Chapter Text
11:32 A.M
Still Smokin’ added 3 members to Definitely A Chat For Organisation And Nothing Else
Doc: Deimos, what is this.
Still Smokin’: wdym doc it’s just a chat so that we can plan shit when we need to?
Still Smokin’: i thought it would be helpful for when, y’know, you want to let us know stuff urgently, that’s all
Doc: Deimos.
Still Smokin’: ok so MAYBE I was thinking about having just a little bit of fun but you know i’m right, we can use this when we’re in the middle of a mission and all
Sanford: I mean true, but Deimos can you try and not spam this with every single meme that you find
Sanford: Because if this is gonna be anything like what you do on a daily basis then this is going to be absolute chaos
Still Smokin’: won’t promise ya anything ford
Doc: Well, since it looks like we are going to keep this chat...
Doc changed their name to 2BDamned
2BDamned: That’s better.
Hank J. Wimbleton: I f
Sanford: ?
Hank J. Wimbleton: orgot I could do that
Hank J. Wimbleton: This fucking phone won’t work properly
Hank J. Wimbleton: it keeps going “not responding”
Still Smokin’: that’s just you lmao
Hank J. Wimbleton: don’t challenge me Deimos
Hank J. Wimbleton: anyways
Hank J. Wimbleton changed their name to Hank
Hank: It’s simpler this way
Hank: Don’t know why it defaulted to my full name
Still Smokin’: hey, I can have some fun with this...
Still Smokin’ changed Sanford’s name to Sandford
Sandford: deimos why
Still Smokin’: why NOT
Still Smokin’: I personally would be very happy if my name was Sandford
Sandford: Well, mine isn’t dumbass, and I don’t want it to be!
Still Smokin’: yea but what if your name WAS secretly Sandford and you changed it to Sanford to block out all of the thoughts of your depressing backstory
Sandford: What????
2BDamned: Children, calm down.
Still Smokin’: sjiaejshjaiejs doc I’m not a child
Hank: What’s that
Still Smokin’: what’s what
Hank: The weird jumble of letters that you did earlier
Still Smokin’: oh you mean a keyboard smash?
Sandford has changed their name to Sanford
Sanford: Yeah it’s to express certain emotions like embarrassment
Hank: why doesn’t Deimos do it more often then
Still Smokin’: ASDIUHAIODJUFHUIO HANK
Hank: You did it again
Hank: am I embarrassing you?
Still Smokin’: EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SITUATION IS EMBARASSING
2BDamned: Anyways, I think we’re getting a little bit off topic. Of what this chat SHOULD be for.
2BDamned: We should be using this for planning our next mission.
Still Smokin’: but that’s boringggggg
Still Smokin’: can’t we have some fun first??
2BDamned: We have had our fun, and even if it is boring, that’s what we have to do if you want to have a proper meal tomorrow and if you want to not fucking starve.
Still Smokin’: ugh fine
Still Smokin’: so what do we even need to do??
2BDamned: Well, first of all, we should find a suitable location full of supplies. Get off your phone and come over to my office. We’re in the same building, for Christ’s sake.
Hank: No, this isn’t for his sake. I don’t want to fight him again, that whole ordeal was just a huge pain in the ass
2BDamned: …Okay, we’ll just ignore that. Everyone just come over here for details. It’s fairly early, so we should just head off straight away so we have time to relax for a while once we get back.
Still Smokin’: aye aye captain!
2BDamned: Never call me that ever again.
Still Smokin’: alright, sir!
2BDamned: Just get over here, Deimos.
2:42 P.M
Still Smokin’: hiding in the vent is so boring
Still Smokin’: i have to WAIT for people to pass by
Still Smokin’: this is an EMPTY ROOM
2BDamned: Deimos, focus on the mission, get off your phone.
Still Smokin’: but nobody’s coming and i’m really damn bored
Still Smokin’: i don’t hear any sounds either
Still Smokin’: doc i really don’t think anyone’s coming
2BDamned: I see a few signatures coming towards your position, they’re coming in a couple of minutes. You wouldn’t be able to hear them from where they are compared to where you are. Get ready.
Still Smokin’: oh shit really?
2BDamned: Yes, Deimos. I wouldn’t joke about something like that.
Still Smokin’: okay okay fine i’ll get off my phone now
Still Smokin’: wait it’s hank and a bunch of agents
Still Smokin’: like, a lot of agents
2BDamned: What are you waiting for? Go out and help him!
Still Smokin’: um. i don’t think i can doc.
