Archive of Our Own

Jungkook had been drunk out of his mind when he first met Taehyung. He hadn’t even looked. The only reason he noticed the new figure at all was that Jimin had been going on and on about worrying for this Tae long before Jungkook had gotten drunk.

Like, weeks before.

So just for the sake of being a good friend to Jimin, Jungkook glanced. Saw bony knees in horribly ripped jeans, a fake black leather jacket, too-long hair of some weird, dirty-gold shade, and a shit-ton of dark eyeliner. And promptly decided he was not interested.

Jimin would kill him for assuming someone was gay based on the way they dressed, but everything about this dude screamed ‘I’m so unique and artsy and a gazillion precent gay’.

Jungkook couldn’t prove it, it was just an impression, but he also couldn’t give less of a fuck. He didn’t need friends in general. Had absolutely no idea what to do with ones like that.

What he needed was to be drunk, and then he finally was, and the room was spinning, and the girl in his lap was just as drunk but in a visibly better mood, and she smelled fantastic despite the scents of sweat and vodka, and she was dragging her ass right over Jungkook’s crotch, and when Namjoon coughed at them for the fifth fucking time, Jungkook groaned and made himself move.

He didn’t care that it was in a women’s toilet stall and that they were disgusting everyone who could hear and not even trying to be quiet.

This was a dirty, cheap nightclub. Jungkook was not here to care.

He only regretted not being drunker, because by the time they were done, he was kind of sober. The girl still wasn’t and she kept giggling to herself as he stumbled back to her friends’ table. Jungkook watched her drop down on the couch and went looking for a back door.

He didn’t want the night air to sober him up any further, but he was itching for a smoke.

He heaved a sigh as he pushed the door open and saw a whole bunch of people already smoking there. Because of course. Because why would Jungkook ever fucking be lucky.

And the street reeked of piss and rotting leftovers that the scent of Jungkook’s cigaret simply could not overpower.

Jungkook glanced around again just because he was bored.

There was a small crowd that belonged together, three girls going back inside and… a blond guy in a fake leather jacket.

Jungkook wasn’t even entirely sure he remembered his full name correctly. Jimin said it once and then just called him ‘Tae’.

And Tae didn’t look fine.

Jungkook hesitated. He couldn’t remember, maybe he had looked like that from the start? That would explain why Jimin was so worried.

Tae was sort of pale. Sort or skinny. His skin sort of ashen and lips sort of colorless – and Jungkook was sure he had lipstick on before. He didn’t know what made him remember it’s shade.

And Tae was also leaning back agains a wall and curling in on himself at the same time and looking sick at best.

Hopefully just too drunk?

Jungkook didn’t care. Maybe he did a little? He didn’t care whether he cared, he came up to Tae… Taehang? Taehyang? because that was Jimin’s friend and he looked like he wanted to pass out. For no other reason.

“Hey, you good?”

The guy dragged his hazy eyes up to him slowly and blinked multiple times. Frowned.

Like he knew who Jungkook was but had no idea what he was doing here.

Shifted his weight and turned away, trying to straighten up. “Sure.”

Jungkook’s brows rose. Tae had a very low voice. Raspy and maybe too low.

And then Jungkook noticed that Tae had wet traces of makeup running down his cheeks, and his lipstick wasn’t gone but rather smudged around his mouth, and his face was all pale but cheeks an angry, blotchy red.

And Jungkook would bet the girl he had just been with had a similarly rough voice.

“You don’t look okay.”

“Fuck off.”

Jungkook arched a brow.

“What?” Tae scoffed. “Want me to suck you off too? Fifty thousand won and I’m all yours.”

…right. No, of course. Why wouldn’t Jimin be friends with a prostitute?

Tae cursed and dropped his palms on his knees. “Shit. Fuck. Forget I said that.” He shook his head. “Don’t- tell anyone, please. I’m- drunk, ignore me. I’m joking.”

“Sure you are.” Jungkook sighed. “And I’m straight.”

Taehyung looked at him, up and down, and laughed. Disrespectfully loud. Nodded. “Yeah, sure you are.”

“Fuck off.”

“Wouldn’t take another client anyway.” Tae mumbled to himself and straightened up more. “Give me a smoke.”

Jungkook reached into his pocket. “Say please.”

Tae’s face darkened. “Not for less than thirty thousand.”

Jungkook flicked the pack open and held it out for Tae. Then passed him a lighter.

Tae tilted his head. “Won’t light it for me?”

Jungkook ignored him.

Not because he couldn’t think of a comeback when Tae batted his lashes like that, with his cheeks hollowing and lips wrapping around the cigaret.

Not because of that. 

Jungkook would bet Tae earned good money. He fucking looked like sex.

Jungkook took another drag and watched the group of guys leave the alley.

It got quieter.

Jungkook smoked for a while and then couldn’t help turning back to Tae. Maybe because he wouldn’t stop sliding down that wall.

“Are you sure you’re-“

“I have a boyfriend, so you can quit staring at me like that.”

Jungkook let out a dry laugh and spit out some smoke. “That’s so sweet. Does he know you’re cheating on him?”

“Well, if he wants to have shit to eat, he’s gonna have to deal with it.” Tae quipped and shot Jungkook a glare. “And don’t you fucking dare shame me, Jk.” 

The corner of Jungkook’s mouth jerked up. “You a fan?”

“Of watching two people beat each other into the ground for money? No, I wouldn’t say so.”

Jungkook grinned and took a drag. Blew it out. “I’m not shaming you.”

“Right.” Tae brought a cigaret to his mouth as well and whispered, “Maybe I’m shaming me.”

Jungkook looked at him for the millionth time. Noticed the tremble of his fingers. “You really don’t look okay.”

Tae nodded and finally slid down to the floor. “Yeah. I kinda wanna die. But it’ll pass in a bit, do not worry.” He forced his lips into the fakest smile Jungkook’s seen.

His eyes seemed hollow.

The bricks of the street were black and sticky with something Jungkook refused to give a name to, but he sat down too.

Because Jimin would kill him for leaving Tae here alone.

No other reason. 

Tae whispered, as if he was too tired to make his voice work. “Do you feel like that after your fights?”

Jungkook leaned his head back on the wall and stared up at the sky. “How do you even know about them?”

“Jimin talks about you all the time.” Tae cleared his throat. “You worry the fuck out of him.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “You do too. Does he know what you do?”

Tae stayed quiet for a long moment. Then in a small voice said, “Yeah. And don’t fucking dodge questions.”

“What?”

Tae lolled his head to the side to look at Jungkook. “Do you feel like this after your fights?”

“No.” Jungkook scoffed. “I won or I’m unconscious, I don’t feel anything eigher way.”

Tae turned back. “Cool.”

Was it? Maybe it really was.

Jungkook knew he was doing something really fucked up. Something dangerous and harmful and disruptive. He didn’t even have a good excuse. He needed money and was good at hitting people. Was good a winning, too.

He’d guess Tae needed money as well and he had no doubt people paid a shitload to touch him.

“What’s your full name?” Jungkook asked at some point and in the pause that followed he got a feeling Tae wanted to bite him. Tell him to fuck off or that it wasn’t his business.

But Tae was probably to exhausted for that. “Taehyung.”

Jungkook nodded. ‘Tae’ was a nice shortening for a name, but when it was the only name Jungkook knew, it felt like a cheap prostitute’s nickname.  

So this was good to hear.

Jungkook wasn’t sure why he stayed with Taehyung and helped him get up when they decided to go back inside.

He didn’t care.

He was just bored and lonely.

Then Jungkook came to find out that Taehyung was fucking weird. Even when he wasn’t letting people fuck him for money.

He was rude, loud and had opinions on shit no one should ever have opinions on.

“Toothpaste is stupid. Why is it’s packaging so weird? It can’t lay normally, it doesn’t stand, why-“

“For fuck’s sake, Taehyung!” Jimin slapped his textbook on the table. “I’ll drown you in this ramen if you don’t shut your mouth!”

Taehyung giggled and took a mouthful of noodles. “You love me so much.”

Jungkook had no fucking idea why he agreed to start coming to this horrible hole with Jimin and Taehyung.

Okay, he wasn’t given much of a choice. The two just showed up at his door and Jimin announced he was treating them to some food. Who was Jungkook to say no.

And they came to a horrible place. Jungkook wouldn’t touch a thing here if Jimin hadn’t sworn he’s been here with Yoongi before and neither of them had died yet.

There was exactly one window under the ceiling, white tiles on walls that were all faded and crooked, and flickering lights that threatened to give out.

And Jimin insisted he had to be studying.

“You brought us here for motivation, didn’t you?” Jungkook watched him, thrumming his fingertips against his own chin.

An underground fighter, a prostitute and a Jimin.

Taehyung laughed, but Jimin arched an unimpressed brow.

“I’m an amazing hyung. Say thank you, chew and shut up.”

Except Jimin was no angel at all. He was smiley and played sweet, but he usually had good fucking reason for doing things that he did.

Like, for example, he clearly brought Taehyung here to feed him, because Jungkook was apparently wrong about Taehyung making money. Whatever he made was obviously not enough to keep any meat on his bones.

Why Jungkook was here, Jungkook did not know. No fucking idea.

But Taehyung was fun sometimes and really nice to look at, and Jungkook didn’t mind listening to him bitch about toothpaste packaging’s shape, and this was in general kind of… nice.

Maybe Jimin thought Jungkook could use a new friend. That wouldn’t be too wrong.

So these evenings in a horrible diner whose owner clearly despised all of his guests went on, until they were a thing.

And Jungkook’s been learning more stuff.

He learned Taehyung had a fucking piece of shit for a boyfriend, and the guy didn’t work whatsoever. And in Jungkook’s humble opinion, he was abusive as well.

Taehyung never said it like that, he rarely mentioned him at all, but when he did all the light in his face just went out. And his shoulders dropped and he glanced down, and that all looked like he was fucking in pain.

And miserable.

Jesus fuck, Taehyung was so miserable.

Jungkook hadn’t even known people could be that level of… sad.

Taehyung had that void look in his eyes sometimes, when he thought no one was looking or when he was too tired to care or right after a night of ‘working’, that made Jungkook understand why Jimin was so worried.

And Jungkook also learned that sometimes, very rarely, when Taehyung wasn’t like that – when he was rested and sated and had no ‘work’ coming up, he looked and felt like a warm, fuzzy bubble of light.

Jungkook hadn’t known people could be like that either.

He honestly- He didn’t know… what to do.

Not when Taehyung smiled at him like an absolute sun and put meat on his plate and said, “Eat, Jungkookie,” in the softest voice Jungkook had heard in forever.

His mouth went a little slack the first time Taehyung did that, and something in Jungkook’s chest punched and tightened. Threw him back to the times that never happened and to all the points when Jungkook had hoped to hear that someone cared and heard nothing.

And then Jungkook learned what Taehyung looked like before his nights of ‘work’.

In jeans that were supposed to be tight but hanged on his slim hips, shirts that left his chest naked and that same fake leather jacket, with glitter on his cheekbones and faint gloss on his lips and the dark, smudged eyeliner and shadows on his eyes that made them ten times darker and meaner, and his dark-gold hair let down and tousled…

And there was just something about Taehyung then that was too sharp and dark and heavy. Something that made Jungkook wonder how Taehyung managed to even keep himself up.

He looked like a weapon, though.

He looked lethal.

And then he gave Jungkook one look – just one look, how pathetic is that? – but one slow, unreadable look, and at the age of twenty-three Jungkook learned that he was into men.

It was surprisingly no big deal. Jungkook couldn’t find a reason to care.

And he also could not handle the contrast of Taehyung.

Taehyung was like an insane fucking puzzle – made of pieces that could not belong together by any law of logic or sense, and yet formed a complete, seamless shape.

Jungkook learned Taehyung’s boyfriend was called Min-jae, and when he first met him, Min-jae was drunker than Jungkook the night he met Taehyung.

It was a weird eventing, in the beginning of summer, when a whole bunch of things went wrong at once.

For starters, Taehyung’s boyfriend was supposed to help him move – into an even smaller, shittier flat than before. The one Min-jae would also be living in despite not paying a thing.

Then it was Jimin who was supposed to be helping them – which he was.

The main problem was that Min-jae stopped answering calls and Taehyung and Jimin physically couldn’t get the couch and the rest of the stuff to the next place without Min-jae and his car.

So Jimin called Jungkook.

And, like, Jungkook knew Taehyung wasn’t living in a newly built condo, but he wasn’t expecting him to live in such a… Jungkook didn’t know what to call it.

Jungkook was an underground fighter and had been boxing for over a decade, and he did not feel safe walking up to Taehyung’s door.

It swung open right before him to reveal Jimin’s beaming smile and Taehyung’s sour face.

“Jungkookie!”

“We could totally drag the couch out on it’s side alone if Jimin wasn’t such a pink fucking princess.”

Jungkook looked from one of them to another and back. “…okay. You do understand no couch will fit in my car?”

Jimin made it fit in Jungkook’s car.

Taehyung had been checking his phone more than helping, to be honest, but all of the running up and down the stairs and forcing bags into the car around the tiny couch was actually fun.

What was not fun was the look on Taehyung’s face and the fact that all of his and presumably Min-jae’s belongings fit inside Jungkook’s car in one go. Jungkook couldn’t even pretend Taehyung’s last place looked as sad as it did just because there were no things in there now. Because there were never any things.

Jungkook drew back twice only because Jimin couldn’t get inside with them with the backseat folded.

He stopped the car in front of a building he could only call a slum and barely held back from double checking the address.

Taehyung flipped the phone in his lap and leaned back. Lolled his head to Jungkook, almost the same way he did back in the alley, and gave him a small, tired smile.

“Pathetic, right?”

“No.” Jungkook answered maybe too quickly. “It’s…”

“Yeah.” Taehyung huffed. “It will save me one hundred fifty thousand won and next month I’m gonna buy myself a cheesecake.”

Jungkook frowned. “You could get a slice in any coffee shop for like a-“

“No, I want the whole thing.” Taehyung closed his eyes. “A huge, round cheesecake. All wobbly in the center because of how fresh it is. I fucking hate when it’s wobbly. But I want it like that. And I’ll eat all of it.” Taehyung smiled again. “Don’t tell Min-jae.”

Jungkook watched him for a long moment and almost forgot what he wanted to say. Because Taehyung’s lashes were long, and curled-up, and his cheeks seemed so soft and lips gentle. Plum and weak-pink and with the smallest indent on the bottom one.

Jungkook dragged his gaze away and coughed. “You didn’t really do this for a cheesecake.”

Taehyung opened his eyes with a sigh. “If you ask Min-jae, I did. Let’s go, Minie’s waiting.”

They only had two backpacks left to drag up when some guy stumbled to the front stairs, almost tripping over his own legs.

He was tall and weirdly slim, with dark, unwashed hair falling over his forehead, and face hollow and pale.

And absolutely nothing about him stood out. He looked like he belonged here.

He cursed under his breath, pretending to examine the building, but it was obvious his vision was swimming. “Fuck. How did- Oh, there you aah- are, Tae. How did you find this shithole? Did your whore friends give you a- ah agh, tip?”

Taehyung shut his eyes for jus a short second, hands curling into trembling fists by his sides.

He spoke horribly quietly, “I’m so fucking impressed you remembered the new address. You know what else you were supposed to remember?”

The guy – it was Min-jae, who else could it fucking be, - scoffed. “You didn’t reah- really expect me come watch you ruin our lives?”

Jimin shifted uncomfortably behind Jungkook and Taehyung’s jaw ticked.

He bit out, eyes narrowing, “Ours? What the fuck does my flat have to do with your life, Jae? And yeah, when my fucking boyfriend promises to help me move and asks me to wait until the last fucking day,” Taehyung hopped down the stairs, “I do expect him to be on time and not drunk or at least fucking text me that he’s getting shitfaced again!”

Min-jae rolled his eyes and it looked like that made him dizzy. “Opf- please. Boyfriend. Like you aren’t getting fucked by this entire city.”

