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Shinji's hand shook as he threaded his fingers through Kaworu's silver hair. It felt so soft under his touch and he couldn't bring himself to stop.
And Kaworu ... Kaworu wept. He let silent tears fall down his face, somewhat mourning what he used to be. He used to be the angel Tabris, he used to soar the stars as he looked down upon the children of Lilith. Now he had eyes to cry, now he was just as human as those who hated him for it all, and for the things he'd been forced to do. The things he willed to do.
Now he couldn't be Tabris anymore, not by his rules, now he had a body and he felt pain. Now the threat of mortality loomed over his shoulders.
But ... now he could be loved. He wanted to sacrifice everything for Shinji, for his pure soul. Shinji was his light, something to look forward to, to protect and cherish. Shinji made Tabris, no, Kaworu, feel.
And now Shinji's heartbeat is on the same line as his. That's all that he had ever wanted to know, to hear. That his love wasn't lonely, that it was reciprocated. And it was.
And so he cried harder. He sobbed until he was empty, his lungs burned with the force of it but it didn't matter in the end because he was there and he'd never forget how Shinji had felt to him. How he had felt when he had first realized that Kaworu loved.
It was overwhelming, the feeling of Shinji's arms around him, the kiss on his head, Shinji being so warm and gentle when he spoke of how much he loved. It was all too much to take at the time, but it had been exactly what he needed. Shinji made him feel like he was real.
"Kaworu... I'm here, It's alright." Shinji whispered against his forehead, running his fingers lightly against his skin. His voice trembled as he did so.
" You don't have to repeat it ever again, this is your last life. You don't have to be reborn, Kaworu." Shinji continued as he kissed the top of his head once more. "You can stay right where you're at forever, okay?"
It took some time before Kaworu was finally able to calm down and breathe normally, but soon enough he found his voice again. A choked-out apology tumbled out of his lips. It was a little embarrassing, really, to cry in front of Shinji. Especially after he promised himself that he wouldn't be weak for the rest of his life. "I'm s-"
"No, shh. I get it." Shinji interrupted gently. He pulled back and cupped his cheeks. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault that my father hurt me. It's not your fault you were born as an angel. " He leaned forwards and pressed their foreheads together.
"Yet ... I am not an angel anymore. You willed me to be here, to be human. It was all you" Kaworu said, pressing the pads of his thumbs into Shinji's cheeks as well. "You're my light, Shinji, you make it bearable."
A small smile tugged up Shinji's mouth. He moved one of his hands to brush away a tear from Kaworu's cheek. " I'd do it only for you." He whispered.
"Do you understand? I love you, Kaworu. Even if you aren't an angel anymore, you still deserve all the best in the world"
His face softened. "You've given me more than anyone else in the world has ever offered. You were the first to love me back, the only one."
Kaworu's heart stuttered. Oh. How badly he wished he had known about this long ago. In his first life, when he was experiencing everything for the first time, in his tenth one when he gave his breath away for the nth time. In every life, it would've soothed his bitter soul.
There were no words in any tongue he knew to describe what Shinji meant to him. What he was staying meant to the tired, hopeless Tabris.
Shinji was the world to Tabris, he was the reason he'd forsaken his brothers and sisters, the reason why he had left Adam and the wish to reunite behind.
He couldn't care less that the children of Adam would get no rest, he couldn't care less if he became a Lilin. As long as he had Shinji, as long as he could be with his unique soul, Tabris had enough.
He thought he'd lived enough lives, met the boy he adored enough times. Yet every time he looked into his mellow eyes he melted like wax, his wings slowly dispersing at the mere thought of the warmth. The softness, the gentleness, the way they caressed his skin, the tender words, it was intoxicating. Shinji was the reason he existed now, in each and every version of him, and Kaworu was willing to pay any price to keep that from changing. If Shinji loved him, that would make this last life worth living.
That was why he needed to rid himself of any lies, any regrets he'd ever have. He would risk telling this boy his name, he would risk angering his Divine siblings. After all, an angel's name was its whole being. It wasn't a Lilin's place to know it. And yet.
"You need to know ... my true name is -"
"To me, you're Kaworu. You don't need to be anything else." Shinji cut in, his gaze burning bright with affection and sincerity. "What matters most is that you are you."
When had Shinji learned to talk like that?
Kaworu thought, his breath hitching as he watched his lips move. The boy who was the sun, the moon, and the stars, Shinji was always beautiful, no matter how many worlds he inhabited. Kaworu's lips stretched in a smile, his heart racing beneath his ribcage.
He could get used to it, the tiny seed of hope could grow and thrive if only everything would stay this way. Just them in this world, the only ones that mattered. "Thank you, Shinji." He replied, his voice barely above a whisper. It sounded foreign in his ears.
Shinji smiled in reply. He tilted his head slightly, brushing his nose against Kaworu's. A slight breath.
"Can I kiss you ?" Shinji asked hesitantly.
Kaworu blinked. Then, a single wordless nod.
The sound of his breath caught in his throat as Shinji's lips touched his. His skin felt alive, his body thrumming with joy. The kiss was slow, cautious, but oh so wonderful.
He wished he could kiss Shinji forever.