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It's been almost two years.
Two long, miserable years.
Two years in which Ten has been pushed to the ultimate limit. He has cried, screamed, thrown things, and pushed everyone he once knew and loved away. All in crazy hope that these years haven't been for nothing.
Ten doesn't know how many times he has spent entire nights awake because he was afraid that if he closed his eyes for the slightest second that he would disappear. Or worse, miss something.
Miss some sign that maybe, just maybe, after two years Johnny would wake up and laugh and call him stupid for being the baby he probably was.
Johnny was -IS- his world, his everything. Without him Ten is nothing.
Life is meaningless without him. Ten has no reason to breathe if Johnny is not there. For the past two years, the only thing keeping him from saying 'screw it all.' and putting a bullet through his head has been the thought that maybe Johnny would wake up.
If Ten killed himself, who would be there to help Johnny get back up and live again?
That is all that keeps him alive.
The doctors don't know when, or even if, Johnny will wake up.
Still, Ten comes here everyday, hoping that that was the day Johnny would open those beautiful brown eyes that make his knees go weak and hold him with those tender hands that always makes Ten melt.
For almost two years, Johnny Seo, the love of Ten’s life, has been in a coma.
"AHH!!! Johnny, stop! Oh, My God!!! Put me down, NOW!!! JOHNNYYYYYY!!!" The skinny, boy screeched horribly as he was picked up by another student and carted down the hallway at full speed.
The handsome, brown-haired Adonis who had picked him just snickered and jogged faster, making his prey whimper and clutch to him like a frightened child. Many of the other students stared and jumped out of their way, while other students, ones who knew the two boys, just shook their heads and smiled.
"Gentlemen!!" One of the professors yelled, "This is a college, not a three-ring circus. Act accordingly!!!"
"Sorry Professor Park." The brunette answered, but didn't even slow down as he ran for the doors that led outside, "But Ten here needs his medication or he gets possessed by aliens!! It's not pretty."
"Bullshit!" The distraught boy slung over Crazy-Adonis' shoulder countered heatedly.
"See, he's not acting like himself. The possession's already started!"
The two were then gone, disappearing behind the double doors and out into the courtyard. Once outside and away from other people, the older boy put the other boy down and chuckled good-naturedly.
Only to have to dodge wild fists as he was pummeled by his smaller companion.
"Oi!! Ten, that hurts!"
"Good!" Ten hissed, and hit the taller boy again to emphasize his point, "What are you doing here Johnny?"
"Trying to figure out why my little sex slave stood me up last night." Johnny pouted.
Ten grumbled, an annoyed look covering his face. "One, I'm not your sex slave because we've never even had sex-"
"Yet," Johnny interjected.
"You wish. And two, I never said that I would go out with you last night. You just decided that on your own. I had two papers to write and I couldn't come, I told you that before."
"You're always doing homework." Johnny whined, "And when you're not doing homework, you're working. And then when you're not working you're sleeping. Look at you, you're a stick, when is the last time you ate anything? I keep on saying that you should move in with me but nooooo, you're just too independent."
"I'm busy, Johnny. I didn't get a full scholarship like you did and so I have to make my own way through college. And as for moving in with you, we've gone over this before."
"I know. But still, you seriously need a break."
Ten sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "You're such an idiot, Johnny."
"And you love me because of it." Johnny grinned cheekily. Ten grumbled again and glared at Johnny, wanting to punch that perfect face inside-out, but couldn't.
"Unfortunately, yes. Now I have class, so I need to g-" Ten was cut off as Johnny’s lips claimed his mouth. At first, the smaller boy started to pull away, but he eventually fell into the warm caress of those soft lips and breathed in that fresh scent that could only be Johnny.
Johnny smiled into the kiss, knowing that he was winning and would soon have this fiery little demon melting in his grasp.
When he pulled away, Johnny happily noted the drunk, glazed look on Ten's face. The smaller boy was panting and looked so venerable that Johnny almost kissed him again.
"What exactly were you saying? Something about going to class?" Johnny raised an eyebrow. "I can leave if yo-
Now it was Johnny who left speechless as Ten pounced on him, growling slightly, and yanked him down into a fierce kiss. Johnny opened his mouth, coaxing the other boy to do the same. Ten readily followed, parting his lips for the older boy, and Johnny happily deepened the kiss into a full-fledged French.
