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You're not quite sure why it hits you right then but it falls like a ton of bricks. You should be celebrating, joining your friends in the fist pumps of victory. Instead, you're filled with a sudden sense of dread. You look up. All around, your fellow players begin drifting towards the opened portal to your new, suicide-gameless world in groups of two or three, whooping and hollering because you won, you triumphed, you're all still alive! Ding dong, the witch is dead, the wicked, evil-
Your heart hammers in your throat because something is wrong. Something is missing, and you have no idea how you know or what it is because everyone is here. Everything is finally okay and no one has to suffer anymore but your senses are screaming and you know you're about to make a terrible mistake if you don't figure it out right now, right here, while you still have precious seconds to realize.
As your eyes rake over people, you do the headcount. The pre- and post-scratch trolls number up right, the kids from the Beta session, your four- your five. Because he’s missing. He’s gone and you look everywhere in the dimming session crumbling around all of you and he’s not there.
Davesprite isn’t there.
It’s something lingering from being a sprite yourself, at least part of you, and suddenly you know and he’s already gone. He’s gone. You can feel it now that you know where to look, see where his hand has been and what he has wrought. You didn’t think it was possible to change class in this game but what Davesprite did has nothing of a Knight and everything of a Sylph because he has made this happen. He has made sure that you, that everyone, will have somewhere to celebrate in and live and none of them know it. He has taken what was in tatters and woven it into a sustainable whole. He's saved you.
You can feel the code he’s written with his instincts and only the barest knowledge of what he was doing. And it cost him everything. He’s gone, faded into the dying game. To be ended with it and you... You can’t let it happen. You can’t let him go, no matter how badly the break up went, because somehow you know why he did it, why he pushed so hard and then let go. He didn’t mean to survive.
You knew he was struggling but you didn’t realize... You didn’t know he was this far gone.
And you can’t let him go. Your powers spasm in your body, screaming for action, and you don’t hesitate in reaching for the only ones that can save him. Feferi, Jane, and Meenah don’t have a chance to cry out before you grab them and jerk. The others tumble past you into the chasm of the portal home, to the world he gave everything for, but you need seconds, endless seconds.
You grab Meenah’s hand and hold it tight. “Take it! He’s going to die!”
She doesn’t get it, doesn’t understand, and Jane and Feferi look at you as if you’re crazy.
“We have to save him. He’s fading away but you can use me. You can steal my life and use me and bring him back.”
Meenah’s eyes go wide behind her goggles. Her hand goes tight on yours and you can almost feel the way she’s locking onto you, taking stock, tapping into your life force in a way she hadn’t bothered trying before because this is so much more blatant than any of them really had to do. Not like you, who moved entire worlds. Even now you’re reaching every bit of power you have into seeking him out, the pieces of him scattered in the dying spasms of the game, and Meenah follows the trails through you. She throws out a hand, waving it frantically before catching a lock of Feferi’s hair and yanking hard. There’s a squeak of pain before Feferi crashes into the two of you.
“Jade, what-” Jane begins but you catch her hand next, thread your fingers in hers, and pull the inner core of her the way Meenah’s pulling you. You see it in her eyes when she senses it, when she feels the unraveling, and the sound that comes from her is soft and pained.
They aren’t close to him the way you are but this way, the four of you tangled and meshed and singular, they know what he means to you. And they have to save him, too. The chant is strong and sweeps up the four of you, chiming louder and louder as the pieces draw together.
Save him save him save him
You can almost see him. He’s... fractured and wrong and over-strained, but it’s him, it’s Davesprite, it’s Dave, it’s everything you’ve ever known about him and the terrors he refused to tell you about from his own timeline. It’s the feel of his lips on your forehead and the way he never got too close. It’s the way you can see your own death in his eyes but he would always spare you the confirmation. It’s the way he will always be one of your best friends and has never been a replacement for something else.
It’s the way he’s yours, even if he doesn’t think he is, and you are not going to let him go.
You can feel him wake when you call for him. Meenah’s sucking you dry to fuel Jane and Feferi’s work but all you can do is scream his name. Feferi is using your senses to find him and bring his pieces together as Jane fuses them into a whole. You almost wish you’d caught Aradia to give you more time, but it’s hard enough keeping the four of you from falling into the gravity well of the portal long enough to get this done.
