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Sometimes, on those exceptionally rare nights, there was a darkness that Luffy simply could not fight on his own.
It was in that darkness, full of his anguish, his terror, his fear and his worst nightmares that Luffy felt truly hopeless. It held all the images Luffy wished so dearly never existed, but they did. They haunted him, on these nights; the memories of Ace’s death forever burned into his mind.
The nightmare was fresh, raw, clawing through his chest. His heart hammered against his ribs, pounding from the fright. The wet, sticky crimson stained all over his hands, the smoke billowing around them swirling into the sky, the bright scarlet flames circling their figures, dancing off Ace’s form, cold and harsh stone beneath his knees as Ace shuddered out his last, very last breaths and final words and—
Luffy clamped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, hot tears slipping down his cheeks as he bit back his sobs. A shiver raced down his spine, his stomach twisting as he tried to block out the pain, the images. Stop it. Stop. No more. No. No, no no no —
Luffy reached out a trembling hand, fingers closing around the familiar rough texture of his straw hat, drawing it into his chest as he curled in on himself on the bed. He felt so small and alone, so weak for the first time in a long time. Helpless. Afraid. Useless.
“Ace,” Luffy whispered out, his voice breaking, more tears streaking down his cheeks. He was falling apart, caving in on himself, consumed by the darkness looming over him. His heart ached, gradually returning to its normal pace.
His hands were wet from wiping his tears, and it only reminded him of when they were wet with Ace’s blood. He hated it. He’d been right there, with Ace right in his arms; breathing, talking, and then he just —
Stopped.
Luffy tried to breathe, tried to calm down. He took a moment, trying to break through the shadows, trying to think about anything but that day.
Sunny was quiet. She rocked with the waves like she was soothing a child. No one else was up and about at this time of night. There was no familiar bustle of his crew, no laughter or fond but irritated yelling. No background noise to distract Luffy from his mind, just a silence far too quiet and cold. Loneliness settled deep in his bones, making him ache with the hurt, and Luffy just wanted someone, anyone, please, help me, I can’t do this anymore —
“Luffy?”
Zoro.
Something as simple as his name spoken by his swordsman seemed to cut through the murky haze shrouding his mind. Luffy felt himself breathe, really breathe, a deep and shuddering breath as Zoro’s quiet, low rumble rolled over him. Strong. Reassuring. Zoro was here, right here, and he wasn't leaving. He wouldn’t go anywhere.
Luffy lifted his head, slow and unsteady, eyes glistening in the dim moonlight. Zoro stood in the doorway, awake and alert, one hand on the knob and the other perched atop the hilts of his swords, as though he had prepared to face an enemy in Luffy’s cabin. If only, Luffy thought, fingers digging into his arms, If only Zoro could cut out these nightmares.
At the sight of Luffy so distraught, so heartbroken, grief written all over his face, cheeks wet and messy with tears, the wobble of his lower lip, all of it stunned Zoro into silence for a moment. He couldn’t remember a time when his Captain was like this.
“Captain?” He breathed out again, brows furrowing, lips tilting downward as he stepped inside. “Are you alright—”
Luffy couldn’t hold back the whimper in his throat, struck by a fresh wave of emotion at Zoro’s genuine concern. He squeezed himself even tighter, aching, hurting all over, inside and out, choking on another sob.
“Zoro,” He croaked, “Zoro.” He repeated, needing something to ground him, to pull him back to reality, to let him know that he would be okay.
Zoro was moving before he finished saying his name, murmuring, “I’m here, Luffy. Right here.”
Luffy fell into Zoro’s embrace as the swordsman sat down beside him, letting Zoro hold all of his weight as his fingers reached to clutch tightly at his shirt. Luffy buried his face into Zoro’s chest, letting his tears flow, unable to hold them back any longer, trembling in Zoro’s grip.
"It's okay, Luffy. Let it out."
Strong arms wrapped around him, cradling him, one firm palm pressing gently against his back, keeping him close. Luffy cried into Zoro’s chest, mourning the loss of his brother and best friend, left only with faded memories and an aching heart. Ace’s laugh, his smile, his teasing and his presence. Ace always said he was a crybaby, and God what Luffy wouldn't give to have Ace call him that again. To hold him, cradle him, even as he complained about how much Luffy cried; always doing his best to be a good big brother. Luffy wished he'd been stronger, he wished he could've saved Ace that day, but he was gone. Gone forever. Ripped away from him, right in front of his eyes, undoubtedly the single most painful moment of Luffy’s young life. The trauma refreshed by his cruel mind, the awful nightmare he just couldn’t seem to escape.
Being alone is more painful than dying.
Although, Luffy was no longer alone.
