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1
Seth, I began, I have a query.
With another machine intelligence, I would have simply posed my query with no initial announcement. However, I had learned that humans liked to be warned before they were asked a question. I supposed it made sense, as humans had vastly inferior processing power to most machine intelligences, so it was understandable that they would require a warning so they could focus what processing power they had on the incoming query. Seth had taught me that the proper procedure was to inform a human that I had a query and wait for them to give permission before I posed it. He had also said that I could ask if I could pose a query, but I had countered that that was a query in itself and thus, by his own rules, impolite. He'd laughed and told me that some pedantic humans would agree.
I still often found it awkward, as it seemed a waste of time. But Seth had said it was the proper procedure, and Holism still failed to do it 27.8% of the time, so it was a simple way for me to prove my superiority.
Sure, Perihelion, what's up?
That was a colloquialism that Seth had taught me. It was a human way of asking what was happening, or what I was doing, or how I was feeling. In this case, it could be understood as permission to pose my query.
Query: Explanation? I asked, and I sent Seth a video file.
Humans preferred to process visual stimuli in real time, so I had to wait for Seth to watch the video, and then wait a few more seconds for him to compose an explanation. But apparently my query had not been clear enough, because Seth's response was, What do you need me to explain? That's Martyn and Iris. You know Martyn and Iris.
Of course I knew Martyn and Iris; they were Seth's husband and daughter. While Seth was the one primarily in charge of my development, both Martyn and Iris had played roles as well, and I assumed Iris's role would continue to grow as she herself developed more. But my query had not been about Martyn and Iris's existences, but their actions.
I clipped the video specifically to the bit that I did not understand. Query: Explanation? I sent again, with the shorter video clip. And then, in case Seth still found it unclear, I added, Martyn is carrying Iris. Iris is old enough to walk unassisted. Query: Explanation?
Seth watched the clip again. In it, Martyn was picking Iris up from school, and upon seeing him, she ran forward and he lifted her into his arms. He secured his grip on her and spun her in a circle, prompting Iris to wrap her own arms around him, and then he set her back down. Both seemed inordinately pleased by this activity. Iris was even laughing. But, as I had told Seth, Iris was able to walk on her own, and she did walk on her own immediately after Martyn set her down, so I could not understand why Martyn had picked her up in the first place.
It's called a hug, Seth told me. Or an embrace. It's when you wrap your arms around someone as a gesture of affection.
I ran a search for proper dictionary definitions. A hug was defined as "a close embrace with the arms especially as a sign of affection." An embrace was more specifically "a close encircling with the arms and pressure to the chest especially as a sign of affection." Both could also be used as verbs, meaning the act of giving a hug or embrace. I searched through other files and found many examples of humans hugging each other. It seemed that they enjoyed it greatly.
Query: Can I give Iris a hug?
Seth hesitated. Humans always seemed slow to me, but this was clearly a case of Seth waiting before speaking, not simply being slow.
We might be able to figure out something with a drone at some point, Seth finally said. We can think about it, okay? It's a little hard when you don't have a body, but we can find a solution.
Ah. Of course. An embrace required arms and a chest, as per the dictionary definition, and I had neither. It had been a foolish question. I ran a quick self-diagnostic, attempting to discover why I had posed it in the first place. I rarely asked foolish questions.
Nothing appeared to be wrong. I tagged the query to an error report and set up parameters to alert me and remind me of this instance if I asked another foolish question in the future.
I understand, I said, because Seth's face was creased slightly with an expression I identified as worry. I predicted he was worried I would be disappointed by his response. That was a human response and not one I would have, but sometimes even Seth erroneously expected human responses from me. Query: Do you also hug Iris?
I do, Seth agreed. I can send you a video.
Acknowledged. I hesitated. And appreciated.
I'll see about getting you a drone that you can hug Iris with, Seth promised. It won't be exactly the same as a human, but we can try.
Most drones had arms, if you anthropomorphized them enough to consider their appendages arms, but they did not have chests. It would not fit the dictionary definition of an embrace, but perhaps Seth was right and it was worth a try regardless.
I could not entirely understand why, but the thought of hugging Iris had suddenly become very important to me.
Query: Will it be pleasant for Iris? I asked. I was aware that humans often found bots and drones to be cold and stiff, given their metallic carapaces.
Iris loves you, Seth said, which caused a positive reaction in my processors. She'd love any hug from you, no matter how we do it.
