Work Text:
June 13, 8:45am
spenner: so like theoretically,
tomothy: oh god, here we go
tomothy: when did you change my name in chat
spenner: i’ll never tell :)
tomothy: you were put on this earth to give me a headache
spenner: could say i’m made for you then ;)
tomothy: i’m going to kill you
spenner: do it, coward
tomothy: what were you even saying
spenner: i’ll never tell :)
tomothy: you forgot didn’t you
spenner: [maybe so.gif]
June 13, 10:57am
spenner: I REMEMBERED
tomothy: i’ve been waiting with baited breath
spenner: you’re so mean to me
spenner: anyway. so like theoretically
spenner: if i had a wedding to go to that i didn’t want to go to alone
spenner: would you be free not this weekend or the next but the one after that (july 1)
spenner: letting you know at the jump also
spenner: it’s four and a half hours one way
tomothy: the wedding party wouldn’t be super pissed to have an extra guest ??
tomothy: and you know i’m always down for a lil road trip
tomothy: as long as we’re getting a hotel/have a room to sleep bc 9 hours + a wedding in one day sounds Awful in a big way
spenner: nah, apparently it’s casual foodwise
spenner: buffet & they went for the more is more approach
spenner: there’s already a room paid for
spenner: only one bed, but we’ve done that before
spenner: so?
tomothy: depends
spenner: name your price, my liege
tomothy: you’re such a dweeb
tomothy: condition 1: you’re doing the driving, i’m drinking
tomothy: side condition to condition 1: i’m playing dj and navigator
tomothy: your inability to catch an exit is adorable but unfortunately also a waste of time in this case
spenner: i will not be getting drunk, works for me, carry on
spenner: the rest also works for me
spenner: idk how many cyndi lauper songs i can listen to but i love you so i will persevere
tomothy: you cannot have a road trip without listening to cyndi lauper’s iconic i drove all night performed at least once with great emotion. like that’s my fault
tomothy: anyway
tomothy: condition 2: you don’t leave me alone unless i’m comfortable
spenner: of course, dude
tomothy: and condition 3: you wear that black button up with the constellations
tomothy: if it’s appropriate for the wedding
tomothy: oh god what is the dress code maybe i do not only have three conditions
spenner: lmao it’s semi-formal/cocktail
spenner: and yeah i could make that work
spenner: why do you care what i wear tho
tomothy: it looks good on you
spenner: thanks?
tomothy: any time
tomothy: we’ll see if that’s all i need in return 😏
spenner: should i feel threatened in a bodily harm way or a sexy way
tomothy: i’ll never tell :)
June 13, 2:18pm
spenner: am doordashing late lunch
spenner: you want anything
tomothy: oh man i wish but i make ✨poor financial decisions✨
spenner: dude i didn’t ask if you had money
spenner: i asked if you want anything
tomothy: you know i’ll go to this wedding with you for free right
tomothy: i was just giving you a hard time earlier
spenner: dude
spenner: ordering chinese food
spenner: already added your dumplings
spenner: lo mein?
tomothy: spence no
tomothy: you remember those coconut shrimp from the one like four blocks from here
spenner: ye
spenner: we are now ordering from coconut shrimp place
spenner: dumplings and shrimp
spenner: anything else?
tomothy: that’s it :)
tomothy: i’ll pay you back prommy
spenner: good luck with that
tomothy: ??
spenner: well for you to pay me back i would have to take your money
spenner: and anyway you don’t have to pay me back, dude
spenner: the conditions of my friendship are not absolute reciprocity
tomothy: oh my god shut up
tomothy: fine buy me lunch who am i to stop you
tomothy: (you’re impossible)
spenner: impossibly cute?
tomothy: well that too but not what i meant
spenner: be careful, dude, i might think you like me
tomothy: you are denser than any material discovered
spenner: i mean yeah probably
spenner: you want boba?
tomothy: sure smh
spenner: i’ll bring it to your desk when it comes in like 25 min?
