Work Text:
Kaeya sat on the railing of his balcony, legs hanging by it. The cold breeze stung his cheeks, making them a bit red. Wind carried his hair freely, like it did with leafs in autumn. Streets were peaceful, the only sound that could be heard, were the crickets quietly making their own song. It was well past midnight, no doubt everyone was asleep by that time. The only light seemed to come from the moon, its rays falling gracefully on the walls of Mondstadt. Scent of fresh rain lingered in air. City was truly magical on this time of year. The end of winter, first days of spring. His favorite season. Every season had its own charm, but something about nature reborning, coming back to life, made his heart bloom with happiness. Maybe it was the source of his hope; the believe the worse would pass, letting him put pieces of himself back together. It may not be the brightest thought, considering the cycle repeated. At least that eased him throught bad days.
He looked up, fixing his gaze on the night sky. Stars shone so beautifully, he could just stare at them for eternity. People often misconcepted them; mixing them into one singular being. But anyone who had even a tiny bit of admiration for stars knew it wasn't true. They belonged in different constellations, the light they casted wasn't the same color, every single one told their own story. Kaeya was one of those people. Stars were always quite fascinating for him. They were so gorgeous yet they were just dust in the incomprehensible space. Just dust, fragile and soft, constantly on the verge of disappearing.
Since he was little he loved looking at them. It was sorta a coping mechanism, because the stars, no matter where you were, followed you. They felt like home, even if you lost your way to yours. Even if you didn't have one. On expeditions he often took the night watch, just to be able to see stars in open wild. When he felt anxious before an important mission or when he just fought with Diluc, they always calmed him. Like a mother, they lulled him to sleep. The peace never lasted long but it was something and that was enough. Stargazing was one of the few things he looked forward to doing.
Sometimes stars were the only reason he stayed sober, because constellation mixed when he was drunk. And what was the point of looking at some unspecified white points in the dark sea of sky? Exactly, none.
On expecially bad nights, when thoughts ate his mind alive and his skin buzzed with violent urges, when on the floor laid too many bottles, he wished he could see them up close. To feel the warmth of their light. To become one with them. To just leave everything behind, not that there was much he had anyway. Maybe it was a Khaenri'ah thing, after all they were the symbol of the nation, present on all kinds of stuff. From decorations, by clothing, ending on the shape of their pupils. He wanted to laugh, even when choosing Mondstadt over Khaenri'ah, it still lured him without his knowledge. His destiny was truly written in the stars, wasn't it?
At times they liked to hide from him, clouds painting everything grey. He didn't like the color. It was plain. It didn't shine. It looked like ash. It brought bad memories and with stars gone, he often found himself spiraling on that days. Usually drowning himself in work would make things better, but when problems pile up his unhealthy addictions take actions. Nearly resulting in suicide a bunch of times. No one ever saw though, so he kept it a secret. Who would have bother to change him anyway?
All over Teyvat circled a gossip. He heard it many times on his diplomatic meetings in other countries: the sky is fake. Firstly he didn't believe it, such nonsense couldn't have been the truth. He grew up under it, knew it like the back of his hand and some delurious people had the courage to daubt the thing they see with their very own eyes. Ridiculous. That was until he read old runes in an abonded tample. No one saw what he did, they didn't know the language to understand something more from it. But he knew. The text there stated every known to him fact about this world. And some new ones. Including confirmation of theory of fake sky. It should had made him shatter once more; another thing he desperatly believed to be real was once again an illusion. But he couldn't make himself care. So what if it was fake? Did it change anything in his life? No. The stars were there for him more than anyone else. They listened and didn't judge. They were something unchanging, constantly there. He chose not to speak nor think about it again. Living in his own little hallucination was a lot more comfortable.
