ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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How to Torture a Yaksha (Featuring Childe) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
18 Feb 2025
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Summary
Xiao pinched the bridge of his nose. "You—" He exhaled sharply. "You call him Geo Daddy."
Childe nodded solemnly. "With great reverence."
"It’s obscene."
"It’s true." Childe spread his arms wide, as if welcoming the judgment of the heavens. "Come on, Xiao! The man could tell me to drop dead and I’d say, 'Yes, sir, would you like me to do it artistically?'"
In which Xiao pays a visit to Childe and immediately regrets it.
Series
- Part 1 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Common-Law Spouses (and They Don't Even Know It) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
23 Feb 2025
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Summary
Childe and Zhongli continued to dance around each other, two celestial bodies caught in an orbit of their own making, spinning and spinning, always close, never quite colliding.
Until—
Nah.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, despite literally everyone in the city knowing, Childe and Zhongli remained blissfully, painfully, tragically oblivious.
It was starting to become an issue.
In which everyone in Liyue knew they were together, except for them.
Series
- Part 2 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Five Times Someone Didn’t Know Zhongli and Childe Were in a Relationship (and the One Time Someone Already Knew) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
02 Mar 2025
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Summary
Five times Liyue Harbor questioned their collective eyesight (featuring impromptu food stalls, diplomatic disasters, and the sheer audacity of a Harbinger), and the one time someone was just waiting for everyone else to catch up.
Series
- Part 3 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Hu Tao and Childe Become Besties. Zhongli Suffers. by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
05 Mar 2025
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Summary
Once Hu Tao decided she liked Childe, it was over.
Gone were the days of peaceful teahouse conversations. Gone was the quiet dignity Zhongli once prided himself on.
Now, his existence was plagued by the following:
- Childe and Hu Tao scheming. (They called it “brainstorming.” Zhongli called it “two chaotic forces conspiring against the fabric of reality.”)
- An alarming number of pranks. (The funeral parlor was now haunted. Not by spirits, but by Childe’s godforsaken hydro constructs scuttling around at ungodly hours.)
- Loud, obnoxious, unfiltered conversations that made Zhongli reconsider his mortality.
In which Zhongli regrets ever letting his boyfriend and his boss meet.
Series
- Part 4 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Venti's Guide to Poking a Dragon (and Exposing His Feelings) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
09 Mar 2025
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Summary
Venti gestures wildly with his cup, sloshing wine everywhere. "Morax, my dearest, densest rock, you have spent this entire conversation ranting about him like a spurned lover while casually dropping information that would make any romantic in Teyvat weep. This is comedy gold. You are besotted. You are smitten. You are—" Venti grins, leaning in— "down bad."
Zhongli, ever the unshakable force of nature, simply raises an eyebrow. "I am not."
"You are. Listen to yourself!" Venti straightens, mimicking Zhongli’s refined voice: "Ah yes, this Harbinger is so frustrating, he constantly buys me things, dotes on me, challenges me in battle, calls me attractive, feeds me with his own two hands, kisses my forehead before running off into the sunset—" Venti breaks off, wheezing. "Oh Archons, how are you this oblivious?"
In which Zhongli rants about his Harbinger boyfriend. Venti is both exasperated and amused.
Series
- Part 5 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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a wound is not a home (but he stays anyway) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
23 Mar 2025
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Summary
The abyss had stripped him of everything, but this—this fragile, breaking thing inside him—he had kept buried. Had locked it away beneath masks of confidence and bravado, beneath sharp smiles and sharper blades, beneath the name Childe—not Ajax, never Ajax.
Ajax had drowned in the abyss.
Childe does not know what came back in his place.
And yet, here Zhongli stands, speaking to him as if there is still something left worth salvaging.
Or, in which Childe learns to deal with his trauma, and Zhongli stays.
Series
- Part 6 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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I Wrote the Tsaritsa a Thigh Poem and All I Got Was This Husband by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
30 Mar 2025
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Summary
“HEY—” Childe squawks, scrambling forward, but she holds him back with the sheer force of a woman on the edge of a diplomatic crisis.
“I am not letting you send that.”
“I worked really hard on it,” Childe huffs, folding his arms.
Ekaterina runs a hand down her face. “I don’t even know where to start. The balls-clenching love? The wife training? The goddamn thigh poetry?”
Childe sighs dreamily. “You wouldn’t understand.”
In which Childe writes a deeply unhinged letter to the Tsarista, hoping to receive her blessing to marry Zhongli.
Series
- Part 7 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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The Rex Lapis Appreciation Society (Totally Not a Cult, Please Ignore the Shrines) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
06 Apr 2025
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Summary
Xingqiu, who had been bribed here with the promise of rare Liyuean manuscripts, leaned over to Chongyun, whispering, "Is this a cult? I think this is a cult."
"No way," Chongyun whispered back, "Cult meetings have more refreshments."