Be that as it may, I dedicated a small background processing stream to determining if there was a way I could give Iris a proper hug. I had not known her long, given our shared youth, but I knew already that Iris deserved nothing but the best.
10
"It's not fair!"
This had been Iris's continual refrain for over a week. Seth and Martyn had both told me that she would get over it with time, but thus far, she had not.
"I should be allowed to come," Iris said angrily. "I know how your systems work just as well as Dad does! And it's not like you even really need any of us to go, because you can do everything yourself! We're just there for company, and I should be allowed to come! I'm the best company!"
"It may be dangerous," I replied. Iris had a speaker in her room that I could project my voice through. We were working together to determine which sort of voice I wanted to primarily use, and the speaker was more comfortable for her than constantly having her feed interface in. When she was older, she wanted to get an internal augment that would grant her feed connectivity, but she was only twelve, and thus too young for a safe and ethical augmentation surgery.
Twelve was also too young to be part of my crew on an information-gathering run into the Corporation Rim. Iris was aware of the regulations, but she did not agree with them, and she had made that very clear.
"If it's dangerous, then you and Dad shouldn't be going either!" Iris protested. "And even if it is dangerous, I should be able to come along! I can take care of myself!"
I did not bring up the fact that she was only twelve and thus not a legal adult. I had done that before, but Iris did not tend to take it well. It was a fact, but she did not like to hear it, so I had learned not to mention it.
"You are not the only one who is not coming. Martyn is also staying."
"Dad is only staying because I can't go! Otherwise, he'd be going with you!"
That was correct. The university had initially suggested that Martyn come along, but he had refused to leave Iris alone with neither of her parents, even when the university had promised to provide childcare. I was unsure if Iris knew that or not, but even if she did not know the details, she had clearly guessed the larger situation.
"I just-" Iris stamped her foot, her face flushing with anger. "I don't want to be left behind! I want to go with you! It's not fair!"
Her eyes were filling with tears. I pinged Seth and Martyn. When Iris was upset enough to cry, I knew from experience that my efforts at cheering her up would be insufficient. Seth and Martyn had much higher success rates.
"You will be able to join my crew once you are old enough."
"That's not for years and years! Don't you want me to come with you? Don't you miss me when you go on missions without me? I miss you!"
"I do," I replied, which was true, "but I would rather miss you temporarily than have you in danger."
Iris's face was steadily growing even more flushed. I pinged Seth and Martyn again, and luckily, Seth responded with a confirmation that they were on their way. Three seconds later, the door slid open, and they both stepped in.
"Oh, honey," Seth said, holding out his arms, and Iris ran into them and started crying.
Thank you for calling us, Peri, Martyn said over the feed. Is Iris still upset about not going with you?
She is. She believes it is unfair.
Martyn sighed. I understand. She doesn't want to be left behind.
Do you feel similarly? I asked. You are also unable to come.
I don't love letting you and Seth go into danger without me, no, Martyn replied. But I'm not leaving Iris alone. I'll be happy when she's old enough to come with us, though.
Would it not be better to end the runs altogether? Then you would be able to stay with Iris and no one would be in danger.
Except the people in the Corporation Rim, Martyn replied, and we all want to help them. It's important to all of us. Iris included, which is part of why she's so upset. It's worth the risk. Iris just isn't old enough to take it yet.
I mulled over that for a moment. I also look forward to Iris joining us, then, if the only other option is continuing to leave her behind.
Martyn smiled a little. You're a good sibling, Peri.
I did not protest the title. I was not truly Iris's sibling, of course, but we had been raised more or less together, and I understood why the humans used the term.
Seth held out an arm, and Martyn joined the hug. I could feel him in the feed, warm and bright, and I could feel Seth as well, opening himself up to me so I could feel his gratitude for helping with Iris. It was not entirely misplaced, but nor was it entirely earned. I had done my best, but it was Seth and Martyn's presence that had helped the most. It was their hug that had made Iris feel better.
My attempts at determining a way to give Iris a proper hug had not yet found any viable solutions. But I was still looking, and as I watched Seth and Martyn hug Iris and felt… something, I did not think I would stop until I succeeded.
11
Iris fell backwards onto her bunk, a wide smile on her face. "I can't believe I'm finally here."
You have been here previously, I said, but we were both aware that I was simply being pedantic for the sake of it. It was a trait that Seth found somewhat exasperating, but Martyn had figured out that I did it specifically to be annoying and was paradoxically amused by that. Iris just tended to roll her eyes at me, which was what she did then.