When Kaeya was still the young master in the dawn winery, he and Diluc would sneek out on nights. They would lay on the rooftop till midnight just observing stars. Diluc never really adored them like he did but he stayed throught his ramblings about the night sky. Kaeya would point out different constellations and he would nod eagerly with a soft smile. Kaeya liked to think he enjoyed those times as much as he was. Even if that was too good to be true. Sometimes when he felt lonely he imagined Diluc next to him, still listening to facts and myths about stars. The imaginery version of Diluc was the only one who didn't tell him to shut up after talking too much. He tried explaining his fascination to Rosaria but she quickly got bored and left. The other knights couldn't hear about the Cavalry Capitan having an obsession on stars, he had a facade to maintain after all. Jean was too overworked this days to listen. Only tone-deaf-bard seemed to like his presence but it felt like he wasn't even there. Like his mind wondered in distant past Kaeya didn't remember.
He thought about suicide a lot. People like him didn't deserve to live. Parasites. Feeding from innocent humans who did nothing wrong. What is the point of living when you can only bring pain to those around you? But a selfish part of him always stopped a step before actually commiting. Because afterlife scared him. It would be fine if nothing was after death, only nothingness sounded peaceful. But he knew that for a sinner like him fate prepared something awful. He deserved the worst punishment, that was a fact he believed. Even thought, he couldn't help but long for comfort. To have someone on his side. It wasn't possible, still, he had stars. Stars didn't ask uncomfortable questions, didn't make him miserable, didn't expect perfection, they just stayed. They just were. Although it wasn't much, it was more then he could imagine anyone else doing. He would miss them. He would miss them so, so much, thinking about it physically hurt.
A quiet noise coming from behind him pulled him out of his head. He turned around to see what he already expected. Diluc, or rather, the darknight hero stood on the roof of his house. He looked at him intensely, barely concealing the worry written all over his face. He chuckled, did Diluc really still cared about his well being as a Mondstadtian or was it a trick of the light?
"My, my, it's not so polite to sneak up on people, now is it? Master Diluc." He said, amused by whole situation. Diluc only tsked in response, walking a little closer, as if he didn't want to scare him. As if Kaeya was some small animal, cornered by beasts. The analogy almost made himself laugh out loud.
"Sir Kaeya, would you mind not sitting on the railing." He grumbled throught gritted teeth. The expression Diluc had on his face nearly sent him flying back to the ground. He cough himself before he fell, though he swears he saw Diluc pale for a second. His imagination must mess with reality.
"Are you scared that I'll fall, master Diluc?" He heard him mumble something under his breath, suspiciously souding like 'you almost did, idiot'. Then an idea stroked his mind. An evil one at that.
"Or did you perhaps think, that the inefficient Cavalry Capitain was going to commit suicide?" He tilted his head a little to the right, a playful smile on his face. Diluc, on the other hand, seemed to not like the implication, standing there freezed in place. Maybe he really thought that... Kaeya's smile faded once he realised. He swallowed thickly before turning around and hopping to the balcony. Diluc audibly sucked in a breath.
"Maybe it was inappropriate of me to say that. I deeply apologize, master Diluc." He said, facade returning to its place. The only reply was a small sigh. He then turned around again, resting his arms on balustrade. Diluc joined him, finally coming to his senses. They stared into dark sky together. If Kaeya turned a blind eye to his surroudings, he could almost make himself forget they weren't brothers anymore. The whole situation being all too similiar.
"You didn't go to tavern today." Diluc started, breaking uncomfortable silence.
"Didn't feel like it." Kaeya whispered with ease, soft smile creeping on his lips. Looking at stars with Diluc by his side was like his wish came true. He just hoped the moment would last a little longer then a few minutes.
"Do you still enjoy the stars like you used to?" The unexpected question made him rise his eyebrows. Diluc still looked forward, as if he feared what he might see at his face. Kaeya laughed then, a pure, genuine laugh, something he didn't do for a while.
"Of caurse I do! Some people just never change, you know?" His gaze found stars again. Maybe it was just his imagination but they seemed to shine brightlier then ever. Diluc hummed in response.
"Do you mind showing me some constellations?" Again the question caugh him off guard. He thought Diluc would leave him by now. He wasn't going to complain though. He would accept every little chance the universe wanted to give him for having a peaceful moment with Diluc.
"Sure!" He then drifted off to pointing out different stars while Diluc nodded, occasionally asking a few questions about them. On times like that he believed they were doing better. He believed that the worst have already passed. That there was a happy future for him, one where stars lighted up his way. They didn't notice when the sunrise occurred.