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Everyone left. Of course. Tony laughed as he thought that. Of course they left! Why shouldn't they?
His parents, Obie, Yinsen, Rhodes, the Avengers and even Pepper!
When Pepper left him, his heart broke. He didn't really hear everything she said.
"I'm sorry, Tony. But I can't. I really can't...."
And then he heard none of it. He just stared at Pepper, trying to figure out what went wrong. Trying to figure out his mistakes. His fault. And with that, she left. Leaving Tony with a broken heart. Leaving the all alone Tony with his half empty Scotch bottle.
The war with Steve didn't make it better. He (really, really) felt betrayed by him. Especially when he saw Steve's team, his former friends, fought him. He didn't know what to say. He shouldn't have started to war! But he knew sooner or later, this will happen.
Steve was extremely aggressive of protecting his long lost friend, Bucky. Steve fought him only to protect Bucky. Steve had even broke the Avengers only for Bucky. Everything for Bucky. Tony wondered if Steve would do that for him.
Heck he even wondered if anyone would do that just for him.
Tony didn't really know Bucky. But sometimes, Howard would talk about Captain America's best friend, Bucky. Tony had been glaring at Bucky when he knew Steve had his back. When he knew Steve had rather choose to broke the Avengers apart. For a moment, he saw red. Only because of Bucky, Tony lost everything.
He knew that it hadn't been fair to totally blame the Winter Soldier. He was brainwashed. But still, he couldn't help but felt anger when Zemo revealed his parent's death video. Red, red, more red.
Wanda. Tony knew she hated him since god knows when. It was acceptable; thinking how Tony's weapon killed her parents (god, Obie..). Thinking how Tony's creation, Ultron, killed her only family left, her brother, Pietro.
But then, Tony had tried to help Wanda by giving her home, food, friends and etc. Still, Tony knew she hated him by the look she gave to him. He didn't really trust her of course. Well, maybe he kinda trust her. Maybe that's why he was thinking of her now.
The shrinking guy (Scott was it?) clearly didn't like him. Cause he was a Stark (who ever anyway?). And Scott worked for Pym. Pym and Howard had always hated each other. So it was clear.
Sam Wilson? The guy was like Steve. Following him, being on Cap's side, defending him. Tony was sure Wilson's thoughts about was the same like others. Though he liked to throw jokes.
Clint. Hawkeye. Birdbrain he liked to call. Or Hawk-ass. His (former) pranking buddy. Clint was a playful guy and fun when Tony had once realised. And Clint was the only one who understood and laughed at his (stupid, dumb) jokes
tho Bruce sometimes laughed too.
(Bruce, where are you?
Why did you ran away?)
So, he didn't really get the part why did Clint chosen Cap's side? Aren't they friends? Why did he choose Cap more than his family?
He felt touched and happy when he saw 5 of his friends fight beside him together.
That was, of course, before they betrayed him.
Natasha Romanoff became the double agent she always was. He should've known but still, it felt hurt.
Black Panther left and didn't say anything. But Tony knew he didn't agree with his raging action; attacking Barnes. T'Challa went to give Steve and his friends a place in Wakanda (he knew it).
The kid, Peter Parker or Spiderman, went to his home. He knew he shouldn't feel this way but he can't help but feel hurt. He liked the kid's companion and he knew Peter has to go home. Homeworks like the kid said.
Vision was the second last to leave. And his heart broke like a million pieces. Even JARVIS left!
(he's not JARVIS. Stop.
But JARVIS was also gone...)
Vision left because he wanted to meet Wanda. Tony didn't say anything. Instead, he just sat there with his back to Vision, trembling as his tears went down.
Rhodey didn't leave. But Tony knew he would soon leave after he was fully recovered. Rhodey sometimes went out to practice his walking therapy, not allowing Tony to join him.
("You've gotta rest. I can do it myself"
"Okay. Fine.")
Rhodey also still had few meetings with the military. And again, just like before, Tony was the only one left in the Tower.
He flipped his coin.
The echo that follows after was loud.
Way too loud.
Tony was sitting in his lab. Alone. It was dark and he didn't even bother to turn on the lights. FRIDAY seemed to understand his mood.
He glanced at the calendar hung behind him, forgetting what date was it today.
29th May.
Oh.
Special day isn't it today?
