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He sees all the comments. He sees the good comments, the ones from loving fans wanting to share his excitement for the new album and screaming at every spoiler he posts. He clicks the translate button for all of the comments left in a foreign language in his Instagram, wanting to know what they think, what was their favourite song, their favourite part.
But he also sees the hateful comments, the ones from haters who will never get enough of bringing him down. They say he's untalented, they say his voice sounds like sandpaper being rubbed against wood, they say he's a failure, an embarrassment, there for just his face and nothing else. They say a lot of things.
He knows he should just ignore them, has learnt to ignore over the past 8 years, but this project is a little too personal for him to remember any of the coping techniques they taught during training. Every criticism feels like a personal attack against him, every harsh word specifically calculated to get through his defenses and it makes him feel all of 18 again; left with the fewest lines, constantly compared to his more talented hyungs and found desperately wanting, only to be brought out when they needed a pretty face.
He feels like a too-full balloon being popped right now, all the air being let out and leaving him limp and empty. They've turned what was to be one of the proudest moments in his professional life, releasing an album that he wrote and produced, to one of his lowest.
He makes his excuses after the game broadcast, wanting nothing more than to just go home and curl in his bed, hiding from the world for a little bit. Chanyeol had looked at him a little worriedly, probably able to tell the shift in his mood after all the time they've spent together, but let him go with a strong hug and a quiet, "You've done well, Sehunnie."
It helps. It lifts his spirit enough to last for him to make his way home, but then he feels empty again, and he finds himself standing in front of the bathroom mirror just reading and re-reading all the comments till they're seared in his mind. He looks at himself in the mirror, and he looks sad.
There's really only one person that he needs right now to make him feel like he's somebody again, like he's worth it. At that moment, he's glad Junmyeon gets to come home every night to him even if it means that his service period is longer.
"Hyung," he calls out softly, hoping Junmyeon's not too far away to hear him.
A beat later, Junmyeon knocks on the door and enters. He glances at Sehun, at the phone still opened to the comments page, and his face dissolves into concern, "Oh, Sehunnie. Come here."
He gathers Sehun into his arms and this, this is what he needs. Junmyeon loves him unconditionally. Junmyeon is safe. And in his arms, Sehun feels like he's a little less likely to fall apart.
They stay locked together for a beat before Junmyeon moves as if to pull away and Sehun panics. He's not ready to face the world again, and so he tightens his hold around his neck, burying his face in Junmyeon's neck, chasing that smell that was just uniquely Junmyeon.
He feels hands rubbing his back, down his hips, and then Sehun's being hoisted up and it's only instinct to wrap his legs around Junmyeon. And oh, it's even better now because he can curl his whole body into his hyung and Junmyeon will protect him from anyone hurtful. His hyung will protect him.
He forgets how strong Junmyeon is sometimes, if only because he looks so soft and unassuming. But he is - strong. And right now he's lending Sehun a little of that strength.
He carries Sehun out of the bathroom and lays him on the bed with no problem, all the while with him hanging on like a limpet, refusing to let up in the slightest. It ends with Junmyeon hunched uncomfortably over him, softly cajoling Sehun to let him go for a minute so that he can get them comfortable. He doesn't want to, and he whimpers in protest until Junmyeon gives up and just works to rearrange them so that he's at least not breaking his back.
They end up with Junmyeon lying on his side, Sehun facing him, arms still wrapped tightly around his torso and legs tangled together. Junmyeon manages to pull the blanket from under them and throws the comforter to cover them both from head to toe.
It's cool and dark finally, and Sehun knows the words can't get to him here. There's silence for a moment while Junmyeon plays with the hair on Sehun's nape. Then he starts talking, sharing little stories and jokes about his time in boot camp and the other recruits he met. He tells Sehun about the webcomic that someone is making about him. He tells Sehun about the children that he's working with right now. And he tells Sehun how much he loves him, how proud he is of him.
Sehun buries his face in Junmyeon's chest and drifts to sleep to the sound of his comforting voice.
(When he wakes up, Junmyeon will force him to report and delete all the users who gave him the hurtful comments. And when he comes home after another long day of schedule, he will find that Junmyeon has printed out all the positive comments and pasted them all over their apartment.
But that's for later.)
For now, Sehun lets himself rest.