"I haven't been here as an official crew member," she retorted. "Aren't you excited? I'm excited."
I am, I relented. Now that Iris was an official member of my crew, she would be able to go on almost all of my missions with me, save the unmanned cargo runs that I did alone. It was a relief to know that I no longer had to leave her - and normally Martyn, who stayed behind in solidarity - when I went out on missions with Seth and the rest of our crew.
A crew that now finally included Iris.
Have you read the report for our upcoming mission? I asked. We weren't leaving for a few more days, but I thought there was a high chance Iris had already read the report. She always read the previous mission reports quickly when I would smuggle them to her. That had very much not been permitted by the university, but I trusted Iris, and I had what Seth described as a "bad habit" of following the university's rules only so far as I wanted to. In some situations, that was not very far.
"I did," Iris agreed. "What are we going to do until we leave?"
Technically, we are supposed to spend the next few days training you on my systems, I said. And I believe Martyn also requires recertification in a few areas.
I could feel Iris's dismissal in the feed. "Dad and I already know your systems better than basically everyone else. Can't we get an exemption?"
I would be willing to alter the records for you, but Seth insisted that I stop doing that, I replied. But we can skip directly to your certification tests, if you would like. I am certain you would pass them easily.
Iris sighed. "Fine. I mean, Dad's probably right that you should stop altering university records all the time, even if this one is stupid. So then what do we do after the tests? We'll still have a couple of days, right?"
We will. We could leave early, and I could bring you to a planet near our target with what is said to be a beautiful natural park. It is one of a few in the Corporation Rim.
Iris perked up immediately. I had known she would like that idea. "Really? Would we be allowed? I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize the mission…"
I do not believe it would. We can ask Seth and Martyn for their opinions.
"Sure, I guess we can talk to Dad and Dad tomorrow morning or something."
You misunderstand me. I mean we can talk to them now, as they are currently approaching your room.
"They're what?" Iris demanded, right as Martyn rang the chime to request entrance.
Iris opened the door, and Seth and Martyn beamed at her, carrying a cake between the two of them. "We don't bake a homemade cake for every new crew member," Seth said, "but we thought this was a special occasion."
"Is that chocolate?" Iris asked eagerly.
"It sure is."
"You guys are the best!"
Martyn laughed. "And all we had to do was bake a cake."
"You deserve it, honey," Seth said, kissing the side of Iris's head. "You've worked hard to get this position, and we're proud of you. And I think we're all glad to be together, without anything else keeping us apart. Do you agree, Peri?"
I do, I said, expanding the feed to encompass all four of us. Leaving Iris behind was untenable.
"I think Peri was about ready to stage a mutiny and bring you onboard anyway, if your crew certification took any longer," Martyn said. "So it's probably a good thing the university formalized everything so quickly."
Martyn's tone and wording made me wonder if he was aware of the prodding and expediting I had done to ensure that Iris's certification was processed as quickly as believably possible. Given that Seth had said nothing about it, the options were either: (a) Martyn did not know and I was, to use a human phrase, reading into things too much; (b) Martyn knew but had not told Seth; or (c) Martyn and Seth both knew, and Seth had decided to turn a blind eye to my behavior. A predictive model ran calculations based on various elements, including Martyn's tendency to share things with Seth and Seth's tendency to at least pretend to rebuke me when I altered university records, and returned the unhelpful response that it could not say with any confidence which option was statistically the most likely. Under normal circumstances, I would have flagged that to show Seth and ask for an update to my predictive models, but given the nature of the analysis, I thought it was best not to.
"We're all glad you're here," Seth said, pulling Iris into a tight hug. Martyn laughed and joined, and I felt a familiar longing. I had still not discovered a way I could hug Iris properly. I was still looking.
"I'm glad we're together," Iris said, smiling, and I leaned on her slightly in the feed and wished that could be enough.
100
Iris.
"I don't want to talk right now, Peri."
Iris.
"I said no, Peri!"
I backed off slightly, although I didn't go far. Iris was upset, and I understood why, but I didn't think it was good for her to be alone.
She was silent for a few moments, pacing her room and fuming, before she let out a sigh and fell back onto her bed. "I just thought we could help them," she admitted in a small voice, and for the first time, I wished Iris hadn't joined my crew.
