Chapter Text
Christine stared at her laptop screen, the harsh light making her eyes sore, as her memory took her back. Her mind showed her vibrant primary colours, floating prideful teeth and pretentious circus music. It felt like a fever dream. Pieces of a puzzle she couldn't quite fit back together. There were things she remembered with crystal clarity. Images of the friends she had made there popped into her mind with such ease. Their voices still echoing inside her head. The conversations they had of terrible forced adventures merging into talks of their hopes and dreams. Ragatha with her cheerful demeanour and helpful advice, Gangle with her kindness and understanding, Kingers wisdom, Zoobles strength, even Jax's candid humour. She remembered them all with such a fondness. But then there were complete gaps that she couldn't grasp, like trying to hold onto a dream that's fading. She would get flashes. Images of events she didn't recognise. Emotions she couldn't understand. It drove her crazy.
She had no memory of how she got out of The Amazing Digital Circus. She had found herself staggering around the streets of New York completely unaware of where she was or what she was doing. Perplexed and dazed. The police had eventually picked her up, informing her she'd been a missing person for eleven months. That had been five months ago. Some memories returned to her quickly, while others, she's still trying to recover. It was exhausting and cumbersome.
The screen on her laptop went dark, and she was left staring at her reflection. Even still, she expected that big Jester face to stare back at her, with those large red and blue eyes, and stupid hat that jingled. Pomni had become so familiar that it had taken a moment to become Christine again. It felt strange stepping back into someone she hadn't been for so long. Her life was like an old pair of jeans; Once fitting perfectly, but so much had changed since then and now it just didn't fit right. Not that she wasn't thankful to be back. To be real. It was just going to take some time before her life felt normal again.
She moved the mouse on her laptop, making the screen light up again, and stared at her website. She had searched for any mention of the circus when she'd got back, typing in variations of The Amazing Digital Circus into search engines and every social media she could think of, but she found nothing. So, after almost giving up, she decided to create her own. She'd put together a crude page with what she'd been through; the headset, the adventures, the craziness of it all, and desperately asking anyone to reach out who had been through the same. But she'd made it months ago and, so far, she'd had nothing. She sighed at her phone number on the screen, contemplating deleting the whole thing. It was possible anyone that had been in the Circus didn't want anything more to do with it. Perhaps they simply wanted to forget about the whole nightmare, move on, and never look back. She wouldn't blame any of them to want that. But Christine just couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't just forget something that had been her entire existence at one point, or the people that had helped her through it.
She shut her laptop and turned away from her work desk, looking around at her new apartment. Her mother had brought it for her after she had returned, wanting her to move closer to her. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful, but as usual her mom had gone overboard, buying her a large two-bed apartment with a large open-plan kitchen and living room. It made her feel small, and even more lonely. Her mom had a habit of throwing money her way instead of emotional support, but she was thankful to not have to think about rent. There were still boxes around that she still hadn't unpacked, despite moving in over two months ago, but she wasn't going to think about them now. She was too tired. It had got late fast.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by her phone vibrating on the kitchen worktop. She moved towards it and checked the caller ID. Mom. Speak of the devil. She answered.
"Christine! I've just landed so wanted to check in!"
Christine was silent for a moment before she answered, confused. "Landed where?"
She heard her mom tut on the other side of the phone. "London, dear. I told you yesterday. The London branch had a major accounting problem and obviously I'm the only one that can fix it." She could feel her mom roll her eyes. "I'll be back next week."
"Oh yes! Sorry! I remember now." She lied. "Hope it all goes okay."
"Me to. I have to go, dear. I'll call you again tomorrow."
After a few goodbyes her mom hung up and Christine was left alone again. It wasn't much of a 'check in', but she was happy to hear her voice. She groaned as she moved towards the sofa and fell onto it. She wondered what she'd be doing right now if she was still stuck in the Circus. Everyone would usually hang out together in the late evenings there. Talking and playing games. It was one of the things she missed, as well as having friends so close by. Going from that to living alone had been hard. Lonely. She turned on the TV and flicked through the channels, but nothing seemed interesting. She left it on a generic game show just to have some background noise. She laid her head down on the cushion and closed her eyes, thoughts of her friends filling her head.