Jungkook felt his fingers jerk.

Taehyung hissed, “Don’t you dare start that shit in front of my friends.”

“Why?” Min-jae snickered, flinging a finger at Jimin and Jungkook. “Aren’t they sluts like you? Oh- or are they really not? You met descent people, Tae-Tae? Ashamed they’ll reah- realize who you are?”

“Fuck you!” Taehyung punched Min-jae’s shoulders and Jungkook kind of wished it’d send the fuck flying. It didn’t, he barely even flinched. “I fucking do it so we- I! You! Have a roof and some food!”

“And do we have a roof, Taehyung?” Min-jae snarled, straightening up to loom over Taehyung. “Huh? Do we? Or do we fucking live in a gutter now, huh?!”

Jungkook did not fucking like the way Taehyung withered before Min-jae, pulling his head low and his shoulders down, but when Jungkook tried to step down, Jimin gripped his wrist.

Taehyung’s voice shook with quiet anger. “I can work a whole night less now.” 

Min-jae threw his head back and laughed. “Wow. You lazy fucking bitch, you made us move here cause you can’t even find people who’d- pay to fuck-“

“Fuck you!!” Taehyung screamed, making both Min-jae and Jimin flinch. “You- Jesus fuck, what are you even saying?!! Do you- Do you not hear how you sound? Min-jae!” His voice broke to something desperate and aching, and he reached for Min-jae’s hand, suddenly almost pleading, “Why are you- You’re- You were supposed to help me, you’re… supposed-“

Min-jae ripped his hand out with a scoff. “And you were supposed to be my boyfriend and not a whore anyone with some spare change could f-“

“I fucking said don’t you dare.” Taehyung whispered, stepping to Min-jae even when his whole body shook. “I fucking feed us and pay rent, and-“

“Aren’t you a hero, Tae?” Min-jae stoped. “You pay your own rent at twenty-five, fucking bravo. A successful artist at his finest, aren’t yo-“

Taehyung shoved him back again. “And the fuck do you do, Jae? What rent do you pay, hm? That there-“ Taehyung pointed at the building. “-is my house. Where’s your-“

Min-jae grabbed Taehyung’s collar and pulled him flush to himself, and Jimin practically hang himself onto Jungkook to stop him from coming to them.

But Taehyung dug his nails into the skin of Min-jae’s hand quickly and with something wild on his face. “Go on. Seriously, you do this in front of my friends, you’ll never see me again.”

Min-jae’s eyes shot to Jungkook and Jimin and his lip quirked up. He pushed Taehyung away.

“Fucking whatever. I’ll go-“

“You’ll go fuck yourself.” Taehyung nodded, trying so hard not to sound shaken. “I only have one key and you ain’t having it. And I’m having lunch with my friends.”

Min-jae’s brown rose.

Jungkook finally pealed a hissing Jimin off himself and walked down, feeling the hair on the back of his neck stand up as he passed Min-jae.

He wished Min-jae would be stupid enough to punch. He really fucking wished and he could feel Jimin knew that.

“Are you forreal?” Min-jae slurred. “And I’m supposed to go where? And- No, you fucking wait! You made us move here to save one fucking night but you’ll go out for lunch? With your fucking friends instead of me?!”

God, Jungkook hated the sound of Min-jae’s voice. But he did enjoy Taehyung shoving him backwards and hissing, “Yeah. I’ll fucking go and have lunch with my friends, who have helped me move into my flat – the one I live in – and you, as I’ve said, can go and fuck yourself!”

Taehyung promptly turned away and started walking. Jimin pulled Jungkook along, shooting Min-jae worried looks over his shoulder.

Jungkook wanted to stay. Jungkook had shit to say.

This was Taehyung’s boyfriend, though. Jungkook had no right to get into their business. And there was something in the tight hold Jimin still had on him that made Jungkook think he should really keep moving.

 (Jungkook would later ask why the fuck Jimin had stopped him. He’d only later learn that if Jungkook had intervened, Min-jae would have taken it out on Taehyung after. So it was a good thing Jungkook walked past him.)

“Aren’t you supposed to take care of your boyfriend, Tae?!” Min-jae screamed after them.

Taehyung didn’t turn. “Well I bet you have no spare change, so I guess you couldn’t afford me.”

He walked quickly, far ahead, and when he turned a corner and Jungkook and Jimin finally caught up with him, Taehyung was leaning against a wall with his hands on his face.

Jimin opened his mouth first, “Tae-“

“No, fuck-“ Taehyung rubbed his palms down his cheeks. “I- Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please forget you both saw that, okay? It’s- fine, let’s just- Ah, shit.” Taehyung glanced at Jimin from between his fingers. “You have afternoon classes today, don’t you?”

Jimin started shaking his head, “I could skip-“

“No, don’t do that.” Taehyung dropped his hands and forced a smile. “Enough fuck-ups in one friend group, please go make something of yourself.”

Jimin didn’t laugh. “Tae-“

“I’m free and I’m hungry.” Jungkook lied twice in one sentence. “We can just go together.”

Jimin and Taehyung both looked at him and Jungkook waited.

Jimin knew he had practice in less than an hour. But Jungkook was glad he didn’t say anything.

“Okay.” Taehyung mouthed, like he was too exhausted to speak. “Yeah, great.”

They led Jimin to a bus stop and waited for him to hop on before walking away.

Taehyung didn’t speak and didn’t seem to have a destination in mind, so Jungkook moved half a step ahead and led.

They moved slowly – maybe because Taehyung was tired, or because he needed time, or maybe simply because the weather was nice, but Jungkook didn’t care and didn’t mind.

The trees were beginning to bloom, and the air was already warm, and the gradually darkening sky turned a pretty, pinkish orange.

It was quiet in this area, too.

“Do you really have nothing? The evening?” Taehyung murmured at some point.

Jungkook shook his head no.

Taehyung sighed, forcing his head up. “I have no idea if there’s anything edible around here. Sorry. Maybe we could google-“

Jungkook cut in, “I know where we’re going.”

In his peripheral vision, he noticed Taehyung frown. “You’ve been here before?”

And Jungkook contemplated ignoring the question but… Well, why not?

“My father lived nearby.”

“Lived?”

“Mhm.”

“Did he die or just move?”

Jungkook huffed. “Died.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh no.” That actually got a smile. “That’s a great thing.”

 He heard Taehyung scoff. “You’re so weird.”

“Said the toothpaste hater.”

“Fuck you.”

Jungkook led them to a twenty-four-hour convenience store that really only sold dusty instant ramen and diet coke in scratched cans.

Jungkook watched Taehyung move through isles with that void look in his eyes again and couldn’t help thinking just how wrong this looked.

Taehyung didn’t belong here.

Taehyung belonged somewhere on silk sheets, where he’d have a clear view of sun rising above the ocean and get round cheesecakes brought to him on golden plates.

Jungkook got an extra spicy beef ramen and Taehyung some cheese noodles and they sat on lopsided chairs and waited for the food to be ready.

Taehyung pulled one knee up and dropped his cheek on it.

Jungkook held back a sigh, didn’t want Taehyung to interpret it wrong. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung shifted until he could rub his forehead on his knee. “He’s not always like that. Really, just- He was just drunk.”

“And how often is he drunk?”

Taehyung bit his lip and didn’t answer. Didn’t look at Jungkook either.

“Just-“ Jungkook faltered. Wasn’t sure how to say that. “You do know no person on earth has the right to talk to you the way he talks to you, yeah? Like, you’re just… choosing to ignore it, right?”

Taehyung gave him a long look from under his brows that Jungkook wasn’t sure how to read. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Stay straight, please.”

Jungkook let out a chuckle. “Can’t I just say something nice?”

“You can’t and that ain’t it.” Taehyung stabbed his chopsticks against the table to rip their package open. “And you said you were straight.”

“I was straight when I said it.”

But then Jungkook’s smile melted and he let it go. Because nothing was funny about this.

“Taehyung, seriously.” Jungkook called, trying to catch his eyes again. “You do know that’s not norm-“

“Jesus.” Taehyung let his chopsticks fall and clutter against the table. “I know Min-Jae’s not perfect but he’s trying and we’re together and he’s putting up with a lot of my shit as well, so drop it, okay? Please.”

Jungkook clenched his jaw.

Nodded.

They ate in silence for a while and maybe Jungkook shouldn’t have, but he wanted to pry while he had Taehyung’s to himself.

“Do you really do art?”

Taehyung’s head snapped to him. “What?”

“Min-jae mentioned it.” Jungkook murmured, suddenly unsure if that was a good thing to ask.

“Well. Yeah.” Taehyung huffed, stirring his noodles slowly. “I mean. No. I used to.”

“What kind of art?”

“Painting.” Taehyung smiled sadly. “Drawing. Sculpture. I wanted to try everything, but the materials are so fucking expansive. I-“ He sucked in a breath and looked up, suddenly fighting back tears. “Fuck, I wish I had gone to college so bad. I know it’d just be a waste of money and time, and no one could even teach me- I mean, what I need to know to do art, I already know it, I’ve been doing it, just- I wish I could go, I really wish I could… make friends, meet some people. And-“

Taehyung picked at the plastic tablecloth.

“I used to believe I could sell art for a living.” He whispered with a humorless laugh. “I went into… prostitution, or whatever it’s called, so that I would have time, you know? Cause I kept believing if I just had time to make this beautiful art that I know I could make, I’d put it out there and reach people and- And it was always supposed to be just one time. Just one, just because I really need money. And then just again, and again, and-“ Taehyung waved around them, at the dust and flickering lights, and he looked so heartbroken. “And I haven’t touched paints in years now and now this is just my life. And I don’t know how it happened, Jungkook.” Taehyung pushed a smile. “And you talk about who has or doesn’t have the right to speak to me and how, like I’m not the absolute bottom of fucking society.”

“Fuck that!” Jungkook hissed, wanting to scream. “What you do doesn’t define you whatso-fucking-ever! What even-“

Taehyung picked up his chopsticks again and asked energetically, clearly wanting to change the subject. “Do you like what you do? The fighting?”

Jungkook didn’t answer. “Tae, Min-jae really fucking can’t be holding that shit over your head all the tim-“

“Ff- Stop it!” Taehyung groaned. “I- Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude. Just- Min-jae has every right and you don’t even have an idea how many aspects of my- our lives it affects, so… Drop it, okay?”

“That’s such bullsh-“

“Jungkook.”

Okay.

Jungkook punched his noodles with his chopsticks. “I do like fighting. Will probably do it until I retire.”

Taehyung shoulders relaxed just slightly. “Or until you get arrested or injured or beat too many times.”

Jungkook hummed and got a mouthful of ramen. Swallowed without chewing to try and ignore the lack of taste. “Worked out for Joon.”

“He switched to coaching, though.”

“Maybe I will too.” Jungkook pointed for Taehyung to keep eating. “But I don’t think I have the patience. I’d kill me if I had to train me.”

Taehyung chuckled. It sounded almost alive.

Then Jungkook learned- Well, no, it wasn’t a new thing, he had known it for a decade.

Jungkook relearned that getting his ribs fractured hurt like a fucking bitch. And still not as bad as his pride after realizing Taehyung and Jimin were there to see it.

“I won.” He rasped as soon as he saw them walk into the back room and tried to bat Jin away. “It’s fine, they’re just fractured.”

“Just fractured?” Jin slapped Jungkook’s hand away sharply. “I fucking decide what is and isn’t fractured in you. Lay the fuck down or I’ll make you.”

Jungkook dropped his head on the bench with a groan.

Jimin loomed over him, fuming. “You should have fucking stopped the fight when Namjoon told you to!”

“Bore.” Jungkook huffed. “You and him. Both.” He searched the space behind him to find Taehyung.

Seeing him was distracting. Made the pain bearable.

It was just unfair how beautiful Taehyung was.

“I won.”

And it bothered Jungkook that he couldn’t read the look in Taehyung’s eyes again.

“Was it worth your ribs?”

Maybe it was because Jungkook’s head was hazy, or because he was still high on adrenaline after the fight, but he managed to fool himself into thinking Taehyung looked like he cared.

And Jungkook didn’t know why, but Taehyung started coming to watch his fights.

Then Jungkook learned that there were things that could not even graze him and still hurt him more than getting his ribs cracked open.

It was at the end of summer, when the air was no longer thick with horrible heat, and Jungkook was just lazing around, nothing to do for the night.

Contemplated coming to a club with Jimin and Yoongi but decided against it. He could not even drink – had fights lined up for the next couple of weeks.

And he had a bad feeling already when his phone started ringing out of nowhere, which only got worse when he saw it was Jimin.

Jimin was at a club with Yoongi, there was no chance something was wrong with him.

“Yeah?”

“Please come pick us up.” Jimin’s voice was tight and the music oddly distant. “Quick, okay, like- Now.”

Jungkook was already by the door with the keys to his motocycle. “Okay. Who are ‘us’?”

Someone hissed, “Fucking don’t! I fucking said I just need a minute, stop this circus!”

Jungkook faltered at the top of the stairs. “Is that Tae?”

Jimin left a long, heavy pause. “Yes.”

Jungkook didn’t remember getting down the stairs and driving. But he got multiple speeding tickets for that night.

And it was so stupid, too. Because Jimin and Yoongi and even Hoseok were there. Because that was their club. Because Taehyung was not even supposed to be working. Because he’s been doing this for so long, and didn’t he know how to be careful?

He was sitting in the alley when Jungkook came – the same damn alley they met in – with Jimin at his side.

And at the first glance, he was even fine.

Just pale. Just a scratch on his cheek, over the darkening purple – like it’s been dragged against the brick wall. Just a tear on his blouse. Just some blood on his mouth. Just the undone belt and the two-step distance between him and Jimin.

Jimin jogged up to meet Jungkook halfway and gripped his elbow. Whisper-hissed, “Get him to leave. It’s been- two fucking hours. He can’t get up himself and he’s not letting any of us touch him. Please fucking- Jungkook, get him to leave.”

Jungkook watched Taehyung’s small figure and pulled Jimin’s palm off. “Give us some space.”

Jimin stayed where he was while Jungkook walked, until he was standing by Taehyung’s legs.

Taehyung lolled his head back and looked up at him.

No pain in his eyes. Not even exhaustion, just… nothing.

“It doesn’t have to be Jimin, you know?” Jungkook asked quietly. “If you call, I’ll answer too.”

The corner of Taehyung’s mouth jerked up.

Jungkook wondered what was funny, he personally couldn’t find a thing.

Taehyung mouthed, “I’m fine.”

“Great.” Jungkook nodded and squatted down, held his hands out slowly but surely. “Then let’s go.”

Taehyung didn’t say anything, but he also didn’t flinch when Jungkook snaked an arm around his back and under his knees.

Jungkook tried his damn best not to shift Taehyung as he stood up with him, but he still heard Taehyung bite back the smallest, softest whimper, and, for some reason, that little sound hurt Jungkook more than anything else in his life did before this.

Taehyung draped his arms around Jungkook’s shoulders loosely, and as happy as Jungkook was to discover that Taehyung actually had a body and wasn’t all bones, it also made his healing ribs throb.

So he came up to the frozen Jimin and nodded at the door to get him moving.

Yoongi and Hoseok were both frantically chain-smoking by the cars.

Since Taehyung refused to let go of the back of Jungkook’s t-shirt, Jungkook got in the backseat with him.

“Not mine, please.” Taehyung murmured then. “Min-jae’s there.”

So Taehyung knew where he was. So Min-jae had not disappeared again. So he wasn’t not here because Taehyung couldn’t find him.

He wasn’t here because Taehyung didn’t want him to be.

Jungkook opened his mouth, but-

“Mine, then.” Jimin said from the front seat and Yoongi started the car.

Yoongi didn’t go up with them because it was safe to assume Taehyung didn’t want any more people around him.

And the normality of Jimin’s movements horrified Jungkook. The smoothness of all his actions.

The fact that it was obvious this was at the very least not the first time.

