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By some miracle, Buck and Eddie were both cleared for driving, provided they took breaks every 90 minutes or so for Buck to walk and stretch his legs. Since there was no longer a birthday celebration to get back for and they had at least a few weeks off work to recover from their injuries, Buck and Eddie decided to take their time getting home.
Or, at least, that had been the plan. Eddie had suggested stopping in Phoenix hours ago. Buck insisted they'd be fine as he took his turn driving. He insisted he could make it at least another 90 minutes. Eddie let him.
"Path of least resistance with you, Buckley" hovered in the air, neither acknowledged it.
He had made it about 50 miles out of Phoenix before Buck adjusted in his seat, sitting up straighter and flexing his fingers on the wheel.
"Okay, you win," he conceded. "I gotta crash."
Eddie's head snapped to Buck instantly. Buck groaned, rubbing his hand down his face.
"Poor choice of words." he said sheepishly. The car crash had been the start of this whole nightmare. The kidnapping. The electrocution. The gunshot. The pain.
Eddie checked the map on his phone. "Next exit in about 3 miles. There's a motel we can stay at." He did not acknowledge what Buck had said about the crash.
---
The motel in question was a surprisingly large two storey place. Eddie handled the check-in while stayed by the car, stretching his back out after being crammed in the small car.
"You and your friend are in luck. We've got a few rooms still available." the clerk said. "There's two single rooms upstairs. Room 2B and room 2R."
Buck was absolutely not medically cleared to climb a flight of stairs and Eddie couldn't fathom letting Buck be on the opposite side of the motel compound to him, even for a night.
"Is there any chance you have something on the ground floor? Stairs are a no-go for us at the moment."
"Well there's a double room on the ground floor, room 1H, but it's only a double bed." She looked Eddie up and down, judging.
"We'll take it." Eddie knew what it looked like. It was exactly how it looked when he almost got into a fight at that diner, how it looked when the sheriff accused him. Two "friends" sharing a bed. But he was so far beyond caring. He needed to stay near Buck.
They finished the transaction. Eddie getting the room key once he'd paid for the night.
"Thank you so much," he said as he turned towards the door.
"You and your friend have a good night now"
"You too." Eddie replied mindlessly. He only processed that same inflection on the word "friend" he had heard in Los Nietos as he stepped into the cool desert air outside.
Buck didn't question when Eddie twisted the truth. He told Buck there was only one room available so they would have to share. Eddie must have been more tired than he thought because it looked like Buck was grateful.
---
Buck was pretty sure if he had to lay alone in dark silence tonight he might just lose his mind.
He didn't tell Eddie that.
They got their duffel bags that had been packed a lifetime ago for a weekend in Nashville out of the trunk and trudged to their room, thankful it was one close to where the car was parked.
As soon as Buck got into the room, he face planted across the short side of the bed. Something he almost instantly regretted as it jostled his ribs but he was so tired he was practically asleep already.
He rolled onto his back gingerly, he clutched a hand to his side. Eyes shut in both pain and fatigue. The fabric of his sweatpants rubbed against the red marks from the several attacks his left leg had received with a cattle prod. Because of course it was his left leg.
Buck's breathing had slowed, almost asleep, until he was gently whacked in the head by a pillow.
"Eddie," Buck groaned dragging out his name, covering his head in time to grab the pillow as Eddie went in for round two.
"Up you get, Buck." Eddie said. "If you're going to bed you're at least gonna sleep in it the right way."
"You're the worst." Buck moaned. It feels too soon to make a joke about how Eddie hates him and all he wants to do is see Buck suffer. Too similar to their fight at the diner. Too fresh of a wound after they had both almost lost each other. Eddie slowly pulls Buck into a sitting position, guiding his back up with his spare hand.
Buck toed off his shoes, kicking them off, not caring where they ended up before getting situated under the covers in bed. Eddie had done the same with his shoes though he had left them by the bathroom door with their bags. Buck's bag was there too meaning Eddie must have grabbed it from wherever Buck had dumped it as he made his way to their bed.
Buck was halfway back to unconsciousness when he heard Eddie grab the pillows from the unoccupied side of the bed and start to walk away.
"Uhh," Buck cracked one eye open. "What do you think you're doing?" he mumbled.
"Grabbing pillows for the couch?"
Buck blinked, both eyes open now as he took notice of the rest of the room.
A small dining table with two uncomfortable looking wooden chairs sat in the corner near some sort of attempt at a kitchenette. A dull green love seat that looked like it had been in this room almost as long as Buck had been alive was pushed against the other wall, a coffee table separated the bed and the couch.
Buck doesn't know what his face looked like but clearly, he's making one because Eddie takes one look at him and his eyes soften.
"You take the bed. The couch is fine for me."