tomothy: alrighty 👍
tomothy: thanks spence <3
June 14, 3:21pm
tomothy: do you think anyone would notice if i killed shayne
spenner: you couldn’t have called w this?
spenner: now your intent is in writing, dude
spenner: why are we killing shayne tho?
tomothy: i love you
spenner: i love you too but why
spenner: also why are we killing shayne
tomothy: you would get rid of a body for me, wouldn’t you
spenner: i mean yeah probably but again, dude
spenner: gotta stop leaving this kind of paper trail
tomothy: fine fine i’ll call w my murder plans next time
spenner: thank u i appreciate that
spenner: so why. are we killing shayne
tomothy: i don’t even remember
spenner: yeah we probably shouldn’t kill him then
spenner: permanent solution to a temporary problem etc etc
tomothy: yeah you’re probably right
tomothy: but do you think anyone would Notice
spenner: that shayne wasn’t in every single smosh video very suddenly?
spenner: i mean probably but if we take out damien too we can probably get everyone to believe a Story
spenner: you know damien would Not be Quiet about shayne’s mysterious disappearance
tomothy: look who’s putting intent into writing now
spenner: worst look who’s talking now sequel of all time
tomothy: or the best
spenner: or the best
June 14, 5:05pm
spenner: would you still love me if i were the ship of theseus version of myself
tomothy: oh you better be stopped in traffic
spenner: i am!!!
spenner: promise i’m being safe, dad
tomothy: i like to think i’m more of a daddy than a dad
spenner: okay. promise i’m being safe, daddy
tomothy: i’m going to fucking kill you
tomothy: now what does that mean who the fuck is theseus
spenner: okay so it’s like
spenner: theseus is a greek hero, he does not matter in this case - what matters is the thought experiment, the ship of theseus
spenner: so there’s a ship
spenner: and over time, every single piece of it is slowly replaced
spenner: you know to like fix it
spenner: and the thought experiment is like is the ship still the same ship with all of the pieces replaced
spenner: and if someone reassembled the replaced pieces into another boat, which ship would have more right to be considered the original ship?
tomothy: you make my head hurt, bub
spenner: fair but would you
tomothy: would i
tomothy: oh my god you’re asking if i would still love you
tomothy: i still love you even when you ask me questions that you have to send me seven messages of explanation about
tomothy: take a guess
spenner: fair but would you
tomothy: yes, spencer
spenner: yay :)
June 15, 9:12am
spenner: donuts in the kitchen
spenner: they are going fast
spenner: boston cream or cruller?
tomothy: those cannot be the only options
spenner: sure but they’re the only ones here you actually enjoy
spenner: so boston cream or cruller?
tomothy: cruller, too early for chocolate frosting
spenner: 👍
spenner: will be on your desk when you get back from shoot
tomothy: you’re the best, spence
spenner: i do what i can
June 15, 1:17pm
tomothy: my dearest darlingest spencer :)
tomothy: you would help me hide shayne’s body :)
tomothy: what about garrett’s :)
spenner: dude. paper trail
spenner: yes but come on
tomothy: just making sure <3
June 15, 1:25pm
spenner: why did garrett just come ask me why i was willing to dispose of his body
spenner: like dude the paper trail is one thing communicating threats is another
spenner: you’re really fucking up our defense in court, dude
tomothy: he was irritating me (circumstances unimportant)
tomothy: so i told him that if i killed him, well
tomothy: i already have you on deck to hide the body
tomothy: ig he took that personally
spenner: babe you can’t just threaten someone’s life with promise of assistance in getting away with it and not expect them to take it personally
spenner: also i feel like the circumstances might at least a little important
spenner: for our court defense, ofc
tomothy: did you just call me babe
tomothy: like i can read but did you just
spenner: i’m gonna do my job now
tomothy: spencer !
