Chapter Text
Ilya was lounging on his oversized couch, watching a nature documentary while Marlow sat beside him, beer in hand, texting his current girlfriend. He was at the three month mark, which meant that they were about to have an argument. If there was one thing Marlow was - it was consistent. He'd never been with a girl longer than a month.
He was knocked out of his mindless viewing when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. It wasn't Shane - he knew Marlow was over, so he wouldn't call. The caller ID made him pause. 'Riko - Flo. WDA' Riko had been a one night stand a few months back, before All Stars. Before things changed with Shane. She'd been hot, but he wasn't sure if he 'Would Do Again' as his phone suggested now that he was... Well, a proper boyfriend.
"Hello?" He said, answering. He'd given her his number out of politeness, but she'd never used it. Some girls would blow up his phone and get blocked, or send him texts asking when he was in town next. Riko hadn't.
"Hi. Um... Its Riko, from Florida?"
"Yeah, I remember." Ilya said, unable to keep the confusion out of his voice. "Is everything okay?"
"Not really."
She sounded like she'd been crying. "You need help?" He said, sitting up. "Am in Boston right now, but can try?" Marlow looked over, looking concerned.
"I'm so sorry for calling." She said, and then burst into tears.
Shane was going to kill him. Shane was going to string him up from the fucking rafters and leave him hanging there for all of Montreal to throw things at his dead body. Ilya couldn't help looking at the paperwork in his hands. Riko was pregnant. She wasn't sure if if was his, so he'd done a test thing, and... well.
Fuck.
Shane was going to fucking murder him.
Riko wasn't much better. She hadn't known for sure it was his, but the math had worked out, and they'd been careful. He'd worn a condom and everything. But he'd talked to his lawyer and they'd had the test re-done and... well.
He'd flown down to Florida to talk to Riko, to see what she needed, what she wanted. His lawyer had advised against it, but Ilya was pretty sure she wasn't trying to blackmail him, or extort him or whatever. She'd been fucking hysterical on the phone when she'd told him she had done four of those at home tests and she was pretty sure she was pregnant.
She'd just kept apologising. "Is okay." He'd lied. "Will... will work it all out. I will come see you."
"No!"
"No?" Fuck - what was he supposed to do.
"I don't know? I don't... I can't have a baby! My parents are going to kill me!"
Ilya closed his eyes. "Is okay. No killing will happen. They love you, yes?"
She was crying again. "Yes, but... its complicated! I'm so fucked, oh my god." She broke down again. "I'm so fucking stupid!"
Ilya wanted to scream. He wasn't sure how to make this situation better. "No, no, you are smart. Very smart! At college, yes? Is my fault."
So now he was in Florida with Svetlana because he still hadn't told Shane because how could he tell Shane that the last woman he'd slept with before they'd... made up?... was pregnant with his baby and too much time had past for any plan other than 'have a baby and work out what to do with it once it was born'.
Riko was... still hot? He wasn't sure what he was expecting. She was sitting in his hotel room, looking at Ilya and Svetlana like she wanted to die. She didn't look pregnant - maybe bigger in the stomach than when they'd met up, but not like... pregnant. He'd already asked if she was was sure, and Svetlana had thrown a shoe at him.
"Oh my god, you have a girlfriend." Riko had said, before bursting into more tears. Sveta had been very, unflatteringly, disgusted by that - immediately holding up her hands and gagging, "No, never, no!" To which he pouted at, before another shoe came flying at him.
"I am his emotional support human." Sveta explained. "Do you... have someone? Someone to help?"
"No. Well..." Riko had wiped some of her tears away with the tissues Sveta handed her. "I mean, I have friends, but I haven't told them. But... I'm sorry."
"Is okay." Ilya repeated. He'd been repeating it almost on a loop since they'd arrived. It didn't seem to make things okay. Shane was going to fucking destroy him. Riko was... well...