"You're not sleeping on the couch, Eddie." Buck scoffed, almost offended at the idea. He sat up slightly, leaning on his elbows for support behind him.
"You just got in a car crash and kidnapped, Buck. I'm not gonna make you sleep on the couch." Eddie shrugged.
"You got in the same car crash." Buck said incredulously. "And you spent all day running around looking for me."
Eddie hated it when Buck had a good point.
"We can share, Eddie. It's not the first time."
Picking the pillows back up from where he had set them down, Eddie huffed like he hated the idea. Internally, he was very happy at the idea of having Buck within arm's reach in case anything else went wrong.
"Probably won't be the last either." Buck added as he settled down again.
---
Eddie replaced the pillows and turned off the overhead light before he went about his nightly routine opting to skip a shower until his stitches were a bit more healed. Buck was asleep by the time Eddie finished brushing his teeth. When he came back into the room, Buck was sprawled on his back, one hand resting on his stomach. The blanket wasn't covering Buck's other arm at all.
Eddie climbed into bed. He carefully slid under the duvet and pulled Buck's side a little higher. He turned off his bedside lamp and the room was much darker. He had left the bathroom light on and the door ajar so the room wasn't entirely dark.
Eddie didn't know all of the details of where Buck had been held but he didn't want to risk anything. If he was tied up alone in some dark room for god knows how many hours, waking up to a dark unfamiliar room didn't seem like a great idea.
If Buck woke up needing something during the night, he would at least be able to see where he was from the beam of yellow light stretching across the floor.
Eddie laid on his back and closed his eyes, ready for the exhaustion of the last two days to claim him.
He couldn't sleep.
All the fatigue that had plagued him seemed to vanish as soon as he had a place to rest.
He turned to his side, looking directly at Buck's snoring form. Eddie stayed that way, unable to look away from his best friend. It took everything in him not to reach for Buck's neck to feel for a pulse. Just to be sure.
---
Eddie didn't know when he had fallen asleep, or how much time had passed since then, only that he woke to a yelp beside him.
Buck.
Eddie bolted upright, fumbling for a moment as he was wrapped in the blanket. Buck twitched in his sleep. At some point during the night Buck had rolled onto his side, facing Eddie. His legs curled up trying to make himself smaller, one arm held to his chest and the other held over his head like he was shielding himself from something. His breaths were ragged, body jerking with each shallow gasp and whimper.
"Buck," Eddie said urgently, shaking his shoulder. He was sure there was some voice in his head telling him waking people during a nightmare was bad but it was drowned out by the louder voice telling him to make sure Buck's okay. "Buck, wake up."
Buck startled awake, moving away from Eddie's touch so fast he almost toppled out of the bed. But Eddie's instinct to protect was faster. He grabbed Buck by the collar of his hoodie and pulled him away from the edge.
Buck crashed into Eddie, the momentum knocking Eddie down, pulling Buck with him.
For a moment Buck had tensed up, going so still that Eddie wasn't sure he was breathing anymore which sent a chilling dread straight through his heart. Some of the tension bled out of Buck when he realised where he was.
It hadn't been Eddie's plan. He hadn't even thought about stopping Buck from falling. It just happened, the years of first responder training kicked in. But now Buck was here, his face pressed against Eddie's chest, breathing fast against the fabric of Eddie's sleep shirt.
Eddie didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Buck's back. Buck melted.
Eddie knew Buck was a very physically affectionate person. He loved swinging Jee and baby Danny through the air when he picked them up for hugs. When Chris was younger, he had gotten the same treatment. The ruffled hair he got for a job well done from Bobby, the kisses to his temple from Maddie, the warm hugs from Hen. Buck even enjoyed the playful punches he traded with Chimney and Ravi.
So the way Buck folded into Eddie's arms didn't surprise him one bit. Eddie adjusted their positions to be sitting up fully. He didn’t remove his arms from around Buck and Buck didn't loosen his grip on the back of Eddie's shirt, like letting go of each other would send them spiralling.
Their foreheads ended up pressed together. Their faces were so close each of Buck's shaky exhales made Eddie's eyelashes flutter. Eddie felt the heat radiating off Buck's skin.
"You're okay," Eddie murmured automatically, though he couldn't begin to imagine what Buck had seen in his dream. "You're okay."
Buck didn't answer.
Eddie had one hand on Buck's shoulder, his thumb rested on his collarbone. The other rubbed slow, steady circles along Buck's back, doing his best to keep Buck grounded. He kept whispering gentle assurances to him.
"It's gonna be okay, Buck. I'm here."
Eventually, Buck's breathing softened. His shoulders had drooped and he wasn't trembling anymore. Neither of them attempted to move away.