spenner: can’t hear you over the sound of my extremely important work commitments
tomothy: i can see you playing with a fidget cube
spenner: why are we texting if you’re on this side of the building
tomothy: you’re so smart
June 15, 1:35pm
spenner: did you just steal my fidget cube
tomothy: i’ll never tell :)
spenner: longest and deepest sigh ever recorded
June 16, 4:44pm
tomothy: remind me it’s friday and this is all going to be over soon and i can sleep for two days straight as soon as i walk out of these doors
spenner: it’s friday and this is all going to be over soon and you can sleep with breaks to take care of yourself and talk to your good friend spencer for the next two days
tomothy: you drive a hard bargain
tomothy: i suppose that can be arranged
spenner: thank you <3
spenner: want me to come make you dinner?
tomothy: prommy not to burn my apartment down?
spenner: it was one TINY fire
spenner: but yes i promise
spenner: i’ll make something simple so you won’t worry about it tho
tomothy: you’re the best <3
June 16, 5:01pm
spenner: your car, my car, or drive separate?
tomothy: my place so your car?
spenner: slay
June 17, 9:05am
spenner: hey quick question
tomothy: quick answer
spenner: i s2g tommy
spenner: anyway quick question
spenner: how many times does a person have to come out before it becomes like
spenner: just part of the collective consciousness
tomothy: i had to come out to my uncle for the third time four months ago
tomothy: but why??
spenner: <- guy who just had to come out to a cast member AGAIN
tomothy: spence
spenner: wait i came out to you right
spenner: shit
tomothy: i’ve never met someone more encompassing of the disaster bi vibe so
tomothy: (i’m assuming bi??? correct me if i’m wrong i would hate to be in the dark about your sexuality AGAIN)
tomothy: (i’m giving you a hard time as a bit if that is not clear)
tomothy: (thank you for trusting me w this)
spenner: tommy i really thought you were the first person i told
spenner: (and yes i’m bi)
tomothy: ??? how did you figure that ???
spenner: you were discussing your queer awakening a couple of weeks ago (??? time isn’t real)
spenner: and i said mine was danny phantom
tomothy: bub how in god’s good graces was i supposed to know that wasn’t a joke
tomothy: you’ve made jokes like that like a million times
spenner: i’m waiting for you to get it, bud
tomothy: OH MY GOD
tomothy: THOSE WEREN’T JOKES EITHER
spenner: there he is
tomothy: i’m an idiot
spenner: nah you just weren’t expecting it, dude
spenner: no shame in having no gaydar :)
tomothy: how DARE you
spenner: :)
tomothy: i’m biphobic i think
spenner: :(
tomothy: biphobia retracted
spenner: :)
June 17, 10:55am
tomothy: wait so you weren’t joking when you said you had a top five most attractive men at the office were you
June 17, 11:07am
tomothy: spencer please
June 17, 11:33am
tomothy: :(
spenner: no i wasn’t joking smh
tomothy: :)
tomothy: sharing is caring <3
spenner: look at the time / i think lisa is calling me / my dog ate my homework
tomothy: just covering all your bases, huh bub
spenner: :)
June 17, 6:57pm
tomothy: would you still love me if i were a worm
spenner: yes
tomothy: nice
June 18, 8:02am
tomothy: one thing about having a depressive disorder actually
tomothy: is that one of the hallmark symptoms of depression
tomothy: is waking up frequently
tomothy: it is sunday morning why am i up at 8 :(
spenner: depression is evil?
tomothy: you’re so right
tomothy: and i’m too pretty for this
spenner: and you’re too pretty for this
June 18, 8:41am
spenner: come downstairs
tomothy: ?
spenner: we’re going on an adventure, come downstairs
tomothy: you know that actually creates more questions
spenner: trust me?
tomothy: i’ll be down in 5
June 19, 6:22am
tomothy: did i leave my sweatshirt at your house this weekend
spenner: we were at your place this weekend??
spenner: tho it might be in my car
spenner: give me 2 seconds
tomothy: ??
spenner: the green one?
tomothy: ye
spenner: yeah, it was in my backseat
spenner: probably bc you took it off bc it’s fucking june
tomothy: you can’t be homophobic to me it’s pride
spenner: am i usually homophobic to you???
tomothy: i mean
spenner: okay listen
tomothy: wait did you go check your car at 6:25 in the morning
spenner: yeah?
tomothy: it could have waited !!
spenner: you wanted to know
tomothy: you are so
tomothy: thank you
tomothy: i love you. so so much. i’m also going to bite you. these things are somehow related
spenner: like cuteness aggression?
spenner: also i love you too
tomothy: sure
spenner: ??