He'd thought she was hot in the nightclub. And she was hot. Hot in a... Japanese American way, in a stunning dark eyes way. In a black hair and freckles way. He was so fucking fucked. When she'd walked into the room, Svetlana had taken one look at her and glared at him in a very pointed and not at all subtle way. Then she'd cracked open the minibar and poured a very liberal glass of vodka. He'd thought it was for him. It had not been for him.
"His lawyers want to know what you want to do." Sveta said, pointedly. "Is all very... American and legal."
"I don't want your money!" Riko shouted, which... fair. It had been something his lawyers were very worried about. Then she burst into tears again. "I'm so sorry, I'm... not normally like this."
"Is okay."
"Shut up Ilya." Sveta snapped, handing more tissues to Riko, gently. "He is idiot, brain isn't working right now."
"Oh god, I know the feeling." Riko bubbled. "I can't... I can't have a baby. I went to the clinic but, its too late and..." She looked at Svetlana, "My parents, they... love me. But... they won't accept this. They wont. I cant tell them."
"What have you said so far?" Svetlana was here for a reason, and that reason was Ilya was too busy freaking out to do anything other than pay for things and panic over how dead he was once Shane found out why he wasn't answering his texts. Or calls.
"I told them that I had covid, and would have to isolate."
"Smart." Sveta nodded. "So how long before its... here?"
"About three months." Riko said. "I didn't know - my periods aren't regular or anything, and it's not like I got really fat - I thought it was the flue, and then it went away and then... I like... felt it." She looked like she was going to cry again but she wiped her nose and continued. "The doctor said its... a tilted uterus? And I work out a lot so its not as... obvious?"
Sveta nodded, like she understood what that meant and Ilya wasn't sure if she did or not but he wasn't going to question anything.
"But its like, as soon as I knew for sure I've been getting bigger?"
He nodded. He hoped he looked supportive, while his whole life crashed around his ears.
"I'm going to give it up." She said, and Ilya felt like he'd been kicked in the gut.
"Okay," Svetlana said, nodding. "We can help with the medical bills, get you a place to stay, a good doctor - anything you need. He will pay for everything. Pay for school. Make sure you are taken care of." She was planning. This is why Ilya brought her, to plan. He help him when he couldn't think.
"I don't need your money."
"Is not my money," Sveta said. "Is his, and he has too much and he is ruining your life right now, he will pay."
Riko looked conflicted. "I..." He paused, ran a hand over his face. "You don't want to be... gold digger? Is not what we think - Sveta is right - is expensive for baby, will take time away from school and... life? " Fuck English, stupid language he had struggled with most of his life and never as much as when he was freaking out. "I will pay. But..." He didn't look at Svetlana. "I will take baby. Not give away. Give to me, am," His words caught in his throat. "Am father, is mine."
"You'd better be dead." Shane said, when Ilya picked up his call. Sounded pissed. Fair. Ilya had been ignoring his calls and texts for a week. He was surprised that Shane hadn't fucking called the police and his mother and the FBI. Sveta had text him, he knew. Told him not to worry. He knew Shane had still worried. Shane worried about everything.
Ilya didn't know what to say, so he just... closed his eyes and breathed.
"Ilya?" Shane said after a moment, starting to sound concerned. More concerned. "Are you okay? Is something actually wrong?"
"Am... safe?"
"Safe?!" The voice on the other side shouted. "What's happened that you need to be be safe?! Fuck, where are you - what happened Ilya?"
"No, is... am okay, I am okay. No worrying about me, please." Ilya rushed out, aware he was fucking this up more by the second. "I am okay, I am... Shane. I fucked up."
He could hear Shane on the other side, frantically typing on his laptop. "Whatever you've done its not online yet." He said. "Did... someone find out?" He whispered. Of course someone finding out about them was where his mind went, because Shane was a good person and didn't think his boyfriend was a piece of shit who fucked random girls at clubs 3 weeks before All-Stars.
"Won't be online." Ilya said. His lawyers were... 'taking care of it' with Riko. She didn't want his money, didn't want anyone finding out. She wasn't going to tell anyone. "Shane..." He started. "Shane I love you so much, you know this. You know me."
