Chapter Text
The last time Tony visited Stuttgart was during a European tech summit a few years ago. A very well-organized event in fact, the Germans surely knew how to make every little thing perfect and shiny. He didn't remember everything (he never remembered much from events like that), but from what he recollected there was a great atmosphere, surprisingly tasty food and lots of fine booze. There were also quite a lot of ladies who definitely busted the myth about “not-attractive-German-type”, as well as some good-looking men.
All in all, it must have been a pretty good party because when Tony woke up the next morning, he realised that he wasn't sleeping in his own bed and that he was sharing the said bed with a cute blond girl (possibly an IT security specialist from Austria?) and a handsome dark-haired guy, who - as Tony vaguely remembered - was a CEO of a very successful German start-up dealing with robotics and AI.
Oh yes, those were the days… Tony is trying to convince himself that he would gladly indulge in such events again, although deep down inside he is fully aware that it wouldn't work anymore. For one thing, he is quite sure that he’s past his “drinking himself into oblivion on any possible occasion” life stage… at least for now. And there is the other thing as well, the one that he reluctantly acknowledges himself and would never willingly admit in front of others - he hasn't slept with anybody since he and Pepper broke up.
Fortunately, their short but intense relationship ended quite peacefully, with both of them realising that they were better friends and work partners than lovers. And the break-up (although painful and emotionally difficult) did them both good in the long term, when they finally managed to get over it. So yes, Tony is a free man now and could immerse himself again in no-strings-attached one night stands whenever he wanted and with whomever he wanted.
He could… but he doesn’t. And it isn’t that he just can’t move on and compares everyone to Pepper, not really. He's not actually looking for another long-lasting commitment, either. It’s more like he doesn’t want to go to bed with boring people anymore. And that category has got bigger and bigger over the last years and currently includes…practically everybody who is interested in sleeping with him. The few people (apart from Pepper) whom he finds interesting and stimulating enough in intellectual aspects, are either totally not his type physically, or would never have sex with him for various reasons. The final result - self-inflicted dry spell, mixed with growing frustration and continuous questioning of his own sanity.
But anyway, even if he wanted to go back to his old habits, right now he isn’t comfortably sitting in his private plane, sipping a drink and waiting for the exciting boozy event. Instead, he’s in his Iron Man suit, prepared for a tough fight, because apparently some world-domination-obsessed extraterrestrial weirdo decided to remove someone's eyeball in a museum's foyer. Then - according to the SHIELD's live footage displayed on his screen - he followed up with quite an impressive performance which included some dress-up (holy shit, this helmet is one of the most ridiculous things Tony has ever seen!), a bit of prestidigitation and a high-level self-obsessed psycho talk, the kind that German people probably haven't heard since World War II. And currently he’s fighting with Captain America and beating his lousy ass, and that's exactly why Tony is flying at high-speed right now instead of enjoying himself in a jacuzzi.
Alright, so if he really is about to finally join team Ripley and kick the alien's ass, he has to do it in style. He switches his music player to “Shoot to thrill”, turns up the volume to maximum and effectively jams SHIELD's communication channel.
“Agent Romanoff, you missed me?”
Well, maybe that's not the catchiest line in the world but combined with the music and the element of surprise, it surely creates the desired effect. Tony swirls down to the square, quickly assessing the situation, which doesn’t look good for the Cap. Seriously, supersoldier, my ass! Beaten down by some random E.T.! In a goddamned cape! And with huge complexes (judging by the size of the horns)!
Without too much hesitation, he quickly stretches out both of his arms and blasts the effing son-of-a-goat with the full available power of his suit. The alien seems to be caught by surprise as he doesn’t even try to evade the blow. Instead, he flies good several meters (his shiny staff and absurd helmet falling to the ground somewhere along the way), before crashing down on a nearby stairway, his head hitting hard on the edge of the stone step. Yikes, that must have hurt! Probably, this kind of blow would instantly kill a human being, or at least make them unconscious for a long time. But apparently, that wasn't enough for the Rudolph-boy, who is still moving and trying to get up, although slowly and unsteadily. Tony lands down with a crash and quickly steadies himself in an attack position, ready for the next blast if necessary.
The alien slowly sits down on the stairs and looks up at him. There seems to be something different in his face and his eyes, something that doesn’t really suit what Tony saw earlier on the footage. What he’s seeing now, is a lot of confusion, shock and anxiety, more than he expected, really. Like the guy was literally trying to figure out where he is and what is happening… yeah, that might be the effect of concussion or any other kind of thing that this species gets while being hit heavily on the head. Well, that's probably for the best anyway, maybe he will be too stunned to try anything funny.
