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Very rarely did his schedule allow for Shane to watch games live, relying instead on replays and highlights, but a sprained hip had left him stuck on injury recovery for the next few weeks.
Montreal is playing a home game and realistically he should've been in the stadium, show his face for the cameras, but the idea of getting in and out of his car makes his head spin. They are playing against Ottawa so it's not like it's going to be much of a game anyway. He shouldn't think like that, maybe Ilya's presence on the team next season will make them an actual threat, but for now they are the worst team in the league and have absolutely no defensive strategy.
Which means he doesn't feel as guilty when his finger happens to slip, and change the channel before the puck even drops. He smiles as the familiar colors fill his screen.
He's always loved watching Ilya Rozanov play.
The Raiders are playing against the Florida Jaguars, an away game for them, he'd complained about the upcoming travel when they'd last met, he remembers Ilya telling him that Florida was one of the few places he wasn't hated. When looking back on that day, it's certainly not the most memorable moment but watching the crowd now it's easy to see that Ilya wasn't lying. The red and blue of the Jaguar's in the crowd is almost matched with the gold and black for the Raiders. For Ilya.
They are only a few minutes into the first period, and it's clear Ilya is having fun on the ice. Tensions are always high between Florida and Boston, nothing compared to their in-state rivalry with the Thunder but enough that the crowd is on the edge of their seats. There is an aggression between these two that just isn't there for games like Ottawa vs Montreal. It is a brutal sport but these two teams are plain mean on the ice.
Ilya is quite clearly not helping with that.
The camera doesn't pick up what he's saying but he is clearly running his mouth during the face off—which he wins— and when he scores straight off it. He's targeting Florida's left wing, not a bad strategy in theory, he's certainly a key player in their scoring strategy, but Shane wishes it was anyone else. The man is taller than Ilya, and cruel. Ilya's chirps typically at least have an element of humor, or when they don't, are never anything too personal. The same can not be said for him.
It takes longer than Shane expected for gloves to finally be dropped. It's not even the man Ilya's been antagonizing for half the game but it's enough. It's over something trivial, tripping maybe, the ref claims it's obvious but Shane didn't catch it. He isn't even sure the player has decided on the reason before he throws the first punch, hitting the padding of Ilya's shoulder.
Ilya takes the blow the same way all hockey players have been trained to. It takes more than that to knock any of them down. Ilya, however pulls away, the camera catches him yelling something at his opponent but he doesn't fight back. It's not until another Florida player shoves Ilya towards their teammate, almost sending him to the ice, does Ilya take off his gloves. It might be enough to give the instigator a ten minute major but Shane doubts it. Ilya ,for all his talk, clearly does not want to do this. That changes when the Florida player hits Ilya square in the jaw.
Shane loses track of the fight, the camera movements and his own fear for Ilya make it almost impossible to see who is winning—if a childish fight like this can have a winner. They are gripping at each others jerseys and Ilya takes a few bad hits to head, he looks almost dazed as he spits a bloodied tooth at the other player. He can fight well though, and is clearly giving as much as he gets. Shane wouldn't be surprised if the Florida players Jaw is broken, their nose certainly is.
It feels like hours before the Florida player finally goes down and Ilya lets himself be pulled away by his teammates. As far as Shane can tell, he looks okay. His face is bloodied but he stands up taller when Marleau lets him go. He smiles at the camera, proudly showing off his missing tooth that takes nothing away from the cocky grin. Florida's fighter has to be hauled up by two of his teammates but Ilya skates his way over to the tunnel waving playfully at the crowd as he does so.
Shane lets out a breath.
Ilya stumbles as he steps off the ice, barely noticeable. Shane hopes its because Carmichael slapped him on the back too hard. That's all. The camera is just about to cut away when Ilya bumps into the equipment bin, He clips it with his hip, harder than he meant to. The plastic rattles. He's not walking straight. He's not stumbling but it's a close thing.
He takes another step and his right skate drags, toe catching on nothing. His balance goes, not all at once, but in pieces. His legs give out underneath him. A knee slamming against concrete. There’s a split second where he’s halfway down and Shane thinks he’ll brace, that he’ll stop the fall the way every hockey player is trained to do.
He doesn't.
Ilya's other knee hits the ground and his face follows suit. The camera stays on his still body for a moment, the teammates on the bench frantically trying to get the attention of the refs, of the medical staff, of someone before the camera cuts to the two commentators.
The image of Ilya on the concrete ground is seared into his mind.
Shane is a professional. He knows exactly what the medics would be doing to Ilya, the tests he'll be put through when he wakes up. If he wakes up. Shane knows just how bad a concussion can be, players have had their careers ruined from one bad hit. Is it Ilya's turn? It can't be. They had a plan. A well thought out plan that needs Ilya playing his best hockey for Ottawa next year, and a charity and their retirement and Ilya can't be hurt too badly because they had a plan.