June 19, 1:22pm
spenner: hey bud
tomothy: ?
spenner: be honest with me
spenner: you drank any water today?
tomothy: ,,,
spenner: thank you for your honesty
spenner: there will be water on your desk when you get back to it
tomothy: ,,, thank you
spenner: no problem
June 20, 10:01am
spenner: 10:01 is a palindrome
spenner: isn’t that fucking cool
tomothy: babe are you not ON CAMERA RN
spenner: babe? :)
tomothy: shut up
spenner: <3
tomothy: ,,,
tomothy: <3
June 20, 1:31pm
tomothy: hey spence
spenner: hey tommy
tomothy: have you eaten since breakfast, my guy?
spenner: it’s only 1:30
spenner: in immediate hindsight i can see how that was not a good defense
tomothy: lose track of time or lose interest in the food you brought?
spenner: little bit of both?
tomothy: i brought enough food today i can share, if you’d like
spenner: you don’t have to do that, dude
spenner: i’m a grownup i can suck it up
tomothy: or i can come sit at your desk with you and regale you with the most recent drag race drama
spenner: and the reason for you offering me food comes to light
tomothy: :)
spenner: fine we can do lunch
spenner: and i’ll even eat i guess
spenner: even tho i could be doing other things
tomothy: are other things more enjoyable than moi?
spenner: you know they aren’t
tomothy: oh shut up i’ll be at your desk as soon as this gets out of the microwave
tomothy: grab you a water?
spenner: please
spenner: get yourself one too
tomothy: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
June 21, 12:34pm
spenner: damien is on his way to check on you bc you “look tired”
tomothy: i love him. but has he considered
tomothy: i don’t even know what but has he considered it
spenner: just wanted to give you a heads up
tomothy: thanks spence
spenner: <3
tomothy: <3
June 21, 2:55pm
spenner: pov i’m in a games channel meeting
tomothy: spencer please tell me you’re not actually texting me in a meeting
spenner: failed step one
tomothy: s p e n c e r
spenner: ian is bumming me out with statistics and shit
tomothy: oh that blows actually that’s valid
tomothy: how can i help?
spenner: tell me my worth isn’t measured in views?
spenner: lmao, i don’t know, tommy
tomothy: your worth is not measured in views
tomothy: you contribute more to the lives of those around you than your ability to do a job
tomothy: your ass looks great today
spenner: one of these things is not like the other
tomothy: did it make you laugh?
spenner: i mean yeah
tomothy: then it accomplished its purpose :)
June 22, 8:01am
tomothy: hey bub,
spenner: ?
tomothy: you know i eat breakfast even when you don’t look after me, right?
spenner: have you eaten breakfast This morning
tomothy: that is neither here nor there
spenner: that’s here there and everywhere, babe, it’s kinda the whole point
tomothy: thank you for breakfast, spence <3
spenner: any time <3
June 22, 12:15pm
spenner: what part of absolute reciprocity is not essential to the nature of our relationship do you not understand
tomothy: i can’t just want to do something for you?
spenner: if you’re gonna buy me lunch, you could come eat it with me too …
tomothy: i’ll be there in a minute?
