LillyVanilly
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this is not enough (i am not enough) by blankjournals
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
08 Jan 2026
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Summary
Shane's breath catches on a sob, and he muffles the sound with his hand. Everything feels like too much. He’s naked, and he can feel entirely too much on his body, inside his body, and he hates how it's starting to feel gross. His head is pounding, and he can't even focus on placating his mind when his lungs are also screaming in his throat for breath.
Ilya hears, and his hands reach out to hold Shane, tension lying in every part of his body. “Shane—”
“Don't touch me,” Shane snaps, more desperation than yelling as he rips his arm out of Ilyas's grasp. His tears have nowhere to go now, and they finally spill over, hot and humiliating, down his cheeks.
Ilya freezes in place, hand hovering mid-air. A myriad of emotions flicker across his face: confusion, hurt, fear. Ilya takes an unconscious step back like someone shoved him. His body curls in on itself, trying to make himself appear smaller.
He looks... terrified. Like, Shane just called him a monster, and he believes it.
OR: inspired by the fight in the long game when ilya had told shane he could have sex with other men because he did not believe in cheating.
Series
- Part 2 of missing scenes from TLG 📖
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,413
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 325
- Kudos:
- 12,266
- Bookmarks:
- 2,621
- Hits:
- 123,491
Bookmarked by LillyVanilly
13 Mar 2026
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Summary
The first time they hooked up, Rozanov had kissed him before Shane got on his knees. They kissed when Scott Hunter was in the room next-door. And they kissed slowly and sweetly, on his apartment stairway, after Rozanov had taken his world apart and put him back together again. Hell, even in that bathroom, where he felt as if the Russian was trampling on his bared soul, Rozanov had kissed him.
So why was it different this time? What did he do wrong?
Shane aches with how much he wants—needs the other man. There is a hollow numbness in his chest every time he thinks about those golden curls and ocean eyes, and he hates himself for wishing he could have more.
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Wanting Hollander is dangerous, because Ilya is wanting more than he’s allowed to have. But Ilya keeps wanting more and more, because he is vain, selfish, undisciplined. He wants to have Hollander in his arms, sweet, warm, and gorgeous.
And he will always regret it later, in the quiet moments that come in the aftermath, in the small and lingering ache that follows him once they are apart.
Or: Shane spirals and avoids Ilya post-Vegas. Ilya chases after him, and they talk.
Series
- Part 1 of Woe like velvet, tears like jewels
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,946
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 496
- Kudos:
- 8,863
- Bookmarks:
- 2,308
- Hits:
- 120,648
Bookmarked by LillyVanilly
09 Mar 2026
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Summary
Harry agreed to have sex with Draco once a month in order to keep him alive, what he didn’t agree to was Draco popping up all over the place and disrupting his life in more ways than one.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,585
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 186
- Kudos:
- 11,170
- Bookmarks:
- 1,960
- Hits:
- 174,216
Bookmarked by LillyVanilly
09 Feb 2026
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Summary
His mother had had six months after his father had died. But it was expected; they had prepared and were already rather distanced. Draco hadn’t been ready, and Merlin, he had been so in love. He knew he was counting down in weeks, not months.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,115
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 319
- Kudos:
- 13,067
- Bookmarks:
- 2,401
- Hits:
- 124,641
Bookmarked by LillyVanilly
08 Feb 2026
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Summary
Wooyoung didn't think a reality existed where he didn't fall in love with San.
Choi San, the boy who had been his first and only friend, the boy who defended him like it was second nature, the boy who now was the lead singer for the hottest band in town and still looked at him like he was the most important person in the room. Until one day, Wooyoung realized he might not be as important to him as he always thought he had been.
Wooyoung didn't think he could ever fall out of love with San, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try.
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Inspired by Uneasy Hearts Weigh The Most - Dance Gavin Dance
Bookmarked by LillyVanilly
01 Feb 2026