After thoroughly kissing each other silly, they broke apart. Johnny smirked and leaned forward so that his forehead bumped into Ten's.
"So, want to make up for ditching me last night by going and getting some lunch."
Ten bit his lip and shifted his weight nervously. He wanted to go, but he had class. If he went he'd miss an important lesson and since he worked tonight, he wouldn't be able to catch up and he'd be behind in his classes.
He looked up into those brown eyes, as bright and beautiful as the clear sky above them.
"Yeah, let's go."
Ten sat there, on the little couch in the corner of the hospital room with a book in his lap. The nurses brought couch in when they realized how often he would be there and that he didn't care about visiting hours.
All the nurses and doctors know better than to mess with him.
The first time Ten cussed out a doctor was enough to show them that he was a force to be reckoned with.
Bastards.
Also, Ten sleeps there more than he does at home nowadays.
He can't stand the silence of their apartment. It's so ... empty without Johnny there.
Leaning forward off the couch Ten touched one cold hand. It's so frail and gaunt, pale as death. Johnny’s entire body it that way now. The once gorgeous tan and muscled body shrunken and sickly, wasted away from lying in a hospital bed for two years. His shoulder length brown hair, at one time beautiful and thick, now thin and lackluster.
Ten hates it.
This is not Johnny.
"Wake up." Ten whispered, his voice hoarse from not using it nearly as often as he used to. He licked his lips, swallowed, and tried again.
"Come on, Johnny. Wake up." he pleaded, "Please!! Wake up. I'll do anything."
Ten felt a single tear run down his face.
"Please don't leave me like this. I love you."
"Come on Cloud!!! Finish that bastard!!" Ten yelled at the screen. The spiky, blond-haired video game character swiped at the monster and did his damage. But not enough. "ARGH! Ok boy, gun him down!!"
The small boy's dark brown eyes were fastened on the screen so he didn't see Johnny walk up.
"What do you want for dinner?" Johnny asked. When Ten didn't answer, Johnny tapped the black haired boy on the head, "Hello anyone in there?"
"Hmmm?" Ten said shortly, paying no attention to Johnny's question.
"I'm ordering fried monkey from Peru," Johnny said nonchalantly without missing a beat.
"Ok. Anything's fine."
Johnny huffed, but then smiled, ruffling Ten's hair affectionately before walking back into the kitchen and grabbing the phone, "You and your video games. Who would guess that the cute, sarcastic dancer Ten was really a video game nerd? "
Ten suddenly jumped up and gave a cry of triumph. Johnny heard the now familiar notes of the Final Fantasy victory tune.
"Take that Shinra!! You Communists bastard." Ten jumped clear over the couch and into the kitchen, crying out, "I beat him. I beat him."
Johnny gave him a chaste peck on the forehead while he flipped through the phonebook, "Good job, Tennie."
"Thanks. Whatcha doing?"
"Ordering dinner. I told you just a second ago."
"You did? ... Oh yeah… Wait. Did you say Peru? Do they even have monkeys in Per-"
Ten stopped in mid-sentence, suddenly realizing the full extent of what Johnny had said, and snapped his jaw shut with an annoyed -click.-
"That's just gross, Johnny." Ten huffed and crossed his arms moodily.
"Want Thai instead?"
"I'll cook."
Johnny raised an eyebrow, "Oh really."
"Yeah." Ten said happily, walking over to the fridge. Silence followed.
Turning around, Ten saw Johnny standing there, staring at him skeptically. He rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry. I won't burn anything this time. And I labeled the thingies so that I can tell the salt from the sugar."
Cooking for one.
Making coffee for one.
One remote for one person.
One bathroom for one person.
Only half the bed is warm.
Only half of Ten’s heart is alive.
Johnny’s stuff is still here.
His scent.
Constantly reminding Ten.
Memories.
That's the worst part.
Of them cuddling on the couch.
Ten sees them eating together at the table, trying some of his new recipes.
Only to order take out later on.
Christmas alone.
Thanksgiving alone.
His birthday alone.
Johnny’s birthday alone.
Everyday ... alone.
No one to come home to.
Just an empty house.
No man is an island, eh?
Bullshit.
