Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends by Anonymous
Fandoms: Date Everything! (Sassy Chap Games Video Game)
11 Jul 2025
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Summary
What if Dirk and Harper broke up and Dirk decided to actually sleep with the Hanks out of spite?
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Dirk sighed, slightly disappointed in himself that he'd reached the point in his life where he was venting to coat hangers about his shitty relationship, but he decided to continue nonetheless. What's the worst thing that could happen?
"Well it's just my girlfriend-" Dirk paused, mentally scolding himself before correcting his slip up, "My Ex-girlfriend, is an absolute fucking lunatic! you know why? She thinks I'm hooking up with you! All of you!" Dirk exclaimed exharphatedly, "Like, how out of it do you have to be? Obviously I'm not fucking doing that, even though I kind of wish I was-"
Dirk cut himself off.
Apparently, that was the worse thing that could happen.
.Series
- Part 1 of Date Everything
- Part 1 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Tags
Summary
Harper picks a fight with Dirk and he goes to the Hanks for comfort, they find several different ways to help cheer him up ;)
[Continuation to 'Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends']
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It was weird, him and Harper fought all the time but those fights had never made him feel this shitty. Dirk always craved distance from her after an argument, sure, but he'd never actually run away from Harper before.
Until now.
Because now he had somewhere to run to. Now he had the Hanks.
Series
- Part 2 of Date Everything
- Part 2 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Pretty when you cry by Anonymous
Fandoms: Date Everything! (Sassy Chap Games Video Game)
12 Jul 2025
Tags
Summary
The point was, Dirk had got pretty used to sex with the Hanks, they'd fallen into a comfortable routine, and it was pretty fucking amazing to be honest with you. Yet, that didn't mean everything was suddenly predictable now, unexpected shit still very much happened, and Dirk found himself pleasantly taken by suprise every single time.
Like tonight for example, where Dirk layed shaking from overstimulation, actual tears leaking silently from the corners of his eyes. Dirk had never cried during sex with anyone before, and he probably would feel slightly embarrassed, due to his sudden show of vulnerability, if it wasn't for the fact his entire body felt like it was was on fire.
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[Continuation to 'Worth it']
Series
- Part 3 of Date Everything
- Part 3 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Tags
Summary
Hank 5 has a dream where he has a baby, and when he wakes up he mourns the loss of his nonexistent child. He talks through these feelings with Dirk and the conversation reveals more that either of them intended.
[Continuation to 'Pretty when you cry']
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"Oh love, come here," Dirk said empathically, taking Hank 5 into his arms and hugging him tightly. The man burried his face into the crook of Dirk's neck, despratley trying to regulate his breathing as he hiccuped slightly.
"And in real life it will never be like that!" Hank 4 continued, "We can't have a child that looks like all of us, it's not biologically possible! I want a baby that's a part of all the people I love, not just a part of me! And in my dream I had that!" A tear runs slowly down Hank's cheek, and Dirk resists the overwhelming urge to kiss it off.
"And now I don't anymore," Hank trails off, staring at the wall as he wiped his eye's.
Series
- Part 5 of Date Everything
- Part 4 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Summary
"I didn't want to wear this," Dirk grumbled, embarrassment coursing through his veins despite the fact he knew the last thing on the Hank's mind would be judging him.
"I can't see why not," Hank 2 hummed, raking his eyes over Dirk's body, gaze lingering on his thighs.
It hits Dirk suddenly just how much the Hanks seemed to be enjoying this. They'd dropped the usual 'bro' lingo completely, and they looked almost hungry, as if they wanted to eat Dirk whole. The desire in their eye's made Dirk squirm slightly where he stood, and he realised that he really wouldn't care what the Hanks did to him right now, as long as they were doing something.
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Based on @umikochannart fanart on Instagram! Please go check it out <3
[Continuation to 'Dreaming']Series
- Part 7 of Date Everything
- Part 5 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Summary
Now Dirk stood, in quite possible the most compromising position he'd been in in his entire life, waiting with baited breath for the Hanks to wake up. Wake up and untie him, Dirk's brain urged impaintently, because it's not like he could escape these stupid binds himself. So Dirk waited, and tried to ignore the larger, much more impaintent part of himself, that didn't want to be untied at all.
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The player shoves their dirty bondage ropes into the washing machine and it turns out clothes aren't the only thing Dirk is forced into wearing. Needless to say neither he or the Hanks are complaining.
[Continuation to 'Cute skirt ;)']
Series
- Part 8 of Date Everything
- Part 6 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Tags
Summary
"You alright, dude?" Hank 2 inquires gently, probably because Dirk likely has smoke pouring out of his ears by now, as if someone had lit his entire face on fire.
"You guys are so stupid," Dirk mumbles, "It's just underwear, you don't need to do this whole 'admiring me' thing".
"But we're always Admiring you," Hank 1 says, and it's the sincerity in his tone that gets to Dirk instead of the flirtation in his voice.
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Dirk in lingerie, need I say more?
[Continuation to 'Tied up']Series
- Part 10 of Date Everything
- Part 7 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends
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Happy New Year! by Anonymous for grr4v3y4rrd
Fandoms: Date Everything! (Sassy Chap Games Video Game)
04 Jan 2026
Tags
Summary
"Dirk isn't here," Clarence says, because it's easier to prentend this way, easier to allow himself to be this person he isn't than to slip back into the overwhelming emotions Dirk isn't quite sure how to handle just yet.
The door slowly moves to an open and Hank 5's kind eye's meet Clarence's narrowed one's, the rest of the Hanks stood behind him in the bedroom. They all seem to look him up and down in unison, a flicker of confusion, then concern, crossing Hank 5's face, "Clarence?" Hank 5 tries again almost tentatively.
"Long time no see," Clarence smiles almost cockily, "Miss me?"
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Dirk finds the house's New Years Eve celebrations overwhelming and hides behind an old mask the Hanks haven't seen in a while.
[Continuation to 'Enjoy the show']
Series
- Part 11 of Date Everything
- Part 8 of Fuck me up, baby, bring your friends