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“If I don’t come back, you’ve got a swinging bachelor pad.”
“If I don’t come back…”
The words rang through Dennis’s head over and over again, pulling him deeper and deeper into the pit of dread that had formed around him. His surroundings felt different, shifting in and out of focus. Time felt like it was moving funny.
If I don’t come back.
Robby had phrased it in a way that made it sound nonchalant, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like a death sentence, like putting it out there in the open made it all the more final. It felt like a cry for help.
Was it a cry for help? Was Dennis reading too far into the offer? The whole thing had felt odd, the talk about needing to set up boundaries, only for Robby to immediately ask him to house sit. Robby hadn’t known Dennis very long, less than a year, and yet he was asking him to stay in his house for the next three months while he was away on his sabbatical.
Individuals often give up their belongings before they plan to…
But Robby wasn’t giving up his apartment, was he? Just lending it out to Dennis for a couple of months. It wasn’t as if they were doing a lease transfer. Still…
If I don’t come back.
Dennis felt like he couldn’t breathe, panic quickly clouding his mind. He needed to talk to someone, voice his concerns with another person, one less likely to allow anxiety to cloud their judgment. He pushed himself out of his seat, hands shaking as he discarded his hot dog in the trash and pocketed his badge, before exiting the staff room and stepping back into the chaos that The Pitt had become.
He found Trinity sitting at one of the desks at the nursing station, hunched over her paper charting. Dennis winced slightly at the thought of disrupting her, their argument from earlier in the day still fresh in his mind, but this didn’t feel like it could wait until the end of the shift. By then, it could be too late.
“Hey, uh, Trin? Can I talk to you for a moment?” Dennis spoke up, trying his best to keep his voice steady. Trinity let out a sigh that seeped with frustration, not looking up from her work, but not telling Dennis to leave either. “It’s about Doctor Robby, I-”
“Dennis,” Trinity interjected, tone sharp as she slammed her pen down onto the desk. Dennis couldn’t stop himself from flinching, taking a quick step back as a pang of panic shot through him. Trinity would never hurt him, Dennis knew that, but some responses were hard to unlearn.
“I-I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly, hands instinctively beginning to fidget with the ends of his scrub top. Trinity’s gaze softened almost immediately, a slow sigh escaping her lips.
“Shit, Den, I didn’t mean…I’m sorry,” she apologized, running a hand down her face. “I just really don’t have time to talk about you and your little boy-crush on our attending,” She then added with a soft groan. Dennis felt his face immediately begin to heat up at the comment.
“That’s not…I-I don’t…” He stammered before managing to get ahold of himself, pushing the rush of complicated feelings the comment brought back down. He could deal with that later. “This is different, I… something happened, and I really could use a second opinion,” He tried to explain. “I swear, I wouldn’t disrupt you unless I felt this was serious.”
“Fine,” Trinity gave in with a stiff nod, leaning back into her seat and crossing her arms over her chest. “Spill, huckleberry.”
“Right…” Dennis trailed off, taking in a deep breath. “Robby approached me in the break room. We talked about Amy and setting boundaries for myself, and then he asked me to house sit for him. Said that if he didn’t come back, I’d have a swinging bachelor pad,” He explained. Trinity frowned, a flash of surprise making its way across her face, followed by something close to hurt.
“Did you agree?” She asked, her voice slightly strained.
“What?” Dennis questioned. “Trin, that’s not the point right now. Robby said if he didn’t come back, like there was a possibility that he wouldn’t be.”
“And?” Trinity questioned, the word coming out forced as she straightened back up again, her expression hardening. “Robby is a grown-fucking-man, Dennis. He can look after himself; it’s not up to you to worry about him and whatever stupid decisions he decides to make,” She snapped. Dennis winced, unable to understand why she had suddenly become so cold. That is, until he noticed the way she averted her gaze, how her hand clenched her pen almost impossibly tight.
Oh…
“Trin…I can say no. I should have thought about asking you first. I just assumed you and Garcia would be happy to have the place to yourselves,” He tried to explain.
“It doesn’t matter,” Trinity said with a small scoff, shrugging her shoulders. “Who cares? Go enjoy your three months in the apartment of the man you can’t even admit you have feelings for.”
“Trin, that’s not fair. I d-,”
“Life isn’t fair, Huckleberry. You of all people should know that by now,” Trinity shot down. “Just…leave me alone, yeah? I need to get this stupid charting done,” She then ordered, turning her focus back on her chart, scribbling down her observations. Dennis winced, but obeyed, stepping back. He glanced around the bustling ER, the chaos suddenly feeling like it was far too much, far too loud. He forced his feet to move, pushing through the crowd until he reached the doors to the ambulance bay.
Dennis drew in a deep, shaky breath as the summer heat enveloped him the moment he stepped outside. The humidity felt light; it was weighing him down, doing nothing to aid with the tightness in his chest. He tried to get his thoughts and breathing under control, trying desperately to push back the anxiety that threatened to consume him. The last thing he needed was for anyone else to see him go through a panic attack. Dennis ran his fingers through his hair, pacing back and forth between the door and the columns that sat just before the staff parking lot. He only stopped when his gaze landed upon Robby’s bike.
That stupid bike.
