Chapter Text
From where he was seated in his chair, Renjun took a look at everyone sitting around him. There was one guy sitting right next to him that was slathered in a mixed scent of strong cologne and leather that made Renjun’s nostrils want to close up for good. There was a guy right across from Renjun that was the complete opposite, wearing a cream colored vest over a white dress shirt and fancy looking dress pants and shoes. Another guy wore a basic hoodie, the hood up and over his head, casting a shadow over his eyes. All of them were so drastically different, so how did they all end up here, in this very club room? It all started four days ago.
FOUR DAYS AGO: RENJUN’S COUNSELOR’S OFFICE
“So before we wrap up today honey, tell me again, how are you feeling overall today?” Counselor Shin pulled out her usual clipboard filled with god knows what and placed it down gently on the surface of her lap, smiling a smile at Renjun that was honestly too bright for his liking.
The room was painted an awful yellow color, to match her pant suit today, and numerous posters and decorations with phrases like You Can Do It! or I Believe In You! and You Are Beautiful! were all over the walls, honestly making Renjun want to vomit. For a counselor with clients dealing with suicidal tendencies, substance abuse, trauma and more, she really had some insensitive decor. Renjun doesn’t even know where his Grandma found this woman. He just knows that he doesn’t like her that much.
”Uhm…the same? Nothing’s really changed since the last time I saw you. Same old life.” Renjun responded back, fiddling with a loose string on his sweater.
“Still having those urges?” Her voice was syrupy sweet, as if she wasn’t currently asking Renjun whether or not his urges to take substances came back full swing or not. And fyi, they did, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. It’s not like she would really help anyway.
”No, haven’t had them in a while. I think you’re really starting to help me.” Renjun replied a bit sarcastically, and he wondered if she was just plain stupid because it seemed to just fly past her head, her smile still plastered on her face as if it was permanently painted there.
”I’m so proud of you Renjun. My number one priority as your counselor is to see you happy, and getting better,” Renjun watched her sit up straight a bit, and then take a peek at her clipboard. “Which is why I have to ask: how are you doing socially? Any new friends at school? Any extracurriculars you’re apart of on campus?”
Now, Renjun wasn’t a complete loner. He knew people: there was that girl from his art class that drew pretty landscapes, that one guy that gave him an extra pencil in statistics, oh and that nice dining hall lunch lady that always gives him extra tater tots…ok, maybe he was a bit of a loner, but that’s not his fault. The people at that school were simply too idiotic to ever be friend material.
”Not really. Nothing ever really sticks out to me…”
”I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you make a club? I always tell my clients: if you can’t walk over the bridge, then start building your own! You’re into art, right? You could make an art club! Or a movie club! Something that you know people will have in common with you! And then from there, you can meet lots of new people and make so many great friends!”
She made it sound so easy.
”Yeah sure, I’ll try it out.” Renjun gave her a tight lipped smile. Anything to get her out of his hair for now.
”Ok! Well, that concludes this meeting. It was so lovely seeing you again Renjun. Remember, I’m not here next week for vacation so I’ll see you the week after, ok?” She stood and walked over to him with enough bubbly energy to fill a bathtub, engulfing Renjun in a hug that was definitely too tight.
“Yeah thanks, see you.” Renjun wiggled a bit out of her hold and gave her a wave, walking to the office door and exiting the room. He let out a sigh, starting to exit the counseling building and walk towards his bike that was parked right next to a telephone booth. He mounted the bike and hopped on, starting to pedal away from that god forsaken building and back home.
Renjun lived in a small city, adjacent to an even bigger city that happened to be where his university was located. He’s glad he doesn’t live on campus and in the big city though, he prefers the quiet, lowkey vibes of his town a lot better anyway. That’s always been the case: when his parents were still alive, they lived in a cozy house in the countryside, surrounded by trees and flowers and fresh air and everything that’s good about nature. But when they died, Renjun’s only remaining guardian moved him closer to the city with her, and although he loved his Grandma, he wished they would’ve been able to stay at his old house. He would sometimes whine to her about it, albeit rather childishly, and deep down a part of him wished that with enough crying and tantrums she would feel bad and move them back there. But it never happened. Renjun hasn’t seen that house in about six years, and as the years keep passing, he fears that he may never see it again.
