Chapter Text
"Well, here we are."
Dirk says this quietly to himself. It's a well-worn sentence of his, nowadays. Something he finds himself saying more often than he wishes he does. He speaks aloud to himself near habitually, constant one-sided conversations. Nobody is around to talk with him, anyway. And he has a pathetic, desperate need to fill the empty air that surrounds him. Loneliness eats away at him.
Standing alone outside a hospital, he's wearing nothing but the drab hospital clothing and a dispirited outlook of the world. His shoulder is a dull ache now, with sudden flares of pain if he moves his arm too much, so he's keeping it stiff to his side. Not ideal, but life's life. He'll get over it, the Universe will drag him to some new nonsense- comprehensions beyond a regular person's understanding- and he'll continue on, just as he always has.
The injuries are new- never been harpooned twice in the shoulder before, which isn't something just anybody gets to say. The location is new, too- never solved a case anywhere in America. But everything else is standard post-case. Ending up alone, just as the Universe apparently likes it. Why he allowed himself to be hopeful this time, he has no idea. Maybe because his future-self- well, past-self now- told him that he was going to finally have a best friend.
He apparently can't trust his own word, anymore.
He solved the case, saved the girl and this is how he's thanked. More people with their life ruined. Dirk tries very, very hard to quash down the rising bitterness. He tugs the sleeve of his hoodie in an attempt to expel any growing frustrations. The number of cases he has solved over the years is... well, he's solved some. Enough that Dirk feels he's allowed to be a little selfish and believe he deserves some type of reward- it's been sixteen long years. Surely something as a gift by now. Something small, like a friend.
Todd was supposed to be...
He had every right to leave, Dirk. Just as he had every right to say... everything he said. You don't get to choose his fate. He reminds himself, tugging his sleeve again.
He has no idea what to do now. Those fast-growing fantasies of his- friends, the agency- have died just as quick. Next time- as he always tells himself when everyone parts ways- there's always a next time.
For now, Dirk needs to get the hell out of here. He set up a place in the Ridgley, because he thought- hoped...
No.
No, don't think about it. It doesn't matter.
He can just quickly nip back into the place, grab his overnight bag and then be gone from everyone's lives lickety-split. Todd won't even notice he was in such close proximity of him- and if he doesn't know, then he won't be angry and then, he can't accuse Dirk of ruining his life any further than he already has. He won't break that promise of never seeing each other again. He owes that much, at the very least. With a direction in mind, he walks.
Although the Universe is normally a quiet hum at the back of his skull, as he wanders down the hospital parking lot, the hum starts to buzz. Crackles in his mind.
Clearly, he's already needed somewhere elsewhere. New case already? Maybe this is the next time. He's on the street now, walking with a curious interest. He can pop back to his apartment later, then.
He tries to pretend the hunch isn't giving him a creeping sense of dread, something that's crawling down his neck, with an increasing pressure on his mind. The Universe gets steadily louder and louder, becoming difficult to focus on anything other than where it wants him to be. A heavy sense of unease fills Dirk, with each step he takes. There's always terror with the life he lives, he knows he sees it, experiences it, but there are beautiful things too. Holding onto the beauty is what he latches onto, probably the only thing giving him an ounce of hope. It is, however, doing very little to ease him right now. The sooner he deals with it, the better.
He walks further down, before he stops abruptly, something under his foot catching his eye. Lux DuJour staring back at him.
We'll never let you go.
The Universe is screaming at him. It's so loud. Dirk wishes it would shut up.
Dirk looks up. Sees him.
The Universe shuts up.
The man greets him with a mocking salute. He was with Riggins, so Dirk already knows what his fate is. The Universe is silent. His heart is broken down to dust. He whispers to himself.
"Not now."