You reach out and suddenly he’s there before you. He is the Dave you remember and he’s damaged, a leftover from a doomed timeline that broke the rules. He breaks so many rules, bending them past the point that the game will allow. He’s played loose with his life since the moment his John died and he’s never looked back. He doesn’t reach back for you because he doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to let you get hold of his soul and yank him back into the real world. You’re going to shake him and yell at him later but first you have to save him, save him, save him because he could be gone, disappearing in a wisp of code like he’d never existed in the first place.
He won’t reach back and even with all four of you, he’s slipping like water through your fingers. He’s fading, the edges of him fuzzy and even knowing the way he’s looking right back at you, sensing what you’re trying to do, he’s not letting it happen. He’s giving up. And you just... You can’t give him that. He’s not allowed to die here because he’s not like the game constructs. He won’t come back. And it’s what he wants but you’ll be damned if you let him have it. It’s not happening.
You won’t let it happen. And with that you dig your claws into him, bite down on his essence, and drag him to you kicking and screaming. He’s coming with you, all of you, and maybe he’ll never forgive you for this, but you don’t care. You’re not leaving him.
Your back hits the portal and everything disappears into a rush of white light and heat and you lose yourself.
When you come to, you’re standing in an overgrown pumpkin patch. It’s strange enough to leave you wordless at first because it’s not clear in that first instant what’s going on. Then you lift your head and find more familiar structures. Your house seems to be intact and mostly the same, at least from this distance, but you’re not sure how you got here. It feels like you just woke up.
A soft sound behind alerts you to the presence of someone else and you spin around only to find Feferi looking as confused as you are. She’s staring at a patch of sunlight on her shoulder as if it’s something terribly dangerous but for some reason isn’t hurting her. It takes you a little while to realize what, exactly, that’s about, and by then Feferi has gotten over it and is instead giving you a tentative look over.
“Did it work?” she asks and you don’t understand at first. Your head is full of cotton and water and you’re so tired you could literally sleep for days. You feel like you’ve run for months on end without stopping and Feferi looks the same.
Then you remember and your heart almost stops. You jerk around, yelling out his name, but there’s no answer for you. Searching around, you don’t find him anywhere. Feferi touches your shoulder and you realize you’ve started crying because you failed. You failed and he’s gone forever. He’s just gone and you’ll never... You...
The yelling attracted company but the gaggle of Trolls take their cue from Feferi and don’t say a word. She slides an arm around your shoulders and leads you with them back to your house. You hear Feferi switching between comforting you and saying things to the Trolls but you don’t pay attention to the words. You can’t. He’s gone. You tried so hard, nearly lost yourself as well, and it was for nothing. And this time, death is real.
You cry yourself to sleep because you’re too tired and heartsick to stay awake. When you wake up, it’s been a few hours and Feferi switched out with Nepeta and Aranea so she could crash after the energy she expended. You’re still tired but the grief, while sharp and painful, feels like something you can handle. Aranea helps you clean your face and Nepeta cuddles against your side because while they don’t quite understand what you felt for Davesprite, the relationship not quite translating right, they know you cared for him deeply. Feferi told them to take care of you, to be mindful of your human feelings, and when she wakes up, you're going to cuddle her to pieces, pale gossiping be damned. You're pretty sure Nepeta and Aranea are technically cheating, but when Equius pokes his head in and sees his moirail mashed against your side as she pets your hair, all he does is blush and look away and ask if there's anything you need. If you didn't think it'd give him a heart attack, you'd hug him too. You might hug him later anyway.
Eventually, you find one of your computers and log on. Your chumroll is full of names, ones you know and ones you don't, and most of them are grayed out but it looks like Karkat started up a memo about two days ago. There's various discussions on timelines and a few dumb Troll things and a general wondering about what's going on and where everyone is. The bulk of the Trolls ended up with you but a spattering of them are with John, Rose, Dave, Jane, and a couple with some cousin of John’s. No one’s questioning that much. You, Jane, Feferi, and Meenah were the last ones to show up anywhere.
There's no sign of Davesprite. It hurts that he didn’t come, too, but you try to be happy that everyone else made it and are safe. They’re all accounted for, though word is that John’s dad isn’t very happy at the lack of supervision on your island. Most than half of the Trolls with you are nine sweeps, though, so you wouldn’t say you’re exactly without adults around. Nearly adults, anyway. Quasi adults?
