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"What do I look like?"
The question caught Zuko off guard. It wasn't just the question, but the way she said it, so terribly unsure but trying to sound casual. He turned his head to look at her. How could he describe her looks when she had no visual frame of reference?
The word beautiful didn't mean much to her. But with her hair undone, and her face flushed, her bare chest heaving and rising as she caught her breath, she truly was. At least in his eyes.
But how to tell her?
She winced a bit into the silence that hung between them.
"Forget it."
"Toph—"
"I said forget it."
When she turned on her side to face away from him, grabbing the far corner of his bed-sheet and clutching it against her breasts, it was clear his hesitation hurt her feelings. Why did she wait to ask such a question now? Unsure what to do, he rolled onto his side and pulled her to him. The feeling of her skin against his chest was warm and inviting. He wrapped arms around her, tucked just below her now covered breasts, their weight comforting even as he felt awkward for letting her down. Quietly, he leaned his face towards her and spoke softly.
"It's just that you're hard to adequately describe."
She shuddered as his breath warmed her and his lips whispered against her ear.
"Give me a little time to get it right. I know you hate reductive words like beautiful, and my brain isn't functioning after you."
He didn't need to see her face to know the admission that she'd rocked his world would put a smile on it. One of her hands reached to intertwine fingers with his and pull his hand up, tucked between her breasts. He quite liked that.
"Didn't I tell you to forget it? Go to sleep, Zuko."
She did tell him. But he wouldn't forget. They had another two weeks together and then she was gone. He'd spend their time apart trying to figure out what she looked like and how to describe it in the context of blindness. It didn't help how busy his work became, how she left to travel into the Earth Kindgom to do whatever it was she did. He learned not to ask too many questions. Toph would act as she pleased and questions sometimes made her suspect he wanted to know her activities in order to judge or control her.
He just wanted to know what she was doing because he enjoyed her stories and experienced vicarious freedom in them.
That time without her helped him with his answer. He'd close his eyes at night and recall her next to him. He tried to find words to relate what he saw with any sense other than sight. This new nightly ritual filled his loneliness with her away, and it also expanded his horizons.
Sixteen years.
He knew her for sixteen years before truly considering how she experienced the world. If they hadn't fallen into whatever their current arrangement was, if they hadn't started casually sleeping together a year ago, would he ever have taken the time to try to understand her blindness?
She returned to him almost three months later.
Her face was bright, her complexion vibrant. She looked happy. He wondered if it was from her experiences traveling, or if she was simply excited to see him.
Zuko was sure he could die a happy man on the spot if she looked that radiant just because of him.
He was almost entirely sure he was not the cause.
But that didn't matter as they fell into what was very recently, in terms of their friendship, their routine. They spent the day catching up, and she stayed in his quarters for the evening. He'd work, she'd spar or explore the city and get into trouble, and after dinner together they'd retire to his room. No one bothered with pretending she was staying anywhere else. The palace knew while she was here, she was his. If they'd bothered to get to know her at all they'd say while she was here, he was hers, too.
But Zuko couldn't bring himself to immediately approach the topic again. As excited as he was to give his answer he first wanted her to be comfortable in his home again. And honestly? He was just a little nervous. Excited, proud of himself, and nervous.
He finally brought it up five days into her stay, about two hours after she dragged him into bed, in that quiet spot between winding conversations and sleep.
"Hey, Toph?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you still want to know what you look like?"
The way her face changed, the skeptical and shocked look she shot towards the ceiling, caught his breath.
"Sparky, I was just—"
She quieted when he quickly moved, sitting upright to grab something precious he kept near. It was now or never. He wasn't sure exactly how she'd react to his sentimentality, but he needed to follow his heart.
"Sit up and hold out your hand."
She eyed him suspiciously, but did as asked, his sheets sliding down her frame and pooling at her hips. He placed the small object into her palm.
"This is jade. It's the color of your eyes, which is fitting because as you know it's a precious stone. It's also green, like the official colors of the Earth Kingdom. That means jade somewhat reflects where you're from, and also the element you mastered. As for what the color looks like, it feels like it looks. This jade is cool to the touch, especially when polished smooth. That's what your eyes are like. Cool, polished, and smooth." He gently took the stone back. "Until you're angry, or feeling competitive. Then they shift." He returned the same stone to her hand and her eyes widened a bit in surprise. "Then they have fire in them."
Toph cocked her head to the side and he saw the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She carefully examined the feel of the stone, now warmed from his fire bending. He watched her for another second before reaching to his bedside table for a small, but tall box. When he turned back she looked like she wanted to say something, but he quickly took the first stone from her and continued.