The bike Dennis had complimented earlier in the day was because he didn’t know any better. Because he never would have assumed that that damn bike had the opportunity to lead to Robby never returning. Now, as Dennis stood before it, it felt like a death sentence.
If I don’t come back
Dennis’ heart pounded within his chest, his breathing becoming more laboured as he lost himself to his thoughts once more. Memories of every kind word Robby had ever said to him, of every grasp of his shoulders or biceps, every brush of skin they shared. Any time it had happened, it had sent Dennis reeling, struggling with feelings that he had never felt before. Now, the memories of them only fuel the anger that bubbled up within him. Anger at Robby, at what his words implied, at how nonchalant he had said them, as if they didn’t matter.
As if Robby didn’t matter.
Dennis’ feet were propelling him forward before his mind could fully catch up. He approached the motorcycle silently, hot tears welling within his eyes as he glared down at it. Then, before he could convince himself to stop, he drew his leg back and swung. His foot connected with the steel frame, and pain exploded through it and the rest of his leg from the impact. The motorcycle itself tipped and crashed down to its side on the pavement with a loud and satisfying clang
“Whoa there!”
Dennis immediately froze at the sound of the voice, foot still slightly outstretched, while his entire body tensed up. Fuck, he was so unbelievably fucked. Getting caught damaging the property of his lead attending was undoubtedly a fireable offence, not to mention one that could probably land him a couple of charges.
“Step back, Whitaker,” Came the unmistakable voice of Jack Abbot. Dennis winced, gritting his teeth slightly as he took a half step back and slowly turned around, doing his best to ignore the amount of pain he was currently in. Doctor Abbot stood a few feet back, leaned against one of the pillars of the entryway with an almost amused expression upon his face. Definitely not the reaction Dennis had been expecting.
“I-I…Doctor Abbot, I can explain,” Dennis stammered, breath quickening as he watched the head night attending draw closer. Abbot said nothing, instead clasping a firm hand against Dennis’ shoulder, giving a surprisingly gentle squeeze. Then, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small pocket knife. Dennis could only watch as the older man knelt to the bike and dug the knife into each tire, slashing them with ease.
“There we go,” Abbot said, a small smirk tugging at his lips as he stood, before his gaze then turned to Dennis. “Are you hurt?” He questioned with an arched brow.
“I-I…you…” Dennis trailed off, struggling to find his words. Then, before he could stop himself from doing so, he threw himself at the older doctor, wrapping his arms around the man as all the emotions he was trying so hard to hold back finally broke free. Abbot tensed for a moment before returning the embrace.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” He soothed, tone surprisingly gentle as he ran his hand along the length of Dennis’s back. “It’s going to be okay, kid.”
“He’s not coming back!” Dennis blurted out in between soft sobs. Abbot’s grip on him tightened slightly, pulling back just enough so he could guide Dennis’s gaze towards him.
“Did he tell you that?” He questioned, tone serious. Dennis hesitated slightly before forcing out his answer.
“H-He said that if he didn’t come back, then his place would be mine,” He answered softly in between his tears. “But I really don’t think he means if, Doctor Abbot,” He tried his best to explain. Abbot gave a soft sigh before following it up with a firm nod. Then, with a surprising amount of gentleness, he cupped Dennis’ face and wiped away some of his tears.
“We won’t let that happen, alright?” He soothed. “You and me, kid. We’ll make sure he stays, even if that means strapping him down to a psych bed.”
“How…How are we going to do that?” Dennis questioned; the gestures were enough to slowly coax him into calming down.
“Well, that’s certainly a start,” Abbot said with a hum as he gestured to the motorcycle. “Give me some time to come up with the rest. Right now, we need to focus on getting back inside before we’re both caught, and getting that foot of yours checked out,” He then added, wiping away the rest of Dennis’s stray tears before gently grabbing him by the arm. “Let’s get you inside, hm?”
“Don’t you have to go home and sleep?” Dennis questioned, not wanting to be the reason the night-shift attendant was exhausted during his shift.
“Nah,” Abbot said with a shake of his head, leading Dennis back in through the ambulance bay. “I can catch a catnap later. The people I care about come first,” He then added with a small smile.
“I’m one of those people?” Dennis couldn’t help but ask, a little taken aback by the idea of such a thing. Abbot chuckled softly before nodding.
“Yeah, you and Robby are pretty high up there,” He answered as they stepped back into the chaos, quickly guiding Dennis into an empty triage room. Dennis felt his cheeks heat up slightly as he took a seat on the bed.
“I don’t have a lot of people that think that way,” He admitted softly, trying not to wince as Abbot carefully pulled off his shoe.
“You have Santos, don’t you?” Abbot questioned with a raised brow. “And I know for a fact you have Robby, even if he sucks at showing it,” He then added. Dennis’ eyes widened slightly.
“Do I?” He asked. Abbot chuckled and nodded, inspecting Dennis’s foot carefully. It was already starting to bruise, and it sure as hell hurt, but it didn’t appear broken.
“Yeah, you do,” He confirmed. “And now you have me, so that’s three.”
“That’s three,” Dennis repeated softly. Three more than he ever assumed he would get, than he never thought he would deserve. “Three sounds good,”
“That it does,” Abbot agreed. “Now, if anybody asks about your foot, tell them Ogilvie dropped an oxygen tank on it.”