Before he knew it, his bike was halting at the driveway of his Grandma’s house. He slid off of the black painted vehicle and rolled it up the driveway, unhooking the fence to the backyard and leading the bike to the rack in the corner. He made sure the lock was fastened around the wheel and straightened up from the ground, now climbing the steps of the back patio towards the back door. He whipped out his house keys and unlocked the door, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
“Grandma, I’m home!” He shouted, tossing his keys onto a hook.
“Oh honey, come into the kitchen!” She shouted back at him from a distance. He slipped off his shoes and traveled through the house, entering the kitchen to see her on a very high and very shaky step stool, attempting to grab something from the top of a cabinet.
“Grandma be careful! I wouldn’t want you to fall!” Renjun rushed to her side, steadying her wobbling body.
”Oh, don’t worry I would’ve been fine sweetheart!” She continued to try to grab at whatever was on top of the cabinet, on her tippy toes.
”Grandma, this stool is shaking like crazy. Why don’t you ever get a new one, hm?” Renjun held her as still as he could, praying to god that the raggedy thing didn’t snap underneath her.
”Nonsense, there is nothing wrong with my stool. Never once in its forty five years of being mine has it ever let me fall!” Renjun rolled his eyes at that. His Grandma sure was one stubborn woman.
“Aha!” She suddenly yelled out, plucking what looked like a large piece of dough from the top of the cabinet. “Got it!” She started to step down from the stool, and when she was finally on the ground again she smiled and held out the flared dough for Renjun to look at.
”That’s what you were trying to get this whole time? How did that even get up there?” Renjun had to laugh at this. That was definitely the last thing he was expecting to see, but it was his Grandma so it wasn’t too outlandish.
“I was trying to make homemade pizza! You know how those chefs in pizza restaurants do it, when they toss the dough in the air to make it bigger? I tried following along to this tutorial I found on facebook and well…it didn’t turn out so good.” She laughed, letting the droopy dough hang in between her fingers.
“Ok first of all, a facebook tutorial never works out well for you Grandma, we’ve established this. Second, why didn’t you just order a pizza? It’s a lot easier.” He laughed when he saw her defeated look. She was a smart woman, but cooking was never her strong suit.
”I don’t know, I…I wanted it to be authentic! Your Grandma should be able to cook for you honey.” She shuffled over to the trash can and dropped the sad dough into it.
”Grandma you know I’m usually the cook around here. I could’ve made this for you.” Renjun walked over to her, rubbing her shoulder to try to console her.
”I know I know…you’re growing up too fast, I don’t like that.” She turned to engulf Renjun in a hug, resting her head against his chest since she was so adorably short. “Oh that’s right, how was counseling today?” She looked up at him, her eyes hopeful for a good answer.
”It was good…I feel like I’m really getting the help I need.” Renjun felt bad for lying, but he didn’t want to burden her right now, and not ever. It was for her own good.
”I’m glad sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.” She reached up to squish Renjun’s cheeks, which he whined at while trying to escape her grasp.
“Grandmaaa!”
”Oh hush it! Also, why aren’t you on campus? When do you go back? For class on Monday?”
“Yeah Grandma. Today’s sunday , there’s no class on sundays, remember?” He rubbed his throbbing cheeks, following her into the living room.
“Yeah I know hun, but you’re in college! You should be having the full experience! You know you don’t have to keep living here and commuting to campus, right? Why don’t you move into a dorm there?” She asked, sitting down on the plump brown couch that Renjun absolutely adored. He followed suit, sitting down next to her.
”Grandma we’ve been over this, I prefer staying here with you. I want to take care of you.”
“I know that but still sweetie, I don’t want you to be holed up here all of the time. I want you to get out there and make friends and memories. You only get to be 19 once, you know. Trust me, I know.” She reached over to smooth over some of his hair.
”I hear you Grandma…but trust me, I’m fine here, ok? I don’t mind taking care of you,” He took her hand to try to reassure her, but he saw how her eyes still looked a bit unsure. So, even though he knew he would regret it, he said the one thing that he knew would cheer her up.
”Actually, I’m planning on starting up a club on campus. My counselor considered it and I think I’m really gonna go through with it.” He saw how her eyes lit up the moment he said that, and he felt relieved. At least for now, he can convince her that he’s actually making an effort to socialize.
”Oh, that’s great Renjun! What will the club be, hm?” She smiled, her tone already a hundred times more enthusiastic.
”That, I don’t know yet. But I’m gonna meet with the student life coordinator on campus tomorrow and try to convince him to let me make a club. Hopefully he’ll let me.”