"There's other times when I look into your eyes and they're incredibly deep."
He removed a lid from the box and once more took her hand. She smiled a little when he guided her fingers into a fine sand, dipping them down until it reached her knuckles. Her fingers did not reach the bottom.
"I sink into that jade of your eyes. And I don't really want to resurface."
A soft chuckle proceeded her feedback.
"This is jade, too."
It wasn't a question, but he answered as though it was.
"Yes."
"Just how much preparation did you do?"
"Hardly any." She smiled brightly at that. "I'm a spoiled Fire Lord. I wouldn't dream of putting effort into this."
Her laugh as she extracted her fingers and handed him back the box had his heart skipping a beat.
"Of course not. This is far too corny. Who'd you outsource to?"
"Appa, naturally."
Her whole expression changed. She was still delighted, but made an effort to look teasingly upset as he put the box away.
"You saw Appa without me? I miss that fuzzball!"
"He sends his best."
Toph smirked and gave him a soft punch to his bicep.
"Pass along my thanks. Appa's the most thoughtful friend I've got. How did he get so much jade in sand form? I thought jade was expensive."
"He ordered some jewelers and artisans to save the fragments they couldn't sell and paid them full price by weight. You wouldn't believe how eager they were to get top dollar for what they considered waste."
She smiled.
"I guess Appa's just got the money to spare. This was... unusual. Overly sweet. But nice."
Zuko's posture straightened as if on cue. He leaned closer to her and grabbed her hands. She didn't catch on to his excitement until it leaked into his voice.
"But I'm not done! There's more. I mean, I only told you about your eyes. I'm not even done telling you about them." He let go of one of her hands in order to cup the side of her face. "And sure, the eyes are kind of where it starts, but... Toph. There's so much more I want you to know. You asked a question and I want to do a good job answering."
"You mean Appa does."
He paused.
She clarified.
"Appa wants to make sure you do a good job answering. This was all his idea, right?"
Her crooked grin was a thing of beauty, and he was glad she couldn't see him blush.
"Right. Appa."
"So... my eyes are precious stones? They're cool, they're hot, they drown you. What else is there to say about them?'
He held his breath a moment, watching the very phenomenon he intended to attempt to explain next occur in front of him.
"When you're happy, they sparkle. Your eyes sparkle."
"They do?"
"Do you..." He wanted to ask if she knew what that meant, but instead asked "Do you want me to demonstrate what I mean?"
She nodded, and in that moment he knew she was his. He was the most captivating man in the world, just for her. It took a blind girl to make him feel completely seen.
Quietly, he reached for her arm and slowly, methodically, ran his fingernails just over her skin. He continued the motion, making aimless tracks all across her body until he saw her give in to a smile, then visibly shudder.
"That! That little electric feeling, igniting all over? The way it lingers even when I remove my hand? That's what sparkles are like. Little pinpoints of sensation, only they're visible rather than tangible. And when they're especially bright you can still see them even when your eyes are closed. They linger."
Toph's mirth subsided just a little as she shot him a curious look.
"Don't you have a job? Fire Lord duties and such? How much time did you... did Appa put into this?"
"Appa has all the time in the world if it's for you."
Her blush was deep.
"Well that's just creepy! He's a sky bison! Shouldn't he be flying, and eating hay, and annoying Aang or whatever?"
"Yeah. I did try to convince him to stop. I told him he was going too far with this. That you're not particularly sentimental. But he insisted on continuing. He can be a bit obsessive when he's got a goal."
She smiled.
"He sounds like you."
"He does?"
"Yeah. Only if they way the ladies love him is any indication, he's a lot more handsome than you."
His smile was evident in his voice.
"That's okay. I only need your attention."
She frowned, and this time it wasn't playful.
"How come you're being so... sweet? This isn't you. What did you do, Zuko?"
In that moment, her words stung him. All the months of focusing on how to describe her in a way she'd understand, and he never considered she might have a negative reaction. It was going so well in his eyes... until it wasn't.
"Toph, I—"
"You screw over the Earth Kingdom in a trade agreement? Let your father out of prison? Start another war?"
"Toph!"
"What? I can't imagine why you'd be acting like this unless you're covering for something. I mean you're acting like you're in love, and we both know that's nuts."
For the first time in a long while he wasn't thinking about how lucky he was they were in bed and she couldn't use bending to read him. He didn't even care. Her words hurt. And as much as he prided himself in growing up and becoming a levelheaded leader, his reaction to being deeply and personally wounded was the same as ever.
