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Aziraphale put on his jacket, hung the small "Closed" sign on his door, and left the bookshop to cross the street to Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death. He had decided not to open, at least for the morning, and instead to supply a certain florist with caffeine.
With his hand on the door of the coffee shop, he stopped and noticed that the flower shop was not open. There was no stall of fresh plants and flowers, and there seemed to be no movement inside.
Instinctively, he shot a questioning look at Nina through the window, pointing to the flower shop, but Nina shook her head and shrugged.
Aziraphale walked up to the shop and saw a small sign on the door, "Closed for today."
Surprise turned to slight concern, as his lover hadn't mentioned it at all, even though they'd spent the evening together the day before. Aziraphale dared to knock lightly on the door.
"He's not in."
He looked up in the direction of the voice and saw Muriel leaning out of the window as they added, "I'll be right down."
A few seconds later, Crowley's adopted sibling had opened the door and invited the bookseller into the shop.
Aziraphale, now genuinely concerned, immediately asked, "Is he all right? Where is he?"
Muriel put a hand on his arm and said quietly, "Calm down. I'll answer your questions right away, but first I need to explain something to you."
Aziraphale nodded and Muriel continued, "I know Crowley told you about his childhood and his history. The major lasting consequence for him is not the fear of abandonment, although that is one - I speak from experience - no, the major lasting consequence for him is the feeling of inadequacy. I'm not going to go into the details of how he was abandoned, because that's his story to tell, but you should know that this is his deepest wound. And when that scar opens up, he's in what we refer to as one of his bad days. He isolates himself and usually doesn't talk to anybody. Not even me."
Aziraphale, very sad for Crowley, asked them, "And is there any way I can support him, anything I can do?"
Muriel gave him a long, silent look before replying, "Maybe it will be different with you, so I'll tell you where I think he is. For as long as I can remember, don't ask me why, that's for him to tell, Crowley has found solace in ducks."
She couldn't help smiling at the stunned look on the bookseller's face and added, "You heard me, Crowley has a passion for ducks. He's inexhaustible on the subject. But I digress. I was saying that he finds solace in them, and that's probably why he's in Saint James Park. There's a particular spot not far from the pond with a bench near the Blue Bridge, and that's usually where you'll find him."
Aziraphale nodded and said eagerly, "I'll go there."
Muriel held him back and said gently, "We haven't really had time to talk since you and Crowley... well, you know what I mean. But I wanted to tell you..."
Aziraphale interrupted, "I promise I won't hurt him."
Muriel shook their head and replied, "Oh, that? I'm sure of that, right from the start. I was going to say, don't let him push you away. Be patient."
Aziraphale nodded and said softly, "I promise," then turned to leave when they stopped him by tugging at his sleeve and the next second held him close and said in a whisper, "Thank you."
Aziraphale, unaccustomed to this kind of display of affection, patted Muriel awkwardly on the back, then Muriel stepped back and chuckled slightly before saying, "You and Crowley really are alike.
Just under half an hour later, Aziraphale arrived at Saint James Park, and thanks to Muriel's directions, it didn't take him long to find the spot in question, pleased to see that they had been right.
Crowley was indeed sitting on the bench across from the pond, and unfortunately, even from a distance, Aziraphale could see that it was indeed a bad day.
He continued on his way and sat down next to the florist without saying anything.
Crowley immediately whispered, "Aziraphale, I know it was Muriel who told you where to find me, but I'm sure they also told you that I want to be alone."
Aziraphale nodded and replied quietly, "I know they told me, but I won't say anything and I won't make a sound, so it's like you're alone."
Then he leaned back comfortably and looked straight ahead without saying anything more.
After a few seconds of silence, Crowley huffed and muttered, "Suit yourself..."
Aziraphale watched the people pass by, saying nothing, not moving, when suddenly Crowley muttered, "Don't give them bread, you idiot. Ducks shouldn't eat bread."
Then he stood up, and Aziraphale saw him walk over to a man at the water's edge who seemed to be throwing breadcrumbs to the ducks swarming around. Amused, he watched as Crowley scolded the poor man, showing him a small bag in his hand. The other man walked away with an exasperated look under Crowley's murderous gaze. Then Aziraphale saw the florist turn toward the water, crouch down, and start throwing things at the ducks, but he couldn't tell what it was from where he sat.
After a few moments, Crowley returned and sat down on the bench again, this time a little closer to Aziraphale, who still said nothing and waited patiently.
Suddenly, he felt Crowley's hand on his, resting between them on the bench. Aziraphale still said nothing, simply returning his hand under Crowley's, whose fingers were almost desperately intertwined with his own.