spenner: oaky smokes :)
June 23, 8:22am
tomothy: what about killing damien
spenner: babe if you wanna kill someone assume i’ll help
spenner: blanket homicide assistance
spenner: just stop texting about it bc we WILL go down for it if you keep up like this, dude
tomothy: what if i wanted to assassinate someone
spenner: well you super should not put that in writing, i’ll tell you that much
tomothy: so true bestie
tomothy: would you, tho
spenner: blanket assistance, tommy
tomothy: i love you
spenner: love you too
tomothy: you know i would too, right?
spenner: of course
spenner: never doubted you for a second
tomothy: <3
spenner: <3
June 23, 2:13pm
spenner: would you run away with me if i asked
spenner: like if i wanted to fuck off to fuckall, nowhere
spenner: never use social media again
spenner: and i asked you to come with me
tomothy: give me like twelve hours to pack and probably
spenner: probably?
spenner: can’t even have commitment in my homoerotic friendships anymore
tomothy: do you want me to unpack that or throw the whole suitcase out
spenner: we don’t need that suitcase anyway
June 23, 5:34pm
tomothy: are you sick of me yet bc i’ve only been home a few minutes and i’m already bored
spenner: just go ahead and come over, you dork
spenner: bring stuff to spend the night, i’ll pick out some movies
tomothy: you’re gonna pull up horror aren’t you
spenner: i promise i’ll hold your hand the entire time
tomothy: i’ll hold you to that
spenner: i look forward to it
June 24, 10:03am
spenner: where’d you go :(
tomothy: i’m in your kitchen, dweeb
tomothy: figured i’d get breakfast started before getting you up
spenner: you’re cooking breakfast?
tomothy: ye
spenner: i have breakfast food?
tomothy: you have eggs and pancake mix that only needs water and frozen sausage
tomothy: which is to say yes
spenner: want me to come help?
tomothy: stay in bed, baby, i’ll bring it to you when it’s done
spenner: baby?
tomothy: yes?
tomothy: oh fuck
tomothy: babe was bad enough, huh?
spenner: don’t worry about it
spenner: i like it
tomothy: yeah?
spenner: yeah <3
tomothy: okay <3
tomothy: you get some sleep or read some reddit or whatever guys with twitch followings do at 10am on a saturday
tomothy: i’ll bring you breakfast when it’s done
spenner: <3
tomothy: <3
June 24, 10:16am
tomothy: where do you keep your serving plates
spenner: baby what in anything about me makes you think i own serving plates
tomothy: okay actually so true that’s on me
spenner: i have a couple fancy cutting boards in the cabinet beside the stove?
spenner: like charcuterie type shit
spenner: one of my aunts gave a bunch of them to me when i was moving out to LA
tomothy: spence these are so pretty
tomothy: they have flowers !!
spenner: what’s mine is yours, or whatever they say
tomothy: isn’t that about being married tho
spenner: [maybe so.gif]
June 24, 2:32pm
tomothy: hello why did i just wake up from our nap alone in your apartment
spenner: i figured you might want food when you were awake again
spenner: so i’m heading to the grocery store rq
tomothy: you should have woken me up :(((
tomothy: i love grocery shopping w you :((((
spenner: i’ve only cleared like two blocks dude
spenner: you have incredible timing honestly
spenner: be back in a second, put on your shoes
tomothy: you DO NOT have to do that, i was just whining
spenner: put on your shoes, babe
tomothy: ,,, okay
tomothy: <3
spenner: <3
June 24, 2:58pm
tomothy: i am lost in the ralphs
spenner: in the aisle with the peanut butter again, huh, squidward
tomothy: How Did You Fucking Know That
spenner: whenever you get Lost in ralphs it is almost always with the nut butters
tomothy: fascinated that you know that
spenner: i’ll be on my way to you in a second just stay where you are lmao
tomothy: do we need peanut butter
spenner: not at my place. do we need it at yours?
tomothy: i don’t think so?
spenner: would you feel better if we grabbed it just in case?
tomothy: ,,, maybe
tomothy: but also idk when i’m going back home and i don’t wanna forget it at your place
spenner: so we’re not picking it up?