Jimin went to fill the bathtub, and Taehyung was still in Jungkook’s hold, still had his arms around Jungkook’s neck, and if Jungkook didn’t know better, he’d say the way Taehyung rubbed his nose on his shoulder was a lot like nuzzling.

“How did it happen?” Jungkook whispered against Taehyung’s temple, gently, just so Taehyung would know he could talk if he wanted.

“Old client.” Taehyung breathed out. “I think he would have even paid if I agreed. I don’t know why I didn’t. It was just…” His voice was so small. “Was supposed to be my night off.”

Fuck that hurt.

Jungkook would rather have all his bones broken than hear that tone again.

“Tae-“

“And I probably can’t even work for a while now, right?” Taehyung pressed his forehead to Jungkook’s shoulder harder. “Is my face really bad?”

“Taehyung.”

Jungkook couldn’t put it into words. Couldn’t even begin. Couldn’t process.

That Taehyung spoke of this as if it was normal. That his first though right now was having to find new people to fuck him despite the bruise in his cheek.

When he could barely fucking walk. 

Jungkook cradled him to his chest, looking at the bathroom door and dreading the moment Jimin would come to take Tae away.

He couldn’t fucking believe Min-jae was letting him do this. At all, but at least now, after this - Couldn’t he take care of him? Couldn’t he fucking find enough money to let Taehyung rest for two goddamn weeks?

Jungkook knew Taehyung wouldn’t take money from him or Jimin or anyone else, but he’d bet Taehyung would accept help from his boyfriend.

So what the fuck was up with that boyfriend?

God, Jungkook hated Min-jae. Now almost as much as his father.

“Let me down, okay?” Taehyung murmured when they heard Jimin’s steps. “I’m alright.”

Jungkook left and came after a while.

“The box is for Taehyung,” He explained, passing Jimin a big box and a bag with pastries.

He thought this was superficial and simple and he wished he knew Taehyung more, wished he could come up with something more comforting than a damn round cheesecake.

Maybe Taehyung wouldn’t even like it, maybe it wasn’t tasty at all, or not as fresh at Taehyung wanted, or maybe he wasn’t hungry or didn’t want to eat it like this, after tonight, or-

“Tell him they didn’t have frosting to write ‘I’m straight’ on it.” Jungkook said and left.

Then Jungkook learned being Taehyung’s friend was exhausting. Mainly because he couldn’t stand hearing Min-jae’s name without wanting to punch things.

He’s been trying so hard to work out why Taehyung was with him, and he knew that must have been annoying.

He finally asked once, when Taehyung and him ran away to some rooftop to smoke and watch first stars light up, as they’ve been doing sometimes. Not often, only when Jungkook lost a fight. Or after Taehyung had a bad – busy - night of work.

It was neither that night and Jungkook didn’t know why Taehyung called him. Didn’t know why they had a half empty green bottle of soju between them that Taehyung had been gulping down a lot faster than Jungkook.

And the roof was ugly. It was getting cold, too.

Taehyung’s face looked sharp in moonlight and the light of the one dim lamp they brought with them.

Taehyung watched the cigarette burn to a joint between his slender fingers, eyes lidded and cheeks flushed but lips set in a line.

Dropped it to the ground and threw his head back. Hissed, “I don’t fucking wanna keep hearing it!”

And Jungkook knew he himself was tipsy too because it took him a long moment to focus on meaning behind the sound of Taehyung’s voice.

He frowned. “What?”

“I fucking know I’m not-“ Taehyung waved at himself indifferently and sighed. “Whatever. I don’t wanna keep hearing it. Fuck!”

Jungkook tried to blink some haze away. “I’m gonna need you to be spelling things out.”

Taehyung shook his head and stabbed the joint with the heel of his shoe. “Min-jae was mad at me cause he couldn’t make me cum. I- It- How the fuck was that my fault??”

Jungkook’s drunken mind thought something about this was funny. A tiny bit.

But mainly really sad.

And Jungkook really did not want to think of Taehyung and sex in one sentence. It’s been driving him nuts as it was.

“Tae, why are you with him?”

Taehyung’s gaze on him was heavy. Flickering, like Taehyung really was trying to find an answer.

Pretty, dark.

“Look at my eyes, Jungkookie.” He whispered, and Jungkook looked away from Taehyung’s lips with no idea when that had even happened.

“Sorry, I didn’t-“ He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

Taehyung laughed. Low and honest and pretty.

“You apologize for looking at me?”

“No, I apologize for making you uncomfortable.” Jungkook said, keeping his eyes on the city’s line.

“Uncomfortable.” Taehyung echoed.

Jungkook looked back at him. Really looked.

He wasn’t great at naming things, at figuring out what that twisting thing in his chest was.

“Taehyung, do you love him?”

Taehyung scoffed, promptly turning away.

Took another cigarette, lit it up.

Watched it burn again.

“I broke up with him.”

The words hang.

Slowly, lightly.

Carefully, like a veil.

It was suddenly a lot easier to breathe.

And that thing in Jungkook’s chest then – it was unreasonable, uncalled for excitement.

“I don’t fucking know why,” Taehyung went on. “Just- I fucking have clients who treat me better than-“

“You really don’t have to be justifying it.”

Taehyung took a quick drag. Let smoke out to the sky. “Feels like I do. I didn’t have a reason to be with him, didn’t have one to break up. But at least I wasn’t alone.”

‘Wasn’t him pushing you reason enough?’ Jungkook wanted to ask. ‘Wasn’t him calling you names and not giving a damn about your wellbeing enough?’

Instead, he asked, “Is that why we’re drinking?”

“No.” Taehyung glanced at the bottle. “I broke up with him, like, almost two weeks ago.”

“Feel better yet?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes, but his lips spread in a smile. “Okay. How long have you waited to talk shit about him?”

“Since before I met him, can I start?”

“No.” Taehyung’s smile widened. “He wasn’t that bad and he was my boyfriend, my choice-“

“People make horrible choices sometimes.”

“Jungkook.”

“Okay.” Jungkook huffed.

And the next moment of quiet was unnerving – the space Jungkook suddenly had to just look, to see Taehyung.

Beautiful, so fucking beautiful. And so sad and so tired.

“You don’t mean that, Jungkook.”

“Mean what?”

“That look.” Taehyung murmured, quetly, like this hurt him. “What does it- What do you even want?”

“I don’t know.” Jungkook pulled his legs closer, because they almost touched Taehyung’s and Jungkook couldn’t have that. “I was really focused on staying straight.”

“Was that working out?”

“No.”

It was a simple word. But it put so many things out there.

Taehyung took another drag, and this time Jungkook let himself watch – not long enough to be creepy, not even enough to get caught, just to steal the image of smoke falling from Taehyung’s lips.

And the curve of their smile got smaller, softer. “How come I know you wanna fuck me but you don’t?”

Jungkook didn’t laugh. “That is not all I want.”

“Bullshit.” Taehyung pushed back. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then enlighten me.”  

Taehyung clicked his tongue in annoyance. “What do you think you want, Kook?”

“Go on a date with me.”

Taehyung laughed. It didn’t sound too sincere. “You want to date a whore?”

Jungkook wanted to tell Taehyung not to call himself that. But… well, that was what he was. Jungkook just didn’t like the contempt in Taehyung’s voice when he said it.

And Jungkook honestly didn’t know if he could handle being with Taehyung, now that he really was thinking about it.

Jungkook knew himself and he admitted that he was greedy, selfish and possessive, and what he didn’t know was whether he could handle sleeping with Taehyung, having him, and knowing someone else had touched him just before, would touch him the night after.

Dating – Jungkook knew he could do. Sex – he needed to think more about.

So, again, “Go on a date with me.”

Taehyung shook his head, turning away. “Can’t we stay friends?”

Jungkook smiled. “Do you wanna stay friends?”

Taehyung met Jungkook’s eyes, same unreadable look in them. “I wouldn’t mind if you fucked me.”

“‘Wouldn’t mind’ is not enough for me, Tae.”

And then that look in Taehyung’s eyes was gone abruptly, and for probably the first time since Jungkook met him, Taehyung seemed flustered and lost.

“That’s so- weird. Fine. I’d really like you to fuck me, happy?”

“Why is that weird?”

“Because.” Taehyung huffed. “People don’t usually care even if I don’t want something.”

Jungkook’s face darkened and Taehyung quickly moved on, not letting him get a word in.

“That’s what I mean, though. You don’t wanna date me. I’m a whore, Jungkook, I let people fuck me for money. And they aren’t rich, nice and pretty, they’re disgusting, sweaty old narcs and drunks who want it in a piss-reeking alley or some club's toilet. And I do that a lot, and then I usually pass out and sleep whole days, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m usually in the very shity mood after that. And!” Taehyung pushed some hair out of his face, but Jungkook had a feeling he wanted to hide instead.

He hoped the flush he saw on Taehyung’s cheeks was just from the light of the lamp, and not shame and anger that have twisted his features.

Taehyung’s voice got quieter. “That leaves my body kind of… fucked out and disgusting. And I know I just said I do want you to fuck me, but it wouldn’t be like that all the time, because the last fucking thing I want on my off nights is to have to pleasure somebody again. And when I’m not sleeping or at work- I don’t know, maybe I do come off fun sometimes, but I’m usually just being drained and having no energy for anything. See?” Taehyung set back like he’s made some sort of point.

Jungkook nodded. “Go on a date with me.”

“Aghr, were you not listening?!”

“I was, Tae.” Jungkook chuckled and stretched his leg out to tap his foot to Taehyung’s. “I’m not asking you to marry me. But I do like you. Let’s go on a date.”

Taehyung flailed his hand like he wanted to throw his cigarette down again, but then probably realized they were expensive and just gripped it harder instead. Looked everywhere except Jungkook and then only at him, eyes flailing with confusion.

“Why? What do you- want from me? I get that you want to fuck me, I-“ He waved at Jungkook up and down, “know that. But what the hell else do you want?”

To take care of you. 

It scared Jungkook how immediately the answer came to him. And how much he ment it.

Jungkook’s been dying to just do that, he realized. To make sure Taehyung ate something nice and slept until he was rested and didn’t look so sad anymore.

He knew Taehyung wasn’t one to just let people take care of him, though. Maybe because no one’s done that before.

“I like you.” Jungkook repeated, holding Taehyung’s gaze and trying to make the words sink in. “I want to spend time with you.”

“What the fuck is there to like?” Taehyung whispered to himself and rolled his eyes. Then spread his hands out. “And what does spending time together mean? This?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook shrugged. “Why not?” Then a thought crossed his mind. “I mean, what did you and Min-jae do?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes again. “Met up occasionally to discuss how I’m a cheap whore who will never amount to anything. I frankly had enough of that for a lifetime, thank you.”

Jungkook tilted his head. “If I promise that’s not what we will be doing, will you go on a date with me? Or do you really just not want to?”

“Do I-“ Taehyung stared. “Are you doing some reverse psychology?”

“What? No.” Jungkook frowned. “I’m not gonna harass you into going on a date if you don’t want to.”

“If I don’t want to.” Taehyung threw his head back and laughed, quiet and shaky. His throat vibrated with it and there was something so pretty about the way Taehyung’s lashes fluttered, the way the blush on his cheeks softened.

He wiped the corner of his eye, giggling like Jungkook said something so funny, and Jungkook just really hoped it was because Taehyung was drunk and not having a breakdown over somebody caring about his consent.

“Okay, Kook, why not.” Taehyung smiled. “Fuck it, let’s go on a date.”

Jungkook learned there was some other, new side of Taehyung then, some new look in his eyes that was wary and just a bit excited.

He actually wore one of those blouses that he usually chose for his nights of work, and although it irked Jungkook off just a little, he guessed it was Taehyung’s attempt to look good.

Which he did – Taehyung looked so damn good.

His dark-gold hair had grown out a lot, and he left it loose, falling over his cheeks and eyes, put on black, smudged eyeshadow and something on his lips that shimmered, ripped jeans that were probably too cold for the weather and his favorite – or maybe only – fake leather jacket.

It had a collar that covered a lot of Taehyung’s neck and the hickeys there that Jungkook usually tried really hard to ignore. He had a feeling Taehyung covered some of them for tonight, and he wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to.

But maybe Taehyung did that for himself. Maybe he didn’t want to remember the people who left them either.

Jungkook came to pick him up with two motorcycle helmets and drove Taehyung through the night Seoul for a bit, maybe missing a turn here or there to prolong it a little.

Sue him, Taehyung felt amazing curled around Jungkook’s back, with his hands gripping Jungkook’s stomach and some soft, faint scent of him making it’s way into Jungkook’s lungs.

And Jungkook wasn’t big on dates and romance, and he knew Taehyung would only see flowers or going somewhere to eat as a waste of money – Jungkook wouldn’t usually care, he wanted to get Taehyung a huge fucking bouquet and he normally would have, but it felt disrespectful in this specific case. Taehyung wanted to die after earning his money, Jungkook didn’t want to rub it in his face that he himself could just throw it around.

So he held back on flowers and sweets and let Taehyung to one of the trails in Namsan park. Not far, because he knew by then that Taehyung wasn’t a walker, and not hight up either, not to where all the tourists went.

But they found a nice bench with a view of bridge lights reflecting in Han River and set down to eat oily, lukewarm pizza that they got back in the city.

(Jungkook had to fight to pay those ten thousand won because fucking of course.

“I can pay for it too!”

“I know, Taehyung.”

“I can at least pay for a half!”

“I know, Taehyung.”

“I’m the hyung!”

“I asked you out.”

“That is irrelevant!”

“Please move, Taehyung.”)

Jungkook liked the way Taehyung looked at him as they sat and ate. Liked the way Taehyung looked at the city and the way he looked in general. A little more rested, a little more relaxed.

He leaned back with a slice in his fingers and pulled one knee up. Turned to face Jungkook.

“Why here?”

“You don’t like it here?”

Taehyung smiled. “I do.”

“That’s why here.”

Taehyung laughed, real and quiet. He had a low voice when he wasn’t trying to force it higher.

“Wow. That was so cool and smooth. Did Minie help you come up with it?”

“No.” Jungkook wiped his hands with paper towels, balled them up and threw them into the bin. “Yoongi did.”

More soft, melodic laughter. “He did not! He’d do better!”

“Ouch.” Jungkook pressed a palm to his chest. “You wound me. That was purely my own improvisation.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes with a smile. “Cool, Jungkookie. I’m swooned.”

Jungkook arched a brow. “Are you trying to tell me you’re not enjoying the date?”

“No, I am.” Taehyung chuckled but his smile got warmer. “I really am.”

He turned back to the city and Jungkook watched him again, the wavering of shadows and light on his features, the wind playing in his hair.

“I like being high up.” Taehyung murmured.

Wasn’t it obvious that Jungkook knew that? That that really was the reason they came here? They’ve been coming to rooftops for months, did Taehyung really mean to ask why Jungkook chose to be here?

“My place is high up.” Jungkook said instead. “The view’s shit, but.”

Taehyung gave him a sly grin. “Are you trying to invite me over?”

“Do you want me to?”

Taehyung’s smile dropped and he exhaled harshly, “Can you stop asking what I want?”

Jungkook blinked. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” Taehyung hesitated, glanced away. Like he did not really mean to say anything. “…Makes me uncomfortable.”

Jungkook was glad it was night, hoped the darkness hid some of his expressions. Keeping his voice even was hard enough on it’s own. “Being asked what you want makes you uncomfortable?”

“No.” Taehyung gripped the edge of the bench and stamped his foot on the ground. “I mean- I don’t know. Forget it.”

Maybe it was contagious – the sadness. Jungkook felt one similar to that coloring Taehyung’s eyes most evenings.

“Can I ask something?” Jungkook tried tentatively, watching a couple of girls walk past them and up.

“My favorite position? Sixty-nine. It’s cliché for a reason.”

Jungkook bit into his lip and shook his head.

“Why don’t you pain anymore?” He studied Taehyung’s features closely, to see if he should drop this. “I mean, you have time.”

