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1.
It was a quiet night on South Bedford Street. Their shift had ended late after a call went long, making an already rough day even more exhausting, and Buck had followed Eddie home, as had become their routine since he had returned to the 118. He much preferred the Diaz home over his empty apartment, which he hasn’t even seen in the last week aside from stopping by to grab some more clean clothes and to throw out whatever was still sitting in his fridge that had expired.
Christopher was at Abuela’s for the night, and although he adored the boy, Buck was relieved that Eddie didn’t need to immediately go from work-mode to dad-mode. A dark storm cloud had been
hanging over Eddie’s head for the last several hours, ever since he’d taken a call from his parents at the station, and Buck knew his best friend needed to turn his brain off for a while.
Had this been a few months ago, Buck would have ushered the older man to the couch, insisting that he would take care of dinner on his own. But as it so happened, one of the things that stuck with Eddie from his time working at dispatch was his growing fondness for cooking. He’d told Buck a few weeks ago how it helped calm him down, that he could put on some music and get lost in the little tasks involved in a recipe. Since then, the two of them had taken to cooking dinner together more nights than not. Whether it was just for the two of them when they got home too late for Christopher to join them, or for all three of them on evenings they spent together, Buck and Eddie would cook together, shoulders brushing and hips bumping as they moved around each other with ease. He’d never admit it to anyone out loud, because he’s aware of how gone he is on his best friend, but cooking with Eddie was quite possibly Buck’s favorite thing in the world.
So, instead of urging him to sit down and relax, Buck allowed Eddie to lead their way into the kitchen. He got two glasses of water for them while Eddie started rummaging through the fridge for anything they could scrounge up into a meal.
“Stir fry? We still have a lot of vegetables from the farmers market, and we could throw in the leftover chicken from last night,” Eddie suggested, head still in the fridge.
“Yeah, that sounds good to me,” Buck replied, already moving to connect his phone to the Bluetooth speaker Eddie kept in the kitchen so he could play music while they cooked.
“Buck, I swear, if you play the Mamma Mia soundtrack again, I will revoke your music privileges. I had ABBA stuck in my head for days after last time,” As Eddie set down the handful of vegetables onto the kitchen island, he gave Buck a look that was almost daring him to put on the soundtrack anyway, just to prove that Eddie was bluffing. Buck also maybe, kind of lost his mind at the idea of Eddie having
“Honey, Honey” stuck in his head while at the station last week after said ABBA-themed cooking session.
And listen, Buck would be all for taking turns with who chose the music, or making a playlist with both of their favorites, but the fact of the matter was that Buck learned years ago of how tragic Eddie’s knowledge of music was. Maybe it was being raised by strict parents, maybe it was the several years of pop music he missed while in the Army, maybe it was not being able to play anything even close to explicit with Christopher around. Either way, Eddie wasn’t very up to date on his pop culture knowledge, least of all any popular musicians from the last decade.
“It is not my fault Maddie had me over for a wine and movie night the day before. Mamma Mia was next on our watch list! Blame my sister,” he smiled and pulled up his current go-to playlist - a nine hour amalgamation of songs ranging from Queen to the Jonas Brothers - and put it on shuffle.
The volume was low enough that they could still talk to each other, but high enough to drown out the rest of the world. The only thing that existed to him in this moment was whatever was within the four walls of this kitchen.
Buck grabbed a cutting board out of the cabinet as Eddie grabbed a knife to start cutting the veggies. He could see some of the tension disappear from the older man's shoulders as they stood side by side at the kitchen island, but his face was still tense in a way that let Buck know he was thinking far too hard for this time of night.
Buck loves that Eddie lets himself feel his emotions now, at least significantly more than he did before. His still-weekly sessions with Frank were helping him be more comfortable sitting with his emotions, letting himself feel without the urge to shove everything in a box. That being said, he really, really wanted to see Eddie smile tonight. His smile was the most beautiful thing Buck has ever seen, thank you very much, and being the cause of said smile never failed to set Buck's heartbeat slightly off course. He’s only one man, after all.
He’s not sure what Eddie’s parents called about, but he knows how tense their relationship has been all summer. Shortly after coming back to the 118, Eddie had come out to Buck, then Chris, then the rest of the team, until he eventually worked himself up to telling his parents. Helena and Ramon Diaz were still very much under the impression that Eddie would “change his mind about being gay” if he met a nice woman who wanted to settle down with him. They had only talked a handful of times on the phone since his coming out, and each time, Eddie had become quiet and reserved for the rest of the day. Sometimes it wasn’t until he and Buck were in bed (because that’s another thing they did now - share Eddie’s bed rather than have Buck sleep on the couch) that Eddie would open up. Sometimes he would tell Buck what had been said between him and his parents, needing Buck’s grounding words to bring him back. Other times he would curl his body so his face was pressed against Buck’s chest, and let himself be held while he cried. On those occasions, Buck would rub a hand up and down Eddie’s back, sometimes run his fingers through Eddie’s hair, and let his best friend lean on him in whatever way he needed. They would fall asleep like that, pressed close together with legs tangled up in the other’s, not needing to say words in order to understand each other.
The thing is, Buck knows Eddie is it for him. And he knows that he’s it for Eddie. They might not have crossed that last, very hazy line from what they are now to something more yet, but Buck is perfectly happy with how things are right now. He knows that Eddie is still working on himself, still picking apart his brain in therapy every week, and that he isn’t ready to start a relationship right now. Buck lets Eddie set the pace with what they’re doing, following his lead.
There was a night early in the summer, a couple weeks after his breakup with Taylor and Eddie’s return to the station, where they were laying in bed. Turned towards each other, Buck's hand on Eddie’s hip and rubbing soft circles in the small patch of warm skin where his shirt had ridden up. They had been having a hushed conversation about their plans for the weekend, of taking Christopher to the new exhibit at the aquarium, when Buck noticed a shift in Eddie’s tone. It was subtle enough that he would’ve missed it had he been any closer to sleep, but he caught it all the same.
“What’s wrong, Eds?”
“I just… this is so good. What we’re doing, together. I’m… I’m sorry I can’t give you more right now,” Eddie begins to pull away from his touch slightly, but Buck is quick to wrap his arm further around him, keeping him in place.
“Hey… look at me,” he urges, using his other hand to ghost across Eddie’s face, “you’re giving me everything. Just being here, with you, with Chris. It’s everything. I just need you, in whatever capacity I can have you. If we stay just like this forever, it’s enough for me. More than enough. I don’t need more.”
