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Gareki stares at the ceiling of his dorm, blanket half thrown off the bed and a leg dangling off the side.
Not this again.
Insomnia he doesn’t mind, he’s never fallen asleep very easy, and he never expected being in school to change that. Not so long as he shares a room with someone anyway. But this wasn’t just paranoia and old habits refusing to die.
This was so much worse than that.
He feels his phone vibrate in class. That shitty, four-eyed captain might be irritating, but he was good for a few things. Getting him into Kuronomei, for one. Getting him a phone, too.
Not that he needs it. He just likes the games on it. It’s not like there’s anyone he misses or wants to call.
Gareki-kun, How’s school? Is it fun? I bet you’re doing great, you’re so smart! Keep doing your best, we’re all behind you! (⌒▽⌒)☆
—Yogi—
It’s almost like it’s eating at him. Like every time he thinks about it, the feeling swallows up a little more of him, making his stomach do the stupid thing harder and his chest squeeze tighter and making everything just so much harder to do in general.
Gareki hates how it’ll sneak up on him. He’ll be taking notes in class, and suddenly he’s thinking about it and his stomach drops fast. After it’s crossed his mind, he’s useless. There’s no concentrating on anything else besides the physical pain of absence that echoes through him and makes him want to curl in a ball under at least eight blankets and never come out again.
It’s so fucking embarrassing.
Somehow, he’d thought not being on the ship would help. It hasn’t. Not at all. If anything, it’s worse.
At lunch, he eats half a bag of M&Ms.
He throws the rest away half an hour later, too embarrassed with himself to even think about saving them.
There’s really nothing interesting on the ceiling. It’s just white and blank, the fluorescent light turned off for the night and Shishi snoring in his bed across the room. Occasionally he’ll mutter something in his sleep, but Gareki can’t understand it and he really doesn’t care to. Probably some shit about cars or Ranji anyway.
Stupid goddamn crush. Like he’s some twelve-year-old girl. Fuck this shit.
A crumpled piece of paper lands on his desk. Gareki frowns. He unrolls it to find Tsubame’s carefully curled handwriting.
You’re smiling.
He looks up, and she’s watching him. Gareki tightens his scowl pointedly. Then he grabs a pen and scrawls a so what? and throws the paper back. She snorts and rolls her eyes as she writes something down.
It surprises Gareki how much she’s changed since he last saw her. It’s only been a few months, but she’s almost a completely different Tsubame. Well, no, not different. A more fearless Tsubame. She challenges him outright now, and she doesn’t cry anymore. He wonders what Yotaka’d thing. And Tsubaki and Gramps. Gareki thinks he might be a little proud.
The paper ball lands back on his desk. It’s creepy. What are you plotting back there? (Don’t deny it Gareki, I know you’re planning something) (I’ll get Ranji-kun)
Gareki scoffs loudly.
"Ah, thank you for volunteering, Gareki," the teacher says, cutting him off. Oh. Right. Class. Shit. "What would you say the answer is?"
He blinks. What had he asked. What had the lecture been on today. The board, what did it—Circus I.D. bracelets.
"Specialized cells, called Incuna," Gareki says, trying to keep his voice flat like he isn’t flying by the seat of his pants and hoping that was the right answer.
"That’s correct. Next time, stand up when you address the class."
Gareki nods at him, and the teacher moves on to the next leg of the lecture. He lets out a breath. He puts the crumpled piece of paper in his bookbag, telling himself he’ll pay attention the rest of class. Tsubame catches his eyes and mouths ”sorry,” and that’s the end of that.
His phone buzzes for the third time in half an hour. Gareki ignores it. Shishi glances over from his desk, frowning.
"Are you ever gonna answer that?"
"Nope."
Gareki-kun, Karoku is awake, Little Nai is so excited! (◠ω◠✿) He’ll be transferred onto the ship soon, so I’m sure you’ll get to meet him again soon. The ship is so quiet now! I think the sheep are getting bored!
—Yogi—
He bets he kisses sloppy, like he’s only seen it done on TV.
The shadows of tree branches move across the ceiling, creeping bits of a more solid darkness shaking in the wind.