Taehyung’s face didn’t change much, but something in his gaze did. He wiped his fingers too, threw the towels into the now empty box.

“Can’t, I guess.” He mumbled. “I can’t make what I want. And what I do make is shit. I-“ He pointed at his chest vaguely. “Don’t have anything to create with. Does that make sense? I’m just drained all the time, so all I make is some grey, ugly bullshit.”

Jungkook phrased his next sentence carefully. “Well… it doesn’t have to only be rainbows; if it’s a reflection of you, it’s still art.”

The corners on Taehyung’s lips curled up. But he shook his head. “I don’t want to make that. It’s not even a choice, I’m-“ He laughed drily, surprised himself. “I’m not in control even there. That’s not- Ignore me. I was saying, I don’t want to make that. I know what I want. But I’m- I can’t.”

A gust of wind swiped past them, made the leaves above their heads rustle, and Jungkook quickly checked if Taehyung was getting cold. He wasn’t shivering, though, so Jungkook leaned back and crossed his hands over his chest – it was a comforting habit.

“What would you need to start painting again?”

Taehyung scoffed. “To stop begging strangers to fuck me for money. Meaning it’s not gonna happen.” He set up straighter and pushed the pizza box away to put both feet onto the bench and face Jungkook. “What about you, then? Any abandoned dreams?”

Jungkook let him jump the topic.

Shrugged. “I don’t think so. Never really had any. Well, I mean, not like yours. I wanted tattoos and a motorcycle.”

Taehyung smiled, put his chin on his knee. “You know that no one knows shit about you? Even Minie only knows that you don’t speak with your parents. And I know you were happy your dad died.”

Jungkook grinned, like an asshole. Couldn’t help feeling fluttered. “You seriously asked around?”

“I wanted to know if I’m about to go nowhere with a muscled psycho!”

“You wanna tell me I’m the most dangerous one of all your acquaintances?” Jungkook deadpanned and Taehyung shifted, tilted his head to hide his cheeks.

“You- Well- Technically, I do think you’re the strongest. And the most dangerous one in a fight, absolutely, so… Yeah?”

“Nice save. Or you could just admit that you wanted to know more about me.”

“Fuck you!” Taehyung hissed. “I literally fucking just asked-“ 

“Okay, Tae.” Jungkook chuckled. “What do you wanna know?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Your traumatic backstory.”

“It is kinda really not fun.” Jungkook murmured. Just a heads-up. He didn’t mind, but it was a mood-killer.

Taehyung rubbed his cheek on his knee. “I am curious. If it’s okay. I don’t even know how you got into fighting.”

Jungkook smiled and propped his elbow against the back the bench to rest his chin on his palm. “My dad was a gambler and an alcoholic. Loved to throw hands. I chose fighting in school the first chance I got, and I think it pissed my dad off a lot. He was still stronger until, like, my tenth grade. I moved out even before I could afford it. That was shitty. Then I met Namjoon and got into fighting.”

Taehyung’s brows creased, and he prodded gently, “And your mum?”

“I wanna think she was nice.” Jungkook said quietly. “She died when I was really young, I don’t even remember why. I think she was sick?” Jungkook’s chest constricted and he looked down. “Don’t know if my dad cared. I really wanna think she was good, but, realistically, I don’t think that was true. No good person would stay with my dad and leave a child with him.”

Taehyung put a hand on Jungkook’s forearm, and the touch felt awfully nice. “I’m sorry.”

“‘S fine.” Jungkook smiled. “What about your parents?”

“Very boring, they kicked me out for being gay.”

Jungkook gaped. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung huffed, pulling his hand away.

“That’s-“ Jungkook didn’t know what he wanted to say. Maybe ask if Taehyung ever tried to talk to them again? If he had asked for help?

It had never crossed Jungkook’s mind that Taehyung could be doing what he was doing while having alive parents. That there were parents out there who’d allow someone – their child, Taehyung, - to ever do things like that.

But what was there to ask? They kicked Taehyung out, Jungkook doubted they cared how he lived or where. Or if he lived at all.

“I’m sorry, Tae.”

Taehyung shrugged. “It’s fine. I just wish I had chosen boxing over theatre.”

Jungkook pursed his lips. Didn’t know what to say again.

He just thought it was so unfair. That Taehyung – sweet, strong, beautiful Taehyung – was living that kind of live. Was getting violated in the worst fucking way for something as stupid as money.

“I brought something.” Taehyung suddenly said and reached into the pocked of his jacket.

“Seriously?” Jungkook groaned, watching Taehyung rip open a pack of pepero.

Taehyung giggled. “Giving up already?”

Jungkook moved, put one hand on the bench, and Taehyung crossed his legs to fit on the bench sideways.

Facing each other.

Taehyung’s eyes were dark, shiny with excitement.

And something else, too. Something slower.

He put the biscuit stick between his teeth and leaned forward.

Jungkook’s heart thrummed just a bit too hard as he moved to bite onto the stick too. He wasn’t nervous, not at all, but having Taehyung be so close made him notice.

The sparks on Taehyung’s lashes and that faint scent of his skin, warm and light and alluring, and the pink of his cheeks, and the way his breathing was not as measured as he pretended.

Taehyung bit first, just a little too quick. Just a little bit startled.

Jungkook took a small bite. Watched Taehyung’s lips and couldn’t stop his own from spreading in a grin.

Taehyung bit again.

Jungkook didn’t.

If Taehyung started this to do what Jungkook though he was going to do, Jungkook was not going to do it for him.

There was less than one bite left between them, if Taehyung wanted this, then he had to do it. Or bite and move back.

Taehyung took a quiet breath through his nose and closed the distance, brushed his lips against Jungkook’s and bit the pepero off.

It was a chaste, careful touch.

Then Taehyung sat back and squinted his eyes at Jungkook. “Why are you so smug?”

Jungkook bit into his bottom lip with a smile, and he knew that made him look like a rabbit.

He didn’t want to answer.

“I would agree if asked me to blow you right here, you know?” Taehyung spoke. “And I would agree if you asked me to come over. Why are you that smug about this?” 

‘Because you wanted this.’ Jungkook almost said. ‘It wasn’t me, you did this.‘

He held his hand out instead. “Let’s walk a bit higher, hm?”

He didn’t ask Taehyung to come over that night. He wanted to, he could see Taehyung wanted as well.

But Jungkook didn’t ask.

When he stood by his motorcycle near Taehyung’s house, with Taehyung leaning onto the seat and staring at Jungkook’s lips, when Taehyung put a hand on Jungkook’s belt and tugged lightly, until Jungkook was between his legs, and then tugged his collar until Jungkook leaned down, until their lips brushed together… Jungkook kept raking his mind for a reason that was holding him back, and he just couldn’t catch it.

Why wasn’t he asking?

Maybe because it would be too much about sex.

Would just be sex.

Jungkook knew Taehyung wouldn’t let them be closer than that.

And Jungkook was greedy. He wanted it all.

Taehyung’s lips were soft and warm under his, pulling open to make him chase, to make Jungkook grip the bike behind Taehyung and press their tongues together when Taehyung tried to take over.

It didn’t feel like he wanted control, though, it felt a lot like provocation, and Jungkook was smiling when he stepped back. Kissed the space between Taehyung’s cheek and the corner of his mouth, and took the helmet from his fingers.

“I will be working the next two nights.” Taehyung whispered into the quiet between them, and Jungkook’s smile melted. “Then one off, then two nights again.”

Jungkook nodded, marking it down in his mental calendar. “Okay. I have a fight tomorrow, but I can drive you home all other-“

“No, I just-“ Taehyung’s hand moved over Jungkook’s wrist, gripped it weakly. He sighed, made himself look up at Jungkook’s face. “If you don’t tell me to come over tonight, I really don’t know when else we could- Cause… I’ll have work, and, like, I told you, I really won’t be-“

“Tae-“

“No, I just!” Taehyung’s features contoured with worry that hurt Jungkook to look at. “I just don’t want you to be upset with me later because-“

“Hey, no, stop.” Jungkook shushed, lacing his fingers with Taehyung’s. “Tae…” It was weird and a little awkward, but Jungkook knew Taehyung understood what he meant. “Would it feel right if I invited you over?”

They have been on one date. And no, Jungkook did not think there was some set number of dates that had to pass before first sex, he’d gladly fuck on his way to the first date if the mood was right, but this… this night wasn’t it. It was a great night, a great talk, a great kiss.

But it didn’t feel right.

Maybe Jungkook had put effort into not making this sexual. Maybe hearing ‘What is there to like?’ from Taehyung had hurt Jungkook to hear.

Maybe he did mean to prove this was not about sex.

“I just don’t know when else-“ Taehyung murmured and Jungkook stoped him, guided his face up with a tip of his finger. To catch Taehyung’s eyes.

“We are not gonna have sex just because the timing is convenient.”

Taehyung made a small sound, between a laugh and a groan. “Why not? Don’t you want me? I’m a whore, Jungkook, it’s not like we have to-“

“Stop saying that.” Jungkook cut off. “I don’t care what you do, it has nothing to do with this.”

“Yes, it does.” Taehyung pushed. “I am a whore, you don’t have to treat sex with me like something fucking special.”

…Okay. So, that there was why they were not going to have sex tonight.

“Taehyung, I wouldn’t be having sex with a whore.” Jungkook said sternly and quietly. “I’d be having sex with a person, who I really like, and who I think is really fucking special.” Jungkook held Taehyung’s gaze. “And it’s not gonna happen tonight just because it fits into your schedule.”

Taehyung nodded stiffly, quickly looking away, but Jungkook still caught it – that hard shift in his eyes. It didn’t seem like it had sunk in fully, like Taehyung truly understood, but for now it was enough.

Jungkook wanted to kiss him again, but he was hesitant about touching. He wanted permission, wanted to hear it wasn’t something Taehyung was just allowing.

He couldn’t think of anything worse than having Taehyung the way his clients had him. Being to him what his clients were.

He settled on tracing his thumb over Taehyung’s chuckles, staying close enough to catch the scent of his hair just a moment too long.

Jungkook regretted that moment, it was selfish.

“Goodnight, Tae-“

Taehyung suddenly crushed into Jungkook, lips meeting his and hands coming up to cup Jungkook’s jaw, and it was hard enough to make Jungkook catch Taehyung’s waist and put a hand onto the bike to keep them from falling over.

Jungkook breathed in harshly through his nose, kissing back on pure instinct, and Taehyung’s back arched under Jungkook’s touch, and he tasted a little like chocolate, and-

“I liked the date, I really-really did.” Taehyung whispered quickly against Jungkook’s mouth, traced his fingertips over Jungkook’s cheeks, and Jungkook wondered if the heat curling over his spine at that was accidental or something Taehyung did on purpose. “Thank you.”

Jungkook kissed him again, light and careful, brushed their noses together. “Goodnight, Tae.”

And Taehyung was right, they didn’t have time to be together for a while – not even just to meet up. Jungkook wouldn’t have minded to at least drive Taehyung home, but Taehyung didn’t let him.

He barely answered texts and once during the next week he called Jungkook to go to a rooftop.

It got a lot colder then but Taehyung still set down right on the floor, with his back against the brick railing, and dropped his head onto Jungkook’s shoulder.

He didn’t speak, didn’t ask for a cigarette when Jungkook lit his up and didn’t take it when Jungkook offered.

Jungkook thought Taehyung would fall asleep.

So he smoked quietly, trying not to move the hand Taehyung was resting against, and all he could think about was how this could not keep going on.

Taehyung stirred at some point and turned his head just a little, rubbed his nose against Jungkook’s jaw.

Murmured with barely any sound, “I brushed my teeth and washed my mouth. Will you please kiss me? Please?”

Jungkook stroked his knuckles up Taehyung’s exposed neck and leaned their lips together. “You don’t have to say please.”

“I wanna say please.” Taehyung whispered. “I wanna be kissed cause I want it. Please.”

It was a soft kiss. It was gentle and slow, and it was a lot about learning – how Taehyung moved and how he liked it, what made him sigh, what made him chase.

And something in Jungkook’s ached at that. At realizing he had Taehyung’s mouth warm and pliant under his own, had Taehyung asking for this. Asking Jungkook.

Fuck, Jungkook’s been wanting to do this for so long.

And he’s never really done things like that, Jungkook had realized. He never really dated or gotten to know someone like this, and he has definitely never set on a roof and just kissed, just because it felt nice, with no need or rush, with no continuation in mind.

“Stay at mine.” Jungkook offered quietly, and Taehyung pulled away with a groan.

“No, I told you, I-“

“I don’t mean for sex.” Jungkook stopped, catching Taehyung’s hand to hold it in his own. It was a little cold. “Just stay. We can have breakfast and I’ll drive you tomorrow. It’s closer anyway, mhm?”

Taehyung stayed quiet for a while, shoulders growing stiff.

Sighed, “No sex? Promise you won’t be upset later?”

“No, Taehyung.” Jungkook leaned his head back. “What are you even talking about.”

Was this how Min-Jae had treated him?

Taehyung was half asleep when they stopped by Jungkook’s house but he very much woke up to stare around once they got up.

It looked a bit better with the lights off and only the city alight behind the window. Jungkook did live hight up.

The flat was new but kind of small, had only one bedroom and a kitchen merged with the living room. Jim helped Jungkook decorate it at first, but it was still somewhat empty.

Taehyung didn’t say anything but Jungkook could see he was impressed. Even by this, by practically nothing.

“I’ll shower, okay?” He mumbled, and Jungkook took his jacket.

“Of course. I’ll get you some clothes. And a towel. Do you wanna eat something?”

Taehyung shook his head. “No. Just shower and sleep.”

He locked the door when he went to the bathroom, but when Jungkook asked if he should sleep on the couch, Taehyung said no again.

“We can sleep together. I mean- Like, just-“

“Okay, Tae.”

And Taehyung just passed out.

Jungkook didn’t know why he expected him to have trouble sleeping, even after Taehyung had told him he slept a lot.

He was out before his head even touched the pillow.

And then he looked so exhausted.

Jungkook laid awake for a long time that night, just to watch Taehyung.

He seemed sickly pale in the cold neon lights and his hair was all soaked, wetting his shirt and pillow. Jungkook thought that must have been so uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to touch Taehyung now, feared that would wake him up.

And the shirt was Jungkook’s and it swallowed Taehyung up so much it was scary. Exposed his shoulder a bit, clung to his bony back.

Taehyung’s breathing came out deep and sharp. Unnervingly hard, like each breath was a fight.

What was he holding onto? He had said he wanted to die sometimes, after his nights of work, and that was all he really had. No hopes or plans, no dreams either. Was Jimin and their little friend group really enough to pull Taehyung back?

The thought bothered Jungkook. So damn much.

He was cooking breakfast when Taehyung shuffled into the kitchen, still wrapped in a blanket and squinting at the light, steps quiet and unsteady.

He rasped, “Morning.”

 Jungkook nodded. “Food’s almost ready. I didn’t add the bean spouts, they’re kinda spicy.”

Taehyung blinked at him. “What- what are you even making?”

“Rice. With eggs. And chicken. How do you like your coffee?”

“Ahm, black.” Taehyung cleared his throat, set down on one of the chairs by the small kitchen table and pulled his legs to his chest to cover them with a blanket as well.

He slurred, thick with sleep and so low, so goddamn attractive. “I don’t usually eat this early. Can I just drink something?”

“No, Tae, please eat.” Jungkook put rice and chicken into two bowls and dumped a fried egg over each one. Set them on the table.

“I’m not hungry, though.” Taehyung said hesitantly, eyeing the steaming bowls.

Jungkook left chopsticks on the table and grabbed two cups from the cupboard, put coffee into them, took the teapot. “Do you seriously just drink black coffee in the morning?”

Taehyung nodded.

“Tae, that’s so unhealthy.”

Taehyung huffed. “That’s economical.”

Jungkook stared up at the ceiling before turning around. “At least eat some rice first. Please.”