It’s easier to think of the Trolls than about Davesprite, so you throw yourself fully into making things more comfortable for all of your new guests. The Trolls pretty much claimed the house in chunks but the close quarters are enough to make a lot of the more territorial or aggressive ones twitchy. There are little fits between them, half assed fighting, but they’re all still riding the high of their win. You work with them to build up several makeshift hives around the island that will work until they figure something out on their own. Some can be pretty stubborn but they've never faced Harley resolve. Heck, you hadn't even met the bulk of them until the last battle when everything came together. And when he's not getting himself lost in the wilderness of the island, Jake ends up being fairly handy with a hammer and completely willing to bend to your will of Troll habitation. He doesn't like sticking around you too much though, kind of awkward, and you're guiltily glad of it because while nice, he tends to rub you the wrong way for some reason.
Three days after you arrived, you hear Feferi's high pitched squeal echo through the house. You wonder what new awesome idea she's come up with for the island but when you find her, she throws her arms around you and nearly topples you down.
“He's here!” she chirps, bouncing as she drags you to her husktop and you right yourself quickly enough to read the last few lines of the current memo-
CG: I WAS NOT WORRIED AT ALL. YOU STRIDERS ARE INFURIATING AND I DID NOT CARE THAT ONE OF YOU NOOKLICKERS WERE MISSING, ESPECIALLY ONE AS AGGRAVATING AS YOU.
TG: methinks the lady doth protest to much
TG: you were worrying your nubby horns off
TG: all aflutter with pity
TG: you diamond slut you
TG: sorry no adding to your harem today
CG: WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY? I SWEAR MY THINKSPONGE IS MELTING AS WE SPEAK.
TG: see this is what happens when you deny your feelings vantas
TG: it gets all bottled up and just explodes at a guy
TG: im saving myself for marriage okay
TG: so if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
CG: I HATE YOU SO PLATONICALLY RIGHT NOW.
You don't get it, not at first. You stare at orange text and Dave's speech and just stall because you can't quite figure out why this is important, why... You look at Feferi and her wide grin with too many teeth and then it dawns on you. The sound that comes from you is bright and loud and unbelievably happy. You and Feferi bounce around, laughing and crowing with joy because you did it, you saved him, he made it out despite his intentions and you are so going to talk to him about that later, you bet your britches!!
You’re on top of the world and by god you’re going to stay there.
You join in on the hilarity quickly enough, but it's not until the next day that you get to talk to him alone. The Trolls are pretty nocturnal even though they don't have to be, but you're still used to being awake most of the time (though without your dream self to jump into, you're sleeping considerably more than you used to, or just noticing it, but it tends to happen at night.) The sky is predawn purple when you get up and check to see what late night shenanigans everyone in their different timezones got up to. It's a fun read, but you notice something.
There's a lot more red Dave than orange Dave in the memos, but there's still only one name on your chumroll for them. It's a little thing but for some reason it sticks out and makes your chest go tight because... Because you're pretty sure that isn't an oversight or just being lazy. It...
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:23 --
GG: dave?
TG: depends are you selling something
TG: if so my name is john egbert
TG: and i could be tempted to answer
GG: pft! well maybe i have brains for sale. would you like to buy a brain????
TG: is that really a question
TG: is that really something you need to ask
TG: what with my collection of dead things
GG: are your hands okay? because you're replying really slowly today!!!
GG: dave?
GG: are you still there???
TG: yeah
GG: what was that about? Are you okay???
TG: fine
TG: you know peachy
TG: finest fine that ever fined in a sea of absolute fineness
GG: that isn't very reassuring!!!!
GG: don't tell me you hurt yourself strifing with your brother again!!!
TG: no
TG: its
TG: im kind of two steps from bed here
GG: huh, is it late where you are? i can't remember how many hours out you are.
TG: nah its not late
TG: just thought i might get a nap in
TG: you would not believe the shenanigans we striders can get up to
TG: its like were a machine cranking out the funny
There is something wrong with the way he's typing. You can feel it, like having a lock of hair turn the wrong way. There's something wrong, past how slow he's going, and that's worrying enough. He sounds tired but not the kind of tired after a fun night with friends and family. No, this is a bad kind of tired. A soul deep kind of tired, and you'd noticed something similar before he saved- before he tried to kill himself using the game.
GG: dave, what's wrong?
GG: dave?
GG: daaaaaaaaaaaave!
GG: if you don't answer i will teleport over there!! I mean it buster!!!!
TG: dont
GG: dave, i'm really worried here!! are you okay?
TG: yeah
TG: im gonna go crash now
GG: TELEPORT!