Still Smokin’: he’s really going ham here, and i don’t really wanna be attacked in the middle of all this
Still Smokin’: ew their guts splattered all over the vent ewe w edfghdfg
Still Smokin’: ugh some of them landed on the phone I had to wipe them off
Still Smokin’: oh shit hank is coming closer to me
Still Smokin’: nvm he just pulled out his phone
Hank: Deimos I see you, come out
Still Smokin’: NOOO PLEASE LET ME STAY IN THE VENTS I’LL BE GOOD PLEASWIJEASIJ
2BDamned: This is fine.
3:22 P.M
Sanford: what happened here?? shit deimos are you okay??
Still Smokin’: hell happened.
Still Smokin’: jk i’m mostly fine, but my ankle twisted as i fell out of the vent so hank let me piggyback on him the rest of the way, my ankle doesn’t hurt as much as it did earlier though, i’m lucky that I heal pretty fast
Still Smokin’: btw thanks for that hank
Hank: No problem, Deimos
Hank: I wasn’t just gonna drag you across the floor
Hank: You’re really small so it wasn’t a problem
Still Smokin’: eorfkjie I’M NOT THAT SHORT, I’M 5”7
Still Smokin’: YOU GUYS ARE JUST REALLY TALL
Sanford: short
Hank: short
Still Smokin’: AAAAAAA
2BDamned: Well, we got the supplies. This should be enough for the rest of the week.
Still Smokin’: how many days is that? is it wednesday or thursday?
2BDamned: Actually, it’s Tuesday. So, 5 days including today. You should be able to tell the day of the week from your phone. You could’ve just checked yourself.
Sanford: We don’t rly need to check what day of the week it is often, and I dunno who even runs these phone services. Seriously, how the hell is there still internet??? Wouldn’t some of the stations or whatever been destroyed by now??
Hank: I mean, I’ve noticed that a lot of the internet towers are still intact, people probably try to avoid them cuz they don’t want the internet to go down
Still Smokin’: fair point, i mean, that would pretty much be the end of the world
Sanford: Says the one who constantly plays mobile games on their phone in the middle of a mission for a solid 20 minutes while hiding in the corner
Still Smokin’: I THOUGHT WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT?? FORD!!!
2BDamned: I would be more upset, but I already knew. Who do you think keeps managing your searches and blocking you from... ‘distracting’ websites?
Still Smokin’: WAIT IT WAS YOU WHO KEPT BLOCKING THE NSFW WEBSITES
Hank: Wow, I suddenly just remembered that I have a blender that needs some good cleaning
Sanford: Yeah, uh. Same...??
2BDamned: I’m not mad, just disappointed.
2BDamned: At least now, since I know exactly what you’ve done, I have great blackmail and bribery material for whenever you feel like slacking off.
Still Smokin’: DOC I’M SORRY I WON’T DO IT AGAIN
9:35 P.M
Sanford: Quick question, why the hell did the A.A.H.W stock up on so many pop tarts?? Like I’m fine with having them for dinner and all but this is a lot of sugar
Hank: Because they’re quick to make and eat?
Still Smokin’: because they’re DELICIOUS, why else would you have a bunch of dessert randomly I stock?
Hank: I mean it’s not that healthy so they shouldn’t have that in a base full of agents
Hank: but food is food so it’s better than nothing I guess, especially for people like us
Sanford: I know that, but a whole fucking base full of no food but pop tarts and a couple slices of bread??
Sanford: I didn’t even know that pop tart industries still EXISTED, I thought they had all been destroyed, who even needs this many pop tarts anyways?? so much sugar
Still Smokin’: with the power of pop tarts, i’m going to stay awake ALL NIGHT
Sanford: Doubt.
3:32 A.M
Still Smokin’: if google could match people up by their browsing history, it could be the greatest online dating website of all time
Sanford: Deimos, please, it’s 3 A.M, go to sleep.
Still Smokin’: why are you awake, then?
Sanford: My “Dei is up to some stupid shit again” sense was tingling.
Sanford: And it looked like it was accurate.
Still Smokin’: YOU DON’T HAVE A SIXTH SENSE
Sanford: I do now
Sanford: And it was tailored especially to detect whatever shit you’re up to
Still Smokin’: just for me? aw, ford, you shouldn’t have! i’m so flattered!
2BDamned: Children, go to sleep
Still Smokin’: Aye aye captain!
2BDamned: ...
2BDamned: On second thought, stay awake, and have fun with the resulting insomnia tomorrow morning while I force you to go through double the length of the usual training.
Still Smokin’: NO SIR
2BDamned: That’s what I thought.