There was silence on the other side of the line. He could hear his boyfriend breathing. Faster. A single breath and then: "Did you... with someone... else?"
Ilya closed his eyes at how fucking broken Shane sounded. He'd done that, he'd fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him. "I'm so sorry, Shane."
There was a faint sound on the other side of the phone, like a 'holy shit' but cracked in the middle, and Ilya felt like he could hear the sound of Shanes heart just... breaking. "Was before, before Tampa, before All-Stars." He tried to explain. "You were with Rose Landry and I was mad at you, and... fuck, Shane. I'm so sorry."
"What?" Shanes voice was teary, but Ilya couldn't hear him crying. Which meant he was probably standing in his fucking apartment, tears rolling down his face as Ilya fucked up the happy ending they'd planned for. "With Rose?"
"I'm sorry - Raiders had won, and I thought I'd fucked it up so bad with you, and you hated me, and she was right there. I promise I never meant to hurt you." He rushed. "I love you, Shane, I do, I love you."
"I don't understand?" Shane said, sounding heartbroken and confused and Ilya was in Florida and not where he should be, which was begging at his feet for forgiveness. "You... had sex with a girl, when I was with Rose?"
"Yes." Ilya said, voice cracking a little.
"I... knew that?" Shane said after a moment. "I mean, I saw you in the club with that other girl."
"This was different girl." Oh Jesus, why were there so many fucking girls Ilya had tried to get under in order to get over Shane Hollander?
"We weren't.... together... though. Then." Shane pointed out.
"No, but Shane. This girl... Riko-"
"I don't need to know her name, Fuck, Ilya." He sounded prissy. Not Angry. Not yet.
"Shane. She's having a baby."
There was absolute silence on the other line. Ilya couldn't ever hear breathing.
Then the line went dead.
It was 3am when Ilyas phone vibrated over the table in a little buzzy dance.
He answered immediately.
"When are you going to come and pick up your things?" Shane asked, voice steady and completely, utterly devoid of emotion. "My parents can get the stuff at the cottage and ship it to your place." Oh fuck, this is what it felt like to have your heart removed from your body. He couldn't stop the tears. Breathing was impossible. He felt like a damn had burst in his chest, all the fear and stress and panic flowing out of him in an unending geyser.
"Shane-"
"I get it, okay? I get it." Shane said, cutting him off. "This is a good option for you. You don't have to go to Ottawa, you get a passport. You love-" His voice almost cracked, but he powered through it. Fuck, he was so much stronger than Ilya who was openly sobbing. "You love kids. This is good. For you." A breath. "We both knew that Ottawa was a downgrade, you'd never be really happy there. This is better."
"Is not better Shane!" Ilya half wailed. "I love you, I want to be with you. I didn't know. Please Shane, please." He roughly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, hard enough to see stars. "Please Shane, I promise, I promise - anything you want, I'll do anything you want. Please don't fucking leave me."
"I'm not leaving you!" Shane suddenly shouted. "This is you! You are the one leaving!"
"No-"
"You call me after a week, a whole fucking week, of ignoring me, just like before. And I was so stupid - I didn't even think that you were backing out." He sounded angry now. Breathing faster, yes, but not like the soulless voice at the start of the call. The one that made Ilya feel like his insides were on the outside. Anger he understood. He was angry too, at life, at himself, at this fucking mess he'd landed himself in.
"Shane I didn't know!" Ilya begged. He was actually sitting on his hotel bed, begging his boyfriend. If 17 year old Ilya was in the room he'd pass out laughing at this fucking idiot he'd become. "I'm not backing out, I want Ottawa, I want us, please."
"If you wanted that," Shane said, "You wouldn't be leaving me for a girl you met months ago."
"I'm not!" Ilya yelled. "I'm not, I'm in love with you. You." He half screamed the word. Svetlana, in the room next to him, would definitely hear him now. "I'm not fucking leaving you for her!" He burst out. "Shane. Please."