“But I want more. I’m just… I’m not ready yet,” Eddie admits, holding Buck’s gaze.
“I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
“But it’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t have to wait for-“
“Eddie. Baby. I waited my whole life to find you and Christopher. You two are all I want. All I need. I’m not in any rush to have more than this right now. I promise you, this is it for me. You are it for me. We can take our time.”
Tears had formed in Eddie’s eyes as Buck spoke, and he used his thumb to gently wipe the few that had escaped down Eddie’s face. The older man shuffled closer, pressing his forehead against Buck’s chest, Buck’s chin resting on top of Eddie’s head.
“Thank you, Evan,” Eddie whispered.
It only took a few minutes for Eddie’s breathing to even out, for him to fall asleep against Buck.
So, again, Buck isn’t sure why Eddie’s parents called today, but it couldn’t have been anything good. He tries to lighten the rain cloud above Eddie’s head by humming along to the music, swaying softly and leaning into the older man's space every so often. They finish cutting the vegetables and Buck puts a pan on the stove, adding some olive oil and turning the heat on. Eddie pours in the vegetables, scraping them off the cutting board and into the pan with the backside of the knife, then adding the leftover chicken.
The song playing through the speaker ends and another one starts up, and Buck’s eyes light up with an idea. It might be embarrassing for him, but if it would make Eddie smile, he’d embarrass himself every day.
Walking over to where Eddie is stirring the vegetables in the pan, he gently hip checks him and takes the spatula out of his hand, holding it up to his face like a microphone.
“Buck-”
“Just go with it, Eds, come on” he says as he turns up the volume and starts lip syncing to the music.
You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
The song continues and moves into the chorus as Buck starts dancing around the room, essentially serenading his best friend. Eddie feigns annoyance, but the twinge of a smile and the softness in his eyes says otherwise.
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
He makes his way back over to Eddie and holds out a hand, which Eddie takes hesitantly, raising an eyebrow. He lifts their joined hands above his head and spins Eddie under his arm, and finally, hears a giggle escape the older man's mouth. A fucking giggle . God, if Buck wasn’t in love before, he would be now.
Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
But don't run, stop holding your tongue
“What’s gotten into you tonight, Buck?” Eddie asks fondly.
“I… I just haven’t seen you smile all day. And if embarrassing myself is what it takes, so be it,” he says quietly, not quite meaning to let his thoughts slip out so honestly.
There’s a soft blush appearing on Eddie’s face as they round the kitchen island, Bucks left hand entwined with Eddie’s right, his other still holding the spatula-turned-microphone, while Eddie’s left hand rests on Bucks waist, softly gripping at his t-shirt.
He pauses their pas de deux (reluctantly pulling away from Eddie) to give the veggies a stir, not wanting his bit of fun to burn their dinner. He puts down the spatula after stirring the food, opting to use both hands to hold Eddie’s, continuing to pull him around the kitchen. Socked feet sliding against the tile, Buck opts for actually singing rather than mouthing the words as the song finishes up
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
Now, Buck knows he’s pretty good at singing, if drunken shenanigans at the karaoke bar have taught him anything, so he feels pretty good about singing for Eddie right now. However, he wasn’t expecting his voice to crack in the middle of one of the high notes. Eddie immediately loses all composure, leaning his forehead on Buck’s shoulder and laughing out loud while Buck turns a subtle shade of pink. He’s helpless to do anything but join his best friend in laughing. They’ve stopped moving around the room, Buck leaning against the counter, Eddie leaning against him. Eddie turns his head, nose brushing Buck’s neck, sending a shiver through his body. Their laughter dies down as the song ends and switches to something else, but they stay pressed together for a few more seconds. Eddie lets out a slow exhale and presses the softest, gentlest kiss to Buck’s neck. Buck’s breath catches and he thinks that if he could bottle the feeling in his chest right now, keep it safe forever, he would.
Eddie pulls back from Buck, only far enough to be able to look him in the eyes.
“Thank you,” he whispers, before stepping away fully to check on their dinner.
2.
“That’ll be twenty dollars” the woman working the floral stand at the farmers market says with a smile.
Buck hands her the money and she gives him the bouquet he’s just bought. It’s a beautiful bunch in shades of pinks and peaches, with peonies, carnations, and roses. He’s not sure what drew him to the floral stand today. Him and Eddie have been coming to the farmers market every Sunday morning that they haven’t been on shift all summer, and he hasn’t stopped to get flowers before. Usually they’ll get fruits and vegetables for the week, or maybe a plant that Buck insists Eddie needs in his house (despite Eddie not being able to keep anything alive save for his son). Eddie is somewhere on the other side of the market, as Buck had wandered off to get something to drink, but got distracted by the flowers.
That would look nice on the dining room table , Buck had thought as the peonies caught his eye, which was immediately followed by the thought of Eddie would look really pretty holding these flowers . And did he really need more of a reason than that? So now he had flowers. Flowers he had no idea if Eddie would like or not. Does Eddie even like flowers? Is buying him
flowers too much?
Before he can spiral too much, he makes his way back to where he had last seen Eddie, and finds him sitting on a bench by the entrance, looking at something on his phone, clearly having finished up with buying whatever he’d needed.
“Hey, ready to go?” Buck greets as he walks up to Eddie.
“Yeah, all set,” Eddie stands up and eyes the flowers, raising an eyebrow “I thought you were getting something to drink?”
“I was going to, but I got a little distracted”
“I can see that. They’re beautiful,” he nods towards the bouquet.
“They’re for you,” Buck says softly and holds them out towards Eddie.
Eddie’s cheeks flush pink and he’s so, so pretty that Buck curses himself for not getting him flowers before.
“No ones ever gotten me flowers before,” he takes them out of Buck's hand and smells the bouquet, his face breaking into a beautiful smile as he looks back up at Buck. “I love them. Thank you”
Eddie picks up his bag filled with fruits and vegetables that he’d set on the bench beside him, and carries the bag in one hand, the flowers in the other.
“Ready to head home?” He asks, and Buck still isn’t used to the warmth that spreads through his chest whenever Eddie refers to his house as just “home”. Like it’s Buck’s just as much as it’s his and Christopher’s. Like he belongs there. Knowing that it isn’t just Buck who sees the Diaz house as his home fills him with a sense of certainty he’s never had before.