”Oh, he’ll be a fool not to! If he ever causes trouble for you just tell me and I’ll march right up to that school and beat his sorry ass!” She imitated a few punches in the air and Renjun laughed from the mere ridiculousness of it, leaning over to rest his head against her shoulder.
”I know you will Grandma..I know you will.”
THE NEXT DAY, MONDAY: THE STUDENT LIFE COORDINATOR’S OFFICE
”Come in!” The Coordinator yelled from inside the closed office after Renjun knocked, and he obliged, turning the knob and stepping into the room.
”Ah, Huang Renjun, come on in.” The Coordinator offered the empty seat in front of his desk, and Renjun sat in it, almost wincing from how uncomfortable the plastic chair was.
”So, your email referred to you wanting to create a club?”
”Yes sir, I know the club fair already happened a month ago and the clubs are already officiated here but I wanted to create my own.” Renjun watched as the Coordinator adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose, letting out a hefty sigh.
”Listen Renjun, if you wanted to create a club you should’ve done so at the beginning of the year when everyone else was. Having to provide financial support to a club last minute isn’t super ethical right now.”
“I understand that sir, but with all due respect it’s only october, it’s still early in the semester so there won’t be much to catch up on. Plus, my club won’t need heaping amounts of money. I just wanted it to be more…lowkey, more of a communal space for people to get to know each other and talk.”
The Coordinator leaned back in his wheelie chair, running a hand across the stubble on his face.
”I’ve heard about you…about you causing a ruckus in the classroom last semester. Openly arguing with a professor and disrupting the classroom, insulting the professor’s way of teaching his own class,” Renjun mentally rolled his eyes and looked down at his folded hands to refrain from biting back. “How do I know you won’t use this club to spew nonsense again?”
”What happened last semester was….was a mistake sir,” It really wasn’t. The professor was teaching a topic that he was clearly too ignorant for, and Renjun took it upon himself to challenge him. Not his fault that the college hired a stupid professor. “I promise it won’t happen again. And I promise that this club won’t have anything to do with that. I simply just want to give people a space to be themselves. Isn’t that what this university strives for? Finding your true self, and meeting other people who will help you along the way?”
The Coordinator plucked a pen from his jar of writing utensils, spinning it in between his fingers. That seemed to be his thinking tactic, because soon after the pen stopped spinning and he looked up to meet Renjun’s eyes.
”Alright, alright…I’ll give you a chance. I’ll give you three chances. But if I catch wind of suspicious activity, three strikes and you’re out, ok?”
”Thank you, thank you sir,” Renjun smiled, bowing with his hands clasped to show sincerity. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you down.”
”But,” He suddenly pulled out a piece of paper, scribbling something on it and handing it to Renjun. “I won’t let you run rampant without at least some sort of adult supervision. So your club overseer will be Professor Nakamoto. Give him that paper and make him sign it so that you can begin letting people into your club, shoot me an email showing that he signed too. Your first meeting can be this thursday. Don’t cause a scene.”
Renjun took the paper and stood, bowing again and thanking him for his help. Once he exited the office and closed the door behind him, he looked down at the paper and examined it. It was actually happening. He honestly kind of didn’t believe it: just yesterday the club was a mere afterthought and now, he was on his way to get a professor to sign off on it. Speaking of which, where even was Professor Nakamoto’s office? He pulled his phone out from his back pocket to do a little research, and eventually he found out that Professor Nakamoto was an art professor that teaches 300 level courses. Renjun knew his name sounded a bit familiar: Nakamoto was notoriously known for being an eccentric, no fucks to give type of professor, sometimes showing up to class smelling like alcohol or cigarettes or both and yelling in student’s faces whenever their artwork doesn’t meet his criteria. Renjun honestly doesn’t know how the man hasn’t been fired yet.
Renjun found his office; it was in the art department building not too far from where he was now. He exited the student life building and was met with the chilled winds of october, blowing the hair back from his face. Campus was lively: people were chatting as they walked to classes together or took selfies holding the perfect shaped orange leaf that they found on the ground. Typical fall semester atmosphere, and if Renjun didn’t absolutely despise people, he possibly could’ve been living on campus. Unfortunately for him, people still manage to give him the ick.