There was only the sound of Shane breathing on the end of the line. No more yelling, no tap tapping on the laptop. Just Shane, alone, in a room hundreds of miles away.
"Explain." He said.
Ilya took a breath. "I was in Florida, we won game. You were with Rose Landry, I was mad. Trying not to care. She was... hot. I used condom, am not stupid. Gave her number, because she was fun. She never called, I didn't... was one time. Then All Stars. And you, and the cottage." He was tripping over his words in his haste. He wasn't even sure if half of them were English. "She called me, Tuesday night. Was with Marlow. She is crying, saying pregnant."
He heard Shane breathing, not stopping him though, just... steady even breaths that Ilya knew were actually grounding and not how he normally sounded. He was trying to not have a panic attack. Ilya had caused this.
"I contacted lawyers, they want tests. Svetlana tells me to talk to girl face to face. So we get flight to Florida." He took another breath. "Riko - sorry, I know you are not wanting to know but... is name. She is good person, is panicking - parents will not support, she is at school." He took a moment. "She is 23, is not like she is child or uh... underage? Am not that stupid."
No reaction.
"She found out too late for... abort? She didn't think baby was possible - we used condom. But, fuck. She can't... she doesn't want baby. Is going to give up." Ilya felt the twist in his guts again. "I can't... I can't do that, Shane. I cant. Is mine. So I tell her, I will take."
"What about her?" The breaths are still too regulated. Shane is still panicking. Ilya knows how he feels.
"I will pay for... baby and hospital. Sveta says school also, to help her. Some money on top, for... trouble." He didn't add that his lawyers wanted to fight that, he was letting them argue with Svetlana on that one. "Then when baby is here, I take. She gives, um... rights? She gives them to me - tells no one, doesn't want anyone to know is her." He stopped. "Shane, I know I fucked this. I know I made huge mistake here, but I cant... I can't abandon."
"No." Shane said, after a deep breath. "I know that." Another breath. "You love kids."
"I know this is not plan." Ilya admitted. "I know you don't want this." His voice felt rough, overused. He'd done a lot of talking this week, between lawyers and Riko and Svetlana. "I love you Shane, I understand if you don't... if this is too much. Too soon." He felt like every word was stabbing into his head, like he was carving out his own brain. "If you want to leave, I will understand." The tears were back. "I understand."
"So your going to be, what? A single father. In Boston?"
"In Ottawa." Ilya said. "Might be better - less, less pressure. Safer, for baby." A single father. Ilya Rosanov.
Shane let out a huff. "You aren't... breaking up with me?"
"No, Shane, fuck. I love you. But I know this is not what you want."
He could hear Shane move on the other side of the phone. Shuffling. The opening of the fridge, and a crack of a can opening. "I love you too, Ilya." Shane sighed. "Fuck." He could hear Shane take a drink. Ilya could hear the bubbles in the can. "I need... I need to think about this."
Ilya nodded. "I..."
"I need to think, Ilya." Shane repeated. "Get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow, maybe?"
"Yes, okay."
"Okay."
The line went dead.
The lawyers moved fast, Ilya noted.
Riko had already signed papers - Svetlana had paid for her to have her own lawyer to fight for what she wanted, and Ilya had agreed to anything she asked for. He'd sell three of his cars - which covered the whole amount. Svetlana was doing that, she already had buyers. Shane hadn't called back by midday.
Riko seemed a little more relaxed once the paperwork was underway. She'd stopped crying all the time, and seemed to trust that they were trying to help.
In three months - or less - Ilya would be the sole caregiver of his child. Ilya had made sure that Riko would have the option of getting in touch and having visits if she wanted. Although She seemed to have no interest in that, Ilya also knew that age changes things. She might want to meet her baby in a few years.
But Shane hadn't called back.
Ilya was at the airport - He'd missed a game due to a 'family emergency' but he had to get back to Boston and the team. Three days for his life to change completely. Again. He wondered how many life changing moments he was going to have - His mamas death, meeting Shane, Sochi, his father dying, All-Stars in Tampa and now... a baby.