Ten moaned throatily, his fingers digging into the sheets beneath him. His back arched off the bed, trying to create more contact and friction with his heavenly lover panting above him. He reached up and tugged Johnny down closer to him, winding the fingers on one hand through that silky hair so he could pull him into a passionate kiss.
"Ahhh...More, Johnny. Faster." He gasped out, rocking his body in synch with Johnny's. Johnny complied, pounding harder into the delicious body lying underneath him, driving deeper with each thrust. Ten saw stars, he wouldn't last much longer.
With a loud blissful moan, Ten fell over the edge, his orgasm racing through his body and leaving him numb.
Johnny quickly followed, releasing himself in the younger's body. He fell down onto his lover's body, wrapping his arms around the skinny, trembling frame and holding Ten close.
"I feel like I'm floating or something," Johnny said after a few moments. Ten laughed lightly.
"What?" Johnny asked, his already cute face now covered in a confused, clueless expression.
"You're a freak. You know that?" Ten mused.
"Yup. I wear the title proudly." Johnny beamed, looking down at Ten's flushed face and dark, dreamy, bedroom eyes.
He slowly leaned down, closing in on Ten's mouth.
"Freak." Ten whispered.
"Freak-lover." Johnny breathed back.
"Idiot."
"You know you want it."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Their lips met and, to Ten, the entire world just seemed to disappear.
All he saw was Johnny.
Ten woke up in a cold sweat afterward. He doesn't know why he had that particular dream; the actual events seemed so long ago that he had almost forgotten them. Of course, Ten would never fully forget that night. He sighs uncomfortably, "How do you forget the night you lost your virginity to the man you've been in love with for five years."
**********
"Ok. Ten. Just take a moment to breathe in for me." Dr. Lee, Ten’s therapist, said. Ten huffs, but do as he said, breathing in deeply, holding it, and let the air out slowly.
"Good. Now, I want you to look back. Did yesterday have any special meaning to you two? An anniversary. When you guys first met. Was it the first time you and your boyfriend had sex? Try to think."
Ten looks down at his hands.
What does it matter?
What is the point of doing this?
Ever since he broke down in the hospital room five months ago, he has been required to go to therapy at least once a week. He can't see how telling his pitiful story to anyone will help him cope with the fact that his boyfriend is in a coma.
Sometimes Ten wonder if it would have been better if Johnny were dead.
Then Johnny wouldn't be rotting away in a hospital bed, laying on crisp white sheets, feeding tube jammed down his throat, and a beeping heart monitors the only thing telling Ten he wasn't completely lost.
Then Ten wouldn't be the emotional wreck he was now, still holding onto a fool's hope that Johnny would someday wake up and everything would be back to normal.
If Johnny were dead, it would be final.
There would be no 'if"s or 'maybe's.
Over the past two years, Ten has come to despise those two words.
Suddenly his cell phone rings.
He looked at the caller I.D.
It is the hospital.
"One moment please." Ten said to Dr. Lee and hit the talk button, "Hello?"
"Is this Mr. Ten ?" A polite, but business-like, female voice said.
Ten doesn't know why, but it is then that he remembered that today is a special day. Exactly five years ago, he finally gave in Johnny's affection and agreed to go out with him. Their first date had been at the cinema and they went to see Pirates of the Caribbean later that night.
"Yes." Ten answered nervously. The hospital only calls him when there are emergencies.
"We're calling to inform you that a Mr. Seo has recently shown signs of regaining consciousness."
Ten feels the bottom of his stomach fall down into his shoes and start oozing out of the seams.
He thinks he’s going to throw up.
Instead, Ten faints.
"Where is Johnny?" Ten hissed, running a hand angrily through his hair.
"I'm sure he's hurrying." His little sister, hummed as she pranced around the couple's apartment.
"It's my birthday!" Ten howled, "He shouldn't be late!"
"Well, this is Johnny we're talking about here."
"True." Ten huffed. He grabbed the phone, "I'm going to call his cell phone."
Ten dialed the number that had long ago been engraved in his heart.
Only to get an answering machine.
He threw the phone disgustedly onto the counter, "Bastard."
"Calm down."
"He's an hour late! The cake's melting!!" Ten pointed to the cake as it sat lopsided on the counter, one side slowly returning to its liquid form.