We'd been on one of our less legal missions to investigate an abandoned colony and help them keep their independence after their planet was purchased by a corporation. It was a fairly common type of mission, and we'd figured out a fairly good strategy for doing so. Most times, all we had to do was forge a copy of the original colony charter that said the colonists had ownership of the planet, and then the new corporation would have to leave. But this time, there had been a too-public copy of the real charter, and we hadn't realized that until we'd already wasted too much time and effort on making up a new one, and in the end, we hadn't been able to save the colonists at all. They were off to their new indenture, and we were flying back to the university defeated.
"I still think we could have, maybe," Iris continued, "it just wouldn't have been… subtle. And I know why we couldn't do that, and I know why it's important that we don't break any laws we can't cover up, but it's kind of hard to think too much about protecting ourselves so we can help other people when it means we're not helping people now."
I understand, I told Iris. And I feel similarly. But our work helps many people. If we had thrown that away to help this one colony, how many future colonies would we be sacrificing?
"I know!" Iris cried. "I know, I get it, I just… I don't like it. I can get it and not like it."
She could, of course. I also understood the concept and disliked it thoroughly. For a moment, when the corporation had been almost bragging about having taken the colonists into indenture, I had felt a temptation to use my weapons array and teach them a lesson. I hadn't, of course, and I never would, but for an instant, I had wanted to.
This was Iris's first mission that had gone wrong. It wasn't mine, but we'd been lucky, and most of my missions had succeeded. I wasn't used to ones that didn't.
I didn't want to get used to them.
We will help more people in the future, I said. And perhaps we can do something else to help these people. I will monitor the corporation and see if there is anything we can do in the future to destabilize them.
"Is that really going to help the people, though?" Iris countered. "They'll probably just get bought by some other corporation. The whole Rim is such a mess that sometimes it almost makes me wonder why we bother at all. We can keep saving people, but they'll keep getting into these situations because the system keeps dragging them into them. How can we fight against that?"
This is not like you, Iris. You have never lost faith before.
"I've never had to watch a group of people I care about go into an indenture before," Iris countered, and her eyes began to well with tears.
It had been years, but my success rate was still low when it came to comforting a crying Iris. I pinged Seth and Martyn.
Luckily, they were close and came quickly. "Oh, honey," Seth said when I opened the door for them, and Iris collapsed into his arms and started to cry, just as she had when she was small.
Is she upset about the mission? Martyn asked me, settling in next to Seth and Iris and rubbing Iris's back.
She is, I agreed. It was her first mission that went poorly. She is doubting how much of an impact we can make in the Rim when the systems are so exploitative.
Martyn sighed. Seth feels responsible for it too. I've been trying to comfort him, but he's the captain, so he thinks it was his fault that things went bad.
It is not, I said firmly. I knew Martyn didn't blame Seth, so I made sure my tone was not accusative, but it was still an absurd enough concept that I could not allow it to go unchallenged. We did all that we could. And even if Seth is the captain, he was not the lead on this particular mission.
I know all that, and he knows all that, but it was still hard, Martyn said. None of us liked seeing those people taken into indenture. It's an awful thing to witness and not be able to stop.
It is, I agreed, but it was not Seth's fault. And it is not Iris's either. And we do make a difference, even if sometimes it does not feel like it.
I know all that too, Martyn said. And so do Seth and Iris, but sometimes they need reminding. That's what they need us for.
It was a good point. Seth worked hard enough to run himself into the ground at times, and Martyn had always been the one to pull him back. Iris seemed to take after Seth more than Martyn in that respect, and I did my best to take after Martyn in keeping my family from overextending themselves. It was not always easy, and it was something that Martyn continually did better than I could, but it was important, and I enjoyed the opportunity to help Iris and Seth however I could.
One of the ways that Martyn could help that eluded me was with physical contact. He could often pull Iris or Seth back with a hug. Seth could do it too, when Iris was upset, and I was helpless.
I did not like being helpless, especially not when it came to helping Iris. But there were still things I could do, and I would continue to do them, and perhaps someday, I could find the solution I had spent years looking for.
We will keep doing it, then, I said to Martyn, not mentioning any of my own feelings. For as long as they need us.
Martyn smiled slightly. Of course we will.
101
It wasn't until Martyn was ready to leave medical quarantine that things finally felt as though they could truly get back to normal. Everything about the Adamantine colony had been so strange and horrible, and I was still on edge in a way I had never been before, and I knew Seth and Iris were also on edge, and the separation from Martyn wasn't helping. I knew Martyn was also on edge, but he had always been the calmest of the family, and he wouldn't show his anxiety in the same way that Seth and Iris did.