“Yeah, let’s go home”
They get into the Jeep and load their things from the market into the back seat. Buck had taken the top off the car so they could enjoy the late-July sun. Buck connects his phone to the AUX cord and puts his most recently played playlist on shuffle. A Queen song plays as Buck backs out of the parking space and heads out of the lot.
They get onto the highway and Buck reaches his hand across the center console to rest on Eddie’s thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb on the denim jeans. Eddie moves his hand to lace his fingers with Buck’s, and Buck continues the movement on the back of Eddie’s hand. About a week ago, Eddie started holding Buck’s hand rather frequently. On the couch while watching a movie, in the car, in bed. He’d even reached for his hand while grocery shopping the other day. Buck’s eyes had gone a little wide at the public display of affection, since they hadn’t done that before outside of quiet moments alone.
“This okay?” Eddie asked, suddenly looking nervous, as if there was any version of reality in which Buck wouldn’t want to be holding his hand.
“Mhm” Buck replied with an easy smile and a nod.
As the next song plays, Buck laughs out loud upon realizing what it is.
“What’s so fun- oh god,” Eddie face palms as it sinks in what song this is.
“This was one of your finest moments, Eds. Learning that you know all the words to Snoop Dogg’s part has to be in my top five favorite things about you,” Buck says between laughs, referring to what had become known to the 118 family as the Great Karaoke Night of 2019.
“Listen, I have sisters! If you can blame Mamma Mia on Maddie, then I can blame Katy Perry on Adriana and Sophia. Plus, you know what happens when you give me tequila!”
“Fair enough, as long as you sing it with me”.
The first chorus kicks in and Buck sings along, doing one handed dance moves as he continues to drive down the highway.
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your popsicle
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
“Oh my god, you’re such a goof” Eddie teases.
“You love it”.
“I’m still not doing the rap.”
“You have to, Eddie!” Buck definitely does not whine, thank you very much.
“No, Buck it’s so bad”
“I know it’s bad, that’s what makes it so great,” and he turns towards Eddie, giving him his famous puppy eyes, knowing that Eddie will fold ninety nine percent of the time he uses them. Just to really make sure he’s got him, he adds on “please, for me?” at the end.
Eddie just sighs, and Buck knows he got him. The chorus plays for a second time, Buck having absolutely no shame as he gives it his all, not missing the way Eddie tracks his movements. And when Snoop Dogg’s part starts, Eddie gives Buck a look that says you owe me for this and he starts singing. Every. Fucking. Word. And if Buck gets more than a little turned on at the way Eddie’s looking at him, that’s his business. Though it doesn’t help that after the song finishes, for the rest of the drive home, Eddie’s hand is on Buck’s thigh, slightly too high to be casual.
3.
Buck was cleaning up after breakfast. Eddie had left to take Chris to school (summer break had come to an end last week), leaving Buck on his own until he returned. They had the day off, so there was no rush to get anything done quickly this morning. Buck put on some music as he cleared the dining room table, bringing the dishes over to the sink. If he was being honest, the whole kitchen could use a good cleaning, it was especially messy after last night's paint endeavor for Christopher’s school project.
He started with the dishes from breakfast, rinsing them before loading them into the dishwasher. He then washed and dried the pans they had used to make pancakes and bacon, putting them back in their respective cabinets. After breakfast was cleaned up, he wiped down the counters and stove top before moving on to the table in the corner of the kitchen. It was littered with now-dried paint that they had missed while cleaning up last night, along with the jars of paint and brushes.
He starts dancing and singing along to the music while he cleans, not caring how he looks since he’s alone. When a song he hasn’t heard in a while plays next, he’s surprised he still remembers the words.
I'd heard "goodbye, goodbye"
Over and over, I went hollow
I lost my mind, my mind
Life was a bitter pill to swallow
And though I wanted affection, I was tired of rejection
I kicked the habit
Yes, I put love on the shelf and agreed with myself
I'd never have it
Lost in the song and the cleaning, Buck makes quick work of the kitchen table, all that’s left to do is give the room a good sweep. He grabs the broom, using it as his imitation microphone to sing the chorus even though it’ll make the sweeping take twice as long.
And it started with a hello
Take the lead, and I will follow
I could love you for the rest of my life
Don't you ever let me go
It’s halfway through the chorus that Buck turns from the side of the kitchen he’s been facing and stops dead in his tracks because somehow Eddie had come home without Buck hearing him, and he was leaning against the doorframe at the entrance of the kitchen, a smug look on his face. The smile Eddie’s face breaks into when he sees that he’s been caught is enough to make the embarrassment worth it.
“H-how long have you been standing there?” Buck asks sheepishly
“Long enough.”
“Cool.”
And then Buck forgets to be embarrassed because the second verse kicks in and he picks up where he left off.
I was behind, behind, now I wish I had fasted forwards
All of this time, this time, you have been right around the corner
He points at Eddie as he sings, like the lovesick loser that he is, and continues in his serenade. He’s really been pulling out all the stops in this performance, even before he knew Eddie was there, but now he had an excuse. He hops up on the kitchen island, having to bend slightly to avoid his head brushing the ceiling.
'Cause I was a fool for believing
There was no one who could change my life
'Cause now you've arrived
You revived me
Now I'm sure that I'm gonna be fine
“Oh my god, Buck!” Eddie laughs, still leaning against the doorframe and just watching him.
And it started with a hello
I could be your superhero
I could love for the rest of my life
Don't you ever let me go
He hops down from the kitchen island and abandons the broom to walk over to Eddie, putting a hand on either shoulder.
“DON’T YOU EVER LET ME GOOO” Buck sings as the song ends, giving Eddie’s shoulders a gentle yet dramatic shake. Eddie’s hands snake around Buck’s waist and grip his t-shirt.
“You fucking weirdo,” Eddie says fondly “remind me again why I keep letting you in my house?”
“Hmmm, because I make fantastic pancakes?”
“Ah, that’s right,” Eddie grins as his hands, still around Buck’s waist, gently move to slide under his shirt. Buck closes his eyes and hums contently, as Eddie looks around the kitchen, seemingly noticing the state of it for the first time since getting home. His face gets even softer, if that’s possible.
“Baby, you didn’t have to clean the whole kitchen,” he says.
Buck's eyes open wide at the pet name, as Eddie pulls away from him to finally walk past the door frame and into the kitchen, noticing that Buck cleaned up the paint from last night. He picks up the broom that had been discarded during Buck’s one man show, and starts sweeping the half of the room Buck hadn’t gotten to yet. He doesn’t seem to notice the pet name that slipped from his mouth, or if he did, he doesn’t seem to mind. It’s the first time Eddie’s called him that. The first time either of them have used terms of endearment beyond the occasional one Buck would let slip while comforting him
after a hard day. The first time they’ve done that in the light of day.