"I assure you this is not a cult," Childe declared grandly, clapping his hands together. "This is a society, a movement, a revolution! The Rex Lapis Appreciation Society!" He punctuated this announcement by dramatically unfurling a banner behind him.
It’s… a lot. Gold filigree, hand-painted calligraphy, and, most distressingly, a hyper-realistic oil painting of Zhongli himself, shirtless, muscles glistening, a sheer veil of silk draped over his lap as if he was some kind of ancient deity awaiting worship. The words ‘Mora-less, Shirt-less, Effort-less’ were inscribed underneath in an elegant serif font.
In which Childe starts a cult dedicated to Zhongli.
Series
- Part 8 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Help, I've Fallen (and I Can't Get Up... Especially Around Zhongli) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
13 Apr 2025
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Summary
“Oh? You seem distracted today,” Zhongli observed, lifting his teacup with the practiced grace of someone who had probably been drinking tea longer than the concept of tea had existed. “Did something happen?”
You happened, Childe almost blurted out. But instead, he said something infinitely worse.
“Nice hands.”
Zhongli blinked.
Childe wanted to die.
Or, Childe has the biggest, fattest crush on Zhongli and cannot manage it in the slightest.
Series
- Part 9 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Terms and Conditions Apply by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
20 Apr 2025
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Summary
“You are being unreasonable,” Zhongli observed, with all the mildness of someone who was being exceptionally unreasonable himself.
Childe, through sheer force of will, did not commit a war crime right then and there. “I am being unreasonable?” he repeated, incredulous. “You are the one who whipped out legal documentation instead of my dick—”
“I fail to see why we cannot do both,” Zhongli interrupted, and Childe’s soul momentarily left his body.
There was a moment of silence in which Childe had to physically reassemble his brain cells, which had all scattered to the wind in sheer distress.
"Morax," Childe said, invoking the name like an exasperated prayer. "I am already naked."
Or, Childe just wants some action, but Zhongli insists on reading the fine print first.
Series
- Part 10 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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When Your Retirement Plan is a Fatui Harbinger by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
27 Apr 2025
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Summary
What makes it worse is the way Zhongli's eyes soften when Childe speaks, or how Childe's entire demeanor shifts in Zhongli's presence—from battle-ready Harbinger to attentive companion in an instant. It's in the way they gravitate toward each other in any room, unconsciously drifting closer until their shoulders nearly touch. It's maddening because it's so obviously more than money—it's just that neither of them can see it.
How does Zhongli, formerly Rex Lapis, wielder of godly wisdom, architect of Liyue’s economy, not understand that Childe is, in fact, his Sugar Daddy?
How does Childe, notorious businessman, underworld dealer, one of the highest-ranking Fatui Harbingers, not realize that he is the Sugar Daddy?
How do they both not realize that they are—in fact—madly, annoyingly in love?
Or, Childe is Zhongli’s sugar daddy, but neither of them know it. Everyone suffers.
Series
- Part 11 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Five Times Zhongli Acted Like a Dragon (and the One Time He Didn’t) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
04 May 2025
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Summary
Five times Childe found himself dealing with Zhongli's more... draconic tendencies (involving hoarding, growling threats, unexpected bites, a bizarre nesting phase, and truly terrible sleeping habits), and the one time Zhongli's attempt at being human was somehow the most terrifying experience of all.
Series
- Part 12 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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When Your War Criminal Boyfriend Acts Like a Golden Retriever by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
11 May 2025
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Summary
"Did you miss me? I missed you," Childe sighed dramatically, burying his face in Zhongli’s robes. "You smell so good. Like home. And violence. And overpriced funeral expenses."
Zhongli raised an elegant brow. "You were gone for two hours."
"TWO HOURS TOO LONG!"
"...You went to buy fish."
"And I almost died!"
"You did not."
"I could have!"
The horrified citizens of Liyue watched as Childe—an actual, legitimate, highly-ranked Harbinger—whimpered and nudged his nose against Zhongli’s throat like a giant, terrifyingly handsome golden retriever in a human body.
In which Childe acts like a lovesick golden retriever. Zhongli is infuriatingly composed.
Series
- Part 13 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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When "Want Some Chopsticks?" Actually Means "Marry Me" by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
18 May 2025
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Summary
“You… you’re telling me,” Childe said, slowly, “that you proposed to me with chopsticks?”
Zhongli sipped his tea, serene as a damn pond. “Yes. In Liyuean tradition, the offering of chopsticks during a shared meal, particularly those of precious material, signifies a lifelong bond. One does not make such a gesture lightly.”
“You proposed to me with a FUCKING UTENSIL?!”
Zhongli blinked. “Language, darling.”
In which Childe proposes with a diamond ring, only to discover Zhongli beat him to it... with chopsticks.