tomothy: but what if i need peanut butter :(
spenner: just spend the night again
tomothy: really?
spenner: you can stay as much and as often as you like, you know that
spenner: even if i’m not home, just use your key
tomothy: pls tell me you are close to the nut butter aisle
spenner: yeah ?? why
tomothy: you’re being nice to me and i need a hug, spence
spenner: omw
spenner: <3
tomothy: <3
June 25, 5:18pm
spenner: you forgot your phone charger, bud
spenner: you have another one or you want me to bring this one to you?
tomothy: fuck
tomothy: i have another one
tomothy: but that one is my travel charger :(
spenner: i’ll bring it to work with me tomorrow, yeah?
tomothy: thanks, bub <3
spenner: no problem <3
June 26, 7:52am
spenner: i have delivered the package
tomothy: you’re a dweeb
spenner: i mean yeah probably but i’m a dweeb that brought you your phone charger
tomothy: thank you, baby
spenner: where are we on that killing shayne thing
tomothy: i had mostly abandoned the idea lmao why
spenner: he’s making fun of me
tomothy: for?
spenner: does it matter?
tomothy: maybe !!
spenner: no defense from my tommy
spenner: i would hide his body for you </3
tomothy: we can kill shayne as long as we can also kill kimmy
spenner: why do you wanna kill kimmy lmao
tomothy: she’s also making fun of me
spenner: for?
tomothy: does it matter?
spenner: maybe !!
tomothy: you said “my tommy”
spenner: oh. sorry?
tomothy: no i like it
tomothy: that’s why she was making fun of me
spenner: you called me baby
tomothy: you said that was okay. not okay?
spenner: no that’s why shayne was making fun of me
spenner: you called me baby
spenner: and i like it
spenner: so like yeah
spenner: i’m gonna go do my job
tomothy: yeah, me too
tomothy: lunch later?
spenner: sure <3
tomothy: <3
June 26, 8:31pm
spenner: if i told you i could talk to squirrels would you believe me or would you need to be convinced
tomothy: i mean evidence would be nice
tomothy: but i cannot imagine a less obtrusive x-men superpower
tomothy: like you could be shooting fire from your hands or some shit
tomothy: talking to squirrels is a non issue
spenner: lmao you wouldn’t think i was crazy ??
spenner: or, like, lying ??
tomothy: hadn’t even occurred to me, tbh
tomothy: what can i say i just believe you ig
spenner: …
spenner: you’re the best, tommy
tomothy: i do what i can
June 27, 10:41am
tomothy: i wear a white dress to your friend’s wedding
tomothy: thoughts?
spenner: as incredible as you would look, almost definitely not socially acceptable
tomothy: you think i would look incredible? 😇
spenner: you always look incredible, dumbass
tomothy: you’re so mean to me :(
spenner: **you always look incredible, baby
tomothy: :)
June 27, 1:14pm
spenner: what if i quit my job
tomothy: you would make a beautiful housewife
spenner: you gonna be my breadwinner, tommy?
tomothy: of course
tomothy: my hands look like this so his hands can look like this etc etc
spenner: you’re the worst
tomothy: you love me anyway
spenner: i do
tomothy: shut up <3
spenner: no <3
June 28, 12:30pm
tomothy: we are exactly halfway through this week
tomothy: carried here by the grace of god or whatever meemaws say
spenner: oh dude i hope the bride’s meemaw is at the wedding
spenner: she was the fucking coolest
tomothy: a meemaw? the coolest?
spenner: she smoked six inch long cigarettes and had very pointy usually red nails
spenner: she told us stories we probably were not supposed to be told
spenner: but she like
spenner: when we talked, she listened
spenner: like we weren’t Just Kids
spenner: like we had something valuable to contribute to the conversation
tomothy: okay yeah she sounds awesome
tomothy: you had me at six inch long cigarettes
tomothy: do not care if that was an old woman, that’s camp
spenner: you should be studied in a lab <3
tomothy: thank you?