“I uh, I really don’t mind cleaning up. It’s not like the mess wasn’t partly mine anyway, and I was having fun,” Buck finally responds, aiming for casual but surely missing by a mile.
“Oh, I could tell you were having fun,” Eddie looks at him over his shoulder and smirks.
“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy the show. You could’ve announced your presence at any time,” Buck replies, this back-and-forth banter between them comfortable after so many years.
“And deny myself from seeing the face you made when you noticed I was there? Where would the fun have been in that?” Eddie picks up the dustpan, sweeping the dirt and dust into it before dumping it in the trash and returning the broom to its place in the corner of the room.
He makes his way back over to Buck, placing one hand on his hip, using the other to gently graze along Buck’s jaw.
“Thank you for cleaning the kitchen. I appreciate you,” Eddie says softly. Buck thinks he’s one sweet gesture away from melting into a puddle on the floor. Or bursting into tears at how loved he feels. It’s a good 50/50. Unable to trust himself with forming words, he just smiles at Eddie and gives a gentle nod.
“I don’t know about you, but I could definitely go back to bed for a few hours, I am exhausted,” Eddie says. They had gotten home pretty late last night after working a 24 hour shift, and had to get up early to start the before-school routine. Eddie always insists that Buck doesn’t have to get up with him on school mornings if he wants to keep sleeping, but family breakfast and school drop offs are more important to Buck than an extra hour of sleep. The only reason he stayed back while Eddie took Chris to school this morning was because he wanted to clean the mess before Eddie felt like he had to, when he was clearly tired.
“That sounds good to me,” Buck replied.
They headed to Eddie’s bedroom and stripped down to their boxers before crawling back into bed. They immediately wrap themselves up in each other, a tangle of limbs and sheets. Eddie’s head resting where Buck’s shoulder met his neck, Buck running his fingers through Eddie’s hair. He presses a soft kiss to Eddie’s forehead before leaning back against the pillow and closing his eyes.
4.
They’re on shift and at the station, hosing down and cleaning the ladder truck and ambulance after a particularly muddy rescue. Hen and Chimney are working on the ambulance, Buck and Eddie the engine, and Bobby is upstairs making everyone lunch. Everyone was having a good time goofing around while cleaning, and Chim had connected his phone to the station's speakers, playing music while they worked.
So, if anyone asked, it wasn’t Buck’s doing. It was Chimney’s music. Buck had no control over the songs being played, okay? And if a catchy song happened to come on and Buck happened to lose his mind a little bit, that was on Chimney too. So it was not his fault when Bruno Mars came on and he just kind of-
“Oh shit! Guys, guys, five minute break from cleaning, we need to dance!”
The collective groan didn’t deter him in the slightest, especially since they were putting down their cleaning supplies with fond shakes of their heads. He set down the rag he had been using to wipe down the engine and turned towards the other three, singing obnoxiously loud as he pointed to Chim.
It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
“Sorry Buckaroo, but you are not the Buckley I want to marry” Chimney laughs and pats him on the shoulder.
He moves on to Hen, who gives him a raised eyebrow and lifts her left hand up, wiggling her ring finger where her wedding band is and letting out a loud laugh. He puts a hand up to his chest in mock disappointment before Chim grabs Hen by the hand and pulls her into a dance, both of them laughing.
This is when he realizes he should’ve thought his plan through a little more. Because he’s serenading his friends one by one with a song about wanting to get married, and the only person left to sing to is Eddie. And listen, if Buck has thought about having matching rings with Eddie once or twice or five hundred times, that’s his business. If Eddie got down on one knee right now, he’d be all in. But he knows they’re going slow (hell, they aren’t even in a relationship yet), and he doesn’t want to make Eddie feel uncomfortable, even if he’s just joking around. But before he can worry too much, Eddie is giving him a look that sends a shiver down his spine. So he throws caution to the wind.
Well, I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go
No one will know
Eddie steps right up to Buck, mirroring the hold Chim has on Hen as he starts to lead them in a dance. They move around the engine bay, occasionally bumping into Hen and Chimney. Buck sees Bobby out of the corner of his eye, leaning against the railing of the loft and looking down at them with a fond look. He briefly registers the fact that it looks like Bobby is filming the four of them on his phone, no doubt to send to the group chat so that Athena, Karen, and Maddie can tease them.
I'll go get a ring, let the choir bells sing like, ooh
So what ya wanna do?
Buck pulls away from Eddie as they get closer to the ladder truck, and without missing a beat, he begins climbing to the top of the truck, where he proceeds to stand and sing directly to Eddie.
Eddie, who’s blushing so hard it should be illegal, and who’s looking at him like he’s the only one in the room.
'Cause it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares, baby, I think I wanna marry you
Just say I do
Tell me right now, baby
Tell me right now, baby, baby
He climbs back down the truck and lands back on the floor with all the grace of a baby giraffe (which is, to say, no grace at all). He doesn’t care that Hen and Chim have stopped their dancing to give each other knowing looks with raised eyebrows. Buck is very much aware that the entire world knows he’s in love with Eddie, he can handle his friends teasing, he knows it’s all in good fun. He goes back into Eddie’s space as the song comes to an end.
It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you
Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares, baby, I think I wanna marry you
Eddie leans in and gives Buck a kiss on the cheek with a patented Eddie Diaz mwah and then boops Buck’s nose before walking back towards the ladder truck to continue cleaning.
5.
Buck is at his apartment. He’s at his apartment and he feels lonely. It was the rare occasion where his and Eddie’s shifts didn’t totally line up, buck getting off work at 6pm, Eddie being scheduled until midnight. Usually, if Eddie had to work later, Buck would relieve Carla and he’d stay with Christopher. But Chris was having a sleepover at Abuela’s tonight, giving Buck no reason to be at the Diaz house. And listen, he knows, he knows he could have gone to Eddie’s even if he was the only one there. But Buck is still struggling with the whole “not feeling like a burden” thing sometimes. There’s still that voice in his head that tells him Eddie probably wants some space, at least one night on his own every now and then. It’s not like they officially live together or anything. And those voices are happening less often, but they’re still there.