And Taehyung did, but that was all. He pushed the egg and the chicken aside and just munched on plain rice, sipping on his black coffee. Still in Jungkook’s shirt and in Jungkook’s blanket, hair wild and sticking up on one side, a trace of a pillow on his left cheek.

So soft. So pretty.

And so tired and so… sad.

Jungkook drove him to the club that evening. He took the car, just because the cold had really kicked in and Jungkook didn’t want Taehyung to be on a bike in such weather. Plus, he’d probably be passing out after again.

Taehyung didn’t let Jungkook drive him home, though.

He never did.

And that bothered Jungkook too, because he knew Taehyung wasn’t taking a taxi. It was subway and then bus, and then fifteen minutes of walking.

After a night of Taehyung’s work. 

“I don’t want you to see me after.” Taehyung told him once – whispered, quiet, like a secret. Or like he was ashamed.

Taehyung was quiet a lot.

“I don’t care-“

“I do.” Taehyung cut off. “I don’t want you to see me.”

And Jungkook agreed.

He agreed a lot.

Couldn’t bring himself to ever push Taehyung, even when it felt right.

So maybe it was that conversation that had Jungkook especially worried when Jimin called him out of nowhere, after the time Taehyung was supposed to work.

He did not sound urgent, or frantic. Just worried, too.

“You should go visit Tae.”

“Is he done?” Jungkook frowned, double checking their texts and then time. Taehyung hadn’t texted him yet.

“Yeah, he…” Jimin trailed off and heaved a sigh. “Just go to him, Kook. I met him when he was leaving, I don’t think he should be alone.”

And Jungkook was already on his way out. “Did something happen?” Again?

“I don’t know.” It came out tired. “He left early. And looked like shit. I mean, he always looks like that after, but…”

“Okay, hyung, thanks. I need both hands to drive, yeah?”

Jungkook hadn’t been to Taehyung’s place since he helped him move in, but he knew the code to the front door. The one to Taehyung’s flat was ajar, and Jungkook’s heart jumped up to his throat when he saw that.

This wasn’t the kind of place where you leave your door open.

He knocked and it opened further.

Creaked.

“Tae? Taehyung?”

There was only sound of water running in the shower. Boots thrown aside on the way there.

Jungkook shut the door closed behind himself and took his shoes off. Walked to the bathroom.

“Tae?”

He hesitated with his hand on the doorknob and suddenly heard a quiet, chocked sniffle.

Taehyung looked like fucking hell when Jungkook came inside.

He set naked on the floor, under the streams of steaming water, tears, fog and black eyeshadows mixing together and trailing down his cheeks, hair glued to his temples and forehead, and knees drawn to his chest, head thrown back to the tiles. His hands laid limply on the floor.

The worst part was his eyes.

They were so fucking void.

“Tae.” 

Taehyung moved his head from side to side. “I don’t-“ A sob got ripped out of him, violent and sudden, and it didn’t seem like Taehyung meant to cry – just his body reacting without his involvement. “I’m done, I won’t- I have a weekend now-“

Taehyung jerked, curling in on himself, gasping out more wet, rageful cries.

Jungkook pulled his jacked off, dropped it on the floor and threw his phone and wallet on top and moved under the water too, biting back a hiss when it slammed against his skin.

It was boiling fucking hot.

Jungkook turned it to normal quickly.

“Do you think you could get up?” He asked quietly, but Taehyung shook his head, pressed himself into the wall.

“No- h. I’m dirty, I’m- fucking filthy.”

Jungkook mouthed, “Okay.”

He looked around them and took a small, kind of worn-out washcloth hanging off a hook and some cheap plain soap. Soaped the cloth up, happy to at least find out it was soft, and put a hand on Taehyung’s back.

“Move under the stream a bit more, okay?”

Taehyung didn’t move but he also didn’t say anything, so Jungkook wrapped an arm around his waist firmer and pulled him forward himself.

Jungkook’s own t-shirt and jeans stuck to him, all unpleasant and heavy.

He ignored them.

Taehyung’s head fell lifelessly into Jungkook’s shoulder, and Jungkook pulled some of Taehyung’s hair away from his neck to brush the foaming cloth over his shoulders and back. Down his spine, waist. Arms, wrists, palms.

He found the bottle that said shampoo and moved onto Taehyung’s hair. That felt awkward, Jungkook’s never done that for anyone else, and he was scared to pull wrong, to tear a knot or get soap into Taehyung’s eyes.

But Taehyung kept them closed. And Jungkook worked horribly slowly, but he did not pull on anything, and then he moved Taehyung to rinse all the shampoo off.

Taehyung wasn’t crying anymore when he set up, just watched Jungkook with same quiet, exhausted eyes.

Eyes with dark, smudged eyeliner. And glitter on his cheekbones.

Jungkook had no fucking idea what to do with that.

Thankfully, though, Taehyung did not have that many bottles, so Jungkook went through them until he found ‘cleanser’ and made sure it was something for the face.

It was absurd, he was a professional fighter, a boxer, his control over his body was goddamn immaculate, and yet when Taehyung closed his eyes again and Jungkook brushed his thumbs underneath them to get black traces off, his fingers shook like Jungkook was being held at a gunpoint.

And then he had Taehyung’s eyelids and lashes right underneath his fingertips and, well, fuck, there was just nothing more tender in this entire world.

Jungkook shouldn’t have been the one trusted with such things, he was not skilled, not soft, not nearly gentle enough.

He had callouses on his fingers and bruises on his knuckles, he only ever learned to punch and break, how dare he ever let his hands anywhere near Taehyung?  

He pulled them back when he was done, fighting back a hard shudder, and Taehyung’s eyes were just a bit less dead when he looked at Jungkook again.

“I’ll get you up now, okay?”

Taehyung didn’t answer.

Jungkook wrapped both arms around his slick body, and pulled him up to his feet. Held Taehyung close to his chest, shut water off with one hand.

Taehyung started shivering almost the same moment, and Jungkook only then noticed how cold the flat was.

Did Taehyung keep the heating low on purpose or did he not have it at all?

Jungkook wrapped him in a towel quickly, and put another one on his head, and then Taehyung caught his wrist.

Jungkook stilled.

“I’m- I’ll-“ Taehyung let go. Stepped away slowly. “I’ll bring you clothes. Give me a second.”

He was gone before Jungkook could say he should dress himself first.

Taehyung gave him pants and a hoodie that were probably supposed to be loose, but on Jungkook were almost tight.

And Taehyung only put on a t-shirt and passed out immediately again.  

Jungkook didn’t.

Jungkook walked around and looked at shabby walls and flaky wallpaper, at floors that wobbled and creaked and heating that was turned to max and gave no warmth at all. At two containers with rice in the fridge, a tower of instant ramen and one jar of instant coffee.

Taehyung had some clothes. Had a lot of make-up and beauty things, although they all looked cheap.

Had a picture of their friend group and of him and Jimin pinned to the fridge.

In other words, he had things he could not function without. Not an object beyond that.

Jungkook considered finding a bag to pack for him so they wouldn’t have to spend any time here in the morning – because they were fucking leaving, Taehyung was leaving this place – but then realized there was nothing to take.

Jungkook regretted not leaving straight away. Taehyung trembled in his sleep, snuggling further under the blanket, and there was just one, Jungkook couldn’t even warm him.

He didn’t want to, he’d prefer to stay awake the whole night and he knew if he laid down, he’d pass out, but he got under the blanket as well – just to offer some sort of warmth. To press Taehyung’s ice-cold fingers to his own chest and feel them slowly stop shaking.

‘I have a weekend now.’ Taehyung said it like his life depended on it.

A weekend.

Two or three days with nobody touching him.

Jungkook wanted to talk about it, and he wasn’t sure Taehyung would want to hear him.

Jungkook startled awake from a far sound of screaming and something hitting a wall, and the first thing he saw was Taehyung, looking at him from his pillow.

“It’s just neighbors.” Taehyung whispered, low but no longer sleepy. He seemed to be awake for some time.

Jungkook relaxed back with a sigh.

His own eyelids were heavy with sleep, and he struggled to keep them open.

Neighbors.

Thin walls.

Broken heating.

Almost empty flat.

Jungkook breathed in deeply and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Rubbed, breathed out.

Awake, he was awake.

“You’re coming over for the next few days.” He announced and added before Taehyung could protest, “No, not for sex, you’re just coming over. Go pack your toothbrush or something. Or don’t, let’s get you one for my place. Yeah, right, don’t, let’s just g-“

Fingers curled around Jungkook’s, faint and so horribly gentle, and pulled Jungkook’s hands away from his face.

Taehyung leaned over Jungkook, hand resting over his on his chest, and some light, unnerving paleness to his cheeks. And such an apology in his eyes that Jungkook got ready hear something fucking awful.

And instead, “I’m sorry about yesterday. It- I don’t know- I don’t even know why you’re here. Was it Minie? He shouldn’t have. I’m really sorry, Jungkook.”

Jungkook blinked at him, running over the last evening in his mind over and over to see if maybe he missed something. Something he should be upset about?

“Tae, what?”

Taehyung dropped his forehead on Jungkook’s shoulder, and Jungkook got hit with the scent of that plain soap in Taehyung’s hair. The soap Jungkook put there, when he had his fingers tangled in Taehyung’s locks, and then realized that Taehyung was actually warm now, and they were close.

“I was horrible yesterday.” Taehyung said, not looking up. “I was- I don’t- I didn’t mean to make you take care of me so much, and- I didn’t even mean for you to be here, I’m- sorry. You could have just let me be, you know, I would have been fine, I always get fi-“

“Hey.” Jungkook tried to pull Taehyung up, just to catch his eyes. “No, stop that. What are you- talking about? Tae.”

Taehyung pushed himself up but refused to look away from Jungkook’s chest. Mumbled stubbornly, “I’m sorry.”

“About what? Jesus, Tae, look at me.”

Jungkook shuffled down on the bed, lower and lower until Taehyung had nowhere to look but at him.

Jungkook held back another sigh. “Tae. I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. You did nothing wrong, you have nothing to apologize for.”

Taehyung stared at him like he though Jungkook was lying.

“Taehyung, seriously-“

“No, okay, fine.” Taehyung pulled away and hopped off the bed. “Let’s get going, yeah, you just said we were leaving.”

And Jungkook was still awful at pushing, and he wanted to get Taehyung the fuck out of this place with missing panels in the ceiling and neighbors screaming through the walls. 

He was glad he took the car yesterday.

He drove them out of the city first, to a highway and west, to Incheon.

Taehyung stared out of the window. “Where’re we going?”

“On a date.”

“Oh fuck you, it’s my turn to invite you!”

Jungkook clicked the radio on. “Too late.”

He actually turned to the side to stick his tongue out at the fuming Taehyung and laughed when he saw his expression.

Taehyung gaped at him, “You’re such a child!”

“You’re just old.” Jungkook grinned, tapping his fingers on the wheel.

Taehyung turned back to the window. “You don’t even call me hyung.”

Jungkook grinned. “I’m very sorry, hyung. Would you like to know where I’m taking you a date, hyung?”

“No, you know what, fuck that, do not call me hyung.”

“Nooo, hyung, why?”

Taehyung promptly reached out and turned the volume up.

Jungkook laughed to himself.

This was nice – the music and the warmth of the car, the weather, the clear blue of the sky. Jungkook wished he could get Taehyung to spend some time outside today, but Taehyung looked too tired for walking. 

They stopped at an old diner by the beach, in a deserted area with barely any people, and the place looked so worn out Jungkook was relieved it was even still opened.

“They have literally the best milkshakes I have tried in my life.” Jungkook said, flipping the menu over to Taehyung. “And they also serve the biggest fattest pancakes. If you order plain rice with black coffee, I will disown you.”

Taehyung stared at him. “Seriously?”

“No, Tae. Obviously eat whatever you want, but being here and not getting pancakes is a criminal offense-“

“Oh my god, stop.” Taehyung hid his face in his hands. “I’m gonna have a breakdown.”

“What?” Jungkook leaned over to him. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything’s wrong!” Taehyung suddenly hissed, pointing at Jungkook up and down. “What- How are you- even doing this? I know you’re mad! Or- And disappointed. Why are you acting so calm?”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I’m- I-“ Taehyung shifted on his chair, hands shaking as he kept waving them. “-can barely spend time with you, we don’t even fuck and that’s my fault, and yesterday I was such a- bother-“ 

“Tae-“

“No, don’t! And instead of screaming at me or- Or I don’t know, at least fucking telling me you’re mad, you drive me to eat pancakes by the sea! What is… up with you!”

Well, okay. Jungkook knew Taehyung was not doing well, he just didn’t know Min-jae fucked him up that bad.

“Ta-e-hyung. Hyung.” Jungkook reached forward and caught Taehyung’s hand. Sighed. “First of all…”

Where did he even start?

We don’t fuck and that’s my fault. 

Hell.

“I don’t even know why you’re still friends with me, much less why you-“

“No, stop, shush.” Jungkook pulled Taehyung’s hand closer. “Stop, okay? I told you I’m not mad. Why would I be? And I still don’t fucking get what about yesterday I’m supposed to be so upset about. And please stop bring sex into things, I do not expect it-“

“I’m a whore-“

“Great, irrelevant.” Jungkook growled, pushing down irritation. “I’m not expecting sex from you, I’m not expecting anything* from you, Taehyung, I like you.” 

Taehyung froze and then pulled back, features going slack. With confusion, with shock.

Jungkook let go of his hands and sighed again. Murmured, “I know it’s not sinking in. Rice or pancakes?”

Taehyung made a small sound, “Uh?”

“Please say pancakes.”

“Pancakes?”

“Thank you.” Jungkook turned around and got up, walked to the counter to place an order.

There was the same old woman there but she didn’t remember Jungkook. Not that he was expecting it.

He set back in his place, looked over Taehyung.

They had an almost panoramic view of the beach and Taehyung was staring holes in their table.

“Tae.” Jungkook moved to him again – put his hand on the table, tapped his pinky to Taehyung’s. Hooked them together. “Hyung. You never actually told me to call you hyung, you know?”

“I wouldn’t, it implies respect.” Taehyung answered, quiet and just a tad bitter. Like he did not mean to speak but couldn’t help it.

“I do respect you.” Jungkook frowned, trying to lace their fingers together, but Taehyung pulled his hand away.

“You really shouldn’t. I don’t know, Jungkookie, maybe you’re the one it’s not sinking in for.” Taehyung dragged his gaze up, all upset and resigned. “I am a whore. I just am, don’t you get it? I-“

“Taehyung.” Jungkook cut off, and maybe it came out too sharply. He tried to be softer, tried to phrase it right. “I think you got a bit too caught up in that. And your last… boyfriend,” Jungkook almost chocked on the word, “was not making it better. It- Hear me out, okay? I get it, it’s a huge fucking deal. It hurts you, really badly, every day, and it’s been happening for years, I get that. But what you don’t get, what I think you forgot, is that it does not define you. It does not affect your worth, or who you are - as a person, or a friend, or-“ Jungkook wet his lips quickly. “It’s just one thing about you. And it has nothing to do with anything else. And I- don’t mean to say that it’s not fucking morbid, or that it’s not poisoning every part of your life, I know it does, just- Tae. It doesn’t change the way I see you. The way I think you should be treated, the way… The way you are. If you were a school teacher, nothing would change for me.”

Taehyung’s eyes grew wider and wider and then he promptly turned aside, to hide the wet shine in them.

It smashed Jungkook’s heart into pieces. 

“No, Tae,” Jungkook begged, grabbing a napkin and clutching it uselessly. “Please don’t cry. Please, I’m sorry. I’ll stop talking okay? I’m sorry if I said something wrong, I’ll- I’ll shut up forever. We don’t- have to talk about anything. You’re right about everything, happy? Just please stop crying, okay? Do you wanna hear that I’m mad at you? I can do that, look - I’m so angry, Tae, very, just please-“

“God, you’re so stupid!” Taehyung gasped, clutching Jungkook’s hand and blinking up harshly. He sniffled over and over and ripped the napkin out of Jungkook’s fingers. Pressed it to his eyes. “You- I’m not upset. That was just so-“ He held back a sob, shoulders jerking. Almost hid into his napkin. “So… I’m sorry! I don’t- know why I’m crying!”