She was startled awake by her phone buzzing. She looked up at the digital clock next to her TV. 03:24. She thought of her mom, in London, and rolled her eyes. She obviously forgot about the time difference. She turned the TV off and picked up her phone with a yawn. But it wasn't her mom. It was a text from a number she didn't recognise. She opened it, and her heart stopped. It was like time stood still. Everything around her fading into nothing. One word stared back at her.
'Pomni?'
Christine hadn't told that name to anyone. Not even on the webpage. She had simply signed off her post with '~Jester'. She thought it was enough for someone to understand if they'd known her there. And this person did. They knew her. A 'her' that she no longer was. She could feel tears forming as she pictured who could be on the other side.
She started her reply. 'I used to be. Who is this?'
She held her breath, waiting eagerly for a reply.
'Where are you?' Quickly popped up.
Christine frowned at the lack of an answer to her question, but replied nonetheless.
'Manhattan, New York.'
She waited for another reply, but the minutes started to pass. She eventually stood up and started pacing around her apartment, checking her phone sporadically. After around twenty minutes she impatiently went to send another message, when a reply finally popped up.
'Meet me at Central Park tomorrow. Bow Bridge. 12pm.'
Christine stared at it for a while. Contemplating it. Was she really considering meeting up with a complete stranger tomorrow? Except… are they a stranger? They had completely skipped over answering what their name was. It seemed deliberate. She had so many thoughts she started to feel dizzy. This was a terrible idea. But she knew she had to do it. She couldn't let the opportunity pass her. What if it is really one of them? Her thoughts drifted to her lost friends; the closeness they shared and how deeply she missed them.
She took a deep breath and replied.
'I'll be there.'
Christine leant against the bridge side, staring into the water, her pale face staring back at her. She had been so nervous about being late that she'd ended up arriving early, and was now overthinking everything. What if they don't show? What if this is just some big joke? What if it is actually one of them but they don't like her in the real world? She brushed a loose strand of her dark hair behind her ear. It had turned into a windy day and she was thankful she'd decided to put it up in a bun this morning. She pulled her red coat tighter around her. It was only the middle of September, but the air had become so cold lately, threatening to skip autumn altogether and jump straight to winter. She pulled out her phone and checked the time. 12:13. She sighed and stared back at the water, her elbow resting on the wooden side, head in hand. They probably weren't going to show. At least this was a pretty place to be stood up.
"Uh. Hey."
A sudden voice behind her made her jump and spin around. A man about her age was stood behind her, hands in his grey hoody pockets. He was looking at her with intense brown eyes, like he was trying to take all of her in before speaking again.
A smile crept over his face. "How ya been, shortstack?"
Christine brought a hand to her face. She'd recognise that voice anywhere. "Jax!?"
She wanted to fling her arms around him and cry. But she couldn't stop staring at him. He had tanned skin, messy dark-blonde hair, little freckles across his nose, and a number of piercings snaked up his left ear.
He held his hand out to her with a smile. "Names Felix."
She reached out and took his hand. "Christine. Nice to meet you… again." She laughed.
He shook her hand way too hard, making her almost loose her footing, but he eventually let go and moved to lean against the bridge side. "So how's life treating ya, Christine." He said her name like he was trying out how it felt in his mouth.
She shrugged. "Oh you know. Living the fucking dream."
Felix's eyes widened and he beamed at her. "Oh my God! Say that again." He looked at her eagerly.
Christine rolled her eyes. "What? You mean fuck?"
"Ha!" He pulled his arm around her shoulders, and shook her a little. "You have to appreciate the little freedoms, Chrissy! Even if it's just saying fuck." He shot her a huge grin and, for a moment, she could see that stupid purple rabbit staring back at her.
"Anyway, come on." He pulled her into a walk, down the bridge. "I passed a coffee shop on the way here that had something called a 'maple hazel cappuccino extreme' and I haaave to try it."
"You really don't need that much sugar or caffeine. But a latte sounds nice."