"Eddie," Buck said quietly after a while. His voice was rough and quiet in the space between them.
"I'm here," Eddie said again. "I've got you." Repeating the same comforting phrases to his best friend. Quiet and steady. The way he used to talk Chris through nightmares when he was younger.
After some time, Buck pulled back. He turned away from Eddie. He hung his legs over the side of the bed and buried his face in his hands. The sudden loss of Buck in his arms felt like he was missing a part of himself. He followed the motion and sat beside Buck. His left leg was resting against Buck's right from thigh to ankle. He rested a hand on Buck's shoulder, he was warm beneath his palm. Solid. Real. Alive. Eddie rubbed his hand repeating the same motions from before, periodically interrupted by a gentle squeeze.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Okay." Eddie didn't want to be too pushy about this. He knew it would be something that would plague Buck much like the ladder truck, the embolism, the tsunami, the shooting, the lightning, both of Maddie's kidnappings, the close call at the lab that had almost cost the lives of two of their family members all did. Wow. They really couldn't catch a break could they?
"What can I do?" he asked.
Quiet falls between them again. The only noises that of Eddie's hand against the fabric of Buck's hoodie and the cicadas screaming outside.
Buck dragged his hands down his face. One hand came to rest on his thigh. It rubbed absently at the spot the cattle prod had struck him over and over earlier that day.
Eddie's chest tightened. He hated how helpless he felt knowing Buck was in so much pain because he hadn't been able to find him sooner.
Buck cleared his throat.
"Can- could- do you- can you-" Buck stumbled over the words, unsure of how to ask for what he needed but Eddie waited patiently. He gave Buck the time he needed to get his words out. Buck swallowed, he realised how dry his mouth was.
"Can you… talk?" he asked finally.
Eddie blinked. "Talk?"
Buck nodded, looking anywhere in the room except at Eddie.
"About what?" Eddie asked.
Buck shrugged the shoulder that didn't have Eddie's hand on it, gaze fixed on the carpet. "Anything. I don't know."
"Alright," Eddie nudged Buck's arm before he stood up. "Lie back down."
Buck hesitated when Eddie walked across the room, then did as he was told when he realised Eddie had gotten his water bottle from his bag for him. He always knew what Buck needed.
He stretched out on the bed again. Resting on his elbow as he greedily gulped down the water, the cool metal of the bottle a stark difference to his warm hands.
Eddie laid beside him. He took the bottle from Buck once he had drank his fill. He set it on his bedside table.
Buck was on his back again, staring at the other man as he got settled. Eddie turned onto his side, closer this time, he had one arm tucked under his head on top of Buck's pillow, basically abandoning his own side of the bed.
Buck's hands twisted his fingers where they lay over his stomach, the blanket resting around his waist.
Without thinking too hard about it, Eddie reached out and untangled Buck's hands. He laced their fingers together, resting their joined hands lightly over Buck's other one.
Buck let go but quickly grabbed Eddie's hand in a more comfortable position, thumb tucked between Eddie's palm and the back of his other hand, fingers resting on top of Eddie's fingers. He didn't pull away.
"I thought you were dead."
The quiet confession hung in the air between them like something fragile.
Buck's fingers stopped moving where they had been running along the back of Eddie's hand. He stared at the ceiling again.
"Eddie, I don't-"
"You said you don't want to talk about it," Eddie interrupted. "Not that I couldn't."
Buck hesitated.
Eddie would drop the topic if Buck really didn't want to hear it. He would switch to talking about how excited Chris was for them to get back. Or tell Buck about the victory meal Bobby was preparing for their return. Eddie would count the individual threads of their blanket if it was what Buck wanted to hear.
Then he gave a small nod, his hand resuming its slow movement.
Eddie drew in a slow breath.
"When you weren't in the hospital bed beside me," he started, voice low, "My first thought was that you'd died in the crash."
Buck gripped Eddie's hand a little tighter.
"I thought you were in the morgue."
The cicadas kept screaming.
"They told me you weren't in the wreck with me." he continued. "And suddenly everyone was looking at me like I'd done something to you. All because of that stupid fight in that stupid diner."
Buck's jaw tightened.
"I knew then that no one here could help me. I knew you weren't dead- I hoped you weren't. I knew you'd need me, my help."
He swallowed, throat tight.
"I was so focussed on finding that Harley guy I almost got into it with that I almost left that house without knowing you were there."
The words tasted bitter. He hadn't been on the right track. He was following the wrong lead. If he hadn't gotten a glimpse of that jacked up truck under that tarp, he would have left. Left buck all alone. Driven out to wherever that lady had been directing him. Away from Buck.
Eddie leaned forward until his cheek rested against Buck's shoulder. Buck turned his head at the movement, their eyes met. Blue and brown, both exhausted.