Series
- Part 14 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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‘Til Death (or Teucer) Do Us Part by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
25 May 2025
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"What an astute young man," Zhongli murmured, his voice smooth as polished stone, deep as the tectonic plates shifting beneath Liyue. "You must be Teucer."
"Yep!" Teucer nodded, practically vibrating with excitement. "And you must be my new big brother!"
"No, no, NO—" Childe gasped, his survival instincts kicking in. He lunged forward, scooping Teucer up in one arm and slamming a hand over the boy’s mouth. "He's NOT your big brother, Teucer. Not—not yet—wait, NO, NOT AT ALL—"
In which Teucer mistakes Zhongli for his new brother-in-law. Childe suffers.
Series
- Part 15 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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Five Times Childe Was a Dumbass in Love (and the One Time He Used His Brain Instead) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
01 Jun 2025
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Summary
Five times Childe made a fool of himself for Zhongli (including a disastrous attempt at CPR, poetry that would make a hilichurl cry, and culinary crimes against humanity), and the one time he actually impressed Zhongli and almost gave him an existential crisis.
Series
- Part 16 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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How to Get an Archon to "Dick Down" You (Spoiler: Just Ask) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
08 Jun 2025
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Summary
The first time Zhongli witnesses Childe in his natural habitat—dripping in scandal and surrounded by too many admirers to be decent—he sighs so deeply that the ocean levels may have shifted in response.
The second time, Childe grinds against him in a Liyue alleyway, all feral grins and murmured filth, and Zhongli, who has endured millennia of warfare and cataclysm, is forced to admit he might not survive this.
The third time, well—
“Zhongli, babe, you’re looking at me like I’m a half-priced artifact set and I just wanna say—I’m flattered, really—but let’s be real, if you wanted a piece, you could’ve just said so,” Childe purrs, leaning against a pillar in the Wangshu Inn, shirt unbuttoned to the fourth degree of depravity.
A lesser man would combust. Zhongli, refined and ancient, merely blinks. “A piece of what, exactly?”
In which Childe learns that wooing an Archon is harder than expected—and being wooed by one is worse.
Series
- Part 17 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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"We're Just Friends," Said the God. "We're Getting Married," Said the Harbinger. by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
15 Jun 2025
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Summary
But what he could not—would not—refused to endure any longer was this: the audacity, the blasphemy, the absolute Geo-infused gall of one Zhongli, former God of Contracts, not realizing they were dating.
They had shared tea. Multiple times.
They had shared a hot pot meal. One that Childe had cooked with his own two battle-scarred hands. (Sure, Zhongli spent most of the time politely explaining Liyue’s ancient cutlery customs while Childe accidentally set a napkin on fire, but that was domestic as hell, right?)
They had gone shopping together. Okay, yes, Zhongli picked out everything and Childe paid for all of it. But that’s just what boyfriends do. Everyone knows you’re not officially in love until your partner spends your entire life savings on gilded tea trays and ceremonial funeral bells.
It was textbook romance. Except one small issue.
Zhongli. Had. Not. Gotten. The. Memo.
Or, Zhongli is a 6,000-year-old oblivious romantic, and Childe is a war criminal with feelings.
Series
- Part 18 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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How to Accidentally Become Liyue's Royal Consort (and Imperial Princess) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
22 Jun 2025
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Summary
"Zhongli, xiansheng, babe," Childe said carefully, turning the box over. "Not that I don’t appreciate getting gifts, but why did you just give me six pristine dragon teeth?"
Zhongli, standing across from him with the composed air of a man who did not just hand over a box full of prehistoric murder weapons, sipped his tea. "It is customary."
Childe stared at him. Then at the dragon teeth. Then back at him. "Customary for what?!"
Zhongli placed his teacup down with the grace of an immortal who had far too much patience for his mortal lover’s nonsense. "In ancient Liyuean courtship, the first stage is the Presentation of Worth. One must procure six treasures of great value to offer to their intended. The quality of these treasures reflects the depth of one’s devotion."
In which Zhongli courts Childe the ancient Liyuean way—and Childe suffers.
Series
- Part 19 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots
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How to Train Your Zhongli (You Don't) by the_untamed_poet25
Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
29 Jun 2025
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Summary
It wasn’t just the horns (which were sharp, curved, and hotter than they should legally be), or the tail (which he might have asked to use once or twice, shut up), or the claws (that traced his ribs with agonizing care).
It was the way Zhongli held him like something fragile. As if the dragon in him was real, but so was the man.“I am ancient,” Zhongli whispered one night, voice low, curled around Childe in a nest of golden scales and silk sheets. “I am not built to love like mortals do. But I would burn this world if you asked me to.”
Childe blinked. “Okay but like. Let’s not burn things.”
“I could just maim a few people.”
“No.”
“A minor geological catastrophe.”
“Zhongli.”
“I’ll write you a poem instead.”
In which Zhongli forgets how to human and Childe forgets how to breathe.
Series
- Part 20 of ZhongChi / ChiLi Oneshots