spenner: you’re welcome <3
tomothy: smh <3
June 28, 4:02pm
tomothy: speaking of the wedding,
spenner: it’s been three and a half hours but continue
tomothy: SPEAKING of the wedding,
tomothy: have you told the wedding party you’re bringing a plus one
spenner: messaged her as soon as you said yes, babe
tomothy: oh he’s responsible
spenner: now we all know that’s not true .
tomothy: spen i hate to tell you this
tomothy: but you are like. very responsible, bub
spenner: take it back
tomothy: dude i can’t
tomothy: when was the last time you were late on a bill
spenner: that doesn’t count, those are all on auto-pay
tomothy: okay when was the last time you were Actually short on cash
tomothy: and not just “close” to “pulling from [your] savings account”
tomothy: which always means you have a hundred dollars left and we’re getting paid in two days
spenner: hey now
tomothy: am i wrong, baby?
spenner: i mean no but you shouldn’t say it
June 29, 4:55pm
spenner: come over after work?
tomothy: i’ll meet you at your car?
spenner: perfect <3
tomothy: <3
June 30, 1:45pm
tomothy: yes it only occurred to me to be curious until day before
tomothy: but like who’s getting married ??
spenner: my friend jessica and her fiance mustafa
tomothy: have we met mustafa?
spenner: nah this’ll be my first time seeing jess in person since like.. 2015?
spenner: she was staying in india for business stuff for a while
spenner: and she met mustafa bc he was also there on business
spenner: from iraq not america
spenner: to be clear
tomothy: is his family coming all the way here? that sounds expensive lmao
spenner: nah they’re gonna go over there and have wedding 2: electric boogaloo
tomothy: that… also sounds expensive
tomothy: not my wedding but goddamn
spenner: yeah she’s ?? some kind of business exec ??
spenner: for the record i have asked but she doesn’t like talking about work when she’s chillin
tomothy: and she is so valid for that
spenner: and she is so valid for that
June 30, 9:22pm
tomothy: oh god i just realized we didn’t hammer out plans for tomorrow so now i am the crowned prince of anxiety
spenner: we’re gonna leave your place at about 9am
spenner: we’re gonna pick up breakfast on our way out of town so we don’t have to stress about it
spenner: i allotted time for at least two bathroom stops but we can do more or less as needed ofc
spenner: we’ll get to fresno at about 2:30 most likely given stops
spenner: we’ll find somewhere to eat lunch in fresno
spenner: check into the hotel at or after 3, we’re not on a time crunch really
spenner: change into our wedding clothes bc i assume we’re roadtripping in comfy clothes
spenner: wedding starts at 4 and goes “til everyone fucks off”
spenner: which is exactly what jessica put on my emailed invitation
spenner: i was guessing we’d get back to the hotel about 9?
spenner: and if the food at the wedding sucks, we doordash/uber eats/grubhub/postmates sumn
spenner: that work for you?
tomothy: you really thought this out holy fuck
spenner: i wasn’t gonna make you go to a wedding w me AND flounder for plans
spenner: you like it better when there’s a plan
spenner: so i made one
tomothy: i love you
spenner: love you too
July 1, 8:32am
tomothy: spen pls tell me you’re on your way
tomothy: how do i dress myself for a cocktail wedding
tomothy: why did i agree to go with you to a stranger’s wedding
spenner: i am on my way (texting while traffic is stopped dw)
spenner: you look good in everything, but i can help when i get there if you want
spenner: you know since you made getting dressed easy for me
spenner: also you know you don’t have to go w me if you don’t want to, right?
spenner: i’m not gonna force you to do anything you don’t want to do
tomothy: i’m just whining i want to go
tomothy: or like you’re going to be there so being there isn’t so bad ig
tomothy: you have opinions about what i wear?
spenner: you look good in everything
spenner: however i do have favorite looks
tomothy: favorite? big words
spenner: you have no idea
tomothy: ???
spenner: i’m parking my car i’ll see you in a second smh
tomothy: ???????