So, Buck is at his place, which feels colder and less and less like home every time he walks through the door. He makes himself some dinner and then wanders upstairs. He tries to kill some time by taking a long shower, staying under the stream until the water starts to run cold. By the time he gets out and puts on some sweats and a sleep shirt, he checks the time and realizes he hasn’t even killed three hours since getting off shift. It’s still too early for him to sleep, so he decides to get in bed and watch some tv. He opens his Disney Plus account (the one he shares with Eddie) and turns on the next episode of the docuseries he’s been watching. One episode turns into two, and he eventually finds his eyes getting heavy. He turns off the tv and lights and crawls under the covers.
And listen, Buck isn’t saying he’s unable to sleep in a bed by himself now, because he’s a grown man and can handle one night on his own. It would be absolutely pathetic to admit that he can’t fall asleep if he isn’t holding the love of his whole goddamn life in his arms, right? So, he totally isn’t saying he can’t sleep on his own. But he does find himself tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable.
He tries putting on some music, which usually helps him drift off when he gets restless. He has a sleep playlist that is full of slower, softer songs (all of them have words - the instrumental music that’s supposed to be calming just makes him uncomfortable for some reason), so he puts that on and tries again to somehow get comfortable. He remembers checking the time around 11:30, but must nod off soon after that.
He finds himself waking up as the bed dips next to him. He doesn’t need to turn around, or even open his eyes, to know who it is that’s climbing in next to him. But it is something he wasn’t expecting, so he turns around anyway.
“Eds?”
“Sorry, I was trying not to wake you,” Eddie whispers.
“What are you doing here?” Buck asks.
“I got home and you weren’t there,” He replies with a shrug, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Oh. Well… I figured since Chris wasn’t home tonight that I’d just come back here, you know, give you some time to have the house to yourself since I’ve been over so much.”
“Well that’s silly,” Eddie lies down next to him.
The little voice in Buck’s head telling him that Eddie should be sick of spending so much time with him makes him hesitant to reach out to touch Eddie, even though he must’ve been exhausted when he got home and still decided to drive the twenty minutes to Buck’s place. As if sensing his thoughts, Eddie shuffles closer and wraps an arm around Buck’s waist, under his shirt so he can slowly move his
hand up and down Buck’s back. Buck runs a hand through Eddie’s hair, soft and fluffy, as it normally is after showering at night.
“How was the rest of shift?” Buck asks.
“It was okay, we only had one call after you left. Boring without you,” Eddie admits softly.
“Ah, I’m sure it was fine, I wouldn’t have been that entertaining anyway,” Buck tries to brush it off casually, but Eddie must sense that he’s been a bit in his head tonight with self doubt.
“Even if you just sat there and said nothing, it would’ve been better because you would’ve been there.”
“Eds,” Buck breathes out.
“I’m serious, Evan. I left work and just wanted to get home and crawl into bed with you. But then you weren’t there. And I felt like a pathetic idiot the whole drive over here over the fact that the idea of sleeping in my bed alone made me want to cry. And then I got here and sat in my truck in the parking lot for ten minutes because it hadn’t even occurred to me until I got here that maybe you wanted some space by yourself. I almost went back home.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” Buck whispers as he moves closer, impossibly closer, to Eddie.
“So am I. Because as I sat outside in my truck, it didn’t take too long to piece together what had happened. I was at work, Chris was at Abuela’s, and you didn’t want to overstep by going home on your own. You didn’t want to overstay your welcome, you wanted to give me space because you were worried you’d been around too much. Am I right?” And his tone is so gentle, so caring and cautious that Buck finds himself tearing up. He nods his head slowly before Eddie continues. “Here’s the thing, Buck, I don’t need space. I don’t want it. You can’t overstay your welcome because I always want you there. Okay?”
“Okay,” Buck chokes out between tears “thank you”.
“You don’t need to thank me for giving you what you deserve”.
And that’s what really does it. Any composure Buck had been maintaining is gone and he leans his face into Eddie’s chest, letting his tears fall as he lets out a sob.
“Okay,” Eddie whispers, turning onto his back and pulling Buck with him so he’s half on top of Eddie “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Eddie holds him and lets him cry. It isn’t until Buck has gotten his breathing under control and his tears have stopped that he even realizes his music is still playing from when he was trying to fall asleep earlier. It’s very quiet, Buck having kept the volume low, but it’s enough that he can make out what song just started playing. His chest tightens.
One look, dark room
Meant just for you
Time moved too fast
You play it back
He wraps himself even more around Eddie, who is still rubbing a hand up and down his back in slow, soothing motions. One of Buck’s hands is around Eddie’s waist, the other resting on his chest, lightly gripping Eddie’s t-shirt just above his heart.
Small talk, he drives
Coffee at midnight
The light reflects
The chain on your neck
Eddie brings his other hand, the one not on Buck’s back, up to his face. He gently caresses Buck’s cheek, his jaw, right under his lips, like he’s trying to commit every detail to memory.
You can hear it in the silence
You can feel it on the way home
You can see it with the lights out
You are in love, true love
You are in love
Buck trails his hand down from Eddie’s chest to graze the skin under his shirt. He’s so, so warm and so, so beautiful under Buck’s hands. There’s no heat behind their touches, they’re touching just to touch, just to be close to each other.
And for once, you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
One step, not much
But it said enough
You kiss on sidewalks
You fight and you talk
One night he wakes
Strange look on his face
Pauses, then says
You're my best friend
And you knew what it was
He is in love
Eddie squeezes Buck even tighter at that last line, leaning his head down to kiss Buck’s forehead as the hand on his face moves to his hair. Buck lets out a content sigh and goes completely boneless in Eddie’s arms. Usually, they do this the other way around, Buck holding Eddie. And Buck loves it, but this? This is something else. He’s never just let himself be held like this. He’s never felt so completely safe in another person's arms.
And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars
And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words
Buck can feel himself drifting closer to sleep. The hand on his back and the one in his hair soothing him, grounding him. He tilts his head up, just slightly, to place a kiss on Eddie’s neck. He can hear Eddie’s sudden intake of breath as his lips meet warm skin, causing Buck to smile before nuzzling back into Eddie’s chest.
You can hear it in the silence
You can feel it on the way home
You can see it with the lights out
You are in love, true love
You are in love
The last thing Buck remembers before finally falling asleep is Eddie whispering “sleep, cariño, I’ll be here when you wake up”.
And yeah, Buck sleeps much better with Eddie there.