He'd left Svetlana with Riko - Having her around seemed to keep Riko from spiralling. She'd admitted that she wanted to keep the whole pregnancy as quiet as possible. He understood her desire, but wasn't taking chances - it would only take one person, and then the entire world would know that Ilya Rosenov - the Russian Party Boy - had gotten one of his many one night stands pregnant. He knew it would be a joke. A meme, probably. People would say 'what would you expect?' and 'I bet its not the only one'.
His phone started buzzing in his pocket and he swallowed hard when he saw the name. Jane.
"Hello." He managed, keep his voice level and hoping it didn't sound as tight as he felt.
"I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday." Shane said, after a beat. "Where are you?"
"Airport. Have to get to New York for the game tonight."
"Oh." A pause. "Aren't you going to take more time?"
Ilya shrugged, then remembered that Shane couldn't see him. "There isn't a lot for me to actually do." He admitted. "Svetlana is staying in case Riko needs something. Now is just waiting."
"When... is it... I mean, do you know what the gender is?" Shane said, sounding peeved. "I don't want to keep thinking of it as... it, you know?"
"No." Ilya admitted. "I don't think she knows? I didn't ask." He sighed. "I've not really been, uh, as curious as I should be."
"Are you sure its... you know... yours?"
"Yes. Did the tests. Was first thing the lawyers wanted."
"How long before... um, the due date?"
Ilya looked around the airport. No one was paying him any attention - he was just another guy on the phone in a crowded room. "About three months." In three months he was going to have a baby. Fuck. He didn't know anything about babies. "I don't know what to do, Shane." He admitted. "I want to do the right thing, but I think maybe I've done the wrong thing, saying to take it?" He breathed. "I don't know how to look after a fucking baby."
"I didn't call you yesterday because I was in a spiral." Shane admitted. Ilya understood. He'd just told his maybe-ex boyfriend that he'd gotten a girl pregnant and was keeping the baby. If the roles had been reversed and Shane told him that Rose Landry was having a baby, Shanes Baby, Ilya might have burnt down his fucking house. "I started looking online about how to look after a baby, and there were so many books, and then you have to make sure you have all the right things - like a stroller and a crib and a bottle sanitiser. And then I remembered how much work Jackie needs to do with their kids and I just... spiralled."
"Will be more work for baby Pikes because there are so many of them." Ilya pointed out. "Am only dealing with one."
"I told my parents." Shane said, after a couple of seconds.
"Shit." Ilya sighed. David and Yuna had been welcoming to him, willing to let him into their tight family circle. He knew that they worried about his reputation - fuck it was one of the first things they asked him about that day at their house. Now they knew just how much of a slut he had been - the evidence growing inside a random woman he'd slept with three weeks before sleeping with their son in Tampa. "Am sure they took it well." He deadpanned.
He was rewarded with a slight huff of laughter on the other side of the line. "Oh, thrilled." Shane replied, and for a moment Ilya could hear the smile in his words. "I think its mostly just... shock, right now."
"Yes, is how I feel." Shocked, stressed. Worried and very, very scared.
"We won't see each other for another week." Shane said, with a low sigh.
Ilya nodded, slowly. He had an app on his phone that had a countdown. He'd die before he admitted it, but seeing the number get smaller every day made his stomach flip deliciously. Not it just belly flopped. "Do you... still want to see me?"
"Yes." The answer was quick, decisive. "I'm not... thrilled, Ilya." Shane admitted. "And there are emotions that I'm not quite ready to deal with right now. I knew you were with other people before me. I was with Rose. It wasn't like you cheated on me, but it kinda feels like it."
Ilya nodded. He understood that.
"But I love you, Ilya. Like, a lot." Shane took a deep breath. "And I want to be with you."
Ilya was not going to cry in the middle of the fucking airport. He refused. Tipping his head back so that the tears stayed in his eyes, he replied "I love you too. So much. So fucking much."