Gareki shuts his eyes and rolls over onto his stomach, smashing his face into his pillow. He tries to remember the sound of the ship’s engines, the way they’d hum constantly. Shishi’s breathing is too loud and deep to remind him of Nai, but every now and then, one of his mechanical bits of homework clicks or whirrs and Gareki can pretend it’s one of the sheep waddling around.
Sleep. He’s going to sleep. Right now. The first class period tomorrow is in the gym, and if anything, Gareki’s learned he needs his wits about him around those Vartero machines.
Sleep. Sleep dammit. If he thinks about it enough, he’ll fall asleep. Sleep. Right now.
It almost works. His hands and feet have a fuzzy warmth wrapped around them, and he can feel his muscles relaxing ever so slowly. Just another couple of minutes really. A little bit longer to listen to the slow, soft breaths behind him, to settle into the warmth of the body behind him and the arm slung over his waist. Yeah, almost, even if the way Yogi keeps digging his nose into his neck is a little distracting—
Gareki’s eyes snap open.
Goddammit.
He adds another mile to his run. If he has time to indulge in some stupid feeling, then he has time to run farther.
Halfway through his essay, and he’s done. Well, not done done, but he can’t concentrate on it anymore. It’s been at least forty-five minutes since he’s managed to write something down that wasn’t just filler or some shitty transition.
This is unbearable. Gareki can barely even think two complete thoughts before his brain brings him back to a pair of downturned eyes. After that, any productivity is shot to hell.
Gareki-kun, Hope you’re well! I’ve been sent on a solo mission off the ship, and it feels so weird! (*~▽~) I’m not supposed to say much, but I can’t wait to get back to the ship. I hate having to fight. (/TДT\) Sorry, didn’t mean to complain! Don’t forget to take a break every now and then!
—Yogi —
"You’re doing it again." Tsubame taps two fingers on the table in front of him.
"What? I’m just sitting here."
She rolls her eyes. “Smiling at your phone.”
"I’m not doing that. I don’t smile at my phone. You’re hallucinating.”
"Gareki, please.” Tsubame gives him a smile so sweet, Gareki thinks he might have just gotten diabetes. “You do it every day, right after lunch. The thing goes off, you look at it, and you smile.”
"I don’t do that."
"Who is it? Who’s texting you?"
"No one. And I don’t—”
She reaches across the table, trying to grab his phone. “Come on, gimme. We all know you can’t beat me!”
Gareki flushes, leans away, chair tilting. “Hell no! It’s my goddamn phone, Tsubame!”
"Oooh, must be your boyfriend then, if you’re so touchy—”
“Yogi’s not my boyfriend!" His chair slips, and he crashes onto the floor, humiliated.
Tsubame grins in victory. She stops trying to reach for the phone and sits back in her chair, prim and proper like she hadn’t just been practically crawling across the table.
"You want him to be, don’t you?"
Gareki covers his face and groans loudly.
"That’s cute."
“Shut up.”
So, so, so annoying.
Gareki decides there is no purer form of torture than having a crush on someone. And as soon as the thought crosses his mind, he slaps his forehead because how much of a dumbass teenager is he really? He’s better than this. He knows it.
Gareki-kun, Karoku is here now! He stays in his room mostly, but Little Nai has been helping to care for him. You’d be so proud! (○⌒∇⌒○) Also, I think your replies have gone missing between our phones. I’ve had the sheep check mine, but they say it’s fine, so maybe there’s a glitch in yours? ( ；´Д｀)
—Yogi—
He shuts his phone. Gareki sighs and rolls over, trying to go back to sleep.
"Gareki-kun!"
Gareki jumps. That just sounds weird. Ranji slaps him on the back, and promptly starts steering him toward the dining hall.
"Let’s go eat," she says, pushing at Gareki’s shoulder with an unnatural amount of strength for someone so small. "Tsubame-chan’s worried about you, you know. She thinks your working yourself too hard."
Gareki grimaces. “I’m fine.”
Ranji purses her lips, unconvinced. “You’ve been keeping up with your coursework okay?”
"Yeah, I’m fine, I already said that. What the hell’s wrong with you?"
"As a future leader in our government, it’s my job to make sure everything runs smoothly here at Kuronomei, and part of that is checking up on the new students. That means making sure they eat, do their homework, and don’t require remedial tutoring, which is offered Tuesdays and Thursdays in the library by appointment."