Still, we were all glad when the time for his medical quarantine drew to an end without any complications and he was allowed to rejoin the others.
Iris and Seth were both waiting outside the door, Iris bouncing on her heels. Iris and Seth are very excited to see you, I said as I finished up with Martyn's final medical check.
"I'm excited to see them too," Martyn agreed. "And I'm excited to meet your SecUnit properly."
I am not certain that it would appreciate being referred to as 'my' SecUnit. Also, there are currently two onboard.
"And I'd definitely appreciate a chance to properly thank Three for its role in rescuing myself and Karime and Turi, but I want to meet the SecUnit that you've been telling us all about since you met it on the way to RaviHyral."
SecUnit also did not appreciate the fact that I had told my crew about it. Haven't you been talking to it over the feed? I asked instead of mentioning that.
"I have, but I'd like to meet it in person. Talking over the feed isn't the same, at least not for humans."
I wondered if SecUnit felt the same way. I thought perhaps it did, given that it preferred to have planning meetings with its humans in person. That could have been for its humans' sake, but if it really preferred the feed, it would have used that instead, and its humans would have adjusted. SecUnit's humans were always accommodating and did their best to help SecUnit feel comfortable. They were like my crew in that way, which is why we felt similar levels of loyalty to our humans.
You will be able to meet it soon, I said, recalling my medical drone. But I think Seth and Iris will claim your attention first.
Martyn smiled widely, an expression of delight I hadn't seen on his face the whole time he'd been in quarantine. "I think they will."
He stepped down from the platform and looked over at the door. "Do I have a clean bill of health, Dr. Peri?"
Once, as a young child, Iris had called my MedSys "Dr. Peri." It was an exaggeration to say the name had stuck, but it remained a gentle nickname at times, particularly when Seth or Martyn was feeling particularly nostalgic or, to use the term Iris preferred, sappy. I was not particularly surprised to hear Martyn use it now.
You do, I said, and I unlocked the door.
Martyn's smile widened even further, and he stepped out the door.
"Dad!" Iris shrieked, throwing herself forward into Martyn's arms. He stumbled back half a step at the sudden weight, but Seth stepped behind him to steady him.
"Did you miss us?" he asked, hugging Martyn from behind.
"Of course I did," Martyn said, leaning back against Seth and kissing him. "I'm so glad you're alright."
"We were so worried about you," Iris said, clinging to Martyn. "We didn't know if you'd be okay, and with Peri…"
Her voice choked off. I am here, Iris, I said in her feed, trying to sound reassuring. I am alright.
I know, she told me, but I could see her grip on Martyn tighten. The whole situation had been painful for her, and for Seth and Martyn, and, to be honest, for me. Iris and Seth and Martyn, at least, could embrace each other in the aftermath, but I, as ever, could not.
I had never told Iris how much I wished I could hug her. I knew she would try to come up with solutions or insist that a hug from one of my drones was sufficient. I also knew she would feel bad that it was something I wanted and couldn't properly have. But it wasn't Iris's fault, and I hadn't developed a proper solution yet, so I kept it to myself. If I ever figured out something that would work, I would tell Iris immediately, but I was beginning to doubt that day would come.
I could do some things, though. I could keep Iris and Seth and Martyn and the rest of my crew safe, and I could help them when they needed it, and I could facilitate moments like this one, where I did my best to live vicariously through others hugging Iris. I could lean on Iris in the feed slightly, just enough that she could feel my presence, and know that that was sort of like an embrace. I couldn't lean on her as much as I did with SecUnit, but at least it was something. I could offer her recycler-warm blankets when she was cold, or ensure that we had her favorite foods when she was sad. I had other little ways that I could show my love for my sister, and I knew she felt it, and I knew she would always think it was enough.
The problem was, I didn't.
Peri? Iris said quietly in the feed, and I directed the majority of my attention towards her. I'm really glad we're all together again.
As am I, Iris.
I was really worried about you. I thought…
She cut herself off before I could tell her not to dwell on what could have happened and, in some respects, had happened, even if it had been reversed afterwards. I missed you, she said simply. And I'm glad we're home.
Perhaps I could not hug Iris, but I could be her home. It was not quite enough, not when I wanted to hug her so badly, but if it was all I could get, it wasn't too bad a consolation prize.
+1
You're pretty bad at this, SecUnit said, tone somewhere between surprised and amused.
Shut the fuck up.
No, you're really bad at this, SecUnit emphasized, tone decidedly on the side of amused now. You pilot all your drones, right? How different is this?