"I told you I lived in an orphanage, but what I didn't tell you was how I got there. I warn you, it's worthy of Dickens." He gave a self-deprecating chuckle and continued, "I was purely and simply dumped at the gates of the orphanage on what seemed like the day I was born. With only a chain bracelet on my wrist, engraved with Anthony's name."
"Is your name Anthony?"
"Yes, but since that's the name my parents who abandoned me gave me, I don't like to wear it."
Aziraphale frowned and asked, "Then why Crowley?"
Crowley replied, "It was the name of the gardener who took me under his wing, and since he was the closest thing I had to a father, I chose that name, which in fact became my given name. Only Muriel sometimes calls me Anthony to tease me or when they're angry."
Crowley sighed and continued, "Anyway, the reason I'm here today is because sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder why. What did I or didn't I have that made my parents decide to leave me. Why did they do that? Why did my mother decide to bring me into the world and just abandon me without giving me a chance to show her who I could be? Wasn't I enough as a baby, as a son?"
Aziraphale squeezed Crowley's hand in his, inwardly devastated for him, for his pain, and replied softly, "Of course you were. Of course you are. There was and is nothing wrong with you. Believe me, I know a thing or two about feeling inadequate when it comes to my family. Aside from my mother, the rest of my family, including my father, made it clear that I would never be enough. And then I left and realized that the problem wasn't me. I don't have to prove anything. You don't have to prove anything. I'm sure if I ask Muriel, they'll go on and on about why they love you as much as I l-"
Aziraphale paused, aware of what he had almost confessed. Not that he wasn't absolutely sure of the nature of his feelings for the florist, but now was not the time for such a confession as he was trying to comfort him.
Which didn't stop him from seeing in Crowley's eyes that the florist hadn't missed his almost slip of the tongue.
Aziraphale coughed, then continued, "I have no doubt that this wound will never go away, but when the scar opens, think of the people you have around you now who love and appreciate you for what you are, for who you are."
He squeezed Crowley's hand a little tighter in his own, giving the florist time to think about his words.
After a few minutes, Crowley nodded and turned to him, asking with a small smile on his lips, "Are you an angel?"
Aziraphale could not suppress a small laugh before replying, "I can assure you, no, I am not."
Crowley insisted, "But you work miracles, because for the first time in a long time, I don't feel like moping around all day."
Aziraphale said gently, "It's not a miracle, but I'm very happy for you. How about brunch at the Ritz to celebrate?"
"The Ritz?! Wait, don't tell me this has something to do with your... rich family?"
Aziraphale shook his head and replied in a proud little tone, "Well, no, to the boss I'm just Mr. Fell, bookseller, and incidentally he's the only person I agreed to sell two books to, so in payment, instead of the outrageous sum he offered me, I asked him for a table for life at the Ritz."
Crowley first made round eyes, then burst out laughing, much to the delight of Aziraphale, who considered it another small victory.
"Shall we go to the Ritz?"
Aziraphale replied, "Only if you're driving. I came by taxi."
Crowley stood and exclaimed, "Deal."
Still holding Aziraphale's hand, he started to move forward when Aziraphale stopped him, "Wait, I want to know something. What did you feed the ducks?"
Crowley proudly pulled the bag from his pocket and shook it in front of Aziraphale, who saw small green grains dancing inside.
"This is what you feed the ducks. Frozen peas. They love it, and it's good for them."
Aziraphale couldn't resist and, standing on tiptoe, he planted a light kiss on the lips of the florist, who, as they walked away, asked, "What was that for?"
Aziraphale casually replied, "Because you're so sweet!"
"Aziraphale!"
Only a chuckle came back to Crowley as they walked toward the Bentley.
**********
Aziraphale moaned as he closed his eyes around the last spoonful of chocolate cake before exclaiming, "Scrumptious!"
When he opened his eyes, he saw Crowley, chin resting on his hand, watching him with a small smile on his lips.
"What's the matter? Do I have something on my face?"
Crowley shook his head and, without breaking his smile, said softly, "I think I found something as comforting as feeding the ducks."
Aziraphale asked in a confused tone, "What?"
"Watching you eat. You enjoy it so much, it's fascinating."
Aziraphale wiped his mouth, unable to hide the slight blush in his cheeks at Crowley's compliment, and the florist then took his hand, pressing a lingering kiss to the palm before saying softly, "Thank you...angel."
Blushing even more, Aziraphale replied, "You're welcome."
As they gazed at each other in silence, ducks and desserts were forgotten, and all that remained was the fragile feeling that passed between them at that moment.
It didn't have a name yet, but it was there, and that was all that mattered.