terrible because the consequences in this case would either be a marriage forced upon them or Colin steadfastly refusing to take responsibility for her and leaving her to suffer the fate of a ruined young lady alone.
He would not do that, you know, she thinks. He would not let that particular fate befall her because he is a good and honorable young man. He cares for Penelope in a friendly way and he would not let her suffer in that manner. But he would be forced to marry her, and she knows in her heart of hearts that it would not be the fulfillment of her longtime dream. For her dream is that Colin comes to her willingly, that he falls for her in the same manner she fell for him. She may be young and naive to so many matters involving married men and women, but she has enough knowledge to be sure that a marriage of obligation would be more heartbreaking than not marrying him at all.
Penelope takes a deep breath and rolls onto her side and looks at the pillow his head briefly rested on. She will guard the secret of what transpired tonight as fiercely as she can. No one will ever know that Colin entered her room nor that he laid atop her bed. She grazes her fingers across the pillow beside her and she thinks about his handsome face lying against it. She will always remember how peaceful he looked asleep in his own bed. She will remember his broad, firm chest and the smattering of dark hair across him there. She will remember the planes of his stomach, the narrowness of his hips disappearing beneath the top of his trousers. She will remember that he was here once. She could not forget it if she tried.