Anger.
"Are you KIDDING ME?"
He was fuming, and went from as calm as the Avatar to as enraged as Ozai ever was in less time than it took Toph to blink.
"Why is it NUTS, Toph?" He got out of bed and began pacing the bedroom, ignoring her reaction entirely. "What? I can't FEEL things? I'm not allowed to fall in love? I can't take my happiness and try to express it like my ancestors, with a poetic flare? Am I so unworthy of love that even YOU, my closest friend, the person I share more of myself with than ANYONE, the one person I'm truly vulnerable with, thinks I'm CRAZY for expressing my feelings?"
Flames enveloped his hands. The torches in the room burned brighter. He couldn't catch his breath, his heart was pounding so hard against his chest. He didn't hear her call his name, he was facing away from the bed.
"Damnit, Toph! I spent months waiting for you and I didn't pressure you to return. I didn't make demands. I respected you have your own life. I didn't label us or order you to be faithful to me. We never even agreed on what this thing between us even is, but I guess it's not mutual like I'd hoped."
He intended to turn around and scream at her, but instead the floor, which was made from stone, turned him and pulled him forward. It startled him to find Toph standing before him. He thought she was still in his bed but she was right in front of him, with hardly any clothes on. The flames in his hands disappeared at the sight of her. After a second of just staring into her eyes, which were focused somewhere to the side of his left ear, two hands raised up and tentatively held either side of his face.
"You're in love with me?"
He swallowed hard and nodded his head, knowing she'd understand with her hands holding him.
She studied him for a long moment.
And smiled.
"Really?"
"Yes. I've put a lot of thought into it, and yes. I don't know when over the last year it started, but right now I'm in love with you."
The way he whispered his answer hardly registered in his ears, but when her smile widened he knew she heard.
"That's good news. I was kinda being flippant because I assumed you were just saying what you thought I wanted to hear so I'd sleep with you again. That's what shitty guys tend to do. Except you're not the worst. You're actually pretty great. And I..." she looked unsure of herself. "I kind of haven't slept with anyone other than you since the first time we..."
Now he was the one broadly smiling.
"Really?"
She blushed deeply and dropped her hands to hit him hard in the shoulder.
"Don't think it's because you're that good or anything. It's just feelings and junk. I mean you're sort of wonderful, but you're also Fire Lord so I assumed I was just one of many women you had on the side. That it was convenient for you to sleep with me when I was in town."
He shot her a curious look, even though she couldn't see it.
"Why would you think that?"
"Because everyone says I'm difficult."
Her tone of voice explained a lot. This was just factual to her. She really couldn't imagine someone choosing her if they had any other options. He could relate.
"You know I'm pretty difficult, too."
"Yeah. No shit, Sparky."
He pulled her toward him and slipped an arm around her waist. Her breasts pressed against his chest and her arms wrapped around him, too. She was close enough to be touching him in all the right spots, but leaned back far enough for him to still see her face. He couldn't stop his next words.
"Wanna be difficult together? A spoiled Fire Lord could use a woman who puts him in his place. And a formerly banished prince could use, well... you."
She bit her lip and appeared to be deep in thought. He hoped she believed him, and they could start something official together. He'd been waiting for so long to have something tangible with her. Quietly, she asked a question so absurd he struggled not to laugh.
"If I tell you I love you back, could you maybe not be so sweet to me out of the blue? It's very suspicious and if that's like, a part of your personality that I haven't experienced yet, you gotta ease into it or I'm gonna think something's really wrong."
"Sure. I promise not to be this sweet for a while. It'll save me some work, too."
She sighed and looked relieved.
"Okay. Great."
"And?"
She made a face that asked and what and he shook his head.
"And are you going to uphold your end of the deal?"
Toph's questioning look slowly shifted into a grin.
"Oh. You want a confession of feelings?"
"That's what you promised."
Her grin turned wicked.
"Would you like that before, during," she ground her hips into him and sent a wonderful shock through his body that had him standing at attention, "or after?"
Hastily, he whispered "All the above" and dipped his head a notch to kiss her. The floor moved again, and in a second they were across the room. She was falling back onto his bed, and he was toppling over onto her. She looked incredible. Devious. Her hair partially loose and cheeks flushed. And those jade eyes.
They sparkled.
"I'm pretty sure I love you, Fire Lord Zuko. I have a lot of fun with you, both in and out of bed."
A hand reached up to undo his top knot, then glided through his free hair.
"Now are you gonna make sure scenarios two and three happen? Or must I do all the work?"