“Make your move, Reindeer Games!”
—
His head is killing him. It feels like it was literally splitting in two and the pain is much more intense than it should be, given the circumstances. Alright, the head injuries are never fun and could be really dangerous, but Loki has had it worse a lot of times and it has never hurt that much. But the pain itself isn’t the worst thing, it is the feeling of being completely dazed and confused that really gets him. Like his normally fast thinking, highly creative and always-prepared-for-inventing-plan-B mind was stuck in a dark cave unable to see anything apart from some vague outlines of the surroundings. And there is something else which is strange… a thing that he can’t identify at first, apart from the nagging feeling that something is missing. Until, suddenly, it becomes clear - the mind link is gone.
It! Is! Gone! The bloody thing that kept him on the leash of Thanos and the Other has finally disappeared. Despite the pain and the annoying dizziness, Loki feels a rush of excitement going through his whole body. Free at last, no longer dependent on anybody! No more humiliations, games of appearances, and pretended loyalty! Finally, he’s able to do what he wants. The only problem is… that he has no idea what he actually wants right now. Apart from the pain and confusion to go away. Norns, he has no idea where he is and what exactly is happening, either. He struggles a bit, trying to get himself up, and finally manages to sit on the stone staircase and look around to assess the situation.
…And the situation doesn’t look so bright. But at least some pieces of memories start to get together and form a clearer picture of what happened before he fell down. One of his enemies (the one he has nearly defeated) - a guy with a flying shield, in a funny-looking costume - is on his feet again, to the left of him, clearly ready for another combat. The second one (possibly the one who hit him), is standing right in front of him. He is clad in thick red-golden armour, so huge and shiny, that Loki can't help wondering what kind of issues this mortal tries to make up for. And there is also the flying ship hovering above, its weapons in battle position and directed towards him.
Yes, definitely, not the best set of circumstances he's even been in. Possibly, also not the worst one, but with his norn-damned mind playing tricks on him it is hard to tell. But maybe he could still use what is left of his silver tongue, negotiate, talk himself out of this situation?
He frantically tries to get some recollections of what has happened since he opened the portal and entered this realm and the still-a-bit-shattered memories that he manages to get make him wince. Right, so that would be stealing a magic artifact from the hands of a powerful organisation, mind-controlling a few of their warriors, being a sole purpose of destruction of their headquarters (with possible casualties), negotiating with individuals considered public enemies in this realm and - last but not least - his little show from a while ago.
So yes, it's fine, it's totally fine. His knowledge of the Midgardian justice system might be close to zero but it doesn’t really matter. His future seems to be quite clear. Best case scenario - a long time of imprisonment, either here or on Asgard. Worst case scenario - death sentence. Possibly preceded by a lot of torture. Again. And though he’s quite sure that Midgardians wouldn't be able to be as inventive and effective as the Other, he still isn’t interested in finding that out.
Negotiation is out of the question. Theoretically, he could tell them the truth, warn them about Thanos and share any information he had, in return for more lenient sentence, but let's face it - nobody is going to believe him. His current inability to use the most of his mind makes it impossible to quickly scheme any reasonable plan. So that leaves only one, quite pathetic option: acting on instinct, hoping to be lucky enough to get a chance of buying himself more time.
The man in front of him shouts something about making his move, and Loki slowly raises his hands up in surrender. And suddenly… his body knows what to do. He leaps to the right, a fast movement performed to cause some commotion and distract the opponents. The armoured man seems to have quick reflexes, as he manages to fire another blast directly into him. But this time Loki is prepared, and fortunately, at this point of his life, using magic is sometimes more about muscle memory than high intellectual abilities. The “defend and deflect” green shield flickers in the air, and the blast (now additionally enhanced) bounces back and hits his enemy with a loud bang. The red armour sizzles and produces lots of electrical sparks as well as some flame and smoke, and the guy inside it lets out a long stream of quite inventive curses as his metal suit opens up and starts falling apart.
Before anyone can react, Loki summons a dagger from his pocket dimension and teleports himself behind the momentarily disoriented enemy, grabbing him and putting the blade against his neck.
“Do not try to do anything stupid…or I shall cut his throat.”
Within an instance, there is complete silence. It's so silent that Loki can only hear the distant sound of some chirping Midgardian creatures, his own frantically beating heart and heavy breathing of the man whose life is in his hands. And there's no other way, as he feels that he is too weak and tired at the moment to use much more of his seiðr - if he wants to get away he has to do it now. He holds on tight to his enemy and teleports both of them away.