Renjun soon arrived at the art department, scanning his id card to enter the building and opening the door to be met with a big whoosh from the cold central air. He didn’t understand why they still had that running when it was getting chillier outside. He remembered that Professor Nakamoto’s office number was 127, so he walked a bit down the hall and took a right turn to find it, seeing the name tag on the wall almost immediately. The door was closed, so he knocked before coming in. There was so response, so he knocked again, louder this time, and he began to hear shuffling from the other side of the door. Renjun was about to knock again until the door swung open, revealing a messy haired and very tired looking man. He squinted down at Renjun, as if the artificial light from the hallway equaled that of the sun.
“Can I help you?” He asked, his voice thick with sleep.
”Sorry to wake you, my name is Huang Renjun and I’ve come to you because student life appointed you as my club leader. Well, not really leader but like overseer. They want you to be the adult figure of the club is what I mean.” Renjun held up the paper, and Professor Nakamoto grabbed it, pulling it closer to read it better. He grumbled something that Renjun didn’t understand, and then opened the door wider for Renjun to come in and flicked the light on.
Renjun stepped inside carefully, and was immediately hit with a million different emotions at once. His nose almost plugged up involuntarily from the stench of leftover cigarettes and coffee, and he swears he caught a hint of sweaty socks too. He saw empty energy drink cans littered all over his shelves, and a blanket and pillow was placed conveniently on top of his desk. But looking around the rest of the room, the walls were covered with artwork, which Renjun assumed were the professor’s. They were outstanding to say the least, each one sporting different colors and shades but yet having the same distinct edgy style.
“Wow…” Renjun said to no one in particular, his feet carrying him over to a painting that only used a highly saturated red, as well as a striking electric orange.
”That was my first ever official painting. Made it in my last year of college.” Renjun turned to see Professor Nakamoto standing a bit away from him, looking at the same painting with his hands stuffed into his pockets.
”It’s really good.” Renjun turned his attention back to the painting, marveling at the image. It was so big that it nearly covered the whole wall.
“You paint?” Professor Nakamoto asked, making his way behind his desk to sit in his chair. He offered Renjun to sit in the seat in front of the desk. Another plastic chair, to Renjun’s dismay.
“Oh, well…I draw more than I paint but I want to get more into drawing with actual colors…everything I have is still in black and white…” He rested his tote bag on his lap as he sat.
“Well it’s like I always say, there’s always a chance for color to come into your life. You just have to be willing to make room for it.” He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, sliding one out of the box and stuffing the rest back inside of the drawer. He grabbed a lighter from his pocket, lighting the stick and beginning to take a hit.
“Oh uh- is that like, allowed in here?” Renjun looked around the room as if there would be fbi agents barging in at any given moment to come lock the professor up for his illegal activity.
”Oh don’t worry, I had some highly skilled professionals come in and extract all air systems from this room so that the smoke can’t seep out through the vents.” Professor Nakamoto blew out a puff of smoke, not cracking a smile at first, but he suddenly burst into laughter upon seeing Renjun’s confused and slightly worried expression. “I’m just fucking with you, I took the smoke detector out of the ceiling.” Still another illegal act, but Renjun is starting to believe that anything this man does is just magically overlooked.
”So, you said student life wants me to help lead your club?” He continued, exhaling another dangerous amount of smoke. Renjun noticed how all of his ear piercings reflected the light from above them as he moved.
“Yeah, apparently they don’t trust me to run it on my own so I need adult supervision. Well, more like Mr. Choi doesn’t trust me.”
”Ouch. Mr. Choi, eh? That motherfucker is always giving someone a hard time. You know one time he had the nerve to call me a sloppy professor? The bastard gets head from one of his assistants and twiddles his thumbs all day until he has to go home, but I’m the sloppy one? Psh…” He scoffed and dumped some of the cigarette ashes into an empty can on the desk. Renjun seriously began to wonder how this man is still employed at an institution of higher learning.
”Right…but uhm, all you have to do is sign here,” Renjun held out the paper and pointed to the line where he should sign. “And then you most likely have to attend our first club meeting, it’s on thursday. After that I’m sure you don’t have to show up every single time, you know?” Renjun didn’t mind having him as a overseer, but seeing a glimpse of what he was like now, the person Mr. Choi should really be concerned about causing a scene is Professor Nakamoto. God forbid he lights a cigarette and burns the club room down or something.
”Ok, sure,” Professor Nakamoto took the paper and picked out a pen from a jar, starting to scribble on the slip. “What kind of club will this be by the way?” He asked, his speech a bit mumbled by the cig hanging from his lips.