Suddenly, the phone rang. Ten looked at the caller I.D.
It was Johnny.
"Finally." He said, exasperated. He picked up the phone and held it up to his ear
"Helloooo" He sang into the phone.
"Um... hello." that definitely was NOT Johnny. Ten frowned.
"Hi... Who is this?"
"Yes, um... well, there's no easy way to say this. I am Officer Jung from the Police Department. We just found this cell phone a second ago when you called it. We called the home number on it. Is this the residence of Mr. Johnny Seo?"
Ten's sat down slowly.
What the hell is going on?
"Yes, this is? What's going on?"
"I'm afraid that Mr. Seo was in a car accident."
"Oh my god." Ten's hand flew up to his mouth. His chest tightened horribly, constricting his lungs and restricting his breathe so that he felt woozy and disjointed.
"Is he..."
Ten couldn't finish the sentence.
"No. He's not dead. Unconscious. He was just sent to Medic-Group hospital . You can go there and check up on him, but the police station will need a positive I.D. to identify both you and Mr. Seo."
"Yes. Of course. I'm leaving right now." Without even waiting for an answer, Ten hung up and ran for the door.
"Ten!!!" his sister called after him, "What's going on?"
"Johnny was in an accident."
Ten wakes up on Dr. Lee's floor.
The balding man is slapping Ten’s face and calling his name, trying to wake him up from his panicked slumber. The doctor sees Ten coming to consciousness and backs off. Ten remembered why he had fainted about in the first place and shoot up quickly.
"Johnny!!" Ten cried out.
"Easy Ten." Dr. Lee warned. "I talked with the nurse. You gave her, and me, quite a scare. Relax for a second and then you can go over to the hospital.
Ten ignored him and tried to stand up. He instantly felt dizzy and almost fall over.
"If you want to help Johnny, you're going to have to calm down. Now sit."
"But-"
"Sit!"
Ten grudgingly comply. But only a few minutes later, he got up and start for the door.
"I don't get what you're trying to say, nurse. Why isn't Johnny awake?"
"Simply put, Mr. Seo has slipped into a coma."
"A coma?"
"Yes. A sleep like trance in which there is minimal brain activity and there is no definite estimation of when he might wake up. Could be days, weeks, months... even years."
"But he will wake up."
"I'm sorry to say, but there is a good chance that he won't" The nurse truly sounded sorry, "As long as his brain remains at least active, there is a chance. But if he goes brain dead, he will not regain consciousness; there is no turning back."
Ten plopped down in the chair, running a hand through his hair, pulling on it.
How could this happen?
"If you would like, we can simply pull the plug and put him out of his misery"
Ten looked up sharply.
"You mean give up on him?"
"No. Never give up on him. I'm just telling you that it is an option."
"Never offer it again." Ten stood up, his dark eyes blazing, "He WILL wake up."
Ten runs all the way up the stairs to the fifth floor of Medic-Group Hospital because the elevator is taking forever. Once he makes it to the floor Johnny was on, Ten stops dead in tracks.
Ten realizes just how much he has waited for this day.
This is it, no more waiting. No more being alone.
Johnny.
Ten stands there, by the stairs, shaking in anticipation.
What should he do?
Does he look ok?
Ten wants to be beautiful for Johnny.
He probably looks horrible.
Oh god. What if Johnny's changed his mind?
What if he doesn't want Ten anymore?
How will he react to losing two years of his life?
So many thoughts go through Ten’s head; He doesn't know what to do.
Ten rub the bridge of his nose, trying to fight a headache that was beginning to come. Everything will be fine. This is Johnny, his love, his soul mate, his better half.
Ten loves him.
Johnny loves him back.
They will be fine.
Taking a deep breathe, Ten comes out of his hiding spot by the stairs and walk over to Johnny's room, a route that he can probably walk in his sleep if he has too. As Ten nears the room, a nurse comes bustling out.
She spots him and instantly smiles.
"Ten! He's awake!! Came to consciousness just a few minutes ago. He's very weak but full of spirit."
"Awake?" Ten croak out. His voice seems foreign, even to his own ears.
"Oh, hun." The nurse comes forward and hugs him. "It'll be fine. But there is one thing I want to tell you before you go in there-"
"Nurse." A familiar tenor reaches Ten’s ears.