Gareki clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I don’t need tutoring.”
Ranji nods, but still pushes him down into a chair. A member of the support staff is already dropping off plates of food for them.
"Tell Tsubame to nag me herself next time. I’m fine.”
"Tell her yourself. Now eat your lunch."
What’s he even supposed to say back? Gareki reads through his messages for the umpteenth time. Nai and Tsukumo were easy. Tell Nai to not be stupid. Thank Tsukumo for sending her number. But Yogi? Gareki was at a loss.
Gareki-kun, Please don’t be angry with me. (✖╭╮✖)
—Yogi—
Gareki-kun, I miss you.
—Yogi—
Gareki looks up from the book he’s been trying to read for the last two hours. Shishi’s leaning backwards on his desk chair, balancing on the back two legs. He flicked a pencil between his fingers.
"Does Kuronomei have breaks?"
Shishi almost falls over. “What?”
"Do we get breaks? Like summer or something?"
"No, why?"
Gareki swallows and shrugs. “Just wondering.”
Shishi stares at him for another half minute, but Gareki goes back to ignoring him like usual. He’s too busy trying to ignore the pathetic flop his stomach gave at the news that he’s stuck on campus until he graduates.
I miss you too
—Gareki deletes everything for the fourth time.
He sighs heavily and shuts his phone. This shouldn’t be so damn difficult.
"What about five C?"
"Um. ‘Faster, more insidious metabolisms. Requires humans to sustain self.’"
"Awesome, that’s what I have, too." Tsubame smiled at him. "I can’t wait to beat you on this test."
Gareki clicks his tongue and smirks back. “Big words for a little girl.”
"Actually, they were pretty small words."
He laughs. “I can’t wait to see you in my dust, Tsubame.”
She nags him, every now and then. Have you texted back? Why not, it’s not like it’s hard! Tell him I say ‘hello’! But mostly, Tsubame does a good job of not needling him too much. She’s more focused on beating him at everything in class.
It makes school a challenge. And Gareki’s almost forgotten how much he enjoys that.
Gareki-kun, The ship has been so busy! (≧∇≦) Both Kiichi-chan and Jiki-kun are here to help with a mission. Iva seems really excited about it. I hope you’re enjoying school! It’s lonely here, but knowing you’re following your dream makes it a little better! (๑╹っ╹๑)
—Yogi—
"He likes you back, you know."
Gareki frowns around the fork in his mouth.
"Yogi, I mean," Tsubame explains. "I could tell, even back then." Her face darkens and her eyes go a little glassy, but she pushes past it. "Does he still wear that bracelet?"
"Bracelet?"
"The purple one that you won for him. He wouldn’t stop showing it to me." She pauses, a small smile curving her lips. "It was really sweet, actually."
Oh, that one, he thinks. The one that Yogi always wears. Hell, Gareki’s pretty sure he’s seen him wear it with his pajamas before. His ears heat up a little. “Yeah, he wears it.”
"Definitely likes you, then."
Gareki hums something noncommittal and chews slowly through the rest of his food.
"You should text him. Tell him."
He glances at her, but she’s just got this beatific smile on her face like she’s some sort of saint for counseling him about his crush. Gareki gives her another vague noise, and that’s the end of that.
"Good job on your test score, Gareki-kun." Ranji comes out of freaking no where to sling an arm around his shoulders. “I hear you and Tsubame-chan tied for the top. Great to see you adjusting well.”
Gareki scowls at Ranji. “Okay, great, can you get off me now?”
He thinks he understands the days when he feels hollow now. Those days are the ones where it’s hardest for him to focus on anything. It’s not because his stupid crush has sucked everything out of him, not like he’d thought.
It’s because it has carved a hole in his chest for Yogi to fill with his bright smiles and easy laughter, but he isn’t there anymore. Just a series of text messages he hasn’t had the balls to reply to yet.
Yet.
Gareki rubs at his chest, willing that echoing feeling to go away.
Gareki stares at his phone.
School is fine. And I’m not angry with you. I’d tell you if I was. Tsubame says “hello.” —Gareki
PS, I miss you too.
He deletes the last line and presses send.