Jungkook stood up and came around the table to wrap his hands around Taehyung’s shoulders. Taehyung pressed his temple to Jungkook’s stomach, not letting go of the napkin.

“Tae.” Jungkook stroked his hair, found the ends dead and dry form the bleaching but roots still somewhat soft. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“No, I’m being a fucking nuisance.” Taehyung sucked in a breath, sniffled shakily. Set back and rubbed the napkin over his eyes. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

“You are fine, it’s okay.” Jungkook murmured, petting Taehyung’s hair one last time just because every time he did that Taehyung’s head tilted to him, and he was not even sure it was conscious.

But Taehyung straightened his shoulders, and Jungkook stepped away and then moved to sit back down.

The waitress came, put two plates with towers of buttery pancakes on the table, and then two glasses of milkshakes with whipped crème already melting and oozing down the cold glass.

Taehyung’s lips quivered when he saw it, and he quickly glanced away.

“I’m gonna ruin your life.” He whispered when the waitress left.

Jungkook groaned. “Tae-“

“No, really.” Taehyung chuckled wetly. Pointed at the table. “Even the food is beautiful. I fucking forgot it could be. And you have a normal flat and a normal car and you can have pancakes by the sea, and my life is just… here.” Taehyung tilted down and waved his hand by the floor. “And it’s all black and ugly. I’m just gonna drag you there too.”

Jungkook clicked his tongue. “A little faith, hyung. A lot of shady people have tried to ruin my and Joon’s lives, you know? No successes so far.” Jungkook took the small pot with syrup and pushed it to Taehyung’s plate, unsure if he wanted it. “Eat, okay? They’re no good col-“

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Oh my fucking god.” Jungkook slapped his palms over his fuming face. “Taehyung, are you fucking trying to kill me? I thought you were joking.”

“No, you really are.” Taehyung’s fingers curled around Jungkook’s wrists and tugged, just the same as this morning, but Jungkook refused to move. “You’re so pretty, I can’t stop regretting that I don’t have the skill to draw you.”

“Taehyung- I- Timeout, stop that.”

Taehyung sighed and let go. “You’re gorgeous. I think you’re the prettiest person I’ve seen. I’m so sad when I don’t see you.”

Jungkook dropped his head on the table with a thud and whined. “Taehyung! I fucking think I preferred it when you were quiet.”

“No, you did not!” Taehyung laughed and pushed Jungkook’s shoulder. Gently. “Are you blushing? Let me see!”

“Fuck you.” Jungkook set up with a stone face and beet-red cheeks and picked his fork and knife up aggressively. “Seriously, fuck you entirely, I am eating my pancakes.”

Taehyung cooed something but Jungkook ignored him, cutting through his pancakes.

“There.” Taehyung put some of his banana slices onto Jungkook’s plate. “You like them.”

Jungkook focused on breathing. He was good at breathing, it was sometime the key to winning a fight.

“Thanks. Hyung.”

Taehyung cut his own pancakes too, face even and cheeks dusting pink. “You don’t have to call me that.”

Jungkook looked up at him. “You like when I call you that.”

Taehyung huffed and took a bite of his food.

It was good here – it always was, the pancakes were fat and huge, soaked in butter and syrup, and milkshakes thick, not too sweet but not bland, with just enough ice-cream that no one would dare to complain.

Taehyung started glancing at the view at some point, and Jungkook felt himself relax.

Taehyung looked better here. In the light, in the sun. Eating actual food, with air and colors around him. Even if they weren’t quiet touching him yet.

“How do you know of this place?” Taehyung asked, reaching for his chocolate milkshake.

“Joon used to drive me here in the beginning, if I lost a fight or broke something.”

Taehyung gave him a look. “As in, a vase or a bone?”

“A bone.” Jungkook chuckled. “I have a lot of broken bones.”

“It’s gonna sound bad, but I hope you mean in you and not, like, in a special box under your bed.”

Jungkook laughed. He forgot, sometimes, that Taehyung was funny. Taehyung probably forgot too.

He was asleep the entire ride back.

It was getting dark when they arrived since the days have gotten shorter. Jungkook was actually supposed to have practice, but he texted Joon he won’t be there today. Or tomorrow.

He took a quick shower and came out to find the whole flat dark except for one candle lit in Jungkook’s bedroom and the window thrown open. Taehyung set near it, with a cigarette between his lips and just a loose, Jungkook’s shirt on him.

Just the shirt. 

He had one knee pulled one, the other leg swinging slowly, long, smooth, and thigh soft and exposed, with a faint trace of bruises around it, and-

Jungkook tore his eyes away.

Cleared his throat and came closer to lean against the window. “Told you the view’s shit.”

Taehyung shook his head and blew the smoke out. Passed the cigarette to Jungkook. “I like it hight up.”

It curled, the smoke. Fell slowly from Taehyung’s lips.

Jungkook stabbed the cigarette out instead of taking a drag and Taehyung reached for Jungkook’s shirt as soon as he saw it.

Pulled close.

He leaned up to brush his lips along Jungkook’s jaw. Jungkook gave in, he always did.

Taehyung tastes of smoke and smelled of night air and maybe a bit of his plain soap, and something about this kiss was different.

Maybe because Taehyung kept on tugging until he had Jungkook standing between his legs, or because he hooked his ankles around the back of Jungkook’s knees to have them press flush together, curled his arms around Jungkook’s neck and parted his lips in that way he always did when he wanted Jungkook push in and chase him.

And something about Taehyung then wasn’t plaint. Wasn’t bending and giving but asking.

He tangled his fingers in Jungkook’s hair, pulled gently at the roots and smiled at the sound that had almost stole from Jungkook. Traced his tongue over Jungkook’s mouth, leaned back to have Jungkook follow, make him cage him against the window frame.

Jungkook sucked in a breath, trying to pull back before his head switched off entirely. “Tae, what-“

“I want you to fuck me.” Taehyung murmured, looking up at Jungkook. Pretty eyes, pupils blown, knees squeezing hard around Jungkook’s hips. “I want you to touch me.”

Jungkook gripped the edge of the window and looked up, just away.

He could not look at Taehyung and think. It was one or the other.

“Do you?”

Taehyung hummed against Jungkook’s throat, low and beautiful, lips so soft. “Yeah.”

Fuck, that was unbearable. Jungkook was used to sex, he really was, but the heat clasping over his bones at each sound Taehyung made was just fucking abnormal. Like a violent pill in each part of his body.

But Jungkook looked back down, touched his knuckles to Taehyung’s temple to guide his head up. Because he had to be sure. Double sure, triple sure. “Do you want to or do you feel like we should?”

Taehyung’s whole face melted into a smile. “I want to.”

Jungkook stroked his cheek. Greedy, couldn’t stop touching. “You don’t want to rest?”

Taehyung started shaking his head but then his smile weakened. “I- mean, if it doesn’t bother you that… Cause I did have clients just yesterday, s-so-“ Taehyung glanced away, hands leaving Jungkook. “I’m- yeah, probably not in a… ahm, the best shape, so maybe- Yeah, maybe it’d be better to wait with that.” He wet his lips, features contouring with discomfort he tried hard to push back. And it killed Jungkook how searching his eyes got. “But- I mean- I could still make you feel good, I promise! Even if you don’t wanna fuck me-“

“Jesus, Tae, stop.” Jungkook caught his face in his palms. “Stop rambling. What are you on about?”

“Just-“ Taehyung pulled Jungkook’s hands down and Jungkook quickly let do.

And yeah, Taehyung did look deeply fucking uncomfortable. And Jungkook hoped it was only that, hoped he wasn’t seeing shame in there too. Just imagining it.

“Just- I’ll just be a lot tighter if we wait for, like, a day. Or two. But that’s-“

“Taehyung, I can not tell you how much I don’t fucking care about that.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes aggressively. “Don’t say that. It- Have you been with guys? It feels a lot fucking better when-“

“I don’t care.”

“You should care!” Taehyung flailed his hands. “It matters! No guy at the end of my third night would pay as much as the first guy on my first night, and there’s a reason for that!”

Jungkook moved lower to catch Taehyung’s eyes, leaning side to side and up and down when Taehyung kept moving his head, because he got that Taehyung didn’t want Jungkook touching his face now, but Jungkook needed him to look him.

“Tae, it- I don’t- Agh, would you please look at me? Hell, you’re a child. Yes, great, thank you. Now listen, please.”

Looking Jungkook in the face seemed horribly hard for Taehyung, and Jungkook didn’t want to think why.

“If you don’t want this, I won’t touch you. Fucking obviously. We can ‘wait’ for the rest of our lives. But if you do want this, I absolutely don’t care how tight or loose you are, or what ‘shape’ you’re in. Okay?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes again, cheeks flushed a deep red. “Right. You don’t care now cause you’re horny. I promise you, you will care when-“

Jungkook groaned. “Well, now I just have to not touch you for a month just to prove I mean it, don’t I?”

“No!” Taehyung gripped Jungkook’s shirt again, panicking at hearing in Jungkook’s voice that he’d actually do that if he had to. “No, just- just. I do want you. I really-really want you, I just don’t want you to be disappointed, yeah?”

Jungkook looked at him and sadness twisted cold and heavy behind his ribs.

At Taehyung being insecure about literally any part of him. Taehyung.

“Disappointed.” Jungkook echoed. “Taehyung, that’s so fucking absurd. I would cum in my pants if you told me to. Disappointed. People literally fucking pay to touch you, how could you possibly ever question-“

“I’m not some elite prostitute, Kookie.” Taehyung stopped with a weak smile. “I’m a whore who gets fucked in alleys.”

“No.” Jungkook stepped to him on instinct, and a tight knot of tension in his chest fell loose when Taehyung simply let him. “No, that’s not right.”

His fingers hovered by Taehyung’s arms, not daring to touch yet.

“They’re all fucking morons, they don’t know…” You. They don’t know you. “…how you should be treated. Let me show you, Tae, mh?”

Taehyung’s lips parted on a soft exhale and he nodded.

Jungkook still didn’t touch, still, had to ask.

“Just- It won’t hurt you, Tae, right? Because we really can wait or we can do something else, if it’s better for you to-“

Taehyung grabbed Jungkook’s hands and put them onto his waist, wrapped his legs tightly around Jungkook’s hips and looked up, with so much emotion splashing in his eyes that Jungkook failed to read any one.

“I want you. Okay? Please. It won’t hurt, I’m okay. I’m so fucking okay, please touch me. How much more of my consent do you want?”

“All of it.” Jungkook moved his palms back on Taehyung’s waist, leaned down to speak against his lips, “I wouldn’t mind if you wrote it down. Or are your hands shaking too bad already, hyung?”

Taehyung shuddered, biting down hard on his bottom lip. Shut his eyes closed. Whispered, “Will you please stop teasing me?”

“Teasing?” Jungkook smiled, drawing light circles onto the small of Taehyung’s back. “I’m not teasing. I think you’re just not used to foreplay. And it’s important, hyung.”

“Fuck.” Taehyung threw his head back. “Just give me lube and ten seconds to finger myself and there goes your foreplay.”

“Mhm, no.” Jungkook slid his lips down Taehyung’s throat, to where his pulse was thrumming, hard and fast. “Have I told you you’re gorgeous?”

Taehyung bit back a sound that Jungkook really wanted to hear.

“You talked so much at the café today, I feel like it’s my turn.” Jungkook chuckled. Said between kisses, “So. pretty. Magnetic. Do you know it took one fucking look from you to make me gay? I’m not even into guys, I just lose my mind when I see you.”

Taehyung’s throat vibrated with silent laughter under Jungkook’s mouth. His hands slipped beneath Jungkook’s shirt and just the brush of his fingertips burned. Hard.

Jungkook faltered, mind go blank and muscles clenching when Taehyung pressed his fingers to Jungkook’s abs, trailed them up and dragged down, let blunt nails scratch skin.

Jungkook shut his eyes for a second, hissed, “Tae.”

“Mhm.” Taehyung smiled, soothed, dipped his fingers under Jungkook’s belt. “I love when you say my name so much. Please take your shirt off, okay?”

And it was so careful. Just that one damn sentence. Maybe Jungkook just read too much into it, but to him it sounded as if Taehyung was hesitant to ask. Even such a small thing – take your shirt off. Wasn’t sure he was allowed.

He usually wasn’t, was he?

Jungkook pulled it off quickly, threw it somewhere to the floor.

He liked the look on Taehyung’s face, liked the way he whispered, “Fuck.”

“Can I take yours off too?”

Taehyung nodded.

Jungkook almost regretted it, really, there was something so fucking attractive about Taehyung being in Jungkook’s shirt, but if Jungkook had a chance to see Taehyung naked he sure as fuck was going to take it.

And then he did take it off and his mouth went slack.

He could barely find his voice. “What is that.”

Taehyung beamed, squirmed on the windowsill. “Do you like it?”

Did he like it? Did Jungkook like the thin, see-through black lace hugging Taehyung’s hips and hiding nothing? Black, delicate, on his soft, pale skin-

 “I’m gonna die.” Jungkook breathed out and pulled Taehyung close, put his hands under his thighs and lifted him off the windowsill.

Taehyung gasped, clutching Jungkook’s shoulders, and crossed his legs behind Jungkook’s back. “I- You!- I’m heavy!”

Jungkook actually fucking stopped halfway to the bed.

Stared up at Taehyung.

Taehyung blushed. “What.”

“You are one third of my warm-up weight, Tae. At best.”

Taehyung’s mouth opened but Jungkook kept walking and put one palm on Taehyung’s back to keep him close as he shuffled on the bed and lowered Taehyung on the sheets.

And Jungkook wanted to kiss down Taehyung’s body right then, to trace each curve and get his tongue and teeth on that damn lace, but…

But Taehyung’s body was a little tense. And he was a little quiet.

So Jungkook leaned down, kissed Taehyung’s lips and noted the too-long second it took him to kiss back.

Jungkook planted his palms on the mattress, put some distance between them. Called, “Tae. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“No, don’t lie.” Jungkook bumped their noses together, kept his voice soft. “Please don’t lie.”

Taehyung’s breathing shook, unsteady fingers sliding down Jungkook’s shoulders. “Nothing. Just- Nothing. I just-“ He huffed, half a laugh, half a scoff. “I don’t know. How to- You’re not my client. And I don’t know… how to… do this? If… I’m not with a client? That sounds fucking stupid. Whatever, it’s nothing. I just got… a bit lost. Sorry, it’s-“

“Hey.” Jungkook kissed him, to stop him. Took a second to piece his own heart back together. “It’s okay. Wanna stop?”

“No.” Taehyung’s knees closed around Jungkook’s hips again. “I really don’t, please.”

But he was still so damn tense.

“Okay, hyung. Wanna tell me how this is different?”

Taehyung’s hands moved up again, to Jungkook’s neck, to his jaw.

He whispered, “I’m not really there. When I let people fuck me. My mind just shuts down, in a way? It’s a lot scarier when it doesn’t. Like now, you know?”

Jungkook didn’t, but he wanted to. “How?”

“I mean…” Back down, those fingers. Down Jungkook’s chest, stomach, belt. “You could do something I really didn’t like? And I’d have to feel all of it, cause I’m here.”

“Tae.” Jungkook caught his eyes. His beautiful eyes, with a pale mole just under the right one. “Do you trust me?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung made himself smile. “It’s just scary.”

“You say one word and we will stop. At any point, I swear to you. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung’s smile got softer. Realer. “Kiss?”

And Jungkook did not really get to have his mouth on Taehyung that night. On his lips – yes. On his chin, shoulders, cheeks, on every part of his face, on his chest. But he didn’t go lower. He wanted to, and he wanted to touch, but he saw bruises from hands and fingers left all over Taehyung, on his stomach and hips and thighs, and he didn’t want to be like that. Didn’t want to fucking grope just because that was what he wanted, and most definitely not when that edge in Taehyung’s breaths wouldn’t fade.