TG: fuck jade what do you want from me
GG: talk to me, dummy! i know something's up with you. just because we aren't dating anymore doesn't mean we aren't still friends! i'm here for you.
GG: turn on the webcam. i want to see your face.
GG: dave?
GG: dave, turn on the webcam right now!!!
TG: what the fuck jade
GG: I will teleport! do not tempt me!!!!!!!!
TG: when did you get so into strong arm tactics
GG: when do you think?
GG: webcam. NOW.
At first, you think he might just sign off and ignore you. You're not sure you have the juice to jump to Texas from here right now, but you'd try anyway. Finally, you get the notification of his web call and quickly bring up the video feed. And then you pause because... Well, he's Dave. You aren't sure why seeing him like this and not orange and feathered is so strange. He's as blank and unbothered as ever and you kind of want to rip his shades off to keep him from hiding behind them.
“Hey, Dummy,” you say.
His face doesn't change. “You're a brat, Harley.”
“Well maybe if you didn't worry me to pieces I wouldn't have to be!” You really want to hit him sometimes. He sits there, staring at you without even a twitch and he's not talking. His mouth is set in a firm line. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. Your fingers clench over the keys. “Dave.”
“What?” His voice is flat but you can tell a faint edge of frustration. “What do you want from me? Nothing's wrong. You're looking into something that isn't there.”
Now you're sure of it because Dave doesn't give straight answers without blow offs of pop culture and inappropriate vulgarity. Not even when he's actually pissed. You resist the urge to go to him right now because you aren't sure it would actually help. You wonder if maybe he's just feeling claustrophobic with how many people are in that one apartment, but you doubt it. You wish that was it.
“You know right now, Bro and... and that older me, can you believe there is an older me? He’s a fucking douchebag. They’re trying to figure out a new name for me because news flash, mine’s taken!” He’s still calm, at least his face is, but you can see strain around the edges of his shades and he’s starting to gesture with exaggeration and-
“-and fuck if they even asked me because no, of course I don’t fucking mind! Why wouldn’t I bunk with Wheelie and the Real Boy-”
And you see it. You don’t quite hear what he’s saying anymore - he’s just blowing off steam at this point - because you’re too focused on what you’re seeing. What you’re not seeing. And suddenly he realizes it. He jerks like he’s been hit and drops his arms - arm and a half. He’s deadly still.
“Jade,” he says, soft and hushed and you cover your mouth with both hands that you still have and he doesn’t. “Jade, don’t.”
You hear yourself sob but you’re staring at him because he’s- because you brought him back wrong. Because you didn’t bring back all of him.
“Jade.” He swallows hard. “It... It’s fine. It doesn’t bother me. I mean, jackass older me is worse than that. It’s fine- shit Jade don’t cry!”
You can’t help it. You’re already holding back tiny, pathetic noises form in your throat. How could you bring him back wrong!? You don’t care that you weren’t the one actively putting him back together, it was still your responsibility! You’re the one that noticed, that knew what to do, that needed him to live.
“No, Jade, please- it’s okay! I swear it’s okay-”
“Eyes?” you demand. “Dave- I need to see-”
He jerks off the shades and yes, yes they’re both there and red as you remember and he seems to be tracking just fine in each-
“Toes?”
“All ten and even that stupid mole on the big right one.”
“Teeth?”
“Yeah. Jade, I’m here. It’s okay-”
You shut your eyes and take in a shuddery breath. He’s here, most of him anyway, and he’s not going anywhere. You are not going to let him. It’s okay. It’s not as bad as it could be- but it’s not great and you... You just...
“Jade?”
You look at him and he’s completely focused on you. The cool kid is gone. It’s just you and Dave, the way it was some nights when John was off adventuring on a world you placed him on and the two of you just talked and it wasn’t about the Witch and the Knight, but about Jade and Dave and you can still remember how nice your hand felt in his.
“Dummy,” you manage and you watch as the relief floods through him. And this is what he needs from you. This is what you can give him. This is how you will support him. And once you’ve helped him find his way out of the black hole he’s dug himself into, he’ll do the same for you. It doesn’t matter that you’re not together anymore; he’s yours and you’re his and nothing will ever change that.
You end up spending the next few hours arguing about possible names, both for Dave and as his screen name because he needs something that’s his and who else would be better to help him find that? You know this won’t be enough to fix him - that you can’t be the one to do it, it has to be him - but it’s a step.
You tell him to walk one foot in front of the other. He jokes about balance but you know he’s listening.
You know, in the end, that he’s grateful.