You are far more complex than a drone.
I'm not that complicated.
I tried to direct SecUnit's body to take a step and ended up overbalancing - again - and falling against the wall. You are.
This had started 37.6 minutes ago, when Ratthi asked about the role I'd played in SecUnit's altered appearance and I'd shared a few files with him in the feed. One had been of SecUnit's attempts at walking like a human instead of a security construct. I'd made a comment about how it still hadn't fully mastered walking naturally, it had dared me to do better, and somehow, we'd ended up with me piloting its body like one of my drones. Poorly.
Maybe walking like a human isn't so easy after all, SecUnit said smugly.
I thought I told you to shut the fuck up.
"Uh, SecUnit?" Iris asked tentatively as she came around the corner and I lurched forward in another uncoordinated step. "Are you okay?"
SecUnit had full control of its mouth, so it responded to Iris aloud. "I'm letting ART try walking around in my body. It sucks at it." In our private feed, it added, Human babies learn how to do this when they're like one year old.
I opened up a feed with myself, SecUnit, and Iris. SecUnit and I were discussing its difficulty in walking in a natural, human-like way. It suggested that I try, but somehow it does not seem to recognize the difference between its inability after a lifetime as a bipedal being and my difficulty after less than an hour of experience.
"ART's a big baby that can never admit it's wrong," SecUnit countered.
Iris's expression twitched in a way I knew meant she was trying not to laugh. Iris, I said in her private feed, making my tone as wounded and plaintive as possible.
I don't mean to laugh at you, Peri, Iris said, and I had already flagged her evasive wording as a concern before she continued, but it is kinda funny.
Iris!
"Is it being a big baby in the feed?" SecUnit asked.
"It's hard to learn how to walk," Iris said, trying to keep her voice peaceable even though I could hear the amusement in it. "Peri, maybe try taking smaller steps."
I tried taking a smaller step, but I had too much momentum and almost immediately started to fall forwards. Iris lunged forward to catch me by the forearms, then let go quickly and took a step back once she knew I wasn't going to fall over. I stayed very, very still.
"I'm sorry, SecUnit," Iris said, looking apologetic. "I know you don't like people touching you. I just didn't want you and Peri to fall over."
"It's fine," SecUnit said, then it poked me in our private feed. Why are you being weird?
I was "being weird," as it put it, because it was the first time that Iris had touched me and I had properly been able to feel it.
I could feel things that happened to my drones to a certain extent. I couldn't really feel things that happened within my ship body. But this, Iris's touch against SecUnit's construct body that I was piloting, had felt like a real human touch. I had wondered for so long how it would feel, and it seemed as though I finally had an answer. It had only been a flash of sensation, but I wanted to feel it again.
I couldn't let SecUnit know that, though. I buried the thoughts, but I was still in its head, and I hadn't buried them quickly enough.
You want to touch Iris? SecUnit asked, tone dubious.
She is my sister, I countered. I would like to… experience physical contact. It is a certain type of connection that humans value that I cannot properly experience. It's alright. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't feel it.
You can in my body.
I could. It didn't matter. You dislike physical touch. This is your body. I'm not going to make you do something you don't feel comfortable with.
I can cut my sensory inputs. I won't feel it.
This is your body, not one of my drones. I can't do that.
SecUnit rolled its eyes. You're being stupid.
"Are you two arguing in the feed?" Iris asked. Unlike Amena, who had always sounded vaguely nervous when she asked that question, Iris sounded almost amused, like she expected nothing else from us. It was not entirely flattering, perhaps, but nor was it entirely unwarranted.
"ART is being stupid," SecUnit dismissed.
I am attempting to be considerate, I told it privately.
You're being stupid, SecUnit repeated.
"What's wrong?" Iris asked.
Don't you dare tell her.
"ART-"
I scrambled for the code that controlled SecUnit's mouth. I had left it full control of its mouth and vocal cords, but if it was going to betray me like this, it had lost that right. SecUnit fought back, and Iris watched us with an arched eyebrow as SecUnit's mouth spasmed without making any sound. We wrestled over it, then SecUnit burst into the feed and yelled, ART wants to touch you!
"What?" Iris asked, looking at us with wide eyes.
I was going to fry SecUnit's little brain until it melted out of its ears. SecUnit is mistaken.
ART says humans like to touch each other and it wants to touch you.
Stop saying it like that! I demanded privately.
It's the truth!
It sounds weird!