And Jungkook tried to keep this slow, he wanted to see every part of Taehyung and memorize the feeling of every place they were touching in, but Taehyung just wouldn’t let him.

Jungkook understood it was a habit. A need to hurry, because the clock was ticking.

Taehyung tapped his knee against Jungkook’s leg and rolled them over gently. Took the lube from Jungkook’s fingers, murmured against his lips, “I’ll do it faster myself.”

Jungkook put his hands on Taehyung’s thighs, finally, soft and tender, stroked slowly. “Tae.” Grazed the lace with his fingers, traced it. “We are not in a hurry.”

Taehyung’s movements stopped.

His eyes found Jungkook’s and the line of his shoulders softened. Just a little.

He nodded and leaned down to leave a kiss on Jungkook’s lips. “I still wanna do it myself, okay?”

“Sure.” Jungkook pulled the lace down, swallowing hard when he saw Taehyung exposed completely, cock flushed and chest heaving. Hair hanging messily around his face. Swollen lips, gasping air.

He had such a gorgeous body. He wasn’t working out, Jungkook knew, and he was just so soft – tender stomach, gentle line of his waist. Jungkook wanted to kiss – the space under Taehyung’s bellybutton, the sharp bones of his hips.

“You’re beautiful.” Jungkook murmured, and Taehyung huffed. Moved aside a little, to get the panties off his legs.

His long, gorgeous legs. Fuck, Jungkook wanted to touch them. Him. Wanted to touch all of him.

Taehyung settled back, with his knees by Jungkook’s sides, and Jungkook was pretty sure Taehyung meant to have his ass dragging over Jungkook’s crotch at every little shift. Which was very distracting and had tight heat spreading through Jungkook quickly.

His head felt hazy. Unfocused in that dangerous way that usually meant he would lose the fight.

So he had to remind himself that there was no danger here. Remind himself to breathe.

Taehyung flicked the lube open and poured a small bit on his fingers, reached behind himself without waiting for it to warm up. His face twisted with discomfort briefly, but Taehyung evened it out fast.

And there were just so many things Jungkook did not like about this.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and higher, moving Taehyung with him as he set up, against the backrest.

Taehyung tilted, gripped Jungkook’s arm with one hand. “What-“

Jungkook thrummed his fingers against Taehyung’s other hand and pulled it to him, found the lube in the sheets again.

Taehyung watched him with a confused crease to his brows. “What are you- Jesus!” He saw Jungkook pour lube onto his hand for him and laughed. “Jungkookie! I don’t need to use that much-“

“I need you to use that much.” Jungkook cut off. “And I need you to go ten times slower and I also need you to enjoy this. Please.”

Taehyung’s smile was big and endeared, but Jungkook could still see the surprise behind it. And it killed him, it really did.

“I’ll feel good when you fuck me, Koo-“

Jungkook wrapped an arm around Taehyung’s waist and dragged him close, heard Taehyung choke on a breath when his cock brushed against Jungkook’s stomach.

Jungkook looked up at him, stroked his back. “Can I ask you to do something? I want it very, very bad.”

And Taehyung hid it so well, Jungkook almost didn’t see it. The concern in his eyes at that.

He only nodde with a playful smile. “Of course.”

“Promise?”

Taehyung chucked, “Yeah.”

“Since you aren’t letting me touch you…” Jungkook moved his palm up and down Taehyung’s hand, the one that had lube trailing down to the wrist – not letting Taehyung touch himself again yet. Held Taehyung’s gaze. “…I want you to be gentle. With yourself. I want you to be careful with yourself. I want you to treat yourself well. Want you to feel good. Will you do that for me?”

Taehyung’s smile melted, something awed and heartbroken taking over his face at the same time, and he froze in Jungkook’s lap.

Sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. Searched Jungkook’s eyes, seemed to think.

Whispered, “That’s selfish.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook kissed his neck, jaw. “I want you to be selfish.” Nuzzled Taehyung’s hair, brushed his lips against the shell of his ear. “Will you do that for me? Hyung? Will you be selfish for me?”

Taehyung sucked in a breath, shifting sharply. “You gotta stop saying that.”

“Hyung?” Jungkook laughed lowly. “Oh, sure. Like I don’t feel your cock twitch every time you hear it.”

Taehyung dropped his forehead on Jungkook shoulder, exhaled shakily. “O- kay. Fine, I’ll… be gentle, okay.”

Jungkook hummed and let go of Taehyung’s hand, smudging his own fingers in lube a little.

“Good, hyung. Oh, look at that.” He held his hand up to have the lube on his fingertips catch cold neon and shimmer. “We shouldn’t waste this, should we?”

He brought his hand down and wrapped it loosely around Taehyung’s cock, stroking slowly and lazily and loving the way Taehyung’s spine arched, the way he moaned against Jungkook’s shoulder.

The slide was slick with lube and Taehyung’s precum, and Jungkook suddenly thought he would love to make Taehyung cum just like this.

And Taehyung trembled, like a leaf in the wind, almost shocked and… not used. So not used to the pleasure.  

Jungkook guided Taehyung’s hand back again, murmured by Taehyung’s ear, “Go slow, okay, hyung? Make yourself feel good for me.”

Taehyung made a small sound in the back of his throat and nodded, one hand tangling in Jungkook’s hair as he started prepping himself again.

Jungkook gave his cock a few light, distracting strokes, and kept his fingers on Taehyung’s wrist this time – to make sure the pace was good. Make sure he wasn’t rushing. Even when Jungkook’s own cock was throbbing in the uncomfortable tightness of his jeans and Taehyung’s hips sliding over it with soft jerks did fucking nothing to help.

Taehyung still worked the first finger in with the speed Jungkook did not like, but when he pushed the second one in and Jungkook clicked his tongue, Taehyung only whispered, “Told you I’m loose. Don’t torture me.”

“Why are you so impatient?”

“Maybe you’re too patient.” Taehyung rocked back on his fingers, breath stuttering. “Do you even- want this?”

It was such a loud, open provocation, so Jungkook grabbed Taehyung’s waist and pushed him down hard against the bulge in his pants, thrust up into the soft, exposed curve of Taehyung’s hips. Growled, “Careful, hyung. Watch that pretty mouth.”

Taehyung moaned, jerking, biting the sound back halfway to hide it.

“You’d-“ His fingers squeezed Jungkook’s hair. “You’d love my mouth.”

“Mhm, I already do.” Jungkook found his lips, licked at the seams of Taehyung’s mouth and bit lightly, tugged at his bottom lip until Taehyung whimpered, then soothed it over, kissed more.

And now that Taehyung said it, Jungkook could not fucking stop think about those lips on his cock, hot and slick and just taking him in.

He felt Taehyung thrust his fingers in quickly a few times and then Taehyung pulled them out, reached for Jungkook’s jeans.  

“Ready, ‘m ready.”

It was quick and skilled – Taehyung undoing Jungkook’s belt, pulling the zip down and dragging the jeans and the underwear down in one go. It seemed to calm him down, seemed to be familiar.

And okay, Jungkook knew Taehyung didn’t go home with his clients – which was fucking smart – and it usually happened in clubs, cars or alleys, and Taehyung’s relationship with Min-jae was weird, but… hell. Why did this feel so unusual to him? Being in bed, having time?

He faltered for a moment after he got off Jungkook to let him push the pants all the way off, one hand on the mattress and one knee moving up, almost to hide himself.

He glanced over Jungkook’s chest, but it wasn’t lust in his eyes.

“Um- Can I- Could we-“ He stopped.

Jungkook leaned to him. Nuzzled his cheek, kissed his jaw. “We can do whatever you want, Tae. Just tell me.”

Taehyung breathed in quietly. “Can- Could… I still be on top, please? At least in the beginning, for a little bit? Please?”

Jungkook’s heart gave an uneasy punch, and the ‘Why?’ cut through his mind like a knife. He didn’t like that sleazy, fearful thing he heard in Taehyung’s voice. He didn’t like it one bit.

Why?

Why? 

“Of course you can.” He smiled. “However you want, hyung.”

“That’s unfair.” Taehyung breathed out, so visibly fighting a shiver. “You can’t keep using that word against me.”

“I can and I will.” Jungkook set back again, looking up at Taehyung when he straddled his lap. So damn gorgeous. “You could prod around for things to call me too. Maybe there’s something I like.”

But Taehyung shook his head, fingers hovering by Jungkook’s lips. “I wanna call you Jungkook. I wanna know that it’s you.”

And, well, fuck.

Jungkook hugged his waist, pressed his lips to Taehyung’s fingers. He wanted to say something stupid. Something like ‘Let me be the only person who ever gets to touch you. Stay here, stay with me, don’t ever go to that job again. Let’s always have it like this. Until it doesn’t matter what you call me – until you simply know it’s always me.’

He didn’t, he wouldn’t dare. But maybe it showed in his eyes because Taehyung turned away and reached for the condoms.

It was a lot of touching, too. Had Jungkook a bit tense. He didn’t do that well with being touched.

And it wasn’t bad on its own, but girls usually weren’t like that – they were slow and shy, and they let Jungkook touch however he wanted and do all the work while they laid and looked pretty. Jungkook went for girls like that and he liked it, but most importantly, that was what he was used to. Keeping his hands to himself and having Taehyung touch him, letting him even roll the condom on him and lube him up- It felt fucking amazing, it did, any touch to his neglected cock almost made Jungkook see starts, but it was just so… much.

Jungkook let himself close his eyes for a second.

Taehyung twisted his fingers on Jungkook’s cock in a way that made Jungkook curse and hit his head back against the headboard.

“Why are you so impatient?”

“Oh, fuck you, Tae.”

Taehyung laughed, low and quiet and so fucking attractive, and kissed Jungkook’s cheek softly.

Jungkook looked up at him, vision swimming with how bad the pit of his stomach was burning, and moved the tips of his fingers up and down Taehyung’s thighs.

“So beautiful, hyung.”

Taehyung held back another sweet sound, and finally moved, reached behind himself to guide Jungkook’s cock to his hole.

And then it was probably instinct, something Taehyung couldn’t stop his body from doing – the sharp breath and the locking of muscles, the way each inhale felt forced and each exhale controlled, but Taehyung pushed himself down, eyes falling closed and face turning just enough to the side to have Jungkook worried sick, lower and lower in one steady, stubborn move. Until he was sitting down fully, shaking again and panting out breaths.

He wasn’t that tight, but Jungkook wouldn’t say he was loose either, and he suddenly wanted to kill both himself and Taehyung for not taking more time with prep.

Or it should have at least been Jungkook on top, if Taehyung’s way of doing this was so fucking quick and masochistic-

Jungkook froze at realization. That Taehyung probably just never had time. That this was his only chance to do this the way he wanted until his clients got their way.

His ribs constricted, ice-cold, breaking and cutting through his heart, and Jungkook gave his all to touch Taehyung’s hips very gently, to keep his voice soft and warm. “Tae. Petal, hyung. Look at me.”

Taehyung’s eyes fluttered open, hazy and suddenly so surprised, almost hurt. “Petal?”

“Mhm.” Jungkook brushed away a small tear that fell from the very corner of Taehyung’s eye. It burned him. “Want to be my petal?”

Taehyung’s lips parted. Closed. He nodded hastily and Jungkook smiled. “Good. Petal.”

Taehyung shuddered, as if hearing it really did hurt him.

“Breathe, okay?” Jungkook murmured. “Relax. For me. I told you to be gentle with yourself, didn’t I? Why didn’t you listen, hyung?”

Taehyung shivered, shook his head. Tried to speak, tried again. “I’m- Can I- Can we please- stay like this? For- a second?”

Please. For a second. 

Like Jungkook would ever force him to start moving. Would ever let him start moving when he was that damn rigid, when he felt like he’d break.

But others did that, didn’t they? Others forced him. Others held him in place and fucked him however they wanted because they gave him a couple of dirty bills.

Jungkook clenched his jaw, fighting the images out of his mind.

“We can stay like this for as long as you want. Petal.”

So fragile and shaky and so breathtakingly pretty. Like a petal. Like the first flower of a cherry blossom, dust-pink and gorgeous. Something people should be scared to touch wrong.

Jungkook kissed Taehyung’s shoulder, breathed in the scent of warm skin and sighed. Touched his side, his waist, wrapped a fist around his cock again.

That stole a gasp from Taehyung, and he shifted his hips a little, in a weak circle. And again, and one more, and until his spine wasn’t so frozen, until he was breathing again, arms curling around Jungkook’s neck to hold onto something.

“Good, petal.” Jungkook tightened his fist, dug his thumb in the slit of Taehyung’s cock to smear precum around and hear him whimper more. “So good.”

Jungkook thought that maybe something was wrong with him. Or something magical about Taehyung, because, really, they weren’t doing anything. Taehyung was just sitting on his cock, jerking his hips a little. There was no reason for Jungkook to feel like he was getting close. This was nothing.

But it felt so damn good. So horribly, intoxicatingly good.

Just Taehyung. Stretched on Jungkook’s cock and panting into his neck and leaking over his fingers.

His petal.

Taehyung’s shaky hand found Jungkook’s wrist and pulled it off his cock, and before Jungkook could ask what was wrong, Taehyung started lifting his hips and dropping them back down, and then Jungkook simply couldn’t say anything that made sense.

“Fuck.”

Taehyung moaned. He set a brutal pace, fast and deep, the one that had Jungkook feeling as if even his fingertips were on fire, heat pooling heavy and low in his abdomen, and he really didn’t think either of them would hold off through another thirty seconds of that, but Taehyung whined, high and strained and louder than Jungkook ever heard before, “Ah- Can’t!-“

Jungkook held his waist, last bit of his consciousness going to not leaving bruises. “What, petal?”

“Burns- My thighs burn- Can’t-“

Jungkook laughed airily. “Pretty petal. Can’t fuck yourself on my cock?”

Taehyung choked on a whimper, movements getting all sluggish and slowing, and Jungkook steadied his hips.

“Can I turn us over now, hyung?”

Taehyung nodded frantically, cheeks crimson and body shaking, and Jungkook held him closer, maneuvered them to have Taehyung’s back on the sheets.

He paused just for a moment, just to take in Taehyung’s face like this, with pleasure finally painting each feature.

He pushed in deeper, angled his hips until Taehyung jerked under him, spine arching off the bed, and then thrust in, working up to the pace from before.

It was good, it all was – the soft, wet, tight heat of Taehyung around him, and the sticky sweetness trailing down Jungkook’s back and making his head spin, but what was best, what Jungkook could not get enough of, were the shocked, overwhelmed little sounds Taehyung made, the hard quivering of his thighs and the tremors that rocked his body every time Jungkook pushed his cock right against that sensitive spot deep inside him. The way Taehyung’s eyes stayed open and searching Jungkook, even when they were not focused, the way Taehyung’s mouth couldn’t close from the moans and the way his body seemed to not even know how to process the pleasure. Shaking apart at each trust, at each push and touch, and still taking it all, pulling Jungkook in for more.

And, “Jungkook. Jungkook.”

Because Taehyung wanted this to be him.

Taehyung tightened around him, muscles shaking, and he only gasped, silently, hid his face into Jungkook’s shoulder and came, untouched, over Jungkook’s and his own stomachs, holding onto Jungkook like his life depended on it and not even breathing.

And Jungkook was fucking petty, and he couldn’t help grinning, thinking back on the time Taehyung told him Min-jae couldn’t make him cum. It was so fucking childish and Jungkook didn’t care.

He fucked Taehyung through it, peppering kisses all over his neck, until Taehyung’s limbs were falling loose, legs and arms slipping from around Jungkook.