He had his crew. Everyone he loved, all of their hopes and dreams and their kindness, their love and strength and their everything , all right here with him, on this ship, living and breathing and existing in this world, by his side.
He had them, and he had Zoro.
Zoro, who said nothing, but whose actions spoke volumes in the way he cradled Luffy close. Zoro, who was his first crewmember, his first mate. Zoro, who reminded him to be strong even when he felt like the world was crumbling. Zoro, who spoke with his swords more often than not, the one to always stand right beside Luffy no matter his decisions. Zoro, who protected him without hesitation and followed his orders without question and who was the very definition of loyalty, trust, and respect.
Roronoa Zoro, whom he loved with all of his heart and soul. Roronoa Zoro, who loved him back just as much.
The warm palm of Zoro’s hand traced up and down Luffy’s back, tender and firm, fingers applying gentle pressure to the knots Luffy’s back developed. Luffy’s crying slowly calmed down, little by little, his breaths shuddering and his cheeks damp. Zoro’s shirt was soaked, but the man paid it no mind, his cheek resting lightly atop the crown of Luffy’s dark hair. Luffy took comfort in the steady beat of Zoro’s heart, the easy breaths that mingled with his own, the warmth his body seemed to radiate. Luffy let his face relax, his eyes shut gently now, muscles unclenching as he went lax against Zoro, letting his trembling slowly die down.
Moments of silence slipped between them, breaths mingling, only interrupted by Luffy’s faint sniffles or shuddering exhales.
In a low and soft voice, Zoro asked, “Feeling better, Captain?”
Luffy nodded tiredly against his chest, curling up a little bit tighter against him, drowsy and drained.
“Thank you, Zoro.” He whispered quietly, unable to express just how grateful he was that Zoro was here, that Zoro was strong enough to be his rock when he needed it.
“Anything for you, Luffy.” Zoro promised him, voice silky and rumbling, fingers trailing up his back to comb through ebony locks. Pleasant tingles trickled down Luffy’s spine and he melted against the other man. “Anything.”
“Don’t leave.” Luffy croaked out in a small voice.
“I won’t ever leave you.” Zoro replied instantly, without hesitation, without a single shred of doubt in his voice. Luffy’s heart ached, because even though Ace had promised something so similar, he was gone now. Luffy didn’t think he’d be able to handle it if the same thing happened with Zoro.
But he didn’t need to think about that now. He was strong, stronger now, and so was Zoro. They could protect themselves and each other. Luffy could put all of his faith and trust into his crew; they were all unshakable people, resilient and resolute no matter what they faced. They would stand beside Luffy, and he could always count on them. Tonight, there wasn't any need to worry. He could simply be here, in this moment of vulnerability, without shame or fear, because Zoro would be there no matter what.
Ace’s voice seemed to echo in his mind, his final words ringing loud and clear in his head, the words that would always remain engraved on his heart. Luffy felt Zoro’s arms press him even closer, holding him tenderly, words of sweet affection whispered above him as gentle lips pressed kiss after kiss to the crown of his hair, his forehead, each one causing his heart to bloom and burst with warmth. All of the murky shadows were banished now, giving way to a peaceful night, and if they were to return, then Luffy knew that they wouldn’t torment him forever.
A warmth washed over his heart, familiar and comforting, carefully soothing over the aching scar that remained there.
“Luffy, thank you for loving me!”
Those words stung just a little bit less now.
Thank you. Luffy thought, a smile finally playing across his lips for the first time that night. Thank you for loving me, too, Ace.
“Zoro,” Luffy tilted his head back against the crook of Zoro’s arm, tired eyes gazing up at his first mate.
“Luffy.” Zoro murmured, a tiny smile gracing his mouth, looking down at Luffy with all the love in the world.
And Luffy knew he didn’t need to say anything at all for Zoro to understand. Zoro knew what he wanted to voice, all the words that remained unspoken, shown rather through actions and moments spent together, or simply verbalized in a different way.
“Zoro’s more important to me than anyone.” Luffy said, arms wrapped around his broad figure, cuddled up close as the night settled over them.
“I hope you know,” Zoro pressed another kiss to Luffy’s forehead. “That I’d do anything for you, Luffy.” He murmured.
Luffy’s smile widened. His heart fluttered happily.
“I do.” He whispered. Zoro shifted them until they were both comfortable in bed, wrapped around one another, and Luffy nuzzled closer until he was snuggled as close as possible. He knew Zoro would still be here when he awoke, so Luffy was content to listen to the beat of Zoro’s heart, the rhythm of his breath, feeling the sway of Sunny with each ocean wave until he was lulled into a dreamless sleep.