Shane doesn't realize how quickly his breathing has gotten until he goes to take another breath and finds he can't. God this is stupid. He knows he's being stupid, they are hockey players, they are never not injured. He frantically searches around the room looking for something to pull his focus, he finds it in his phone. Its still on charge in the kitchen but maybe he'll be able to send Ilya a message, maybe his team will have made a statement. Anything that will let him know how his lover is.
He races to stand, and is instantly reminded of why he isn't playing tonight. The pain that shoots through his hip is almost enough to send him crashing back down to the couch. He grits his teeth. It takes him far longer than he would like to make it to the kitchen and with his phone in his hands he suddenly realizes just how helpless he is.
He sends Lily a text, something vague that he hopes wont raise suspicions if the team doctor reads it over Ilya's shoulder. Except Ilya wouldn't have his phone on him, he doesn't take it on the ice, neither of them do. It's probably tucked away safely in his locker. There's nothing on Twitter yet from the team and the in-house commentators have said nothing about Ilya's condition despite it having been long enough since he fell. Surely somebody knows something.
Not that they would think to tell Shane if they did.
They aren't each others emergency contacts, they cant be.
Shane takes his phone and wobbles his way back to the couch. He almost drops it when it beeps. He fumbles with it for a moment, praying it's Ilya. That he's okay.
It's not.
It's his mother. She means well, he is sure, but her "Looks like a bad hit, he's a tough one, you both are. He'll be okay. " does little to ease his nerves.
He turns his head back to the TV. His focus isn't on the game. Images of Ilya collapsing keep filling his mind, each camera pan to bench is too close to the tunnel where he had laid unmoving.
Is his jaw broken from when he hit the ground.?
Is the head injury bad enough that he can't finish the season?
Is it bad enough that he'll never play again?
Is the injury that ends Ilya Rozanov's career from a stupid fight he didn't even want to be in?
Shane doesn't realize the game is close to finishing until the final siren sounds. Despite Ilya's goals, the Jaguars win. If Shane was watching he would be able to tell if it was because they were distracted by their teammates injury or just playing sloppy. But he wasn't and he can't bring himself to look at the highlights to see. He checks the official Raiders page and there is nothing about Ilya or his injury. No pre-planned statement they have prepared for any variety of injuries. There is no line about a quick recovery or upper body injuries or MTBI's because there is nothing there at all.
They should have thought about this.
At least Ilya was there when Shane got his bell rung, they were a country apart now. Shane was in Montreal, his parents in Ottawa and Ilya was all the way in Florida. Shane couldn't fly, the press would catch him instantly and he didn't trust himself to lie about where he was going. He couldn't even drive to the stadium 20 minutes away and yet Shane was about two minutes from convincing himself he can drive to Miami.
He is pulled from his thoughts by a text from an unknown number. And then another. Several have come through by the time Shane opens his phone.
Hi Jane. I don't know who you are but I know you make Rozy happy. I don't know if you were watching tonight's game but he got hurt.
He is awake.
A pretty bad concussion and a few missing teeth, but nothing he hasn't seen before. He will be ok.
Shane manages to type out Thank you for telling me before he realizes he doesn't exactly know who you is. The team doctor wouldn't have access to Ilya's phone and he knew that even if he did it was password locked.
Who is this? Shane sends back.
Shane watches the three gray dots appear, disappear and come back again.
My name is Cliff Marleu. I'm on Ilya's team.
I may have stolen your number down last time we were in Montreal.
Not to be creepy I promise but I'm glad I kept it now.
Maybe it's for the best if you didn't tell Rozanov about this.
Shane almost smiles at that, he's glad someone is looking out for Ilya. It takes him a moment before he remembers this should be terrifying, someone on Ilya's team knowing about Jane, but it isn't, Boston Lily has been a source of teasing from the Metro's for years, has Ilya's team been doing the same? He can pretend to be Jane and maybe next time Ilya gets his bell rung during a game he can count on somebody to let him know. Even if that somebody is Cliff Marleu. Shane sends back:
Thank you Marleu. It'll be our secret,
You'll let me know if anything changes? Tell him to text me when he's cleared to look at screens. And then one more because Shane couldn't help himself. You'll keep an eye on him for me?
Marleu's response is almost instantaneous. Simple and sweet and for once, enough to set Shane's mind at ease:
Of course.
And then, seemingly joking:
Don't worry Jane, before he had you looking out for him, he had me, followed by a sunglasses emoji.
Shane can't help but smile, he'll let Marleu think that for as long as he can.
Ilya's text comes a few hours later. A selfie. His face is bruised and swollen but the smile he sends Shane is much softer than the one he gave to the cameras. He's okay. He'll be okay.