"I thought they were gonna kill you." Buck breathed.
If Eddie wasn't so close to Buck, he was sure he would have missed it.
"When I heard the gunshot," Buck continued, voice barely above a whisper. "I thought you-"
The rest of the sentence died in his throat but it didn't need to be said. His gaze drifted back to the popcorn ceiling of their room. Eddie tightened his hand around Buck's thumb. Buck squeezed back.
"I knew I had to go out there and help you. He went out with a damn rifle. I had to stop him. I couldn’t let you get shot again while I just sat there."
Eddie lifted his head slightly, trying to meet Buck's eyes again.
"I tried to convince them to let you go. Told them I'd stay. If they let you leave I'd do whatever they wanted. Be Derek…"
Eddie sat up abruptly at that and stared down at Buck, appalled. They were still holding hands but his other hand, pressed into the bit of pillow directly beside Buck's ear, was now supporting his weight as he leaned over him.
"Buck. Why would you do that?!" He spoke at a regular volume for a conversation but compared to the whispers that had been talking in, it felt like a yell.
He shrugged, small and tired.
"If you'd stayed and I'd gone…" Eddie exhaled. "You would be dead right now."
"You had to get back to Chris." Buck said, a sad smile on his face.
"So do you." Eddie insisted. "I'm supposed to always have your back. You don’t get to make the choice to sacrifice yourself for me."
"I'd do it again. Christopher needs you-"
Eddie interrupted. "Chris needs you too. I need you."
Buck's breath hitched. Tears sprung to his eyes, not yet ready to fall. Eddie's anger left him as he settled back down beside Buck.
"You matter to me, Buck, to all of us. So much. You're not allowed to die on me." He took a shaky breath. "Not again."
"Eddie…" Buck whispered again.
The words slipped out before Eddie could stop them. "I love you."
---
All at once, every moment from the last almost eight years clicked into place. Every brush of hands. Each night spent sitting with their thighs tucked against each other on the Diaz couch for movie night. All the glances Buck stole while Eddie was talking to Chris or the less frequent glimpses of Eddie with a young child courtesy of Jee and Danny.
Every single feeling Buck hadn't dared to share lest he ruin the most important friendship he had ever had, flooded into the cracks of his heart. The world didn't feel so empty. His heart less fragile.
His love for Eddie was reciprocated.
But that feeling of dread that had thrummed under his skin like an electrical current for the past three years wouldn't let him accept it that easily. The feeling that made Buck question if something he had wanted for so long could possibly be true, his parents loving him the way they should have was something he had wanted since he was a kid and the only time he had truly felt that was while he was in his coma.
Buck's pretty sure he had been attracted to Eddie since that first shift they had worked together. It was only with the context of his bisexuality he was able to reflect on what his feelings for his best friend really were.
Eddie shifted minutely beside him and in doing so, snapped Buck back to the moment.
"Say it again?" he asked, quiet and hesitant.
"I love you, Buck." No hesitation.
Buck never wanted to hear Eddie say anything else. Instead of asking to hear it again and again like he wanted, he rolled onto his side. Mindful to not jostle his damaged ribs, Buck mirrored Eddie's pose. Their hands were still linked, Eddie was still laying on Buck's pillow. Their faces were mere inches apart.
"This feels like a dream," he confessed. "Like- everything since the crash. Like I'm not really experiencing any of this. Like it's not real. I'm not real."
"You're real, Buck." Eddie finally let go of Buck's hand to carefully cup his face. "This is real."
"How do you know?"
"I know 'cause nothing could fake the way I feel about you. I'll tell you again in the morning and tomorrow and the day after. Every single day, until you're sure it's real and then I'll keep telling you. I love you."
"I- I-" Buck can't get any more words out. His throat too tight with emotion.
"I know, Buck," Eddie soothed. "Now go back to sleep. I'll be here all night. I'm here." he ran his fingers through Buck's hair.
Buck planned to do what he was told but didn't lie on his back. He sat up a little, slid his pillow closer to the centre of their bed when Eddie moved to follow then he pushed against Eddie's shoulder. Now Eddie was the one lying on his back.
Before Eddie could ask why, Buck was cuddled close. He rested his head on Eddie's chest. One arm was slung over Eddie's waist. Eddie pulled Buck closer, one arm wrapped around his back, the other settled on his hip.
Buck listened contentedly to the steady thump thump thump of Eddie's heart under his ear.
He's alive. They're alive.
Buck mumbled something into the fabric of Eddie's shirt, already drifting off again.
"Love you."
Eddie smiled into Buck's hair. He pulled the blanket up over Buck again. He knew they had more to talk about in the morning, but for the first time since the crash, he knew they'd be okay. They had each other.