+1
If you asked Eddie to pinpoint the moment he started loving Evan Buckley, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. Maybe it was when Buck broke down his door and took care of both him and Christopher, sleeping in the uncomfortable red chair while Eddie took the couch. Maybe it was after the shooting, when he woke up in the hospital and the only person he wanted there was Buck. Maybe it was during the lawsuit, when he couldn’t figure out why he was so angry at not being able to see him. Maybe it was the tsunami, when Buck would have given his life to protect Eddie’s son. Maybe it was after the earthquake, when he so easily turned from the driver's seat of his Jeep to face Christopher in the back and introduce himself, when he held a conversation with his kid the whole drive home, like he was an actual person and not just some kid with a disability. And if he’s being honest, maybe the moment he started loving Buck was “Okay you, you’re my problem” .
Eddie’s never believed in the universe, or fate, or destiny. He’s always lived his life following logic, thinking realistically. But if he thinks about all of the ways his life could’ve gone, all of the choices he’s made that have led him here, all of the different realities where he may have never met Buck… well. Eddie feels a bit sick when he thinks about the possibility of not knowing Buck, quite honestly. So is that him admitting that he thinks meeting Buck was fate, or destiny, or the universe hand picking them for each other? He’s not sure. What he does know is that, perhaps from the day they met, part of Eddie’s heart pointed at Buck and said “That one. I want that one,” and hasn’t let up since.
This summer has been a dream. Eddie can’t remember the last time he felt so content. That’s not to say it’s been perfect. He still had days where all he wanted to do was hide under the covers and forget his responsibilities. He had therapy sessions that left him feeling worse than when he walked into Frank’s office. He also wasn’t on great terms with his parents since coming out. But when he wanted to lay in bed all day, Buck would take Chris to school and then come back home and hold him in his arms. And when therapy kicked his ass, he’d walk through his front door to the sounds of Buck and Christopher laughing as they cooked dinner together. And when his parents made him feel like the world's biggest disappointment, when they said Christopher needs a mother, Edmundo , Buck was there to tell him how wrong they were.
When he came out to Buck at the start of the summer, he had been terrified. Not because he thought Buck would react negatively, but because he’d never said the words to anyone other than Frank. It was a movie night, their first one since school had ended for the summer, and Christopher was tucked in bed, fast asleep. Eddie and Buck were going to watch another movie since it was early enough and they didn’t have a shift the next day. They had just gotten comfortable on the couch when Eddie turned to Buck and said
“Hey, could I actually talk to you about something first?” He’s not sure why he’s chosen this moment, but he had a great therapy session earlier today and maybe he’s still riding that high.
“Of course, is everything okay?” Buck asked, giving Eddie his full attention.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just have something I want to tell you. Something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. And I just… I” Eddie just kind of freezes. He can feel his heart racing, and his hands start shaking. He stands up, thinking maybe moving around a little will get the nerves out, but standing up only makes him feel nauseous.
Buck stands up and steps closer to Eddie.
“Eds?”
“Sorry- sorry I just. This isn’t- I don’t” because oh my god, saying it out loud to a person other than his therapist makes it so fucking real. And saying it out loud to Buck? It feels like he may as well be admitting his undying love for him. Because that’s really where this whole thing started, isn’t it? He realized how in love with his best friend he was and that just opened a door in his brain that he had kept locked for so long.
“Eds, it’s alright. Do you want to sit down?” Buck asks gently, his eyes full of concern.
“No, no I’m okay. I don’t know why, but I thought this would be easier” he manages to choke out an exasperated laugh before his legs remember how to work and he finds himself moving into the kitchen. He gets a glass of water and fills it from the tap, doing his best to take a drink while his hands are still shaking.
Buck had followed him into the kitchen, and he’s hovering in the doorway like he’s afraid he might scare Eddie.
“I’m really okay, Buck. I know I.. I know I don’t look okay right now, but it’s- it’s only because this is hard for me to say.” He turns to place the glass in the sink, then rests his hands on the counter, facing away from Buck.
“You can tell me anything.”
“I know. I know, and that’s why I want to tell you this.”
“Okay. You can take your time,” Buck shuffles closer, and he places a hand on Eddie’s back “I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
And Eddie knows Buck’s telling the truth. He knows that Buck would wait patiently, for as long as it took for him to say it. And he thinks that’s what does it, what breaks down the last of his defenses.
He turns around to face Buck and takes a deep breath.
“I’m gay,” it comes out shakier than he would’ve liked, a little quieter than he’d been aiming for, but he says it.
Buck’s face grows impossibly soft. He smiles and then Eddie is wrapped up in Buck’s arms, in a warm and safe hug that he’d like to stay in forever.
“Eds,” Buck whispers, “thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me with this. I'm so proud of you.”
A few tears escape and run down Eddie’s face. He knows he should say something, but he can’t really remember how to do anything right now other than hug Buck back, wrapping his arms around his waist.
Eventually, Buck pulls away, but doesn’t go too far. Eddie realizes his hands have stopped shaking, and he rubs them down his face, wiping away his tears.
“Have you told anyone else?” Buck asks.
“No. Well, Frank, but it’s his job to know that stuff. So really, you’re the first person I’ve told. I’m planning on telling Chris, then the rest of the team soon, but I.. I wanted you to know,” he admits.
Buck smiles and gives Eddie’s shoulder a light squeeze. “Thank you for telling me.”
They eventually make their way back to the living room and watch their movie. Eddie falls asleep halfway through, leaning on Buck’s shoulder and feeling lighter than he has in months.
So, things were going really well. Summer was coming to an end, the days growing shorter and the nights getting colder. Chris was back in school, Buck was still staying over most nights, and Eddie was in the best place mentally that he thinks he’s ever been.
In his session with Frank last week, Eddie had talked about how he felt ready to take the next step with Buck, and how he wanted to do something special for him.
“He’s done so much for me, and he’s been so patient and kind and just… everything that I’ve needed these last few months. He deserves to know how loved he is,” Eddie had explained to Frank.
When he thought about the things Buck has done for him this summer, the first thing that comes to mind is, oddly enough, the music. The times where Buck had played a song and made an absolute fool of himself serenading him, because he knew it would make Eddie smile. And it did, my god, it did. He figured, why not do the same for him? Pick a song, make a fool of himself, then tell Buck how much he loves him. Not too hard, right?
It was easier said than done.
He spends the next week agonizing over what song to use. He wants something meaningful, something that expresses how he feels. But he doesn’t want something cheesy, or something that’s too slow to dance around to. He makes a list of song options, songs he knows Buck likes or songs that are popular right now. But none of them feel right. He almost gives up with the song idea altogether, but one morning on his drive in to work, an older classic comes on the radio and he can’t believe how he hadn’t thought of it. So now that the song had been chosen, all he had to do was find the right moment.