The Raiders vs Metros game was as brutal as any other - Shane was sharp on his edges and scored twice, Ilya wanted to kiss him and punch him in equal measure. Good hockey was hot at the best of times, but when it was Shane playing, Ilya felt like it ramped up to a level of pure torture. They were in Boston, which meant Ilya didn't have to deal with the blind fucking Metro-fan refs, and a home crowd was always a boost.
What made it better though, was that Shane was in his house after the game. Ilya had begged off commiserating with his team - Marlow had been running defence on Ilya spending less time with the team because he knew about the whole 'baby' thing, and was also aware that Jane was in town. He'd been very understanding about how pissed Jane would be to know that there was a one night stand with Ilyas baby showing up. Afterall, he'd been in the room when Riko had called. Had seen Ilya freak out.
So when Shane arrived, Ilya was on the couch icing his shoulder. He was pretty sure sex was off the table - this would be a 'we need to talk' talk today. Shane arriving with a bag wasn't he expected. "Are you staying the night?" He asked, a little surprised. He was 50% sure that they weren't about to break up, but had expected Shane to pull back.
"Do you not want me to?" The other man asked, looking a little confused. He'd taken his shoes off at the door and Ilya loved the sight of him standing there in his socks. It was just so domestic and normal. Very little had felt normal recently.
"No, of course I want you to stay!" He rushed out after realising he'd just been staring. He started to get to his feet but Shane waved at him to stay where he was. Ilya was glad of it - a bad check in the game had twinged his bad shoulder and he was actually following the instructions of his PT.
Shane sat beside him on the couch, close enough that their thighs touched. He let out a breath. Ilya stayed quiet. He knew this was 'the talk'.
"I'm mad." Shane admitted. "I know its not... fair. We weren't even together when it happened. But I feel like we were on a plan, a plan together, and this changes everything."
Ilya nodded. "Is how I feel. I know what next steps are, I am moving teams, moving to be close to you - we are building a life, together." He swallowed. "I still want that, Shane."
"I still want that too." Shane admitted, twisting his body to look at him, really face him. Thighs pressing even closer. "But a baby changes a lot. I don't know what the plan looks like now." His hands were in fists, clenched tightly. He kept them in his lap, hadn't reached out. "You said her name was... Riko?"
"Yes."
"What does she want?" Shane asked, "I mean, from you?"
"Nothing." Ilya said. Svetlana was still in Florida, keeping in touch. Keeping Ilya updated on what changes were needed. "She doesn't want the baby. Has done all paperwork, I have sole custody when, uh, baby is here." He said. "Lawyers have done all the paperwork, was pretty simple. I pay for the medical bills, pay her school and some extra for living? But after that, is all."
Shane nodded. "She doesn't want, like, a relationship with you or anything?"
"No." Ilya said. "I think she wants to forget it ever happened."
Shane nodded, a look on his face that maybe could be relief. "Is it bad to say that I wish it hadn't happened?"
"Why is bad?"
"Because there's a fucking baby, Ilya. Like, an actual person. Its mean. To wish they weren't... a thing." There was a moment of held breath, and almost at the same time Ilya pulled Shane into his arms, the other man burst into tears. "I'm the fucking worst person." He cried, as Ilya held him tight, icepack forgotten.
"No," Ilya said, soothingly. "Is normal. I feel the same. Is bad feeling, but normal. Is big shock, big change. But you are the best person I know, Shane. You are." He said, as Shane stook his head against him. "You are smart and loving and better than everyone." He kissed the top of Shanes head. "Are best at everything." He paused. "Except hockey, that is still me."
Shane snorted a wet laugh into his chest, and Ilya relaxed a little. He knew it wasn't the time for jokes, but hearing Shane cry was the fucking worst. Ilya would take a million checks into the boards before hearing Shane cry. "You are such an asshole."
"Yes." Ilya agreed. "Is true, is why you love me, yes?"
