Chapter Text
Adrian groaned. “What’s going on is that everything is different. Everything is different and it sucks and I hate it.” He started walking again.
“Everything’s different like what?” Chris jogged to reach him.
“New job.” Adrian held up a finger. “New house. Well, apartment.” He held up another. “New boyfriend.” He held up a third.
“I thought things were going great with Economos. I figured they must be, seeing as how you guys eye-fucked each other through the whole briefing yesterday. He didn’t even notice when I made fun of his shitty powerpoint transitions. Exploding dolphins? Really? That was just depressing.”
Adrian frowned. “Please. That was barely eye-making-out. Eye-cuddling, really. You and Harcourt are way worse. Well, you are. John says she looks like she wants to smack you when you get too flirty in the office.”
“Yeah, violent threats are her love language,” Chris said, fondly. “But you didn’t answer me. Everything okay with the Econogoat?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. He’s fine. Better than fine, he’s amazing. I was such a fucking asshole to him the other day, and do you know what he did? He bought me flowers. Me. Flowers.” Adrian sighed and shook his head. “It’s not John, it’s everything. I hate everything being different. I hate… It’s all awkward. It’s awkward when I don’t know what to do with myself at the office, like, am I just supposed to sit there and play Sudoku until someone needs killing? I suck at Sudoku. And it’s awkward when I need to do something gross at home and I can’t, because John’s right there and I don’t want him to think I’m gross. And, dude, we’re awkward now, you and me! I hate it.”
Chris patted him on the back. “Aw, buddy, I figured awkward was kind of your usual thing. I didn’t know you were feeling like that.”
“That’s another thing! Fucking feelings!” Adrian waved his hands over his head. “I’ve never had so many feelings in my life, and it sucks! I don’t know how you squishy meat suits deal with it.”
“Vij, you’re not a robot, we’ve been over this,” Chris explained patiently.
“Not technically, but yeah, I am. Or was. And I miss it.” Adrian replied. “I was happy that way, or like, content. Or like, fine, anyway. I didn’t know any different! But feelings fucking suck, and it’s your fault I have them.”
“What’s that now?” Chris asked.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s your fault.” Adrian jammed a finger at him. “Do you know, when you fucking LEFT OUR DIMENSION to go PARTY WITH NAZIS, do you know what that did to me? I fucking cried, Chris. Do you know the last time I cried before that?”
“I dunno, when Big Bang Theory got cancelled?”
Adrian glared at him. “That’s extremely offensive. But no, the answer is never. I never in my life cried before you fucking skipped universes because your crush rejected you - which, do you know how many times you rejected me? Good thing I didn’t have a dimensional portal, huh? Or would you have noticed?”
“I didn’t really reject you much, Vij,” Chris said, with a chuckle. “We’d have had a lot less fun together if I had. And yeah, I would have noticed. You have a way of making yourself known, bruh.”
“Whatever. Glad I was ‘fun’ for you.”
“You were! Dude, though, you seriously never cried before that? That’s kinda fucked-up.”
“No!” Adrian’s eyes were wild. “No, I never did. But you know what? Now I cry all the fucking time! I cry when I think John’s mad at me. I cry when John’s too nice to me. I cry at sad movies. I cry at happy movies. I cry at commercials. Have you seen that one with all the sad, skinny dogs and that chick singing about angels?”
“Oh, man, don’t get me started on that one. That’s not you, everyone cries at that thing.” Chris wiped a stray tear from his eye.
“You know what I think? I think emotions are an STD, and you gave it to me. If I’d known, I would have made you use a condom.” Adrian stopped and crossed his arms over his chest and stood tapping his foot.
“Well, shit, I don’t think that’s how it works, but sorry I gave you feelings and made you more of a normal human being.”
“You’d better be. And… since then, feelings feelings feelings all day and all night. I never thought I’d have them, never wanted them, and now I have too many, and they… they don’t go where I want them to and they don’t go away when I want them to.” Adrian looked at the dirt road and kicked at a rock.
“Huh? What are you — Oh. Oh.” Chris stood still in the fading light. “You’re, uh, talking about me, right? Not the sad dog commercial, still?”
Adrian nodded.
“Oh, shit, I knew it.” Chris sighed. “That tracks. I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming, honestly. Economos is a good guy, a real solid dude, but I can certainly understand why you might consider him to be a downgrade.”
Adrian glared at him, and for a moment he was sure he was about to get stabbed. “Fuck off. Fuck off, fuck off, go fuck yourself.”
“What?” Chris asked, innocently.
“I don’t consider John to be a step down from you. He’s fantastic. He’s… I can’t even tell you how lucky I am. I love him, you conceited fuck.”
“Well, then, what’s the problem?”
Adrian bobbed on the balls of his feet and wiggled his fingers, looking around like he was searching for an escape route. “I love him. Like, so much. It’s fucked-up. But I also kinda still love you, maybe? Not the same, it’s different. I… It’s, uh, more of a mutual thing, with him, and I can see maybe it being a long-term… Never mind. But I miss it, sometimes. Us. I miss when it was just you and me. Well, you and me and random bar chicks. I don’t really miss the random bar chicks. But like. I know that it… we’re over, and that’s fine, that’s good, I mean… but I still want to be close to you? And I don’t know how to be close to you without fucking? And I don’t understand what I’m feeling? And I hate it?” He swallowed hard and wiped at his eyes. “Hah. See what I mean? Fuck. But like. Do you? I mean, do you miss… us and, like, what we had? Together? Ever?”
Chris cleared his throat and looked at the ground. “Nah… I mean. Nah. It’s, uh, I mean, I finally got what I’ve been chasing after for years, you know? Em, I mean. It’s, uh, yeah. No.”
Adrain bit his lip and nodded. “Cool.” He took off again in search of cell signal.
Chris followed behind, glad that the evening gloom was there to hide the regret and shame he knew was spackled all over his face.