--
It was 8 p.m.
Tony was in his room, working on some Stark Industries documents and his suit repair.
Why not in his lab?
Ask what Bruce had did.
(It was now under repaired)
Guess what?
It was his birthday! (JARVIS reminded him).
But well...
Pepper was away for business meetings that she can't avoid. Said she'd be back 2 days later.
Rhodey was in a military mission which Tony didn't really understand.
Happy had gone to his home because his mother was sick.
The Avengers were... um. Somewhere.
He was alone.
Tony yawned. He never feel sleepy.
Tony decided to take a rest for 10 minutes and he climbed to his bed.
Was all good. Until it got better.
Someone was suddenly inside his room and that someone carried him up.
"What the... JAR---" Tony was about to call his suit until he realised that it was Thor.
"Hey? What's the matter?" Tony asked reliefly. Well, at least it wasn't an enemy.
Thor just gave him a smile and continued carrying him outside his room.
"What? Hey, put me down pointbreak! Come on!" Tony clicked his tongue; annoyed. What the hell did Thor want?
Thor walked to the elevator where Steve and Bruce had waited. Both were smiling widely.
"What's up?" Tony asked. "And please put me down."
"You have to vow you won't run away." Thor's voice boomed.
"Yeah. Well, depends." Tony shrugged and he was dropped.
Bruce pressed the button to basement.
"Can anybody tell me what are you guys planning?" Tony asked impatiently.
But his friends ignored him and it was a 10 seconds silent before the lift was in the basement.
"Come on, this way." Steve said as he pulled Tony to a... car? It was made for 6 people. With no tops.
The one he had made months ago. Huh.
Bruce opened the car door and went in, followed by Thor.
"I'm not going in unless you tell me why." Tony stubbornly said.
"Ck." Steve frowned and he pushed Tony inside.
"Everybody here?" Natasha, who was sitting in front right beside Clint, asked.
"Yep."
Clint turned his head back and grinned, "This ones for our annoying..."
"Genius..."
"Billionaire...."
"So- called philanthropist..."
"And shield brother..."
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"
They all said at the same time. By then, Clint had started to drive the car.
"Wha.." Tony cracked a smile which then turned into a laugh.
"How'd you guys... I..." He stuttered.
"Oh look, Stark just stuttered." Clint teased.
Tony rolled his eyes and looked around at his friends. They were all smiling and grinning happily.
"Thank you. Thanks guys!" Tony exclaimed.
Clint blasted random music from the radio and it was way too late loud. But no one cared. Not even Steve.
"Our gifts will be given to you soon." Steve winked.
And Tony shook his head, way too stunned. Because, no one, NO ONE ever gave him this surprise.
"Hey," Tony realised one thing, "where are we going?"
"Nowhere." Clint simply said.
"What?"
"It doesn't matter." Bruce smiled as he patted Tony's shoulder.
"Yeah? Then what does?"
"The fact that we're in this together. And that we were all having fun." Steve stated clearly.
Tony relaxed back and leaned to Steve.
*
He looked around and saw lots of cars, lights, buildings and others.
He saw the sky. The dark black-bluish sky. With stars like infinity and a clear moon.
It was a perfect match.
Tony never knew New York was this beautiful.
He never knew the wind was so cool that it gave him such comfort.
He never knew that this, this. This friendship or whatever relationship he had with the Avengers were the one that was missing this whole time.
And he was glad that he's here.
That it was all real.
He laughed and smiled a lot.
Steve took lots of pictures.
And Clint kept on driving, like he said, to nowhere.
But Tony didn't care. No one actually cared. They enjoyed the long rode, telling stories of their own.
29th May.
This. Is. The. Best. Day. Of. His. Life.
Ever.
--
Tony was now doing some of his blueprints and designs for SI.
Thinking. What would the press said after they figured out their fight?
Will they be on his side? Or Cap's side?
Or will they decide to kill both?
Tony looked at the big picture posted on the wall.
Picture of the 6 of them, all in their superhero mode on, right after the Manhattan Fight with Loki.
--
Tony was sitting on the chair right in front of Loki's cell.
He had his StarkTab and coffee with him and he was designing new tech for SI.
It was silent and Tony was so deep into his work that he didn't notice Loki was talking to him.
"What was that?" He asked after he realised Loki was waiting for an answer.