But Taehyung sobbed, forcing himself to cling tighter, to hold Jungkook in place. “No- noh- please don’t stop. Please, I want- Please I want to- feel you cum! Ple- ase- Jung- kook-“

And Jungkook was a horrible person, and he was selfish and greedy, and he knew Taehyung was so sensitive, was right on the line between ‘good’ and ‘too much’, and he swore he would have stopped if Taehyung told him to, but Taehyung didn’t, Taehyung called him closer and held his face in his palms, so Jungkook gripped the sheets with one hand and caught Taehyung’s hip with the other and just let himself snap, let himself lose it all for second and only chase, the hot, bright sensation somewhere low in his body, feel Taehyung clench hard around him and scratch his back with blunt nails, and Jungkook shut his eyes closed and pressed his mouth to Taehyung’s neck as he came, just to muffle the loud, embarrassing moan that he just couldn’t keep down.

His arm strained with the effort it took Jungkook to keep himself up, blood rushing fast in his ears and body shuddering with the aftershock of melting tension.

Taehyung breathed in harshly and Jungkook blinked his eyes open, to focus through the blur.

“Good, petal?”

Taehyung nodded weakly, nuzzling Jungkook’s throat. Jungkook kissed his temple, laid his cheek onto his head and breathed - just a second, just a moment.

He stroked Taehyung’s waist and pulled out, tied the condom and threw it to the bin. Taehyung only made a soft sound, and Jungkook expected him to lay still or maybe curl on himself, but Taehyung stretched his legs out and started shuffling to the edge of the bed.

Jungkook caught his elbow. “Where’re you going?”

“To- the bathroom.” Taehyung motioned, at the door and his chest. “Need to clean up.”

Yeah, Jungkook wasn’t surprised here.

“Lay down, petal.” Jungkook murmured, pulling Taehyung back.

“But-“

“I’ll get a towel.”

“But-“

“We’ll shower in a minute. Just lay back, hyung, please.”

Taehyung watched him closely but listened, settled back in the pillows.

And Jungkook knew Taehyung was not used to this, but he at least hoped he’d let Jungkook clean him up. Instead, Taehyung pulled the towel from his fingers.

Jungkook propped himself on one hand, watched Taehyung wipe his stomach. Then flopped down and snuggled closer, to have his lips touch Taehyung’s leg when he spoke, “I could do that too, you know? I’d love to.”

Because maybe – maybe – Taehyung just didn’t know this.

Taehyung shook his head, dropping the towel to the floor. “I don’t want that. I don’t want… to expect it.”

And okay, Jungkook got it. It wasn’t hard to understand. Just a little sad that separating sex with him and what happened between Taehyung and his clients was so hard for Taehyung that he feared he might slip.

But at least they cuddled. Jungkook loved that, loved how well Taehyung fit in his arms, how soft and warm he felt against his chest, all delicate and close and his.

“Call me that again.” Taehyung asked, dozing off.

Jungkook smiled. “Petal?”

“Mhm. It’s so gentle.” Taehyung sighed sleepily and found Jungkook’s hand, pulled it over himself, to his chest. “You’re so gentle with me.”

Was he, really? Jungkook didn’t think so. This wasn’t gentle at all and at the end there, Jungkook though he had been far too rough.

But Jungkook held Taehyung near and kissed his temple and whispered, “Petal.” Until Taehyung was asleep.

And Jungkook learned, very soon, that three days can stretch on for forever if you pace the time right.

It was probably because both Jungkook and Taehyung didn’t want those days to end and grabbed onto every second until their hands bled.

It felt good to just steal a bit of life, to themselves, to just sleep and fuck and eat and stare into the TV-screen without seeing a thing. Just together.

And Taehyung looked so damn right in Jungkook’s flat. He brought a backpack that he never opened and all the clothes on him were Jungkook’s, and he walked around wrapped in a blanket and complained that he was cold.

Once, when Jungkook had fallen asleep in the evening, Taehyung snuck away to charge his own phone and get them take-out that he paid for. Because, “I’m the hyung.”

“You’re my petal.” Jungkook had groaned. “Sit the fuck back and let me take care of you.”

Jungkook wanted to spoil him. Just a little. Just a lot. And it fucking killed him that to Taehyung being wrapped in warm blanket and getting fed three times a day already meant being spoiled.

He apperently hated black coffee. He hated coffee in general but the only way he found it somewhat enjoyable was with sugar and crème.

At least noodles he truly loved, even if he kept insisting they should eat instant ramen instead of cooking actual food.

“Meat, Taehyung. Eggs. Protein. We can’t function without-“

“I can function without anything.”

“Well, I can’t. I’m gonna get weak and slow and have my spine broken in the next fight, and you’re gonna have to spoon-feed me your ramen for the rest of my-“

“Fucking fine, Jesus Christ, make your stir-fry!”  

“Thank you so much, petal. Aren’t you just lovely?”

Taehyung shoved him, he shoved him a lot. Or he tried, because he couldn’t really move Jungkook unless Jungkook was already off-balance.

He touched Jungkook, too. And, again, a lot. It was often enough to make Jungkook think it’d be okay if he touched him as well.

And then Jungkook learned Taehyung liked having his hair petted. He loved it, he melted at the faintest touch, and when Jungkook’s fingers were in Taehyung’s locks, Taehyung sprawled himself all over his lap, or chair, or couch, or wherever they were, going lax and pliant, and he all but purred.

Unfortunately, Jungkook had been screamed at by Jin informed that he could not, in fact, not show up to the practice, because he had a fight the next day that he had completely forgotten about.

Taehyung said he’d go with him for it, he’s been coming to watch for a long time, but for the practice he had something to do.

And in Taehyung’s mind ‘having something to do’ meant buying two bottles of dye, getting naked to not stain the shirt and dying his hair from dirty gold to pitch-black, because, “Don’t I look cool?!”

He met Jungkook like that – naked and with wet, black hair clinging to his face and shoulders.

And, “Of course you do. You’re beautiful.”

Taehyung beamed and blushed.

He kept the length but did something to the shape – his hair seems more kept now, a bit more put together.

He had specks of dye on left in the skin by the hairline, the once he couldn’t get rid of on the first wash, and for some reason Jungkook found it so endearing.

Taehyung looked fresher now. Somehow more awake, more aware. Healthier.

Beautiful.

But Jungkook was exhausted after the training Namjoon put him through, and as distracting as the sight of Taehyung’s naked chest, wet shoulders and Jungkook’s sweatpants almost sliding off his hips was, Jungkook couldn’t do much about it.

He hadn’t even showered yet. Just flopped onto the bed on his back and sprawled his hands out.

Closed his eyes.

A soft weight settled over his lap, drops of water falling onto his t-shirt, and before Jungkook could say he was dead, he had Taehyung’s lips sliding over his cheek, up to his ear, his hands brushing down Jungkook’s stomach.

“Can I please suck you off?”

Jungkook couldn’t say no. He just couldn’t.

Couldn’t find the reason to, either.

“Let me shower first.”

Taehyung laughed, light and quiet. “No.”

“But-“

“You said I should be selfish.” Taehyung rolled his hips down on Jungkook in a very deliberate motion.

Jungkook looked up at him.

“I wanna suck you off. Now. And-“ Taehyung’s breathing stuttered, voice softened. “And I want you to hold my hair and call me petal.”

Jungkook nodded slowly, brushed his fingers over Taehyung’s exposed waist and felt a knot of anticipation already tightening in his own stomach. “Okay, hyung. Do your worst, then.”

And fuck, Jungkook didn’t know it could be that good.

Maybe it was just practice. Maybe it was because Taehyung was a guy and he knew how it had to be done, but Jungkook could not even make his tongue work, and all he managed was, “Petal, petal-“ Just because Taehyung asked.

And Jungkook held Taehyung’s hair and felt like he was being too rough again, and Taehyung only moaned and pushed himself lower, throat constricting around Jungkook, lips wrapped tight.

And Jungkook was so screwed. So fucking screwed, he knew he couldn’t let Taehyung go back to those alleys. To those people, who-

He just couldn’t.

But he had no right to stop him either.

He stood by the window that night, before his fight and the last day Tae had off, and looked at the fracture of the city he could see between the two buildings before him. Smoked, one cigarette after the other, not even feeling the effect.

Quiet, unsteady footsteps approached, and Taehyung came up to Jungkook’s chest, hooked his chin on his shoulder and wrapped a blanket around them. Face hidden in Jungkook’s neck.

Rasped lowly, “Why are you awake?”

Jungkook raked his mind. One last time, quickly, needy.

“Is it cause of the fight?”

“Ah? No.” Jungkook dropped the cigarette into the cup on the windowsill and wrapped both arms around Taehyung’s waist.

“That doesn’t worry you?”

“No.” Jungkook smiled briefly. “I’ll lose or I’ll win.”

“Mhm, ‘kay. Why then?”

Jungkook’s smile fell and he took a small breath. “Tae, can we talk about something?”

Taehyung pulled back to glance at him. “I don’t like this already but sure.”

That was not going to go well.

But Jungkook’s been thinking a lot. And he was fucking selfish.

“You don’t paint, do you?”

Taehyung stiffened immediately. Caught on in a heartbeat.

And his voice got sharper. “I don’t.”

“And you won’t while you do what you do.”

His eyes narrowed. “You’re gonna tell me to quit my job.”

Yes.

“No I’m not, so please relax. I was just saying. You stick with that job cause want time to paint, but you don’t paint and you won’t until you quit.” Jungkook searched Taehyung’s face. “Do you see the problem there?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes and Jungkook didn’t miss another small bit of distance he put between them. “I do. So what.”

Well, fuck, okay.

Jungkook had a pretty good damn estimator for situations when he was about to get punched in the face.

“Tae. Why don’t you… do any other job? Like even a server-“

Taehyung stepped away from his like Jungkook had burned him, eyes filling with lightning’s. “I fucking knew you wouldn’t be fine being with a whor-“

“It’s not about that!” Jungkook exclaimed, barely holding back frustration. “I don’t care- I mean of course I care, Tae, it’s fucking killing you! And you don’t paint anyway, you do nothing with that free time, so- just- stop it. Do something else. Anything else-“

Taehyung hissed, “Don’t say that!”

“Why?? Tae, just drop it. Jin would hire you on the spot, you could be a waiter or clean something or work in the kitchen or help Joon with his paper-shit, you know you have the brain for it, and don’t fucking tell me that’s any harder than what you do now!”

Taehyung stormed away, jerked the falling blanket back up. “Fuck- that and fuck you! Stop saying this!”

“Why?”

“Fucking because I won’t be able to paint then!!! I won’t have the choice to!!” Taehyung’s voice turned to a jarring, ringing scream, and Jungkook stepped back with wide eyes. “I won’t have the choice even there! With my dream! I’ll just fucking give up on it! And don’t you ever tell me to quit again-“

“No, wait, wait!” Jungkook held his hands up almost as if to calm a startled animal. “Wait, Tae, fine. Quit and don’t work. Move in with me and don’t work and just paint, or do whatever the fuck else you-“

Taehyung laughed, fake and hysterical. “No. Fucking never, I’m paying for everything I need.”

Stubborn fucking-

“Taehyung, do you fucking hear yourself? Nothing in your life is gonna change if you don’t-“

“Stop!!” Taehyung screamed, pressing his palms to his ears, letting the blanket fall and pool around his ankles. “Stop saying that, stop fucking- Stop it!”

“Okay.” Jungkook mouthed, trying to reach for him. “Okay, Tae, fuck, fine-“

He brought his hand up and Taehyung flinched from him.

Because of course he did. Jungkook knew Min-Jae hit him, but still… Jungkook wasn’t ready to see Taehyung flinch from him. 

He hadn’t even meant for this to be a fight and yet he felt like he just lost in every possible way.

Jungkook stoped, completely, with his arm frozen in the air, and it took Taehyung a second longer to realize. He cursed, grabbed Jungkook’s hand.

“Sorry. Fuck. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.” Jungkook whispered, taking Taehyung’s pretty, delicate hand in his calloused one, brushed his thumb over his soft knuckles. His heart kept fucking tearing. “It’s really hot.”

“It’s- Whatever.” Taehyung shifted, so deeply uncomfortable and not looking at Jungkook. But he let his wrist hang from Jungkook’s fingers. “You were saying?”

“Nothing.” Jungkook couldn’t get his voice to make sound. Just stroked the back of Taehyung’s hand, slow and careful. “Let’s stop, okay? I’m sorry I upset you.”

He did think Taehyung’s reaction was too much. Wasn’t expecting the screaming and Jungkook just really- He was good with sounds, violence and screaming, but he was also good at leaving them on the ring. He wasn’t expecting them here, with Taehyung, and that threw him off more than anything else.

But Taehyung couldn’t leave those things anywhere, could he? They were part of his life. He was expecting them everywhere.

“I’m sorry.” Taehyung whispered and Jungkook snapped back to reality. “I-“ He cleared his throat. “If I take a new job, I’m giving up on my dream. And it’s all I have. It’s literally all I fucking have. And if I’m not giving up on it, I’ll just know I’ll have to go back to this when I do want to try art again. And I can’t- Jungkook, I can’t-“ He shook his head and turned away, dark hair hiding his face. His words shook, wet with unshed tears, and throat closing up. “I already can’t fucking imagine having to go back, you- Please stop fucking saying this like I can just not do it, okay? I need you to stop saying it.”

Jungkook stroked Taehyung face until Taehyung let him guide it up, brushed his fingertips under his eyes and Taehyung’s lips quivered, tears spilling over and down, and he hid his face in Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Hey.” Jungkook hugged him, rubbed his back soothingly. “Petal.”

Taehyung sobbed, hurt and soundless and like his soul was being ripped out. “I don’t wanna go back!”

“Then- Tae, okay. You could save up, you know? Just think about it. You could work and save up a little, and then when you were ready, you’d have a bit of money to let you have time off. For a bit, mh?”

“No.” Stubborn, whiny.

“Okay.” Jungkook threaded his fingers through Taehyung’s hair. “Then just don’t go… for a few more days. Let’s say we’re on a honeymoon.”

Taehyung huffed, almost laughed, still so wet and snotty. “No. I won’t ever go back then.”

“Noo, I’ll make you. Will put the makeup on you myself and push you out into the nearest nightclub. No unemployed people in my flat, don’t even dream about it.”

Then Taehyung laughed. Shaky, forehead pressing harder to Jungkook’s chest. “I take it back, I won’t ruin your life. You’ll probably ruin mine.”

“Yes, hyung.” Jungkook moved his hand down, to the nape of Taehyung’s neck, to feel him relax a bit. “I told you you should believe in me.”

Jungkook learned that Taehyung was stubborn but he also learned that he himself could be persuasive.

It took time, a lot of blowjobs that Jungkook just knew he was not fucking good at, and a shitton of expensive chocolate gifted to Jin, but Jungkook did get Taehyung to try working as a waiter.

Most of the clients knew Taehyung, though, and they gave him shit.

Well, they tried.

One of them Taehyung had to punch in the face. And the one who jumped up after that had to get punched in the face by Jin be informed that Tae-Tae was no longer Tae-Tae, and also JK’s boyfriend.

Nobody fucking touched JK’s boyfriend, there was nobody suicidal enough.

Taehyung was just suddenly getting a lot of tips.

And he wasn’t quitting.

He worked so fucking much Jungkook almost started regretting offering it in the first place because he barely even saw him, but he got to drive Taehyung home now and Taehyung was okay with that.

They went to Jungkook’s flat. Taehyung kept his own but hadn’t been there in months.

And Taehyung’s eyes didn’t look dead anymore.

And Jungkook didn’t know how long it’d take him to get paints again, but he thought he’d be fine.

He thought they’d both be fine.

Because to keep going or to try and change things, Taehyung needed to hold onto something. And even if he was scared his dream might disappear or simply did not know how to get to it yet… Jungkook knew he could offer him something else to hold onto. If Taehyung needed it.

Jungkook could offer himself. 

And he had also learned that winning a fight when he knew Taehyung would be grinning at him from the front row felt a whole lot fucking better. That a lot of things felt better when Taehyung was with him.

Learned that holding onto him in return made waking up easier.

And he learned that Taehyung actually smiled a lot. Especially when he was happy.