July 1, 11:22am
spenner: where’d you go :(
tomothy: i’m just in the bathroom you dweeb
spenner: need me to grab you anything
spenner: i know you haven’t had enough caffeine
spenner: or water for that matter
tomothy: oh i do need coffee
spenner: oaky smokes
spenner: making your coffee + grabbing you a water
tomothy: :(
spenner: you can drink water, it won’t kill you
July 1, 2:35pm
tomothy: are you seeing this shit
spenner: oh my god
tomothy: i’ve never seen a waiter serve more cunt in my life
spenner: karen had it coming!
tomothy: we stan a legend
July 1, 3:14pm
spenner: hey can you take a picture of my license plate while you’re out there
spenner: we need it for free hotel parking
tomothy: what were you gonna do if i hadn’t gone back for my meds
spenner: been really sad
spenner: no lmao i would have gone myself ig
tomothy: [image.png]
spenner: thank you <3
July 1, 4:35pm
tomothy: is that seriously the color she chose for the bridesmaids
spenner: tommy,,, the vows are literally Being Said
tomothy: okay and
tomothy: chartreuse is a horrible color
tomothy: especially for a summer wedding
spenner: i’ve seen you fuck up basic multiplication
spenner: but spelling the word chartruese, i just watched you do that perfectly the first time
spenner: bc you are Right Next To Me
tomothy: would you rather i make my comments aloud
spenner: …
spenner: ig not
spenner: shit talk away, buddy
tomothy: THANK YOU
tomothy: i don’t have anything further but the permission is nice
July 1, 4:38pm
tomothy: wait how do we know the bride again
spenner: we grew up in the same neighborhood
tomothy: and both ended up in california ??
spenner: babe you’re also from florida and in california
tomothy: touche
July 1, 5:25pm
spenner: where’d you go :(
tomothy: i have found the bar :)
spenner: ooo oaky smokes
spenner: grab me a soda?
tomothy: already ordered you one, we’re just waiting for my drink now
spenner: <3
tomothy: <3
July 1, 5:59pm
tomothy: hey spence quick question
spenner: i swear i just went to the bathroom i did not intentionally leave you alone
spenner: did i leave you uncomfortable??
spenner: i can come back
tomothy: wow you text fast
tomothy: no i’m fine the wine aunties have me
tomothy: but back to my question
tomothy: why are the wine aunties under the impression that you and i are engaged
spenner: pardon?
tomothy: i don’t know how to make that smaller words
spenner: fuck you, you know what i mean
spenner: i have no idea why they think that ??
tomothy: update, apparently it’s bc you said we weren’t dating and from our “behavior” and “the fact that you two boys aren’t wearing rings yet”
spenner: they think i wouldn’t get you an engagement ring??? tf
tomothy: spence that is so far from the point
spenner: no look i’m offended
tomothy: not by the fact that they think we’re engaged
tomothy: but by the fact that they think we’re engaged but you didn’t buy me a ring about it?
spenner: YES
spenner: why tf would i be offended by them thinking i could bag tommy fucking bowe
spenner: that part is actually a point of pride maybe
tomothy: ????
spenner: ???? ??
tomothy: you could????
spenner: i could what???
spenner: oh my god
spenner: do you mean what i think you mean
tomothy: spence you could bag tommy bowe any day of the goddamn week
spenner: are you still at the table with the wine aunties?
tomothy: yeah, you want me to come find you? or do you want me to leave?
tomothy: i can find a way home if you need some space
spenner: are you fucking stupid
spenner: stay right where you are i’m coming to you
spenner: texting jessica to let her know we’re ducking out
tomothy: we don’t have to do that !!
spenner: tommy
spenner: i want to leave so i can kiss you
spenner: do you want to stay here for real bc we can
spenner: but that is why i am posing we leave
tomothy: we can leave !!
spenner: i love you
tomothy: i can literally see you right now
tomothy: i love you too