Loki had sat on the floor and looked straight to him, "I said I don't understand."
"Don't understand what?" Tony frowned. What's with this guy.. god... whatever.
"Why did you join your 'friends'? Why did want to protect this world when it had been nothing but kind to you?"
Now Tony gave his full attention to Loki. "What makes you think about that? You didn't know anything about me." Tony snorted and rolled his eyes.
"True. But I recognise the look in your eyes." Loki muttered.
"And who does it remind you of?" Tony wondered how the hell did Loki knew. Because. Loki was right about it and Tony didn't want to admit this but----
"Me. Seeking for approval. Trying to be a hero. Being under the shadow of the an oaf. How desperate are you." Loki's words was poisonous. And cold.
Tony didn't say anything and just stared at Loki. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Loki in turn stared back at him.
Finally, Tony sighed and stood up. He took his StarkTab and coffee as he went to exit the door. Just before he closed the door, he could hear Loki's voice.
"Say, am I right?"
"Yeah. You are." Tony answered right after he closed the door.
--
Tony took out the phone Steve gave him. The old-fashion flip phone. And the letter. He keeps on re-reading it.
He could barely saw the words as the paper was wet, messy and scrapped.
But he keeps on reading.
Trying to figure out what Steve actually meant.
The Avengers were his? Then why is no one here right now?
Ha.
--
"Just asking, but what did you do then?" Tony asked to Loki. It was a day before Thor and Loki went back to Asgard for the court.
Loki's eyebrows rose up, "why'd you ask?"
"Just wanna know." Tony shrugged carelessly.
It was a dead silence for several seconds until Loki spoke up.
"I... let go."
"What?"
"I let go." Loki's face was unreadable.
"Why?"
Loki gave him a look.
Tony knew the answer, of course.
A phone call broke the silence and Tony walked out the room.
--
Tony turned on his TV hoping for a good movie or TV series to be shown.
Instead, he was now watching the news about the war, Sokovia Accords, and everything. He changed the channel but everything just seemed to show the same thing.
He sighed and looked around his lab. Dirty clothes. Lots of blueprints. Pictures of The Avengers, Pepper, Rhodey, and many more. Sharp blade. Unfinished design. Scotch bottles.
He looked back to the TV.
The reporter was explaining everything very detailed. Huh. Ross must have told them everything.
There is a sharp blade right 1 metre away.
Tony wondered where Bruce is. Perhaps somewhere in a countryside? Avoiding the crowds. Watching the news about their so-called CIVIL WAR. Bruce was probably mad at him for siding with Ross.
There is a sharp blade right 1 metre away.
Tony wondered where Pepper is. She was still there before the war happened. Now? She was gone to god-knows-where. Why didn't she see that he do this for her? That he agreed with Sokovia Accords to show that he actually cared for the people (who don't even care about him). Why did she left?!
Alright, his own fault. He admitted it. Whatever his fault is....
There is a sharp blade right 1 metre away.
Tony then wondered where the (former) Avengers are. No. He knew where they are. In Wakanda. Avoiding the U.S. goverment. And him. Perhaps they were having fun now. After all, T'Challa is kind and rich and he was the king. Steve must've been so happy with his long lost brainwashed best friend. Like all ending, they must've live happily ever after.
There is a sharp blade right 1 metre away.
Was it only him who felt like the Avengers were his friends? Family actually. Was it?
Steve never look so flared up to fight for him when they were doing missions way back then.
Steve's eyes was cold and blue and cold, cold, cold.
Just like Howard.
Just like that ice water.
Just like Siberia.
Tony gasped and he breathed in for the air that didn't seem to be there.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Come on. You can do it. You're a Stark. You can do it.
You're not in Afghanistan. Or Siberia.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Tony shut his eyes and gritted his teeth.
After what seems like forever, he opened his eyes.
He was still in his lab. Alive. Right.
And there is a sharp blade right 1 metre away.
(Do it!
Do what?)
*
Tony continued watching the news and pictures of his (not) friends were shown in a wanted list of the government.
Then he saw his own face there.
Tony blinked.
What?
His own face was still there.
Hold on. Wait, whaat?
