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Tommy has no clue how he got there, he was a step away from the edge of the bridge.
In specific the bridge he and wilbur used to hang out at, it was nice.
The stars were out Shining and Taunting him, Flaunting their existence and once again reminding him of who he was.
A useless parasite to all
He tossed his phone a while ago right next to the quarter empty liter of vodka he was drinking, It was putrid but alcohol wasn't really made for the taste it was more made for the feeling
He remembers snatching it from his father's alcohol cabinet along with the pill bottles he found from his bathroom mirror cabinet, shoving them in his red vibrant bookbag.
He took the pills a while ago, he didn't really know what the fuck they were for but all that mattered was that they did effect.
And I guess it did have effect since his head was spinning and his mind was going fast
His body felt as if the blood he had was running cold, His body felt cold, even with the sweater he had on the cold of the wind still managed to affect his even colder body making the tip of his ears red and making the end of his cheeks rosy pink.
He enjoyed this feeling, having his head sway around from the lack of stability, having his mind and brain going to fast for him to comprehend, and the feeling of bile at the edge of his throat.
He relished in the feeling of hitting rock bottom, the tears he shed going cold across his cheeks making his face feel as if winter came early, making the tip of his nose red.
He didn't bother drinking more of the vodka, it didn't matter if he finished it anyway, all that mattered were the stars above him.
He and Wilbur used to go to this same exact spot and he'd tell him about the meanings of some constellations and stars, he never forgot that day.
It was one of the best days of his life, it was nice to try and relive it on his last.
He shed more tears as he held up his weak hand to try and name out some constellations, he laid on his back and tried naming them
-
"And there's the big dipper the one everybody rants about, In my opinion I don't think there's anything really special about it I mean i'm way cooler than it aren't I tommy?" Wilbur was laid in the spot right beside him turning his head to face him.
"Yup so much better" he responded while giggling facing him
"What's so funny toms?, are you saying big brother wilbur isn't cooler than that lame weak big dipper?" Wilbur was grinning at him, with that big soft grin that was the death of him
"Yeah i'm saying that exactly" he was smiling so much his cheeks hurt
"Well child just so you know, I'm way better than that fucking lame ass star up there" Wilbur puffed his chest as if he made the most valid point
"I'm not a fucking child Wil, oh-em-gee you arrogant bald bastard!" he screeched as he wailed his arms like a fussy child
"Yes, you are toms your nine that's the age of a child" Wilbur got up from his laid position and is now sat with his arms crossed
"No, i'm not you piece of shit" He sat up with his arms crossed very visibly upset with being called a child
Wilbur looked at him and stretched an arm out
"come here you gremlin and let me finish telling you about the stars" Wilbur was looking at him with his sickly fond look
"not a fuck-ing gremlin.." he mumbled under his breath as he took the offer of the position right under the arm of his brother, it was nice and warm, the comfort of the presence of his brother was always nice
Wilbur continued to give him his annoyingly comforting big grin, and then turned his head to face the stars
"great now back to the stars-"
-
Fucking big dipper man
He let his arm fall to his chest as he reached out from where he was laid at right next to where Wilbur used to sit beside him
God he missed him so much, maybe it was alcohol he drunk or maybe it was his brain going to mush that made him emotional
But he felt on the verge of a break down
His phone interrupting him with a loud ring
It didn't matter, Gods nothing mattered right now, not his brother who talked to him about the stars, not his alcoholic father, and certainly not the person who was ringing him
He grabbed a bunch of his golden hair and yanked it in his hands making his knuckles white with the force
Gods his life was so fucked, he sat there watching it all crumble and lay out in front of him
His head hurt so badly he just wanted to end it all right there and then
His body already weaking with the pills processing through his immune system as if they already weren't weak with the lack of food he hadn't eaten
He hadn't eaten in weeks, all his body had consumed were dozens of water bottles and the feeling of cheap mint gum in his mouth
He felt so weak and useless
The feeling of euphoria washing away only leaving the remainder of bile at the edge of his throat
His phone kept ringing, and it started to annoy him
Who the fuck was calling him at 1:35 in the morning?