Ten knows that voice
Johnny.
"I don't have any pants!! I gotta take a leak!! Unless you want my prancing around in this dress and flashing my arse to the world, I need pants."
Oh yeah, that is definitely Johnny.
The smile that creases Ten face must be enormous.
He ignores the nurse, pushing past her and practically breaking down the door as he busts into Johnny's room. Ten sees him, his angel, sitting there, arguing with the nurse for pants.
Ten feels like crying. Crying in happiness and excitement.
"Johnny." Ten breathes.
They both hear Ten comes in and turns towards him.
"Ten." he hears the nurse who he met out in the hall call worriedly behind him.
Again, Ten ignores her. His eyes only see Johnny, who stares at him intently. It does not matter to Ten that Johnny is still extremely pale and gaunt.
To Ten, he is beautiful.
Ten’s entire world comes crashing down however when Johnny’s face only reflects confusion.
As Johnny says his first sentence to Ten in almost two years, he thinks for a fleeting moment, his heart simply stops. As if it has finally given up and shattered into a million different pieces.
Johnny cocks his head, "Who are you?"
Ten stood by the door of the club, beer in one hand and the other placed on his hip.
He was not impressed. Not in the slightest.
He hated preps and frat boys, so why the hell was he here?
He spotted a handsome brunette boy, with an expensive looking jacket on, leaning against a nice, silver car.
Oh, that's right.
Cute guys.
Cute, rich guys.
And lots of them.
He smiled at the pretty brown haired guy, staring directly into those big brown eyes. The guy smiled back.
This was going to be easy.
Ten turned away from him, playing the ever so delectable 'hard to get' card.
It worked like a charm.
In no time, Mr. Brown haired Hunk was making his way over, a predatory gleam in his eyes. Ten felt the guy walk up behind him. The brunette rested his chin on Ten's shoulder.
"Hey, cutie."
"Hello, yourself." Ten said dully, "And just what, might I ask, makes you think you can simply come up and touch me? Get off."
Ten shrugged the guy off of him and started to stalk away. As he predicted, the guy gently, but firmly grabbed his arm.
"I saw you checking me out."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I look interested?" Ten glared over his shoulder, raising a cynical eyebrow.
"Yup. You did." The taller boy grinned mischievously.
Ten grinned back. He liked this guy already.
"You should know that I'm not just some cheap whore."
"I never said I was looking for one." Taller guy said, frowning.
"Good answer." Ten said over the loud thrum of the music. "I'm Ten."
"Killer name."
"Thanks. Most think it's weird.
"It is. That's why I like it. Better than my name."
Ten looked up at him, smirking.
"Which is?"
"Johnny."
"Ten, I'm so sorry." Johnny's doctor said, "Due to the damage to his brain, Johnny has lost his memory."
Ten pauses, looking down at the ground before glaring back up at the doctor.
"I don't know how to deal with this." Ten hissed through clenched teeth.
"You're going to have to start over. Don't try to push Johnny, give him time. Give him space. I know that you two were … um…. close." The doctor's voice wavers as he carefully chooses his words.
"He was my boyfriend." Ten snaps bluntly.
"Yes, but you must understand that he has no idea who you are. He doesn't even know who he is. I think he knows his name but that's it. Hopefully, he'll start to regain bits and pieces of his memory as you go along. If you try to move too fast and pick up where you left off, he'll feel lost and used. For right now, patience is your best ally."
Ten sighs. "I've waited two years. I think I can wait a little more. What do you recommend doc?"
"Ok, Good. I recommend being slow. Talk with him. Answer questions, he's bound to have many. Show him pictures of people you two once knew. I wouldn't recommend telling him about your relationship just yet."
"What should I tell him?"
"That you are trusted friend."
What else can he do? The man he loves does not even know his name.
Ten sighed lightly, clearing his head and calming his hysterical nerves before he walked into the room.
Johnny is sitting up in his bed, looking out the window.
Ten cleared his throat, trying to get Johnny’s attention.
Johnny turned and stared at him.
"Hello"
"Hi. I'm Ten."
"Killer name."
"Thanks. Most think it's weird.
"It is. That's why I like it. Better than my name."
Ten looked up at him, shyly.
"Which is?"
"Johnny."
And Ten knew that they'll be ok .