"As you see, that was the pictures government released for their wanted list. And yes, surprisingly Mr. Stark was also one of them. It had been clarified that Mr. Stark was secretly helping Captain Rogers and his friends. Now if you see one of these people----"
Tony turned off his TV and threw the remote angrily. He grabbed his scotch bottle and began drinking.
Great.
Now he was one of the wanted guys.
Ohhh, fuck.
And suddenly the everything became so clear.
The burden was getting real. And heavier.
He was here alone in this cold lab doing nothing but drunk, none of the Avengers were going back.
None of them will come.
None of them cared.
Why?
Because, after all he wasn't an Avenger, was he?
He was just a fucking consultant.
Iron Man yes, Tony Stark... not recommended.
Natasha had stated her thoughts clearly.
Steve kept on throwing disapproving looks.
Bruce left him, though his face explained everything.
Clint retired and threw disgusted looks.
Thor. Eh. He basically likes everyone.
Pepper gone because she can't handle the stress together with him. Because he was just a messed up guy.
Rhodey can't walk because of him. Of course, Rhodey blamed him.
He was just a consultant, duh.
Someone you can call when you need him to die.
Someone to blame on if things go wrong. Someone who cleaned up the Avengers mess.
Someone you can easily left behind.
That's what it is, right?
The Avengers were holy, innocent and right.
Tony Stark, instead, was the black sheep. He was the jerk, selfish bastard who didn't care about anything but himself (who flew the nuke? WHO?!)
*
He must have been so drunk because now everyone: Steve, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Pepper, Bruce, Howard, Barnes, Rhodey and the public were surrounding him. Giving cold disgusted looks.
"Big man in a suit of armour, take that off what are you?"
"Arrogant man who thought he have everything just because he had the money."
"You killed my parents! My brother!"
"Selfish fucking bastard..."
"I wish you were never born, you useless prick!"
"Why can't you just stop for godsake!"
"Stop pretending to be a hero!"
"I'm sorry Tony... I can't. I can't handle it anymore..."
"Can you just let go of your ego for one goddamn second?"
"No one wants you here anyway. Go fuck off."
"Why... didn't... you... do... more?"
Everyone was now shouting at the same time and Tony couldn't stand.
He can't breathe. His hands were shaking violently.
After all no one wants him. No one cared.
He just wanted it to stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
STOP.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
"SHUT UPPP!!!" Tony angrily yelled. He threw his wrench to one of them. But they were still there.
"Coward."
"Waste of space."
They were getting nearer with the same cold eyes.
"Shut up! Shut up! I said shut up!!!! Shutupshutupshutupshutup!!!" Tony shook his head crazily.
They still didn't stop.
If anything, they were getting louder and more.
Tears were forming. He felt so sick and he couldn't handle it any longer.
He didn't think as he grabbed the sharp blade.
After all, his mom, Jarvis and Aunt Peggy had waited.
--
"What did you do?"
"You... let go..."
"And how does it feels?"
"Well... it's- it's great. It's just..."
"Hmm?"
"It's lonely."
--
"Tony? Hey, where are you Tones?" Rhodey called for his bestfriend.
'Must be in his lab again.' Rhodey thought as he walked very slowly to Tony's lab.
Today's his birthday anyway. Tony totally deserves a birthday cake in times like this.
"Tony, are you---"
Rhodey stopped dead.
What.
What.
What?!
He didn't even realise when he had fallen down.
--
When Ross stepped into Stark's house at Malibu, he was ready to handcuffed the fucking annoying bastard.
He expected Stark with his usual arrogant smirk.
Or Stark bashing at them. Telling them to "fuck off!"
He clearly didn't expect the scene.
--
When they heard the news, they were speechless and silent.
Didn't know what to feel.
Relief? Now that they're Enemy No. 1 was gone?
Sad? Because he was gone?
Guilty? Because deep deep inside they knew whose fault it was?
Truthfully, they felt empty. It was not right. As if something was wrong.
--
But Steve felt all three. And regret was building up.
Why? Why?
In times like these Steve really wanted to turn back time.
But the damage had been done.
He didn't even sleep. He can't. And he won't.
He mourned for the guy who actually deserves more despite what he and the world thinks.
It wasn't worth it.
It was never.
"Happy birthday..." He breathed out.
Steve didn't feel the need to wipe his tears.
*
It was midnight and Steve held dear a snapshot of them.
The last time they were ever happy together.