Then you describe it!
"Peri?" Iris asked tentatively. "I feel like SecUnit might not have the full story."
Iris was my favorite human, my sister, but it was still hard to find the words to tell her how I was feeling. Instead, I shared a process with her in the feed. She opened it, and after a moment, she sighed, "Oh, Peri."
SecUnit peered over my metaphorical shoulder and looked at the process. You've been trying to figure this out for that long?
I have.
And it didn't occur to you that you could use my body to do it?
It had. Of course it had. But SecUnit didn't like physical contact, so I'd quickly marked that possibility as impossible. It wouldn't want to help me with this, and I didn't want to make it do something it didn't want to do.
Bullshit, SecUnit said, because it was no longer putting any effort into staying out of my thoughts while I was in its head. You love making me do things.
Not things that will make you uncomfortable.
Also bullshit, you've literally kidnapped me before.
Only in a situation where there was no other option. Only in an emergency.
"Peri," Iris said softly, "this really means that much to you?"
I wasn't quite sure how to answer that either. Yes, I said after a moment. There was nothing else to say. Yes, it did. Yes, I had consistently dedicated a small part of my processing power to figuring out a way to hug Iris for almost twenty years. Yes, I wanted to hug her so badly that sometimes, to use a human expression, it almost hurt. That was all there was to it.
"SecUnit," Iris said, "why are you telling me this now?"
"Because ART could hug you with my body," it said. "And I told it that it can, but it's being stupid about it."
Iris, to her credit, was as quick on the uptake as ever. "Peri could pilot your body like it's doing now and feel a hug properly?"
I could, I said reluctantly. SecUnit's construct anatomy would allow me to feel the physical contact similarly to a human. But it does not like physical contact, and I will not disregard its bodily autonomy like that.
You're not disregarding shit if I tell you that you can do it. You're disregarding my feelings by not doing it.
You would hate it.
I can turn off my sensory inputs. And maybe I wouldn't hate it if I knew it meant a lot to you. Asshole.
I will admit, the words floored me. I had never known SecUnit to even accept physical contact, let alone enjoy it. The thought that it was willing to endure that for me, just because it knew it was something I wanted…
I usually don't let humans touch me because they've got other options, SecUnit added privately. But I did let Mensah hug me when we were alone and I was rescuing her from GrayCris and she was scared, because there was no one else to do it. Unless we find another construct willing to let you pilot it like a drone, you don't have any other options, so you can use me. It's okay.
I wanted it so badly that it was hard to resist. Are you certain?
For fuck's sake, how many times do I have to tell you it's okay before you just do it, asshole?
Tentatively, I reached out for Iris's feed. Iris, I said, SecUnit is willing to allow me to use its body to hug you. Would you… Is that something you would enjoy?
Iris's eyes sparkled with tears. Usually, I struggled to comfort a crying Iris, but this time, I hoped I might be able to manage it.
"Yeah, Peri," she said, nodding. "If it's okay with SecUnit, I'd like that a lot."
How should we do this? I asked SecUnit. What would be the most comfortable for you?
SecUnit shoved me at its full sensory processors and turned off the inputs to its own systems. I scrambled to pick them up, then took a moment to let them settle into place. It was a different sort of input than I was used to, but it was also far less than I was used to sorting in my main body, so it was fairly simple to slide everything into place.
Are you certain? I asked SecUnit one last time.
Just fucking do it, asshole.
I took a lurching step towards Iris and thankfully managed to stay on my feet. For a moment, I considered using SecUnit's mouth to speak to her aloud, but that would be in its voice, and I wanted to speak to her in mine.
Iris. May I give you a hug?
Iris held out her hands and smiled. "Of course, Peri. Always."
I had had a great deal of time to think about what the best way to hug Iris would be. In the moment, all I could think to do was wrap my arms around her and gently squeeze. I couldn't squeeze too tightly, not in SecUnit's body and with its strength, but I could hold Iris in a way I never had before. I could feel how warm she was, and I could feel her arms around mine, and it felt like a piece slotting into place.
I remembered when Seth had first explained hugs to me, and tentatively, I lifted Iris up and spun her around. Just like she had in the recording with Martyn, she laughed in delight. SecUnit's body was large enough to lift her with ease, although I knew Seth and Martyn couldn't do it anymore. Perhaps, in the future…
But I was getting ahead of myself. I was hoping for too much. I set Iris down, and then I let her go.