"One of the reasons." Shane mumbled against him, and Ilya felt like he could breathe again.
They'd fallen asleep on the couch together, wrapped up and tangled in a mess of limbs. Neither one of them talking, just holding each other. That Shane hadn't complained they'd both regret it, or be sore later, highlighted just how much he'd needed to be close - something Ilya would always give him. He was done with pushing Shane away.
When they'd woken up, necks and knees cracking loudly, Ilya had made his way to the kitchen to start cooking. He wasn't sure if Shane had anything after the game, but Ilya hadn't and he was absolutely starving. He'd arranged for his fridge to be stocked with Shane approved food, and so started on a very boring but nutritionally complete meal for both of them while Shane sat at the island and watched him.
"You still want to go to ahead with... our plan?" Shane asked, after taking a sip of the ginger ale Ilya had passed him.
"Yes." Ilya said, preparing the vegetables. "My agent is already in talks with Ottawa, apparently they are very interested." He admitted. "And I have some places to look at - wanted to get your opinion. I don't care so much about real estate. Only pictures, I can't really go and look without starting rumours."
"My mom said she's happy to go and take a look - its not weird for them to be looking for a place. Everyone knows I have a couple of properties."
Ilya nodded. "A few places I said no to already. I want... not like this." He waved a knife around the kitchen. "Want something more like actual house, not showroom." He paused. "Like cottage. Warm. Now I am thinking of other things too - is fireplace safe? What if baby falls down stairs? Or in pool?"
"Shit." Shane said, looking a little horrified. "I hadn't even thought of that." He looked at Ilya with fear in his eyes. "Shit, the cottage isn't safe for a fucking baby, Ilya. Its all fucking glass. The pier!" He closed his eyes tightly, like he was picturing it. "I don't know how to babyproof a gym."
"I don't think is something to worry about now." Ilya said, because only one of them could panic at a time and Shane was already there. "And if 15th best Metro can make house safe for a million babies, we can work it out."
Shane paused his internal freak out to glare at Ilya. "They have four kids and you know it." He pointed out, but he smiled a little when Ilya shrugged completely unrepentantly. "I made a couple of lists." He said, after a moment.
"For what?"
"Things." Shane shrugged. "Baby things. Jackie had a registry for a whole bunch of stuff before Ruby was born, and I saved that. She didn't need as much for the rest of them, but there were things she didn't use and stuff she used all the time."
"Oh, I made list too." Ilya said. He had a very strong suspicion that his list would not be as detailed as Shanes. "Crib for sleeping, car seat, uh, table to change on. Things like that."
"What type of car seat?" Shane asked, reaching for his phone. "I saw a couple that had really good ratings, but I wasn't sure if you wanted one that could be added to a stroller."
Ilya stared at him. "You have made list of types?"
"Obviously." Shane said, looking adorable and confused at the question. "My Jeep has a latch for car seats, so I thought the Nuna might be best for that? But I wasn't sure what car you'd be getting so I looked at both kinds."
"For... your Jeep?" Ilya managed. Shane had thought about car seats for his car?
"Well I thought that it might be easier to take the Jeep to the cottage? And in the snow its really practical." He paused. "Although I guess it depends on what car you buy."
"Is second time you say this." Ilya pointed out. "Buying new car?"
Shane looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "You can't put a baby seat in a Lambo, Ilya."
Ilya paused. He hadn't thought about that. "I'm glad you are here." He said, after his brain stuttered through a panic that he wasn't ready at all for a baby. It wasn't the first time that he'd thought that in the last week, but seeing Shane and his lists...
Shane smiled. It was a small smile, but it felt like a warm blanket placed over Ilyas shoulders. "We're... good. We're us. This wasn't part of the plan, but... I love you-"
"I love you too."
"I know." Shane nodded. "So we need a new plan. A new plan for... the three of us."
It was the first time since the phone call from Riko that Ilya felt... steady. Shane was an anchor. A rock which Ilya could build on.
They could work it out. Together.