It was another week before the right moment presented itself, and even then, Eddie hadn’t planned it until he was pressing play on the song.
Christopher was at a sleepover, and Buck and Eddie had plans to order in, watch some movies, and have a relaxed night. Eddie’s just taken a shower and gotten dressed when he hears a knock at the door. Why is he knocking? Buck’s had his own key for years. He shuffles over to the door and opens it.
“Hey, did forget your-“ his smile drops when he takes in the sight of Buck. Red rimmed eyes and tears streaking down his face, his arms wrapped around himself. He chokes out a sob when Eddie makes eye contact with him, and then Eddie’s pulling him in, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck.
“Okay, okay,” he says softly, guiding him into the house and shutting the door without letting go of Buck.
And Buck just- crumples in Eddie’s arms. Sobs and tears escaping through choked out breaths. His hands are wrapped around Eddie’s waist, fisted into his t-shirt like he’s afraid that if he lets go, Eddie will disappear. He has no idea what’s happened to make Buck so upset, they were on the phone with each other not even two hours ago, and everything was fine. He tries not to panic over the endless possibilities of horrible things that may have happened, because he can see that physically, Buck isn’t hurt. And if anyone else was hurt, he probably would’ve heard from the rest of the team by now.
“Let's go over to the couch so you can sit, okay?” Eddie whispers, and he can feel Buck nod, and pull away only enough so that they can walk to the couch. Eddie sits and pulls Buck on top of him, wrapping his arms around him once again.
“I’m here, baby. I’m here, I’ve got you,” he says while rubbing a hand up and down Buck’s back, the other running through his hair.
They stay like that for several minutes as Buck’s sobs slowly fade into sniffles, and his breathing returns to a normal rhythm. He waits it out, knowing Buck will talk about it when he’s ready. For now, he’s content to just hold him. He’s about to ask Buck if he wants to go lay down in bed when the younger man sits up enough to be able to look at Eddie.
“My um… My parents called me. Before I came over here,” Buck starts, and Eddie nods for him to continue, moving to hold Buck’s hand and trace soft circles along the back of it with his thumb.
“I guess someone in my family, maybe a cousin or something, found my Instagram and saw the picture I posted of me, you and Christopher on Father’s Day earlier this summer. They had innocently asked my parents about it, something about not realizing I had a kid, and my parents were just as surprised. So surprised, apparently, that they felt the need to call me and tell me how I should be careful ‘playing house’ with another person’s kid. How they were surprised someone trusted me enough to be considered a father figure to their son. They so very kindly reminded me of how hard of a kid I was, and how I should be careful not to negatively influence Chris, so he doesn’t… so he doesn’t turn out like me,” Buck’s voice shakes as he recounts the talk with his parents, and Eddie’s heart breaks.
“Buck-”
“I know. I know that my parents are not good parents. I know that they don’t know the person I am now. I’ll forever be an eighteen year old fuck up in their minds. But Eds, to have them take all of my biggest worries and insecurities and throw them in my face like that? I mean, I’m getting better with realizing that I don’t ruin everything I touch, but there are still days where I- I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing, of- of not being the best adult figure I can be for Christopher. And to hear my own parents essentially say that I’m not good enough to be a dad, I-I just…” More tears threaten to spill down Buck’s face, and when they do, Eddie’s there to wipe them away with a soft brush of his thumb.
“I’m going to tell you what you already know, because you still deserve to hear it,” Eddie starts, “This?” He gestures between the two of them “what we’re doing? Is not playing house. You are my partner, my co-parent, my family. I’ve told you before, and I will continue to tell you, there is no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.
“You were not a hard kid. Kids are hard. But that’s just it, you were a kid. You shouldn’t have had to work for their love, it should have been given to you without conditions,” Eddie pauses to pull Buck closer, his only thoughts being I love you I love you I love you , because for all they’ve done, they haven’t said those words yet.
“Evan. I need you to hear me on this. Every single way that Christopher has been and will continue to be like you is a gift. There is no one I would rather have him be like. No one I’d rather have him learn
from. Sometimes, Chris will say or do something and I have to stop myself from laughing or crying because all I see in him in that moment is you. It’s all I could ever want, to have someone like you for him to look up to. You are kind, and brave, and selfless. You have the biggest heart. When you love someone, you do it so completely and so incredibly; you give them everything. And to be on the receiving end of that love? There aren’t words to describe how special that feels,” he stops to lift their joined hands up, kissing Buck’s once, twice, three times just because he can. Because he wants to.
“You’re not just an ‘adult figure’ in his life. You are that boy's dad, just as much as I am. You have been giving him everything from the moment you met him. And having days where you’re terrified of fucking up? Baby, that’s what it means to be a parent. I worry every day that I’m fucking up as a dad. And I have fucked up. I will fuck up. So will you. You’ll make mistakes and have days where you go to bed feeling like you weren’t a good enough dad that day. But that’s what it means to be a good parent. To love a kid so much that even the thought of doing wrong by them makes you break. But you love him enough to never stop trying.”
“Thank you, Eds,” Buck whispers, still holding tight to his hand.
Eddie leans forward and places a kiss on his forehead. “What do you want to do? What would help? We can order whatever you want to eat, we can drink, we can go lay in bed for a little while, you can take a bath or a shower, we can just sit here, we can do whatever you want.” He says, cupping Buck’s face with his free hand.
“Yeah, I should probably eat something. Can we still do what we were planning on? Food and watching a movie? Maybe we could order Thai?” He asks quietly, as if Eddie would say no to him in this moment.
“Of course. How about I order the usual and you go change into some comfier clothes?”
Buck nods and they both stand. He pulls Eddie into a hug before going anywhere, holding tight and pressing a kiss to Eddie’s neck.
As Buck goes down the hall to change, Eddie heads into the kitchen and orders the food on his phone. He then gets two glasses of water for him and Buck, and rummages through some cabinets before finding a box of brownie mix. He places it on the counter and then leans against it, which is where Buck finds him a few minutes later.
He’s changed into sweat shorts and one of Eddie’s old LAFD hoodies, despite having plenty of his own clothes stored in Eddie’s dresser. He looks so soft, and so pretty, and all Eddie wants to do is keep looking at him for the rest of his life.