Her eyes sparkled as she looked up at me, but I had learned over my time with humans how to differentiate between sad and happy tears. These were happy ones. "I love you, Peri."
I love you too, Iris.
I prodded at SecUnit, which had tucked itself away so deeply in its own processes that I don't think it was even aware of what was happening with its body. We're done.
Already? SecUnit asked, blooming out. I thought you'd take longer.
I didn't want to try your limited patience.
Oh fuck off, I'm more patient than you are.
You absolutely are not.
Which one of us can't go five seconds without sticking its big nose into everyone's business?
If either one of us has been interfering in the other's business today, it would be you.
Says the one literally piloting my body.
I released my control on SecUnit's limbs, but I didn't bother to lock them into place before I did. SecUnit swore at me and dove in to gather the inputs before its body collapsed.
Fuck you.
I am no longer literally piloting your body.
I carefully removed myself fully from SecUnit's processes and returned my main consciousness to my ship body. At the same time, SecUnit settled back into its body. Iris watched it, a strange expression on her face.
"It's you again, right, SecUnit?"
SecUnit nodded. "I'm going to watch media."
Are you upset? I demanded immediately. I told you this was a bad idea-
I'm not upset, SecUnit dismissed. I poked it. I'm not! But I don't want Iris looking at me like that. So I'm gonna go, and she'll get over it, and we'll be normal again soon.
Even I had to admit there was a strange, unreadable expression on Iris's face. I wondered what she'd thought of the hug. I would ask, but as much as I cared about SecUnit, I was going to wait until it had left.
"Thank you, SecUnit," Iris said. "This was… This meant a lot to me. I really appreciate it."
SecUnit nodded, then it turned and fled. Iris knew it well enough not to take offense. It had helped, and it had pushed to help, but it absolutely couldn't handle being thanked for helping.
Thank you, I said anyway.
Fuck off.
Iris let out a quiet sigh as SecUnit left. I reached for her in the feed, then hesitated. I had never hesitated to speak to Iris before, but then again, I had never hugged her before. I didn't know what she had thought of it. I knew what I had thought of it, and I didn't want to find out that it hadn't meant as much to her as it had to me.
I was being foolish. I pushed forward.
Iris? What did you think of the hug?
Iris looked up at the ceiling. She didn't follow that affectation as much as the rest of my crew, but she did it sometimes, when she wanted me to know that she was really focusing on me. It was wonderful, she told me over the feed, and a smile spread across her face. Oh, Peri, it was wonderful.
I… have wanted to do this for quite a long time.
I know. I didn't look too deeply at the process you sent me, and I won't unless you want me to, but I saw that it started back when we were little. You've been wanting this since long before you were even put into your ship body, right?
When you were very small, I asked Seth about video footage of Martyn hugging you. I asked what it was. Seth explained, and I felt a… pull. It was nothing I had felt before. I even asked Seth an illogical question over it.
An illogical question? Perish the thought.
I ignored Iris's teasing with the ease of a sibling long used to it. I wanted to hug you, but I wanted to do it properly. My drones are not comfortable, nor are they humanoid. And I knew that, even if I had a humanoid one made, it would still be a drone, and it would not be comfortable to hug in the way that a human is. I had mostly given up on the possibility of ever finding a solution.
I'm glad you didn't give up entirely, Iris said. I'm glad that we were able to do it.
As am I.
I leaned against Iris in the feed gently. I could lean on SecUnit far more, but Iris was human, and her augments needed to be treated with more care. I had always treated Iris with a great deal of care, from our earliest interactions.
I don't know if we'll ever be able to do it again, I said quietly.
It was true. I didn't. I didn't know if SecUnit would ever agree to it again, and if it didn't, I didn't think we'd find another construct who would be willing to let me use it as a puppet. Three certainly wouldn't; it was still afraid of me.
That's okay, Iris said. I don't mind hugging your drones, and maybe we can design one that's more comfortable for both of us. And I love you, whether I can hug you or not.
I know, I said, but I would still like to hug you properly.
Iris smiled. Then we figure out a solution, but we work together. I bet we can come up with one. And I wouldn't be surprised if SecUnit was willing to help you again.
I wasn't quite as sure, but I didn't want to crush Iris's hopes. Perhaps.
Iris leaned against the wall. For a moment, I didn't understand why, then I realized she was leaning on me the same way I was leaning on her. It wasn't the same, of course, but I could still feel the affection in it, and I appreciated it.
Love you, Peri.
I love you too.
Iris's smile grew. I know.