He leaned over to see the same caller id that had been ringing him for the past 5 minutes
Ah Ranboo, fucking Ranboo
The one who replaced him in everything, taking his best friend and brother
Gods he knew it wasn't Ranboo's fault for his friends leaving him or for his brother ghosting him and preferring him over tommy
It was all his fault and he knew it, he just wanted to leave his last night with someone to pin the blame on, But he knew it couldn't be Ranboo nor Tubbo nor Wilbur nor Techno or Phil, Stars it was nobody's fault
He just had to accept that the hard way. He continued to ignore the frantic calls and decided it was time to take his note out from his book bag
He reached to his side and dragged the bookbag to where he was sat, he opened the red bag and grabbed the carefully written note and took it out the bag into his hands
It was time to leave his final goodbye and to leave his final note
He was ready to leave, he knew it was his time to go
So he shoved the bookbag back and placed the note under the bottle of smirnoff, So it wouldn't fly away if somebody did find his note or bother to find at all.
He stood up and took the remaining pills out of one of the bottles he stole and dry swallowed them
He always wondered where he'd go after death, would he turn into a star and burst like those supernovas?
He dragged himself into his position right in front of the array of stars as an offering, inhaling and exhaling
Inhale
He took one step
Exhale
then another
Inhale
and then he fell, having the breeze drag him down, falling into the water
Exhale
Sat there waiting was his final note next to the still ringing phone and almost empty bottle of vodka
His note read
To: Everybody
From: Tommy
I have lived long enough on this world to declare that I was not made to be loved or cherished, I was made for pitiful never ending suffrage, and that might sound dramatic but its the truth, I wasn't made to be remembered by or to be forgotten I was made to remain in the shadows never to be seen.
So as my final goodbye I will reintroduce myself and show you that I was real that I wasn't fiction and that I have lived at all
My name is Tommy innes
And my favorite season is spring
My favorite color is red because there wasn't enough here
I love music
And my favorite song is Everlong by Foo fighters
I have lived a long life and had friends, I had a best friend named Tubbo but he quickly replaced me
I had an older brother who used to take me out to this very same bridge and used to tell me all about the stars and constellations
I had a father who was always found in the living room asleep
I had an absent brother who was in college
And I had a replacement named Ranboo, I don't hate him nor spite him I wish him only the best and for him to treat both my best friend and brother of stars, right.
I want to leave peacefully without anger because there was too much of that in my life, I want to leave knowing that at least one person will hear me and tell people that I was real, I want people to tell others that I did exist because the feeling of being gone while still being alive hurts
Tell people to cherish each other and hold each other
But before I leave I want to get something off my chest that I wished I had said before
I will always love you Wilbur no matter what, even when you ignore me and turn the other way, even when you do every special thing you did with me with Ranboo, I will always love you, I could never hate you, never.
I will always remember you as my brother of stars, because even in my darkest times I turned around and looked at you to remind myself that I would leave the one person who i've always loved, everything I do is for you including this
So don't feel guilty, I don't want anybody to feel guilty
I am leaving by my own accord since I realized that my time here was up
Look at each other and comfort each other
I don't want to tell you how to feel or grieve, But I don't want to leave without telling you not to feel guilty
Because any time you remember me (if you do) I want you to come here and look at the stars and see that i'm right there, amongst the dozens of others watching over you
I will always be here, alive or not
So there you go, My proof that I have lived and my final thoughts
I have always known that I'd have to leave sooner or later, So I’d rather leave by my own accord
I Love you all so much
Goodbye,
Tommy innes
His note laid there, while passing cars beeped and honked, leaving people unknown of his existence, his bottle of smirnoff still a quarter empty and his phone no longer ringing only displaying messages reading
Wilbur- At 1:39
Where are you?
Hello????
Why are you at the bridge?
Tommy???
Tommy???
Tommy you're making me worried
Tommy????
Tommy hello????
I'm driving there right now
Ranboo- At 1:41
Tommy i've been trying to call you but you don't respond
You've been at the bridge for a long while now are you okay?
Tommy?
Tommy?
Tommy?
I get if you don't want to talk to me I just want to know if your alright
alright i'll leave you alone, Just remember if you ever need someone to talk to i'm always here
A car will pass by and a person will get out of said car and find his partially empty bottle of vodka holding down his note along with his phone and red book bag
They will read his final thoughts and grasp it close to their chest
Because no matter how much Tommy felt forgotten and ghosted one person always remembered he was there
Said person will look at the stars and finally sob while falling to their knees because no matter how much he tuned tommy out and avoided him he always remembered him
And looking down at him is Tommy amongst the other dozens of stars finally answering his own question.