Instead of doing something stupid, like proposing on the spot, he grabs the box of brownie mix and holds it up for Buck to see, raising an eyebrow. He’s rewarded with the first hint of a smile he’s seen all night as Buck enthusiastically nods his head.
Eddie preheats the oven as Buck gets out a bowl, spoon, and necessary ingredients. They work in comfortable silence as they mix the batter, pour it into a pan, and put the pan in the oven. He lets Buck lick the spoon, because Buck gives him the puppy dog eyes and he’s only one man. One man hopelessly, deeply in love.
He’s washing out the bowl in the sink, Buck sitting on the kitchen counter licking the spoon, when Buck asks if he can put on some music.
“Actually, is it okay if I choose the music tonight?” Eddie asks before he realizes what he’s doing.
He gets a questioning look from Buck, who nods his head slowly as if trying to figure out what Eddie’s doing. Because Eddie has never, not once, wanted to choose the music. Not in the kitchen, not in the car, not at the station. Never. Eddie takes a deep breath and prepares himself.
“Listen,” he starts gently as he connects his phone to the Bluetooth speaker, “all summer, you have been making a fool of yourself by serenading me with songs. A very sweet, very adorable fool. And I’m no idiot, I know you were doing it to make me laugh or smile or forget how shitty a day might’ve been. It’s my turn to repay the favor. So just… just stay there, let me do this, let me embarrass myself for your amusement, okay?”
“Okay…” Buck says nervously, but the corners of his lips twitch upward and that’s reason enough for Eddie to press play.
He opens a drawer and pulls out a wooden spoon to use as his microphone as the music kicks in.
I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire
You come to me, come to me wild and wired
He mouths the lyrics and makes eye contact with Buck, who is just staring, a little wide-eyed, back at him.
Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams
Speak a language of love like you know what it means
He leans against the kitchen island opposite of Buck, getting ready to break out the terrible dance moves. He points to Buck as the chorus kicks in.
You're simply the best
Better than all the rest
Better than anyone
Anyone I've ever met
I'm stuck on your heart
I hang on every word you say
Tear us apart
Baby, I would rather be dead
He steps forward until he’s right in front of Buck and he can wrap one arm loosely around Buck’s neck while he continues to lip sync. Buck instinctively puts his hands on Eddie’s hips, and Eddie can swear he sees tears pooling in Buck’s eyes.
Just as long as I'm here in your arms
I could be in no better place
He pulls away from Buck and rounds the kitchen island, so he’s on the opposite end of the room. He gets very embarrassing with the dancing, holding his chest and pointing at Buck and leaning over the counter dramatically like he’s trying to reach out and get closer, always wanting to be closer.
Each time you leave me, I start losing control
You're walking away with my heart and my soul
I can feel you even when I'm alone
Oh baby, don't let go
Buck is staring at him in wonder and amusement, and Eddie can feel the blush creeping up his face.
Ooh, you're the best, ooh
Better than all the rest
Better than anyone
Anyone I've ever met
Ooh, I'm stuck on your heart
I hang on every word you say
Don't tear us apart, no, no
Baby, I would rather be dead
You're the best
He looks up at Buck after the chorus. Buck, whose eyes are so full of love and adoration. Buck, who is blushing a beautiful shade of pink and smiling like Eddie is the best thing he’s ever seen. Buck, who came to his house crying and broken over the idea that he’s anything less than an incredible person.
There is no doubt in his mind that he’s ready now. He’s in the best place he can ever remember being in. He knows this is his forever, and he’s so, so tired of denying himself of what he wants. He was going to finish the song first, he really was, but there’s a break between the last two choruses and he can’t help but make his way over to Buck.
He puts the spoon down on the counter, slots himself between Buck’s thighs where he sits on the counter, and lifts his hands up to cradle Buck’s face. Despite the music still playing, they’re close enough that he can whisper and still be heard. He doesn’t want to break the softness of this moment by speaking too loudly.
“Evan,” he whispers, tracing his face with a gentle finger. Buck wraps himself around Eddie, arms and legs tangled around him to keep him close. He looks up, eyes wide and still slightly teary as he meets
Eddie’s. And Eddie is so, so done waiting.
“I love you, Buck,” and leans forward to kiss Buck’s forehead. “I love you,” a kiss to his birthmark, “I love you,” his nose, and Buck starts giggling. He fucking giggles, and oh man, Eddie is so gone on him. He leans in and finally, finally kisses him.
He kisses Buck, and Buck kisses him back, and Eddie already knows he’s got it bad, but he really thinks he’ll die if he has to go a single day for the rest of his life without kissing Buck. He’s pulled impossibly closer by Buck’s legs wrapped around him, and doesn’t care about anything but him in this moment. He doesn’t care that the song is ending, or that there’s so much he still wants to say, or that there’s tears drying on Bucks face. All he cares about is that Buck is kissing him like he’s been searching for it his whole life, and maybe, if he’s being honest, they both have been.
They pull away to catch their breath, and Eddie begins trailing soft kisses across Buck’s cheek and down his neck.
“I love you so much, Eds,” Buck finally says, pulling Eddie’s head away from his neck so he can look at him. “I love you so much, sometimes I think it’s the only thing I was born to do.”
He’s known for a long time that Buck loves him. Known since before either of them figured out what kind of love it was. But knowing it and hearing Buck say it are two completely different things.
“I’m so in love with you, Evan. I’m ready for this, for us. I want all of it - everything - with you for the rest of my life. I want quiet nights like this. I want school drop-offs, and Sunday breakfasts, and trips to the zoo, and family movie nights,” he leans in and kisses Buck again, because now that he can he doesn’t know why he’d ever do anything else, “I want a bigger house, and wedding rings, and babies with your stupidly blue eyes, if that’s something you’d want.”
Buck kisses him, and then rests their foreheads together.
“I want. I want all of that. Can I really have all of that?” He whispers the last question, the slightest bit of hesitation and insecurity jumping out. Eddie silently curses everyone who’s ever made Buck feel like he deserves anything less than the world.
“It’s already yours. You can have anything you want. Absolutely anything.”
In a moment of perfect timing, the timer for the brownies goes off, and Buck chuckles, saying “Right now, what I want is a brownie,” with a smug grin on his face.
“Dork,” Eddie says with nothing but fondness, “you’re lucky I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Buck says, smiling up at Eddie before hopping off the counter.
And yeah, Eddie may not be able to pinpoint the moment he started loving Evan Buckley, but he will always remember the moment that the words were finally spoken out loud.