”You know, everyone keeps asking me that but I don’t know. I guess I just want it to be a space that people feel comfortable talking in. Doesn’t have to be all serious. Honestly I'm just doing this so my Grandma doesn't think I'm a friendless loser." Renjun chuckled. He knew his Grandma would never tell him that to his face, but he knew how concerned she was for him in terms of his social life. She's the type of person that has so many people around her and supporting her at all times, so she can't possibly imagine someone not having that. Except, Renjun only has her now, so that possibility is very very real for him. But with this new club, maybe things can change.
"Oh kid, I've definitely been there before. Hey, I'm rooting for you." He handed Renjun the paper, also offering a fist bump. Renjun smiled a bit, accepting the bump by returning one of his own.
"Thanks Professor Nakamoto." Renjun stood to leave, bowing slightly.
"Oh please, call me Yuta. Like seriously, Professor Nakamoto sounds like my father. The bastard...oh, and also, I'll join your club under one condition. Let me get as many smoke breaks as I want, I have an overabundance of medical marijuana that I need to get rid of."
After his classes, and a sad dinner at the worst possible dining hall on campus, Renjun went back home to work on the flyer design for the club. He thanked god that he went through with taking that digital media design class freshman year, otherwise the flyers would've been on pieces of paper with the words written in blue pen ink. He had created a pretty good design so far, with the words bolded and slanted across the frame, complementary colors bordering the whole poster. Except, he didn't think Talk About It Club was a good enough club name. It was frankly immature, but as of right now his mind could not produce anything else.
"Come on Renjun think, what would make other depressed kids want to sit in a room with strangers and talk about their life issues?" He thought out loud, and suddenly an idea popped into his mind. Food: everyone loved food, and no matter the occasion, people show up to an event if it has food waiting for them to stuff their faces in. Below the jacked up title, he put in a smaller font Food and Drinks Will Be Provided, small enough to not blow the title away but big enough to not miss. Immediately after that, another idea pinged into his head. He erased the butchered title from before and now typed Food For Thought in its place, and while it still wasn't the most extraordinary club name ever, it was way better than the previous one. He made sure to look over the flyer design one last time (or a thousand more times) before saving it, using his Grandma's printer in the living room to print enough copies to hang all around campus.
The next day is when he distributed them. He had contacted Yuta to help him put them all around campus: in dorm buildings, in dining halls, in hallways, on poles outside, even in bathrooms. When he had felt like they had touched every corner of campus, Renjun called it a day, sitting down on a bench outside to recollect himself. Yuta sat down next to him, the faint scent of cigarettes wafting off of him.
"Do you think this was too much? Like, am I acting too desperate?" Renjun stared at a pole adjacent to them, two of his flyers hanging from it, gently blowing in the wind.
"I think you're just excited to meet new people kid. There's no shame in that." Yuta replied back, similarly looking at the flyers on the pole. "Wish I had the balls to start up my own club in college. You're brave for doing this, you know."
"Thanks Yuta...god I hope some normal people join, at least. I can't be dealing with insane people."
And that's how Renjun ended up in a room on thursday afternoon, with six other people that he was sure were insane in their own ways. He honestly was kind of bummed by the low turnout, but at least more than one person showed up; that's gotta count for something. There was one guy sitting right next to him that was slathered in a mixed scent of strong cologne and leather that made Renjun’s nostrils want to close up for good. There was a guy right across from Renjun that was the complete opposite, wearing a cream colored vest over a white dress shirt and fancy looking dress pants and shoes. Another guy wore a basic hoodie, the hood up and over his head, casting a shadow over his eyes. Another kid was wearing glasses and a red flannel, looking as jittery and jumpy as a squirrel in eagle territory. One guy seemed to radiate positive energy, swinging his feet back and forth underneath the seat and happily munching on a strawberry frosted donut. And the last one just looked half tired and half annoyed, hand crossed over his chest and foot tapping the ground as if he had somewhere else to be. They were all so different from each other, Renjun didn't even know where to start. Will they even have anything in common with one another? Will they even like each other? Was bringing donuts lame? His head began swimming with questions, but he knew just leaving them in suspended silence for another minute wouldn't do the club any good. Renjun cleared his throat to speak up, looking back at Yuta for reassurance. He just nodded, motioning towards the other boys as if to say You're doing great, go ahead.
God, what in the hell did he get himself into?